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Friend With Benefits.

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  • 26-04-2006 9:27am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I am a 23 year old male. I grew up with a girl and have been best friends all our lives. I do love her - she has always been there for me (as I have her) and we confide in each other.

    One night when we were 15 and at a local teenage disco we kissed. Since then we have been meeting everytime we go out together etc. Our birthdays are very close so we decided to go out together (my friends are her friends etc) for a bit of a boogie. We both got hammered together on our 18th birthday. We ended up in bed together. Now when we go out we end up in bed together. Sex is amazing and she is beatuiful in everyway ie personality etc. We have met other people (but quite rarely for both of us) when out but always end up meeting each other. We were each others first sexual experience. We don't use condoms - she is on the pill and is very trustworthy on it.

    Some people say to me this sort of friendship is wrong - some say we should get together.

    She is my best friend and I wouldn't change her for anything. She knows everything little thing about me - as I do her.

    Any advice?


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    #2
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 8,647 ✭ [Deleted User]


    why dont ye just go out to be honest?


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    #3
    Mr. Presentable
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,496 ✭✭✭Mr. Presentable


    All very Dawsons Creek tbh. What do you want, approval, disapproval, kudos?


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    #4
    Merrick
    Registered Users Posts: 888 ✭✭✭Merrick


    Deleted User wrote:
    why dont ye just go out to be honest?

    Yeah, why not? You would still be friends and all that, and would probably save yourselves a load of confusion and grief later on...


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    #5
    pbsuxok1znja4r
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,312 ✭✭✭pbsuxok1znja4r


    Sounds like you've got the most perfect relationship you could ask for, tbh. Don't rush it, don't try to make it 'official', don't try to make it exclusive. If it's right, and it does sound right, then the two of you will gradually want to see more of each other and only each other.


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    #6
    ferdi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,598 ✭✭✭ferdi


    scouser.tommy wrote:
    Sounds like you've got the most perfect relationship you could ask for, tbh.
    yep, your living the dream, having your cake and eating it etc. i dont see the problem?


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    #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    scouser.tommy wrote:
    Sounds like you've got the most perfect relationship you could ask for, tbh.

    How is it perfect? How do you mean?


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    #8
    takola
    Registered Users Posts: 4,138 ✭✭✭takola


    does it really matter if other people think the relationship is wrong??? honestly? If you both enjoy it this way then what has anybody else got to do with it!
    It does sound like a perfect relationship. if you both like each other then you'll end up together eventually. Dont rush into anything. Enjoy it as it is. And forget about what anyone else thinks!!!!!!


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    #9
    Oriel
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 5,154 ✭✭✭Oriel


    And why are you asking us? What do you want to do? What does she want to do? Why does it matter what we think?*


    *would like answers for all of the above please. :)


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    #10
    Vidic-is-good
    Closed Accounts Posts: 44 ✭Vidic-is-good


    like everyone else, i am asking 'whats the problem now?' maybe you're just posting it to brag. Fair enough, maybe I would too


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    #11
    Zombrex
    Closed Accounts Posts: 25,848 ✭✭✭✭Zombrex


    Nathan Hunt wrote:
    I am a 23 year old male. I grew up with a girl and have been best friends all our lives. I do love her - she has always been there for me (as I have her) and we confide in each other.

    One night when we were 15 and at a local teenage disco we kissed. Since then we have been meeting everytime we go out together etc. Our birthdays are very close so we decided to go out together (my friends are her friends etc) for a bit of a boogie. We both got hammered together on our 18th birthday. We ended up in bed together. Now when we go out we end up in bed together. Sex is amazing and she is beatuiful in everyway ie personality etc. We have met other people (but quite rarely for both of us) when out but always end up meeting each other. We were each others first sexual experience. We don't use condoms - she is on the pill and is very trustworthy on it.

    Some people say to me this sort of friendship is wrong - some say we should get together.

    She is my best friend and I wouldn't change her for anything. She knows everything little thing about me - as I do her.

    Any advice?

    I'm assuming from your post that neither of you have been in a serious relationship with someone else yet, and that neither of you have sleep with anyone else (as far as you know)

    Suppose you have to ask the question what would you do if you wanted her but she was with someone else, would you be upset? If you both went out and she went home with a different guy would you be upset? Also the reverse, if you were with a girlfriend would your friend be upset?

    That will be the true test to see if the green eyed monster "jealously" is going to effect this at all.

    So long as you are both totally honest with each it should be ok. But then if either of you started to develop strong feeling you probably won't tell the other person in case of rejection, so its hard to know.


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    #12
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I think this would already qualify as a "relationship", even though it's an open one, and even if you don't want to admit it. There's no point in putting labels on things just because people tell you and there's clearly nothing wrong with what you're doing as in this case everyone understands the situation.

    I'm wondering how you'd feel if one of the other people she meets starts to become more serious and you end up getting pushed aside? Would you have regrets of not pursuing it further or would you be just as happy to see her walk out of your life with someone else?


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    #13
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    sinecurea wrote:
    And why are you asking us?
    For your opinion on this relationship and if you feel I should take it further
    sinecurea wrote:
    What do you want to do?
    I'm in too minds - I'd be devastated if she rejected me
    sinecurea wrote:
    What does she want to do?
    I honestly don't know - suppose want to be with me since we're like this but afraid if it doesn't work out
    sinecurea wrote:
    Why does it matter what we think?
    Cause maybe yous could share your opinion or advice on this?


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    #14
    narommy
    Registered Users Posts: 469 ✭✭narommy


    How would you react if she went off with someone else in a relationship. (I doubt he would be happy with your relationship continuing and that would be the end of the best of both worlds others have mentioned)

    That's what you should base your decision on rather than how you would feel if she rejected you.

    Appart from the (potential) lack of exclusivity it sounds like you have a good relationship.


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    #15
    justsomebloke
    Registered Users Posts: 10,407 ✭✭✭✭justsomebloke


    ok i am not going to advise you on your relationship (ok i am just ask her to go steady, you know you want to other wise you wouldn't be asking us about it and whether we think it will screw up your relationship if she rejects you).

    My advise would be for yous to start using condoms if you are having an open relationship. It only takes one of oyus to make a mistake with someone else and that could both of yous at risk


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