First time in love with someone?

case n basket

I'm interested in seeing when most people have had their first serious, mutually reciprocated loving relationship. Also, if it has lasted, and if not, how many more have they gone through to get to where they are now...

Being fairly young, i'm still waiting. Like my best mate I fell madly in love once when I was younger, but the object of my affection didn't feel the same way. Since then, we've both gone along having a series of flings and occasionally more serious relationships but nothing that has ever approached the level of what we felt for our unreciprocating love. I don't know if it's just random chance or the product of some sort of misplaced idea of a 'hollywood'ised ideal love, but that's just the way it's happened.

Very few of my older mates are married. The majority appear to have had one, occasionally two, relationships where they have been in love but they ended badly and left them very hurt. They're now pushing 35+ and seem to only attract a series of ****-buddies (which is fine, they don't seem to mind, but for me I'll be worried if I find myself still in that situation when i'm in my mid-thirties). My siblings are married or in relationships though; they're much older than me and started late. They are generally an encouraging example I guess, but I can't help but see my parents' issues in them and worry that I won't be able to commit like they have (my parents split up after over 30 years of marriage, after my siblings got married, and one of them admitted to me that they weren't sure they would have gotten married had it happened beforehand). I don't see marriage as some sort of shangri-la, but nonetheless I do believe in love and find it a bit worrying over how difficult it seems to find.

I want to have kids etc one day, but I can't see myself ever being able to 'settle' for anything less than complete and utter head-over-heels love which seems to be reminiscient of the holy grail. It just feels like I've got this idealised idea of love from the girl who couldn't give me any all those years ago, and no matter how much I tell myself that it's an illusion, I just can't shake it and accept reality...

meldrew

More suited to personal issues imo

Rollo Tamasi

oh great! another touchy feely thread on boards!
enough already.

arbeitsscheuer

Rollo Tamasi wrote:

oh great! another touchy feely thread on boards!
enough already.

Go on - let it all out. It's ok.
/pats rollo on the back reassuringly

Rollo Tamasi

SebtheBum wrote:

/pats rollo on the back reassuringly

gaylord!

aidan_walsh

Problem: You keep comparing every relationship you enter into with this image of your first "relationship" (which, might I remind you, was a disaster and not worth the attention you are giving it).

Answer: Stop. Take each relationship for what it is, and roll with the good and the bad of it. Relationships are as individual as the people involved.

The end.

aidan_walsh

Rollo Tamasi wrote:

oh great! another touchy feely thread on boards!
enough already.

Problem: Your mother did not love you.

Answer: Years of expensive therapy.

The end.

Rollo Tamasi

thank you Dr. Walsh, who do i make the cheque payable to....or do i just write it to cash?

i didn't even bother reading the OP's post, just read the first line. Is it any good? Can someone please give me the jist of what's going on. I can give just as good advise as Aidan ya know.

Winters

OMGZ IM SINGLE!! a/s/l PLZ @ BOARDS

aidan_walsh

Rollo Tamasi wrote:

thank you Dr. Walsh, who do i make the cheque payable to....or do i just write it to cash?

I'll PM you the details of my offshore accounts.

Slutmonkey57b

case n basket wrote:

Blah Blah, Clearly Never Read a Nick Hornby Book

Read a Nick Hornby book dude.

Adam

Slutmonkey57b wrote:

Read a Nick Hornby book dude.

F**k that, read an Anne Rice book and bring lots of lube ftw!!

Who needs women, pfft.

Heyes

fade_to_grey wrote:

F**k that, read an Anne Rice book and bring lots of lube ftw!!

Who needs women, pfft.

You by the sounds of things :rolleyes:

Tar.Aldarion

well dude, I have never been in love with one of my girlfriends.
Have fallen in love once. She is not interested, so you know, gonna have to wait it out!

I'm sure you will find somebody.
It's damn hard to find somebody to care that much about and will feel the same about you though.

seamus

Tar.Aldarion wrote:

It's damn hard to find somebody to care that much about and will feel the same about you though.

I must have just been lucky then to get it first go

Dooom

Winters wrote:

OMGZ IM SINGLE!! a/s/l PLZ @ BOARDS

ROFLOLZOLOMFGROFLOLZ!!!1!!ONE!
A/S/L LOLZ? ROFLELEVEN! Wanna cyb0r????



I really have to stop doing that.

Hermione*

seamus wrote:

I must have just been lucky then to get it first go

Veeerylucky One of my sisters fell in love properly for the first time when she was thirty. She has the happiest marriage I've ever seen! Like Tar said, reciprocated love and unrequited love are two very different things. My feeling is, if you fall in love rarely, that makes it more special than if it happens to you all the time.

seamus

Hermione* wrote:

Like Tar said, reciprocated love and unrequited love are two very different things.

There's little comparison except for the infatuation
I've had unrequited too, and it doesn't really reach anything close to what reciprocated love gives you.