how do I break up with my girlfriend?

LegacyUser

hiya, i've been with my girlfriend almost a year and a half now. we're both quite young (around 19), and have been going out since secondary school (we're in the same college now).

for a few months now i've been wanting to end it, because i really don't want to be in a relationship now. i'm too young, so i want to have a bit of fun (which i'm not having atm); i also don't have the energy to be compelled to see her, with college, work, and other stuff too (i'm on heavy antibiotics for example); and the 'flare' isn't present anymore, at least not for me.

i tried to break up with her after a bit of a fight, and she was totally caught off guard, started crying (as did i, grrg), and she started saying 'no, no, no...', so i ended up saying forget about that, we'll work on it, because i hate upsetting her.

but i really need to end this soon. the problem is, there's always something to get in the way. it was her birthday the other day, so i couldn't break up with her coming up to that. we've got exams coming up now, so i can't break up with her before them, or it might jeopardise her performance. things like that. but i can't keep putting it off! we're looking to book a holiday, so if i leave it too late, she won't be able to book a flight with her friend instead. i was considering putting it off until after the holiday (which is in august), but that might give her the wrong impression or something.

i also don't know how to go about doing it... last time, i just blurted it out after walking her to her house, and it was horrible. should i ring her up and say 'we need to talk'? or text her the same? should i do it in her house? what should i say? last time it was 'i think we should break up' and she nearly sh*t a brick! i need to do it gently. she's really into me (i wish she wasn't, it'd make this easier), and loves me alot. i do love her too, but just can't be with her anymore.

thanks for any help

ps. don't assume, as inevitably happens, that because i'm breaking up with her that i'm a bad guy or anything. relationships sometimes don't work, and i want to let her down gently. thanks

Beruthiel

logged_out wrote:

for a few months now i've been wanting to end it, because i really don't want to be in a relationship now. i'm too young, so i want to have a bit of fun

There is no easy way or good time to break up with someone.
Be honest, tell her the above, yes, she will be upset but that's part of breaking up and there is no escape from that.
She will get over it and the sooner you do it the better, that way she can get over you and move on with the rest of her life.
Try not to feel too bad about it, you are right in all that you say above, you are young and now is the time to be having fun, getting tied down too early in life is not a good thing.
good luck

jubi lee

ok first things first... you are certain that it's over for you right? so, the longer you stay in it, the harder you're making it for yourself and more importantly for your girlfriend.

you will NOT be able to break up with her gently, whatever you say or do is going to hurt her and upset her.

the best thing to do is tell her you need to talk. makesure there is no drink involved and you haven't just had a fight. sit down with her and explain that you aren't happy anymore and think you should break up. the point being is that you are being honest with her. she will cry and get upset but it is for the best. Don't get drawn into a big conversation about why and all that it'll just hurt her more.

After that it would probably do you both good not to have any contact for a while to let her move on. how you're going to do that while in the same college will be difficult but not impossible. if you do meet someone else don't rub it in her face for a while.

best of luck with it

Shaque attack

you sound like a decent guy whos n a pretty tough situation but i think you know the answer yourself. wait until after exams and then let her down gently but firmly. i definitely wouldn't stay hanging around for convenience, you won't be doing yourself any favours.

a long talk is best, its the least you owe her after a year and a half. its not gonna end in a few sentences. get your thoughts toghether and let her know how you're actually feeling and you should be fine.

LegacyUser

jubi lee wrote:

After that it would probably do you both good not to have any contact for a while to let her move on. how you're going to do that while in the same college will be difficult but not impossible. if you do meet someone else don't rub it in her face for a while.

best of luck with it

If I do it soon then we'll have the whole summer to not be forced together, but to see each other if we want. She still chats and has a laugh with her ex, and we see him on the bus from time to time. Hopefully we can maintain that kind of relationship. I'll tell her that I'll send her a text in a few weeks, cos I still wanna be friends.

hepcat

There is nothing bad about ending a relationship you don't want to be in - at least you are facing up to it and ending it properly, which shows decency and maturity. UNfortunately, she is going to be upset, but there is nothing to be done about that. She will - of course - get over it.

Do it as soon as possible - perhaps straight after the exams? There isn't really a good time. Just tell her the truth - that you really care for her, but you don't want to be in a steady relationship. It may hurt - but at least you have been totally honest.

jubi lee

well don't expect her to be all friednly with you straight away, it rarely works out like that. but in time, i'm sure you can still chat.

to be honest, if I was her i'd prefer to know the day someone no longer wanted to be with me. she's prob going to ask how long it's being going on and can you imagine how she'd feel when you tell her the last few months??!!

I'd tell her this weekend. DO NOT book a holiday with the girl... and don't worry about exams. AS you said yourself there'll always be something that will pop up and then you'll feel like you can't finish it.

just tell her ASAP, you'll be so relieved and she will be too in time.

Beruthiel

logged_out wrote:

Hopefully we can maintain that kind of relationship

if she feels very strongly for you then this will be a very difficult thing for her to do at the start.
Out of respect, you should give her time on her own to get over you, seeing you everyday does not help that process.

ferdi

You can tell her to her face
You can tell her on the phone
Oooh you can write it in a letter babe
Cos she really needs to know

ianmc38

ferdi wrote:

You can tell her to her face
You can tell her on the phone
Oooh you can write it in a letter babe
Cos she really needs to know

Shoot me

WhiteWashMan

logged_out wrote:

hiya, i've been with my girlfriend almost a year and a half now. we're both quite young (around 19), and have been going out since secondary school (we're in the same college now).

for a few months now i've been wanting to end it, because i really don't want to be in a relationship now. i'm too young, so i want to have a bit of fun (which i'm not having atm); i also don't have the energy to be compelled to see her, with college, work, and other stuff too (i'm on heavy antibiotics for example); and the 'flare' isn't present anymore, at least not for me.

i tried to break up with her after a bit of a fight, and she was totally caught off guard, started crying (as did i, grrg), and she started saying 'no, no, no...', so i ended up saying forget about that, we'll work on it, because i hate upsetting her.

but i really need to end this soon. the problem is, there's always something to get in the way. it was her birthday the other day, so i couldn't break up with her coming up to that. we've got exams coming up now, so i can't break up with her before them, or it might jeopardise her performance. things like that. but i can't keep putting it off! we're looking to book a holiday, so if i leave it too late, she won't be able to book a flight with her friend instead. i was considering putting it off until after the holiday (which is in august), but that might give her the wrong impression or something.

i also don't know how to go about doing it... last time, i just blurted it out after walking her to her house, and it was horrible. should i ring her up and say 'we need to talk'? or text her the same? should i do it in her house? what should i say? last time it was 'i think we should break up' and she nearly sh*t a brick! i need to do it gently. she's really into me (i wish she wasn't, it'd make this easier), and loves me alot. i do love her too, but just can't be with her anymore.

thanks for any help

ps. don't assume, as inevitably happens, that because i'm breaking up with her that i'm a bad guy or anything. relationships sometimes don't work, and i want to let her down gently. thanks

get her on her own, and just say it to her.

theres no easy way. dont try and be a nice guy, just dump her.
cut all ties, dont cave in, and dont say you that you still love her.

just do it, get out and let her get on with her life.

there is no gentley. it will hurt both of you.

Dont be at yourself

Like a band-aid.

Brend

welcome to dumpsville....population...YOU!

Nevyn

Brend unhelpful posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Break up with her nicely. That way, it means theres more of a possibility of a friendship coming out of it. I don't like people who force the other person to break up with them, I think its just being a coward.

If you really want to break up with her, you might as well do it. Perhaps she is feeling the same way (no offense). Also, its best to put these things in the open. Yet I hope everything goes well

Red Alert

Yes you should do it soon, very soon. The relationship is over whether she knows it or not and you should respect her enough to tell her. You may in fact make a very good friend in time.

Zillah

You're just gonna have to bite the bullet. There will never be a good time.

DAEDULUS

act so keen and desperate for the next 2 weeks, she'l end up doing it for you.. assuming that you dont mind being dumped...

eskimo

The fact is that we all have to go through a breakup at some stage of our lives. It's tough, but like death, you just have to accept and deal with it.

I don't mean this in a bad way, but she's just going to have to get over it. If one person in a relationship no longer wants to be in it, then the relationship needs to end; it's as simple as that.

It'll be tough on her and she'll feel absolutely miserable for quite some time. And that really really sucks. But she will get over it and move on, because that's just human nature. So you need to stop worrying that she won't be able to cope, because she will cope, there's no doubt about it. We all cope someway or another when we have to.

End it after the exams; you've waited this long, there's no point in jeopardising her exam performance. But don't put it off any longer. Break it to her gently, and let her start the healing process and allow her to move on with her life. This breakup is inevitable. She will cope. You'll both move on. End of.

Do NOT break up via text/phone call. That's the mark of complete a-hole. Do it face-to-face.

DON'T, after the break up, expect a friendship to blossom between the two of you. This is one of the biggest mistakes people make when breaking up. I'd say at least 90% of the time, one of the two is simply holding out for a reunion - while the other pretends not to notice. Cut each other from your lives for a good while at least. It's the best way to help you both cope and move on.

Best of luck!

LegacyUser

even though your gf may be heartbroken at the thought of losing her true love, you should have ended it when the feeling of "wanting to have a little fun" and break up with her first entered your system. it makes it even harder when a guy doesnt tell you that he doenst like you any more. then when finally he gets the guts to tell you and you find out that he has not liked you in a long time, you have this feeling that you were being led on. you feel really stupid for not being able to see it coming, when you thought everything was going fine and that the guy really loved you. sorry that you missed out on this key bit of information at "how-to-break-up-with-a-long-time-significant-other" school. dont lead her on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

paulac

Hey, as everyone has said, there's no good time to break up. Although, I would advise waiting until after your exams because they are stressful enough. When you are doing the deed, one piece of advice I'd give you is to try not get into to too much detail, I know that sounds terrible, but if you tell her that you've been thinking about this for a long time but didn't know how to tell her, she will feel betrayed and feel like she has been living a lie and feel stupid because she didn't realise that there was something wrong, trust me, I've been through it! Good luck

chrismon

Just tell her,iv been through this,but on the other end of the stick.
What ever you do dont say anything about a "break" because thats a load of crap. Make sure she knows that you dont want to be with her,dont let her think that there will be a chance of ye gettin back together,it will just make it harder on her. And please dont do what my x did to me,dont make up reason's why your breaking up with her,as in say "i want to be single for a while" then get with someone new.

LegacyUser

hey guys,
i still haven't done it, but my exams are finished and so are hers, so i think i'm gonna have to do it tomorrow...
i'm supposed to be meeting her tonight, but i have to do something else with family so i can't. i was gonna text her and explain that, and say at the end that 'i need to talk' to her tomorrow. i haven't even bloody seen her in almost 3 weeks, it's gotten that bad...... gonna have to end it.

LegacyUser

Getting into a fight with her so you've an excuse to break up is stupid. So is acting in a way that'll make her want to break up with you. Just text her and tell her it's off. Harsh I know, but the best way.

LegacyUser

alright I did it! I did it today... went down to her house, told her straight out, she cried, I explained a bit, she got a bit defensive, still crying... I told her that I'd best leave, since there was no point in me staying and both of us crying together... she opened the door, and I left. less than 10 minutes and it was over...

i texted one of her best friends and asked her to ring my g/f and try and make her feel a bit better. hopefully she feels better soon. it was the right thing to do anyway.

thanks for the advice fellas.