I'm going to be a dad....

LegacyUser

I don't think the parenting forum lets you go unregged..

I'm in my late twenties and just found out I'm going to be a dad. It was planned but we thought it would take a lot longer for it to happen.

It's really unnerving! All the responsibilites that I know are about to land on me is really frightening and depressing. Is this normal?

We could have waited till we were more ready but we didn't want to be a couple who were too old to keep up with their kids.

SoupyNorman

Congratulations and fair play to ya. I'd be in the same frame of mind, I'd like to have my kids younger rather then older.

Best of luck with everything

Beruthiel

breath deep and calm down.

first off, nobody is ever really ready to be responsible for another little life, I most certainly wasn't!
It comes with practice. You will be fine. I thought I'd most likely kill my daughter as I hadn't a clue, but she's still alive
no point thinking what may or may not happen until it does, otherwise you just go into melt down. Take each month as it comes.
Take my word for it, you will be grand.
Might I just suggest that you go out and enjoy yourselves for the next few months, once the baby comes you won't be able to do that for a while

We have a parenting forum on boards, there are lots of parents on this site quite happy to give you their thoughts and experiences. You are not alone.

Congrats btw!

Fanny Cradock

yeah, congratulations.

No matter what your age, life as you know it will change and that has got to be scary. I assume that you would feel the same if this was to happen 5 years down the road. Give it time and you'll be fine!

LegacyUser

Don't worry.
I was 20 when my daughter was born. I was terrified and was **** at it for ages. But don't worry mate, deep in the back of your brain is a man that will know exactly what to do. You have to work at it, and it can be a lot of work, but it's the best thing you'll ever do.

You will go (more) Bald/Grey
Your old life is over. Get used to it now. When that baby comes you won't miss it at all.
Don't forget about your woman. Take care of her and take a back seat to her needs and obviously the babies when he/she arrives.
Don't worry about "Will I be able for this?" and all that jazz... Millions of organsims have managed it millions of times for millions of years.
Sleep when you can.

B

jsr

First off, congrats.

I know how you feel, its normal to feel that way. You must remember that you will have to take a back seat for the next nine mths. The attention will be on your partner and you may feel that your worries or concerns seem u****ortant to others. Don’t let it get to you there is not much you can do at a time like this anyway so your main job is emotional support for your mrs.

If you are a worrier, there are lots of things that are needed by mother just before the birth and mother and child just after. Find out what they are and get them. This will keep your mind occupied and make you feel useful. It’s hard to have no input into something so important but not to worry you will be Very busy after the birth. It is a stressful time for men too but don’t for the love of God whinge about it to your mrs. She may not take kindly to it as she is going through a lot right now! She will need to lean on you so be understanding. By all means talk it through with another father, your own if you cant find another.

Good idea having ‘em young as well. Much more fun being able to play with ‘em and run around after em.

The Hill Billy

Congratulations Unregged!

I found myself in exactly the same situation 4 1/2 years ago. We both thought that it would take a few months of trying & hey presto! one shot across the bows & we were off.

If you weren't worried about the situation I'd be concerned. Try not to get "depressed" about it. (Are you sure you used the right word?) It is a thrilling/scary time & you've probably got lots going on in your head like I did. If you have siblings with kids already they can be a great source of info & reassurance.

If you think about it this way - People have been doing this for thousands of years. It is the most natural thing in the world & really hard to make a balls of it.

I agree with Beruthiel 100% with regards to making the most of the time that you have as a couple. Once Junior arrives you'll be focussing all of your time & attention on them for a good while. Spend as much time as you can spending your time as you want to now before the real source of responsibility arrives. You'll be glad you did, trust me.

Also, share your feelings with your partner - she will probably be comforted to hear that you are as concerned about things as she is.

Try to relax & go with the flow. You'll get used to your new situation in time.

Best of luck & feel free to PM me if you want a private online chat.

Static M.e.

Congratulations.!!

"It's really unnerving! All the responsibilites that I know are about to land on me is really frightening and depressing. Is this normal?"

Totally normal, I had a daughter during my leaving cert can you imagine the state I was in lol!! I honestly think I went through every emotion under the sun in the days leading up to it, and sometimes I went through them all in about 5 minutes

Its not as bad as you think it will be, infact you will have so much fun you wont even notice. Dont get me wrong you will have bad days too but nothing in comparison to the amount of enjoyment you will get.

Like I said though its perfectly normal for you to get worried, I dont think the worrying ever stops its one of your new jobs as a parent.

Again Congratulations

Congratulations, I'd be the same yourself (My worst fear is turning out to be the same kind of mother as my mother)

First of all (from what i heard) Never show fear apparently kids can smell fear!!

In a few months time your life will change for the better and even though it appears daunting now it will get better, Just be there for the mother as well..

She probably has fears herself, you can discuss them and make each other at ease as you prepare to go down the long arduous journey that is parenthood!
God listen to me you'd swear i knew what i was talking about:p

Nevyn

coolsmileygirl wrote:

First of all (from what i heard) Never show fear apparently kids can smell fear!!

You are mixing up children and dogs.

Congratulations,
yes your life is going to chagne a lot and how you feel and think about many things as well, yes there is a steep learning curve but you will manage.

Talliesin

coolsmileygirl wrote:

God listen to me you'd swear i knew what i was talking about:p

Would you?

emul

1stly Congrats - it's the best thing in the world

2nd - take care of your woman and talk about your fears / hopes for the future

3rd - take some holidays before the big event.

4th - get lots of sleep

5th - ensure you know how to put together flat pack furniture :-)

6th - point your other half to rollercoaster.ie - she will meet up with other mums to be going thru the same things as her - it's a source of reassurance and knowledge that my wife found invaluable.

Best wishes

Eoin

Nevyn

Talliesin, unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Orion

congrats. We'd been trying for a while ourselves and still it came as a shock. I was moulding a chess set when she came down and showed me the positive test. I looked at it and went back to making the set - she sat on the couch and neither of us said a word for about 20 mins. It's a shock no matter how hard you're trying. They're 2 and a half now.

Relax. You are going to make mistakes - all parents do. The important thing is to learn from them and listen to other people who have children - including your own parents. Some of them will give good advice - some bad. But what you do is up to yourselves - follow your heart and you won't go far wrong.

Yes it is a huge responsibility but an incredibly rewarding one. I can't remember life without my twins. And it's been a real rollercoaster ride so far

hepcat

congrats! everyone worries, its totally normal. After all its not a new car or a new house that you've bought, its a whole new person that you have created! Who would not be awestruck and slightly terrified?

ON the plus side, like everyone will tell you, it is one of the best experiences in the world.

Thaedydal

Thaedydal wrote:

You are mixing up children and dogs.

Congratulations,
yes your life is going to chagne a lot and how you feel and think about many things as well, yes there is a steep learning curve but you will manage.

I was just trying to be funny



No I suppose i dont know, since i dont have kid's but i'm surrounded by them and i babysit a lot
Not the same thing i suppose:)

The Hill Billy

emul wrote:

4th - get lots of sleep

God I had forgotten about the whole sleep thing.

Unregged - Spend entire weekends in bed with your partner. It will be your last chance. This is not to freak you out. Life will be different allright, but not in a bad way - quite the opposite.


Yawn!:D