Afraid I f*cked up

LegacyUser

Being going out with a guy for about 3 months.

Started having strong feelings for him. I told him this, even though I was terrified I'd scare him off. He said that he had strong feelings too. We never actually said we loved each other but knew the feelings were there, or so I thought so.

At the weekend, we were out saturday. Quite a boozy night. A song came on with "im in love lalalalala...." and he was dancing singing it. He then said to my face "Im in love". I was thinking was he singing the song so tried to not read into it. Later on that night, he mentioned something again. Due to liquor, I said that I would let it slide.

Sunday night we were out again and at the end of the night he started to get a bit upset (he is having other problems at the moment also). He then told me again, drunk, that he was in love with me. This time I reciprocated the feeling. I do love him.

So, was with him last night and I said it to him again "I love you". Wanted to say something sober. He said nothing. I got annoyed. I asked him why he didnt say anthing back and his reply was that "he just didnt want to throw "I love you's" around the place". That he wanted it to be meaningful.

He then fell asleep and I was left there all confused!

I mean he started it! Now feel like a big fecking fool. Have I maybe over reacted? Is it ok to say I love you to someone and they say something like that? I dont know what to say to him now with out looking like a psycho!

Thanks.

Beruthiel

CantUnderstand wrote:

Have I maybe over reacted?

yes
why oh why would you get annoyed because he did not say it back to you? That's not how it works, just because you said it to him doesn't mean he has to say it back, what does that mean apart from making him feel obliged to do so

Is it ok to say I love you to someone and they say something like that?

yes it is, he's not ready to say it yet, he's waiting till he's sure. Saying things while drunk don't count.

I dont know what to say to him now with out looking like a psycho!

say nothing, just drop it.

Vidic-is-good

?? He's already said it to you numerous times when he felt it strongly. He clearly does love you but doesnt want one of those relationships that sicken everyone else on the train 'i love you' 'i love you more' 'no you dont...'

CoolGuy2006

Dont feel like a fool, you have done nothing wrong, especially under the circumstances and the preceding days.

I think his reply was a bit stupid but he is a guy :-) and maybe he has no idea that you are feeling stragnge about it now. Maybe its soemthing he wants to say but doesnt find it easy to. Maybe you caught him off guard. It could be many reasons. the main thing is, Dont feel like a fool, he probably feels the same now aswell.

Give it some time, dont force the issue now. Be confident with what you said though. If you meant it then whats the problem. Its no game

fuzzywiggle

No you're not a fool! I wouldn't say anymore about it though. Just let the relationship take its course and it will all fall into place!

shinners007

ur not a fool. its early days yet.
the drink may have given him confidence to say it.
he may be shy or nervous or havin other things on his mind as u said.

when the time is right he'l tell u how he feels dont let this ruin the early stages of ur relationship.

he obviously cares as "the truth comes out with drink" give him time and itl all work out.:D

ianmc38

Don't expect someone to say I love you because you said it to them. Asking them why they didnt say it is even worse. It'll all happen in time. Dont make an issue of it.

LegacyUser

Thanks lads for the replies. I see it from a few perspectives now. Exactly what was looking for.

Should I apologise for overreacting? Like a little text "Stand by what I said, but sorry for overreacting" kinda thing?

Am kinda embarassed for acting the ejit now. Damn. Hope the damage isnt too bad. Lesson learnt.

sceptre

You went out two nights on the trot, he got ratarsed both nights on the trot and for three simple words you're the one who feels like "a big fecking fool"?

Having said that it's a bit much to expect instant reciprocation. I'm assuming a "thank you" wouldn't have been enough of course. Don't send a text that says anything like "I'm right but I overreacted", that really would make you look like a big fecking fool unless you dropped either the first part or the second part.

Dave!

I agree with Beruthiel that just cos you say it doesn't mean he should say it back EVERY time! My girlfriend says it all the time, and if I don't say it back she gets upset. Annoying as hell.

LegacyUser

But what Im kinda saying is why cant a person reply I love you when someone tells them? It can feel a bit like rejection to be honest.

I have text him. Didnt say was sorry. Just said over reacted a bit. Then I met him, and he agreed I over reacted and was a bit annoyed. But he still asked me to stay with him. Still a bit confused about the whole thing though. Its like there are some rules or something to saying those 3 words...

Dave!

Well if you start using "I love you" as a greeting and a farewell, then what does it mean? It becomes pointless, and the words lose all meaning.

Beruthiel

CantUnderstand wrote:

why cant a person reply I love you when someone tells them?

because it looses all meaning.
I'd prefer to hear it only once a year and know it's truly meant, then to hear it every day and know it's just said because it's expected.

Should I apologise for overreacting? Like a little text "Stand by what I said, but sorry for overreacting" kinda thing?

no, no, no.
this is just making the issue even bigger, leave it and say nothing else.

LegacyUser

Wow. I never really thought about it that way.

Am feeling more relaxed about it now.

I would be the type of person to regularly say it. Thats just because of habits from previous relationships.

This has kinda stopped me to think a bit. Maybe a good thing this has happened. Feels a bit deep!

SoupyNorman

Love is not something generated by words, if its there it grabs you both and drives you closer and closer , you cant escape it as its relentless. The only way it ends is if the other half dosent love you. When two ppl are in love the relationship is effortless (more so in the early stages) and you do not need to re-enforce your feelings with words.

fits

bravestarr082 wrote:

Love is not something generated by words, if its there it grabs you both and drives you closer and closer , you cant escape it as its relentless. The only way it ends is if the other half dosent love you. When two ppl are in love the relationship is effortless (more so in the early stages) and you do not need to re-enforce your feelings with words.

Hmm, some might subscribe to the idea that lust is effortless, but love isnt... at all...