how can i tell my parents im pregnant

LegacyUser

im 16 and ive just found out im pregnant. after my period was late i took 2 tests and they were both positive.

ive been with my boyfriend nearly 2 yrs and we're both terrified. we dont know what to do or how to tell our parents.

has anyone else been in this situation and what did you do and how did you tell your parents.

any advice is really appriciated thanx

skye

You just gotta tell them - no other way around it I'm afraid. It won't be easy but you never know, they might turn out to be very supportive. After the inital shock of it I'm sure they will be ok. Good luck.

simu

I'd say you should go to a GP first and get it confirmed. Have your parents met your bf? If not, it's time. If they've already met him, I think he should come along when you tell because otherwise it might look like he was trying to escape responsibility.

Also, the sooner you tell them the better - even if they react badly it'll be a relief to get it over and done with. And if they do react badly, they'll have more time to get used to the situation.

Good luck!

(I was in the same situation and although I'm older and financially independent, it was still one of the most stressful things I've ever done)!

PowerHouseDan

Yeah really ask Skye said...... But all i can say is best of luck with telling them...

ntlbell

huh?

you sit them down and tell them?? wtf

there's not alot they can do really.

Iago

You have to tell them. Once a doctor confirms that you are pregnant that is. Have you an aunt or an uncle that you're particularily close to? You could tell them first and have them break the news to your parents with you.

It won't be easy, but I promise you that it gets better with time. They will be shocked and upset, and they may get angry. They are only angry because they will be disappointed for you, not because they are angry with you. There will probably be tears and shouting, but they will come around to the reality of the situation.

It's difficult for all involved, but they will understand (eventually) that regardless of how badly they feel, or react, that will not change the situation, and everybody has to pull together. There will never be a "good" time to break this news but make sure that both you and the bf are there, and as I said if you have an aunt or uncle that you can confide in, have them with you as well.

Good luck with it and remember your darkest hour is only 60 minutes long, I can tell you from experience that once everything has settled after the initial shock your parents will pull together to ensure that the best outcome for you is reached.

Ruu_Old

Go to a GP as simu said, and yeah theres no other way, sit down with them. Ask them not to freak out and that you need their support. Im sure they will be shocked but that they will still support in whatever way you want them to be, good luck OP.

oulu

what age is your bf and is he standing by you

Fanny Cradock

ntlbell wrote:

huh?

you sit them down and tell them?? wtf

there's not alot they can do really.

other than this guy, the advice here is pretty good! at some stage you will have to tell your parents, but best make sure it's not a false alarm.

i'd suggest that you contact CURA http://www.cura.ie/ . these people deal with this exact circumstance all the time, and they can help you plan your next steps!

good luck

kittenkiller

If you have a friend or relative or even teacher or one of your mothers friends who you trust ask them to break the news to your parents.
Expect them to yell & scream, tell you their disappointed & generally make you feel like crap.
Expect the worst & then you won't be in for a shock & it'll most likely be better then expected.

I really feel for you & your boyfriend but at least you're not on your own.
How're your boyfriends parents likely to react?
Maybe they can help you breal the news?
Or your best friends mum or someone like that?
You'll be ok. This'll be one of the worst parts. It'll die down in a while & your parents will calm down & accept that the little girl they love so much needs their help & backing.

Best of luck.

shabbyroad

Whoa people hold up there just a minute. There's some pretty big assumptions being made about the parents of the OP.

OP: there is every chance that your parents won't freak out. They are your parents. There are much worse things you could have to tell them.

I disagree with the advice to go to someone else and have them tell your parents. You should not do this. You need to speak with them yourself before you speak with anybody else. They will be hurt that you did not go to them first.

First. Go to a GP and make certain that you are indeed pregnant.
Your health is priority #1 right now.

When my sister found herself pregnant at a young age she was more worried about how I (her big brother) would react. When my mum & her sat down to tell me I thought something horrible had happened or that my sister was seriously ill. I was relieved when they told me that she was pregnant.

Gillo

ntlbell wrote:

huh?

you sit them down and tell them?? wtf

there's not alot they can do really.

As helpful goes, that wasn't.

From my experience (when my ex was pregnant) the longer you leave it the worse it will be, so don't keep putting it off. I left it way too long and believe me it was very daunting, but my parents were grand.

Bear in mind there are lots of people you can talk to, a teacher, dean or counsellor in your school (your guidance counseller should have a backgroud in counselling and may well be able to help); CURA or the samariation's all these people will respect your wishes and won't tell anyone else. have you got an older brother or sister you could also talk to before you approach your parents.

Bear in mind thats theres not the real stigma that there used to be years ago and also that your parents love you and will stand by you. You'll also be amazd at how much other people will rally around and help you. Differnt people will give different advice, at the end of the day and some people might disagree with me) it's up to you to deciede what you want to do.

Hopefully for a bloke, my advice wasn't too bad.

One thing which no one has pointed out, is the great joy a child will bring and to say congratulations, so congratulations.

***EDIT*** It's just an after thought, but MAybe if there is someone else here who has previously been in a similiar situation, they could make themselves known here so that the OP could contact them, and see how they dealth with it.

Nevyn

http://www.crisispregnancy.ie/

http://www.positiveoptions.ie/

Either of these links will but you in touch with what ever helpline you need and
you can talk to someone there about your situatation and how to talk to you parents about it.

darkflower

How do i say this but i got pregnant and my bf is not around to tell my parents. I was scared to tell them too that i am pregnant but i did anyway. They both cried but at the end they are both very supportive as i dont have a bf to help me through. Your bf could leave you but your parents wont.;)

So dont be afraid they will know you need them more now than ever before.

ntlbell

gillo wrote:

As helpful goes, that wasn't.

Sorry I should of made a bed of cotton wool and laid her in it first.

It's not a complicated thing to do, you sit them down, tell them.....what else can you do?

Your parents will act the same regardless of what way you do it.

No one can advise you, _we_ don't know YOUR parents we don't know how they'll react. YOU do.

Nevyn

You have to prepare yourself for what thier reactions will be,
they will run from disbelief to anger to dissapointment and everything in between.
You will have to allow them that and try not to be too hurt by it, it could be
that you will have to tell them and then leave the room or go for a walk while they deal and calm down and then come back to talk to them.

onemanband

Right now you and your boyfriend are terrified. I can assure you that 1 hour after you tell your parents you will feel huge relief that it is all out in the open. The sooner you tell them the better. There is no right way or wrong way to tell them. Just sit them down and get it out on the table.

Every day there are parents that get news that their kids have died in car accidents, have become terminally ill etc. The news you are pregnant is nothing in comparison to this. You have to allow them some time to react and come around to it but come around to it they will.

I agree that you should not tell any other relatives first. It will give them the impression that you felt you could not approach them.

In some months time you will have a baby which you will come to love more than anything else in the world. You may have some difficult years getting things sorted but you will have this baby for your whole life (hopefully).

Best of luck. make bloody sure you are pregnant before you tell them.

Dreamer 7

It is the worst feeling, when you are dreading something , something that wont go away...something that is so much bigger than you can handle.

I knew I was pregnant when i was just two weeks gone....I was 19 and didnt tell my parents until I was 4 months!!! Thats how long I carried it around with me, dreading everyday, feeling guilty everytime I spoke to my parents because I felt I was lying to them and had let them down, its horrible.

I had gone through ALL the scenarios in my head , pictured myself living on the streets and everything, tormented myself for months and then I knew I had to do it or I would loose my mind altogether..

My parents knew my boyf we had been together for a year, no sleeping over though v strict parents. I told my mam first and you know the first thing she said?? "Im not telling your father!" I almost laughed had the situation not been so serious.

Try not to have the boyf there, your parents cannot react properly with a "guest" present if you know what I mean. Be fair to them coz it will be a huge blow. The hardest was telling my dad coz im a daddys girl, so I sat on the end of his bed and just spat it out, told him how dissappointed I was in myself etc.

Sorry for going on , you can feel free to PM at any time. But the end result was good , stressed for a time but I had another baby 14 mths later and the are adored by both sets of grandparents

Good Luck

PS Cura etc say the give you "all" the options but that doesnt include abortion, just incase it was something on your mind

Fanny Cradock

ntlbell wrote:

Sorry I should of made a bed of cotton wool and laid her in it first.

You must be a caring and compassionate sort. Don't let anyone tell you different!

up for anything

Don't have your boyfriend present... as someone else said they will find it hard enough without him there... just be sure to stress that he is standing by you and would have been there when you told them but you wouldn't let him (if that is the truth). Also try and have some ideas as to how you want to deal the situation yourself. Whether you are considering an abortion or whether you wouldn't have one under any circumstances, if your boyfriend is supporting you or panicking, if he is pressurising you to make a decision about the baby you don't agree with. Also remember if he is over 17 they could have him charged with statutory rape (unlikely in the situation but it is something to consider).

They may be disappointed and angry with you but in this day and age it is something which all parents of teenagers will have considered along with how they would react with finding out you were on drugs, drinking too much, etc. so while it will be a shock, they won't (somewhere in the back of their minds) be unprepared for it.

My two older sisters got pregnant, without being married, within a month of each other back in the 70s when it was major shame and my parents although completely gutted stood by them and helped them when and where she could.

Take a deep breath and just blurt it out rather than waiting and worrying about it... make sure it's at a time where there aren't likely to be any interuptions by people calling round and take the phone off the hook before you do it.

Anyhow as soon as you say the words... I have something I want to tell/talk to you about... they'll more than likely know.

Good luck with it, pet.

Gillo

Dreamer 7 wrote:

PS Cura etc say the give you "all" the options but that doesnt include abortion, just incase it was something on your mind

I think the Well woman centre will give you that information. Most student unions used to pass it on, I know you said that you are 16 so you're not in college yet, but I'd say you could ring a colleges student union office, ask for the Welfare officier and explain the situation.

chump

I think tis a good idea to ship this problem over to ivenus.com - apparently that's where all the ladies hang out and argue about things like this - quite a few posts from people who went through abortions and the like.

Khannie

I'd suggest waiting a bit tbh.

I know this sounds horrible, but around 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage (This page says 24%). If you make it to 12 weeks (this is measured from the last day of your last period) then you'll probably need to tell them.

Check the sites that Thaed linked too. There are plenty of people with lots of experience in this area.

Finally: It's not the end of the world. I know you're young and it probably feels that way right now, but you'll get through this.

Good luck!

LegacyUser

i agree with khannie, i was prepared to tell my mam i was pregnant and then i had a miscarraige, so my advise is to wait, and then just talk to them. they'll come around.

simu

If you're still living at home, it could be very hard to avoid them noticing morning sickness, increased fatigue and so on.

spurious

I wouldn't take the chance of miscarriage as a reason not to tell them. I know if I was 16 and had a miscarriage, I would certainly want to be able to have my mother to comfort me. Actually that applies at any age.

They are your parents - when your mother first saw you she thought you were the most beautiful creature she had ever seen. She still does. They may be disappointed for you (not in you), they may have chosen things to be different for you, but you are their child and they love you.

Tell them.