Feeling sorry for myself - stuck in a rut!

Clár

I am a 22 year old female and i am stuck in a rut. I have just split with my boyfriend of 1 1/2 years and just returned from Scotland where I was living with him. He treated me like crap as I think I was "cramping his style" and I have returned to Ireland and dont know wot to do with myself.

I was temping before moving to Scotland and I am starting back temping on Wednesday. I didnt want to get back doing that but a month out of work was crippling me financially and I started to get depressed sitting around at home.

My mates were not the best before moving away and now that I have returned they are all gone off if different direction and i feel so alone. Even my sister and her partner who i considered to be good friends are not bothering with me.

I am feeling very hard done by and i feel like im on a slippery slope, Im sitting in and not going out at all which is not like me. The only hobby I have is the gym but im hitting it so much im getting underweight again.

I dont really know why im writing this as im sure everyone is gonna tell me to feck off or ask me what i want yiz to say but I just need some interaction with people good or bad. Im so frustrated with life and I hate feeling depressed and miserable, what does it take to be happy

Sony

Ah poor thing...

I used to work in spain and was out of work for a month or so when I came home from there so I know exactly how that feels - that on its own is very depressing alright

Hopefully you'll meet new people when you start working again...why are you temping anyway? why dont you look for something more permanent??

slumped

Have you looked for other jobs besides temping?

Have you considered joining a sports club, not just a gym which is often isolated work?

Have you invited your sister out for a walk/drink/coffee lately?

Have you remembered that at 22, you still have a lot ahead of you! Make it happen for yourself, don't get too down by this ex-bf.

Look after yourself, eat properly and socalise a bit more in new circles. Will be worth it in the end.

S

Zulu

Join every club going, go to all the boards social events. ...but if you really want ot meet people, I suggest getting some money together (which should be easy if your not going out) and taking a years travel aroung the globe. You'll meet loads of sound people, and you'll come back with more friends than you can wave a stick at!

yermandan

No one is going to tell you to feck off or ask you what you want us to say.I have the experience of having to move home after living abroad for over a year and I can relate to how you are feeling.Although I didnt leave due to a break-up, I still felt extremely isolated for the first while because, as you said, I thought all of my friends were gone forever and I really missed the ones I had left behind.There are few worse feelings than lonliness.Especially when you are used to the exact opposite.When I moved back here I also hit the gym pretty hard and it helped because it gave me some structure to my life that I needed.If you are worries about being under-weight then you should look seriously at cutting back the amount that you are doing and maybe try to change your diet so that you are eating in or around the amount of calories that you are working off.

Do you have a family around you that love and care for you?I found that to be the most important thing in me feeling better and moving on.

The most important thing to keep telling yourself is that you are NOT alone.Although your friends have gone in different directions, you can still send a text, or arrange to go for a drink to catch up.The single hardest thing to do when a person is feeling as apathetic as you are feeling is to socialise.And I'm afraid in order for you to break the cycle of bad feeling that you are experiencing, you are just gonna have to bite the bullet and arrange to meet people no matter how long its been!

You said that you feel a distance between your sister and her parntner?Maybe try making contact with them again, no matter how awkward it seems.If things go really well, which they may do, you could open up to her (your sister) and tell her how you feel.Believe me, its so good to just tell someone, it feels like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders.

So my main advice is to just go for it and maybe arrange a meeting of old friends or just you and a friend.once the ball is rolling, it gets easier and easier.

And what you also should know is that you are not alone, ever.There is always someone in the same boat or that has been in the same boat.

PM me if you wanna chat or need any more advice.

Take care

Dan;)

Clár

Slumped and Sony im back temping as I applied for SO many jobs myself and was either getting no reply or rejection letters. I went back to an agency and asked for perm work but things were very slow so i took on a temping job for the money.

Im silly really i wait and see if people contact me and when they dont i get down, i should take the ball in my court and stop being pathetic and invite people out. If i dont ask i wont get!!

II am normally a go getter and really bubbley but I can tell people dont like being in my company coz im really morbid and negative.

Sony

once you get past feeling down and start getting out a bit more you'll be a different person - you've every right to feel down about things by the sounds of it...just try to start picking yourself up

Im sure you ARE a bubbly person and fun to be around etc but even these type people get stuck in a rut sometimes - you never know whats going on behind closed doors with some people

Have you tried meeting people through the internet even

Clár

Dan i have a great immediate family around me thankfully, they have been the ones inviting me out all the time and trying to fatten me up and really being there for me.

Funnily enough when i think about it, if i really was to sit down and think. I would realise that there are about 5 people i was never particularly great mates with that have come out of the wood work and asking how I am and suggested goin for drinks. I think i should accept every offer!!

No i have never met with people from these boards, i think i ruffled a few feathers on here before moving away. I met up with clubbing boards in the past, I must check out when the meet up are on.

Sony

yeah that might not be such a bad idea - I have'nt gone to any boards.ie meetings-in fact this is the first Ive heard of them but Im sure you'd meet some nice people off it

Its only exaclty that - a rut - you'll get out of itand back to the way you were before so just try and look forward to that and in the mean time be a little more pro active;)

Miss Fluff

You poor thing, you are merely finding your feet. Don't be too hard on yourself. You're lucky too to have a loving and supportive family nearby.

However, you need to grab every opportunity and stop being so dismissive of people's invites and expecting the people you don't hear from to text you! Get yourself out there girl. Don't feel you need to have a deep and meaningful friendship with everyone you socialise with, good to make lots of acquaintances/buddies and broaden your social circle.

The more people you meet the more opportunities you have.

foxyloxy

Hiya!
There seems to be a lot of good advice here! I'll add my own!
What opened up my social circle was volunteering! You'd be amazed at the services any organisation requires! What do you enjoy doing?
If you have any free time there is definitly someone somewhere who could value your contrtibution.
Not every one who volunteers is a tree hugging hippy or bleedin hearts liberal.:) So son't let that put you off.
I found a group that I can contribute 2 hours a week to, and trust me its the best thing i ever did. I've a whole group of friends with diverse backgrounds! Its just a thought! And the feeling of doing something worthwhile is an added bonus!

Clár

Would you believe Foxylady volunteering is something i have thought about in the past but never really had the time to do.

Now though I have lots of time on my hands and will defo look into it. I am actually temping with a charity and they have helplines (which i dont think i would be qualified to man) but they also have charity shops.Thanks for the advice i will look into that.

Dave!

lots of good advice here! as people have said, get joining some clubs, as you'll meet more people there, and volunteering sounds like a good idea too. you just gotta put yourself out there really, hard as it may be! once you start going out with people, you'll meet their friends, and they might invite you out, and so on, and it'll snow-ball.

good luck to you anyway!

Clár

Cheers Dave, I intend getting myself out there. Its all quite exciting, yesterday I was all feeling sorry for myself. Today im feeling so much more positive and happy. Its my birthday this weekend and i have loads on so that helps. I intend going mental!?!