Turning21

LegacyUser

Hey, i unreged for this one but anyone who knows me might be able to work out who i am anyway, bit pointless.

I turn 21 tomorrow. And I'm not very happy about it.

A lot of people suffer from birthday blues, i know that, its just i feel really weird. Normally i have pretty crazy mood swings. e.g. on saturday i was feeling suicidal (nothing out of the ordinary for me, i deal with it) then monday and tuesday i was in an abnormally good mood for no reason and halfway through today (wednesday) i was back down in the dumps, where i currently reside.

I've been long aware of my horrendous mood swings having lived with them for as far back as i can remember (early adolescence). Maybe its something to do with horemones, maybe its not. I used to try and self diagnose myself but quickly realised, a. im not qualified and b. that its more trouble than its worth. I've been to see shrinks in the past and found them unhelpful, i used to self-harm but i havent done it in around six months. It was so bad at one point that an ex girlfriend made me go to see aforementioned shrinks.

I have tonnes of friends but i have trouble getting close to people. i'm currently single (i was in a relationship for 4 years). But even in all that time i never got very close to the girl i was with, she thought we were close but... thats not really important.

I've always felt old. Since i was like 14 i just felt like i was an older person stuck in a young person's body. I think thats why the 21 thing is bothering me because 21 (through social convention) is a milestone in your life where childhood and adolescence for all intents and purposes ends. and if feels like i didnt actually have a youth. Maybe its a quarter life crisis, but i dont wanna speculate.

Tomorrow i was intending to go out drinking with my friends but two of my best mates have pretty much pulled out. With exams litterly days away i know that a lot of the others wont be available and i should wait until the exams are over. These exams i'm royally screwed for btw.

I'm not totally sure why i started this thread, i know i'm going to get responses that im gonna think are stupid.

I guess i just want people to tell me if they think i need help. (dont tell me that the mood will pass coz i already know that) or anything really. I'm a pretty self reliant person but... i dunno i cant lean on myself like i used to and i've spent my life being someone that other people lean on in times of need and i find myself with no one.

Just... say anything

Crucifix

To quote Berke Breathed; it's never too late to have a happy childhood.
And I'd say wait until the exams are over.
EDIT: And on the mood thing...it's impossible to judge from a post on the web, but it sounds like you could be Bi-polar. Although, I think generally the period of a mood swing should be longer for that....I don't really know.

Nevyn

I didn't do anything for my 21st, I never do anything for my birthdays,
my physical age has never ment anything to me in reguards to how I should feel or what I should be doing with my life.
Some people just grow up faster then others, but you can learn to take a deep breathe and not take it all so seriously.
It can be damned hard esp when your friend and peers don't get it.
It is your life do what you want with it and celebrate your own events and things that are important to you in your life.

Ag marbh

I'm 21 in just over 10 days and don't intend on doing anything for it. Alot of people rent out function rooms and have the cringey 21 kisses and all that but it's not for me. When I tell people that i'm not doing anything for it or at least no more partying than i'd normally do on a weekend they look at me weird but it's only a birthday and it actually annoys me when I see people make a big deal over it then piss and moan about how little they're getting or how noones doing anything.

You've made it to 21 and theres alot of people who haven't.

charba

I agree with ag marbh. Just because your 21 doesnt mean you have to have a huge bash.

I'm turning 21 in a couple of months and all i'm going to do is have a meal with some friends and then go out like every other weekend. However I have other frineds who are getting totally stressed out over what to do for their 21sts that are coming up.

Its up to each individual I guess and if someone wants a big party that they spend loads on then I guess thats up to them.

and just as a side I have no intention in giving up my kiddy delights just because I'm turning 21. I won't packing away the stuffed bears or the turning my back on disney. :-)

pookie pixie

On the issue of 21sts,you're most definatley an "exam baby",everyone most likely forgets because...thats what people do.We get so caught up in things we forget,and to be honest you cant blame people particulary around exam times.Im a summer baby so am well used to people forgetting and i'll be 21 in july.I expect no presents or any of that malark and will most likely get pissed out the back just me and my BBQ.21,ok 21 is old,i'll admit im starting to think "oh ****,life, get it together" but if you look at your life objectivly its just like..you're at your prime,you'll probably never be as fit or as good looking or as willing to do new things.But keep the spirits up.The world owes us nothing,it was here before us so you gotta cease the day and just be aware of how lucky you are.Im not gonna lie to you but i used to self harm and still do but ive read up on it and its as old as the hills(world full of chaos ya da ya da ya da)and i know i'll grow out of it eventually.Its just your emotions screaming ahhhh at you.Exams suck.Fact, and ok you may be screwed but give it your best shot and if you **** them up,so be it.**** happens.As a ramblin girl ive seen children about to die with aids and have been caught in gunfire and jsut thought "this is life"...as mr.scruff would say "gotta gotta keep movin"...im not giving out im just saying...and ranting...but anyway on a side note,what springs from great emotion like what you're having is wit.People think, "Oh he seems depressed" when its evident you're just a feeling crap.Theres no medical definition for "sadness" so we jump in and say its depression and people make you believe you're mad.You're not.Id say you could come up with some great stories and poems if you're emotions are up and down alot...just a thought.Happy birthday by the way and excusse the ranting that was 90% of all just said there.;)

LegacyUser

I feel for you bro. I've had the same mood swings for a long time. Two things that help me out are.

1. Cutting back on alcohol intake. I was at my most depressed when drinking. I'd act totally wrecklessly when drunk, get into fights and take stupid risks (hanging out of balconys etc.) Some nights I'd go home suicidal, and a lot of suicides occur when people are drunk. I used to wake up with knives in my bedroom that i'd taken up with intent to use them on myself. Scary stuff.

2. Exercise. I don't know if this applies to everyone, but I'm probably at my most happiest when exercising, particually when playing 5-a-side soccer. Also walking is a favourite activity of mine, I live near a town and find that if i'm feeling sh#t, if i walk into town, by the time i'm half way there, i've forgotton why i'm feeling so down in the first place.

Esel

Those mood swings sound nasty all right. Have you spoken to your GP about them? I know you said you went to a 'shrink', but did you go via your GP or another route?

Sounds like you are pretty aware of your moods etc., but you are really only starting your life now, and you owe it to yourself to make the most of it. My twopence worth of advice is to talk to your GP (or a different GP if you don't want to talk to the 'family' doctor about it). Tell the doctor about your previous self-harming, suicidal thoughts, high/low moods, exam worries, and anything else you can think of.

@pookie pixie: My eyes! Use paragraphs, and spaces after punctuation marks please!

LegacyUser

I have to ask but do you take Ecstacy!! The moods are a perfect example of how you feel after them, I went through it for a long time but saw sense. If it's not that then I am not sure. I sometimes feel the same, even though I have lots of friends and a good job, sometimes it all seems pointless, I get very down and could cry at the drop of a hat, but then I am the life and soul again. I am just a year older than you (and a girl) so maybe it will pass for both of us, good luck with it anyway.

LegacyUser

Yeah, I was gonna say the same thing. Do NOT drop X. You think you feel bad now, you'll feel absolutely suicidal after a night on pills.