is love only a second hand emotion?

LegacyUser

i know this sounds stupid but ive been with my bf two years & i cant tell if i love him or if im mixing it up with loneliness? if you have ever been in love
what were the signs that told you you were? its gone to the stage where i get so hot & cold with him, as he can with me, and i need to know what to do
he owns a pub so we never get to go out, we only meet at 3am in d morning 2 or 3 times a week. He goes to alot of horse racing meetings and time off for this is no problem yet time off for us is a no-no. he seems to think meeting after his work is enough of an effort. ive talked to him about this so many times but nothing seems 2 b changing

dudara

Don't hang around waiting for things to change. Either make them change, or walk away.

it really sounds as if this guy isn't putting any effort into the relationship (granted we're only hearing your side).

cupsoftea

Love wouldn't really blossom in such circumstances. If he can't find time out for days at the zoo/ video and icecream nights/ cinema/ dinners and romantic nights out or whatever, even you did love him with all your heart it would fade because he is taking you for granted.
You need to explain all this to him in very simple language- although of course you have to be ready to walk away if he can't or won't agree to change.

py2006

Yep, love is a second hand emotion! Its just something made up by the weak minded! It doesn't really exist

Ah, don't mind me I am just bitter at the moment!

Somebody once told me that you know your in love when all them corny, cheesy loves songs that you totally dispised suddenly start making sense!!

Oryx

When your busy, or out with other people do you miss him. If not, maybe he is just a crutch for lonliness. Being away from him for a while may tell you where your heart is. And might do the same for him. I think love is like an orgasm, even if youve never had one, you know it when it happens.;)

LegacyUser

Thanks KatieK, ive broekn it off a few times before hoping he would see sense but i always ending up phoning him sayimg sorry,now antime i go to break it off he just says ya fair enough!

SoupyNorman

Sounds like a terrible situation, make a clean break and start having some fun, If your with the guy 2yrs and still dont love him its never gonna happen.

Sorry for being so brutally honest

I think love is like an orgasm, even if youve never had one, you know it when it happens.

..and when it does happen you feckin well know!!!!!!!!!!

You dont wanna have any regrets if you died tomorrow

stovelid

Who needs a heart
When a heart can be broken?

mixed up wrote:

is love a second hand emotion

WhiteWashMan

mixed up wrote:

i know this sounds stupid but ive been with my bf two years & i cant tell if i love him or if im mixing it up with loneliness? if you have ever been in love
what were the signs that told you you were? its gone to the stage where i get so hot & cold with him, as he can with me, and i need to know what to do
he owns a pub so we never get to go out, we only meet at 3am in d morning 2 or 3 times a week. He goes to alot of horse racing meetings and time off for this is no problem yet time off for us is a no-no. he seems to think meeting after his work is enough of an effort. ive talked to him about this so many times but nothing seems 2 b changing

think of all the great things you love doing with your partner.
now if you can honestly say you can exchange his face for someone else. im of the opinion your only with him so you arent lonely.

there are a huge amount of people out there that are like that.
i know, i was in a relationship for 5 years becuase i was afraid to be on my own.#

it doesnt sound like you have much of a relationship.
personally, if i was in that position, id be wondering where i stand in my partners eyes, and i would probably be looking to get out.
but thats just me.

as for love being a second hand emotion, the answer is no.

its a marvelous thing.

athena 2000

mixed up wrote:

He goes to alot of horse racing meetings and time off for this is no problem yet time off for us is a no-no. he seems to think meeting after his work is enough of an effort.

There are guys out there that actually like to spend time with their girlfriends and make the effort to have good relationships. You can't get a guy like that if you're waiting around for your current boyfriend to make more time for you. Time for a change. You can do it.

missmatty

It really doesn't sound like he can be arsed making much of an effort. And you're making it easy for him because he has learned that if you go off, you come back soon enough, so sure why bother?? He doesn't take you seriously. I'd get well rid and go find someone better or even just spend time with yourself or other mates. It can't be much fun when you only see someone in the middle of the night, not very convenient for you? Why are you bothered if you don't even love him? Cos if you did, you would definitely know.

Asiaprod

mixed up wrote:

he owns a pub so we never get to go out, we only meet at 3am in d morning 2 or 3 times a week. He goes to alot of horse racing meetings and time off for this is no problem yet time off for us is a no-no. he seems to think meeting after his work is enough of an effort. ive talked to him about this so many times but nothing seems 2 b changing

Sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind. It honestly does not sound like you are the most important thing in his life right now. I worked nights when I met my wife and I could not wait to have time off to see her. Every free moment I had I planned to spend with her. I do not get this feeling from what you have said. When we are hurting its hard to see things clearly, but there are a a lot more fish in the sea. Put on your makeup, get that slinky black dress out of the closet and get out and party. You WiLL be surprised:)

LegacyUser

Thanks for ye're advice guys, i had a talk with my bf last nite explaining how i felt and that he was wasting my time by putting everything else before us.
He told me taht evryone does things the way they want to and maybe this is the way he is. Thinks he justs wants the best of both worlds. He told me he'd think about things and get back to me!

BoozyBabe

Tell him he's too late & to take a run & jump!

It'll be better for you in the long run, that's a pathetic excuse for a relationship & you deserve (& could easily get) much better, I mean, it's hard to get much worse!

dudara

It really doesn't sound like he's going to change. His excuse of "that's just the way I am" sounds so lazy.

I think that it might be time to walk away and look for someone who will treat you better.