Attack

PonderStibbons

My first ever poem I'm afraid:


Attack

Tickle awaits, or mite, or wind, or less
Tightening ensues; Panic awakes beside
Alveoli brace themselves for death
Ellipse of grey spots formed for cries

Lying, curling, rolling backwards! Shallow-
Breathe besides, unsure times and spite and hate
Leaning t’wards the window, observe the gallow
Feels like roughshod paper grind and grate

And grow deeper; eternal – no! Futile to resist!
Just shut jaws and endure discomfort nearly over
Just when time shuts down towards death’s midst
Respite – from hands believed beyond moreover

But O! Uncertain puff brings long delight
Allows life to exist throughout the night.



Sorry to inflict it on you!

r3nu4l

Nice sonnet, for a first attempt, like the rhyming scheme. It takes guts these days to write rhyme and metre as most contemorary poetry doesn't bother anymore.

I would advise that you continue with the rhyming, it is good exercise for the vocabulary. Keep it up, I like some of the imagry akthough can't claim to understand every line.

Nice one!

PonderStibbons

Thanks for the response! It wasn't meant to be so odd... It's just really hard to write in iambic pentameter! How the hell did Bill do it? I figured I'd try to write with a strict-ish form because I'm very dis-organised and I knew I would just end up with a big mush of ideas and images if I didn't.

Thanks again,

ponder.

r3nu4l

Anytime Stibbons old chap Coincidentally one of my first poems was about Ponder Stibbons calling the Librarian a Gibbon (you can see the rhyming already can't you!) and the unfortunate end result

It wasn't very good and has never seen the light of day, nor will it!! Most of what I write has an extremely strict style (ten syllables per line, strict rhyming scheme with as little use as possible of poetic license etc.

I have written some postmodern style poems but I always feel like I'm cheating if it doesn't rhyme