people dont believe my age (male) - help!!

LegacyUser

Hi, this has been bugging me for a few years now..I'm a 28 year old mature male and am fairly happy and successful in what I have achieved so far in life i.e.: friends, educational qualifications and work, trouble is that I dont think people treat me like they should or take me seriously, because as they say I dont look my age..now I think I do look 28!!. It really makes me paranoid and angry and it does nothing for your ego and confidence when you join a new job and people say "so you're the new co-op" or when you're chatting up a girl and she maybe only 21, but she doesn't believe I'm older than her. I find also people serving in shops and restaurants are so rude towords me, bank staff look at me twice when enquiring about a mortgage...although I rarely get asked for ID in clubs (maybe I look too sensible to cause trouble!)!!....by the way I am of average build, not huge though..if anyone has good advice to give please help... please dont say "grow a beard" because I shouldn't have to and I dont like them...Ok, people may say I look 40 when I'm 50, but I dont really care I want a bit of respect from all at 28!!

If I do look young, it maybe because my parents were old when I was born..sometimes I find that people with young parents look much older and mature than people with older ones...maybe its just me???


Has anyone had any similar problem, some may say its not a problem (especially girls, as they like to look young) but I feel it is. All those bloody years trying to get old/mature but failing...its bugging me...help!!!

Gordon

Surely you would want people to respect you for what you say, not how old they think you are? You certainly sound like a 24 year old by the way you type so maybe you seem young in character when people see you also.

I guess I'm really saying that you should look at yourself and decipher why this is happening not from your looks, but from your character and the way you present yourself mentally to society.

Untense

I don't understand why you associate respect and maturity with your age, or how old you look.

So some people are rude to you when you're in shops, some girls make fun of you when you're out. So what? People are people no matter who you are.

And I don't understand why you're striving for 'maturity', is it a prize?

tk123

I'm always told I don't look 27 but i don't feel like people don't resepect me because they think i'm younger than I am. Are you acting immature(sp?) or giving the impression that you're young and foolish?

LegacyUser

I dont give the impression that I'm young and foolish, far from it!! I consider myself fairly polite and reserved, and from what I hear others have that impression of me too!!
Not looking my age may be cute and flattering to some, but there comes a day when you get tired of it...and I don't strive for maturity and try harder to be treated with respect...I don't consider it a 'prize' either..I just notice others get more than I do without trying!!'

Hermione*

boy next door wrote:

If I do look young, it maybe because my parents were old when I was born..sometimes I find that people with young parents look much older and mature than people with older ones...maybe its just me???

Actually, I've always found it to be the other way round. By the time we started secondary school, my little sis and I were the only children at home, living with our parents who are forty years older than us. I've always believed that this, coupled with the fact that we had such responsibility for ourselves at quite a young age, contributed greatly to our independence and maturity.

I think maturity has a lot more to do with life experiences and your own actions and behaviour than your age. I really don't think whether you look your age or not has much to do with it. My little sis and one of my housemates are both 21. The girl I live with is possibly less mature than my sister and I were when we left school. She's always had everything done for her by her parents. My sis and I moved to new cities after school, so we've had to rely on ourselves. As another poster said, does your behaviour imply youth or immaturity?

super_furry

Same thing happens to me all the time, I'm 27 and regularly get ID'd. Nothing you can do about it so why worry? Just be grateful that when everyone else is old and wrinkled, you'll still be able to pull the new good looking receptionist.

Oryx

I wish i had your problem...and I wish i was 28...:D
But if it really bugs you, take a good look at yourself (obviously we cant) examine how you dress, wear your hair etc. Are things like this projecting a 'younger' image than youd like? Its extreme but maybe changing these things to something different, more mature:eek: might help. Personally tho, I wouldnt bother, Id feckin love if it happened to me, but I can see its an issue for you.

chuckles30

I'm quiet small so I was asked for ID for years after I should have been - I was always quiet happy to show it to them. Unfortunately that doesn't happen any more

ando

im 25 in a month and i still get asked for id. ah i dont care anymore. The girls that are interested in me are 18, 19 or 20

metrovelvet

Yes I can say I have been through this. To the extent that through my 20s I attracted Humbert Humberts seeking their nymphets. It was no picnic. But really it is what my father would refer to as a high class problem.

Professionally too it has its drawbacks. It seems what you are seeking is the authority that naturally comes with age. What you need to do is compensate through carriage and attitude to make up what your face lacks.

As you age you will see that what is now a problem will bloom into a blessing.

daRobot

I hear ya dude.

Personally, I find that when I have stubble, I get a lot more respect for some reason.

simu

Try wearing glasses - they make many people look older.

Also, be sure you're no dressing like a student!

Esel

While 28 is a perfect number, it does not follow that your life at the same age will be perfect.

When you get to 29, everything will be OK. Trust me, it's a prime number.

gutted

You should enjoy it while you still can mate. I'm 32 and am always getting told I look 26 or 27. I've even been told I look 22 or 23!
I know what you mean when you say you are getting sick of it and it's not a compliment anymore. When you've heard it for the 300th time it starts to grate a bit. I agree with some on here who have said that it could be more to do with the way you project yourself rather than the way you look.

LegacyUser

my parents have this theory that if u look younger than yr age, u get treated younger than your age, and so u act younger than yr age. becoming mature has to do with how you're treated, and so by looking younger than u are you're likely to mature more slowly. from my experience this seems to be really true, most of the younger looking friends i have are pretty immature compared to the others (me included).

the best way to age is by stressing about things, but if people think ur younger than u are, your less likely to be given the same responsibilities as someone who looks your age, so u end up stressing a bit less, and so tend to continue to look younger.

SilverTongue

Im 36 and my kids say i look like 46..i always tell them im only 26..arent you glad you look young

happydaz

i'm in my 20s and i always get hassle over ID-bouncers refuse to believe that it's mine-they seem to think i stole the ID of an older sister or something because my ID photo is 5years old...due to my age. i don't mind getting asked for ID, getting child fares on the bus (and no i don't ask for them) and getting mistaken for a transition year student (has happened twice in past month). i know i'm small and young looking. it only bothers me when i get hassle over it, especially from bouncers. my family find it very funny-whenever we all go out for dinner waiters regularly pass me by with the wine and ask my 16 year old cousins and 18year old sister if they want any.....there are worse things to complain about!

thewing

I'm 27 going on 17 - I don't care, cos I'm still out clubbing pulling the young ones, while people my age are settling down....as for getting respect, yeah at first people may not give it, but it's what comes out of your mouth etc that will win them over...in flashpoint situations(old people i've clashed with who don't know me) I get the 'listen here sonny' attitude, but then I open my mouth and let them know where they stand in no uncertain terms, and repect is gained - I like it that people underestimate me...don't worry about it...I hope I look 27 when I'm 37!!!

Zaph

Agree totally with thewing. Respect is earned through your words and actions, not how old you look. I'm 38 and recently had trouble convincing someone that I was over 30. As far as I'm concerned I consider that my good fortune and that despite all my youthful misadventures I don't look as old and grey as some of my peers are starting to. However my appearance hasn't stopped me reaching a moderately responsible position where I work. That was gained by earning the respect of my superiors through how I conduct myself at work, not because of my age. As for people being rude to you, that's just life and it sounds like you've had a bad run of it, but some people are ignorant and there's nothing you can do about it.

conky_05

I'm 26 and look 18. I used to always have issues looking so young, but now I like it. Esp considering that then I'm 40 i'll look 30 and so on !! I get asked for I.D all the time, so I carry it !! Every now and then some randomer would open a conversation saying something along the lines of " how old are you anyway ? " They sometimes bug me but I've learned to live with it !! I usually tell them i use Oil of Ulay

Oh, and to boot my beautiful girlfreind is 25 and looks really young too ! A match made in heaven....or should i say mini-match :eek:

jonny68

Ive always looked younger than my age,years ago it used to bug me but usually as you get older it's a good thing,relax geezer!!

FillSpectre

All the talk about people should respect you for your actions and words not your apperance is all very nice but not true. You are judged on your apperance and the asssment people make of you. You can only choose not to treat people yourself this way you can't make others feel the same as you.

People do decide how to treat you based on your age. If you saw a Garda making a teenager in a tracksuit walk around some entrance that was longer you wouldn't think anything of it. If you saw the guard do the same to an old lady you would only be bothered by it.

OP you have two choices

1) Brush it off and don't let it bother your

2) Pull up anybody you see do it to you.

1 is easier to implement but difficult to reconcile with how you feel
2 is very hard to implement and will also make generally agresive and unhappy.
I'd go for 1 as it can't last forever
I used to travel a lot with work in a suit through many airports. When I travel on my own (not company) I don't wear a suit and am a little more unkempt. I am treated radically different by the same staff. I used to be surprised but now I am not. Appearance shouldn't be importatn but it is. Age is equally as important on how people tret you. Everybody does it. At some point you will look your age.

Wing Walker

Your post has "happy and successful" and "paranoid and angry" in it. Bit of a juxtaposition, no?

There's plenty of us out there who look younger than we actually are but there's nothing you can do about it other than radical plastic surgery! Sometimes it's a bonus, other times it's not. Does it really matter. BTW, when I grew a beard, I was told that I looked my age rather than 5-6 years younger.

You've just got to get on with living and enjoy the fact that you can go out and have a life.

Pepe LeFrits

Dude... you think this is a bad thing?

I'm 23, and have always been told I look very young (when I was 21 I'd be told I look 15 for example...), but recently, people have stopped saying it. I very rarely get asked for ID in pubs/clubs, and when I ask someone what age they think I am, I generally get answers varying from 21 to 25(wtf). A girl told me recently she thought I was 27/28. She was deadly serious, but she was locked and obviously insane, but it cut me to the bone nonetheless. The lesson here is that you'll miss those youthful looks when they're gone!

Ageing is a terrible thing, and anyone who tells you different is obviously an oldie. They have to protect their lot from the younglings, you know. That sagging skin isn't going stretch itself.

(I think I need to go to the next boards beer, just so I can have Regi tell me that I still don't look a day over 14... sniff...)