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Problem maintaining erection with GF

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  • 24-04-2006 2:15pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    OK, going unreg for this one... basically I'm having trouble maintaining an erection with my GF when we have sex. She's been away for a few months abroad but returned the other week. However, I've having a really stressful and pressurized few months at work. I'm working a lot of long hours and weekends and am finding it very hard to switch-off when I'm not working so much so that when we are having sex I have a problem getting and keeping an erection long enough. I'm already feeling down because of the work situation but now this happens and I feel really inadequate. Thankfully, my GF has been very understanding but I was really looking forward to her coming home and being with her again but now I feel really bad that I can't make love to her properly. Of course, now that this is playing on my mind it's just making it more difficult for me.

    Should I go to my GP and ask for some Viagra? I'm only in my late-20s and feel like this shouldn't be happening at my age?


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    #2
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    Inadequate wrote:
    However, I've having a really stressful and pressurized few months at work. I'm working a lot of long hours and weekends and am finding it very hard to switch-off when I'm not working

    you don't need a doctor to prescribe drugs, you just need to learn to relax! can you slow down on the work hours? working that much is not good for the body and yours is telling you that.
    You need a better quality of life and rest time is very important for that.
    Take a relaxing bath, play some music, whatever takes your mind off work and gets you to calm down


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    #3
    seamus
    Registered Users Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    Take five days off work. For the first two days, stay in bed until you can't stay there anymore, and when you get up, do all those little fiddly odd-jobs around the house that have been annoying you, but you've been too busy to do them. On the third day, take your girlfriend out for dinner. Have a bottle of wine with dinner, but by no means get drunk.

    Now you should be fit. That's what days four and five are for.


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    #4
    shinners007
    Closed Accounts Posts: 727 ✭✭✭shinners007


    if ya cant get time off work, sit down and talk to ur GF and plan a sunday of romance ie sex not being the main issue. show her how much u missed her by talking,kissing, touching and let things happen naturally.

    be a romantic then if ye make love great and if not ur GF will appreciate the effort u put in to the whole day.

    focusing on it too much will only place more pressure on u to perform.

    plus if your tired go to bed very early with ur GF and one thing might lead to another.......;) ;)

    best of luck


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    #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    not wanting to sound bad but i think you should see dr! If ya have an erection in the morn and can whack one off then more than likely its a psychological problem. The more often it happends the more pressure you are under to perform and its a vicious circle. Its good that your girlfrend is understanding.

    tis embarrassing goin to dr but he will understand or the wellman is another choice...

    I had something similar happen and after a while it just goes away....you don't have enuff blood to supply the brain and your equipment...apparently!


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    #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    aagh! wrote:
    not wanting to sound bad but i think you should see dr! If ya have an erection in the morn and can whack one off then more than likely its a psychological problem. The more often it happends the more pressure you are under to perform and its a vicious circle. Its good that your girlfrend is understanding.

    tis embarrassing goin to dr but he will understand or the wellman is another choice...

    I had something similar happen and after a while it just goes away....you don't have enuff blood to supply the brain and your equipment...apparently!

    Yes, I still wake up most mornings with an erection, I know it's not a physical problem but psychological one and as you say the more you worry about it the worse it seems to get.

    Unfortunately, taking time off work, even though it's what I need, isn't an option at the moment so I'm just going to have to get through it until I can.

    I'd feel embarrassed going to the doctor but maybe that's what I need to do.


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    #7
    Lorri_L
    Closed Accounts Posts: 243 ✭✭Lorri_L


    You do need to go to the doctor! But (saying this based on your display name), this doesn't make you inadequate. I understand you may be embarassed but you should try not to feel less of a man because of it.


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    #8
    ntlbell
    Registered Users Posts: 16,288 ✭✭✭✭ntlbell


    Lorri_L wrote:
    You do need to go to the doctor! But (saying this based on your display name), this doesn't make you inadequate. I understand you may be embarassed but you should try not to feel less of a man because of it.

    why on earth does he need to go to a doc?

    He just needs to chill out, go on holiday.


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    #9
    cockmynut
    Closed Accounts Posts: 45 ✭cockmynut


    You need to relax. Stress/depression/anything like that will make maintaining an erection difficult. As you say it's a psychological problem. If you and your partner are completely comfortable being in bed together then it must be other factors such as work playing on your mind.

    You could go see a doctor who might have some advice on how to wind down.

    Hey, I have the same problem and I'm only 18, so count yourself lucky. :mad:


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    #10
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    ntlbell wrote:
    why on earth does he need to go to a doc?

    He just needs to chill out, go on holiday.

    the doc could prescribe some drug or something to make him forget bout the issue. Then in time after enjoying a good sex life with it he will forget bout the issue he had and go on to lead a normal sex life without the drugs...i know 1st hand by the way!


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    #11
    ianmc38
    Registered Users Posts: 7,754 ✭✭✭ianmc38


    Has there been any foreplay? Maybe you just need to warm up slowly in order to be properly aroused.


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    #12
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    ianmc38 wrote:
    Has there been any foreplay? Maybe you just need to warm up slowly in order to be properly aroused.

    in my case that wasn't an issue...i would be able for oral or hand relief from her, it was only once a condom went on, or tried to penetrate...its was just a mental block for some reason and I would def recommend goin to the dr to get something, viagra or cialis or watever..


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    #13
    arbeitsscheuer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,391 ✭✭✭arbeitsscheuer


    aaahhh!!! wrote:
    in my case that wasn't an issue...i would be able for oral or hand relief from her, it was only once a condom went on, or tried to penetrate...its was just a mental block for some reason and I would def recommend goin to the dr to get something, viagra or cialis or watever..
    Same kind of deal for me as well, altho haven't bothered going to a doc about it (my last relationship was 5 months ago, and the impetus to fix the problem has faded since then).

    Never heard of cialis before, what's the difference between it and viagra?


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    #14
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    SebtheBum wrote:
    Same kind of deal for me as well, altho haven't bothered going to a doc about it (my last relationship was 5 months ago, and the impetus to fix the problem has faded since then).

    Never heard of cialis before, what's the difference between it and viagra?

    the effects last for up to 36 hours...and no, you don't have a boner for 36hours, you need foreplay and all that but effects last longer...


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    #15
    ntlbell
    Registered Users Posts: 16,288 ✭✭✭✭ntlbell


    aaghh!!! wrote:
    the doc could prescribe some drug or something to make him forget bout the issue. Then in time after enjoying a good sex life with it he will forget bout the issue he had and go on to lead a normal sex life without the drugs...i know 1st hand by the way!

    doc's me bottom, why does everyone run to a doc as soon as their's the slightest issue?

    No wonder half this country is on anti-depressants.

    There's 101 ways to solve problems without going to some quack.


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    #16
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    ntlbell wrote:
    doc's me bottom, why does everyone run to a doc as soon as their's the slightest issue?

    No wonder half this country is on anti-depressants.

    There's 101 ways to solve problems without going to some quack.

    fair enuff what are they then? have you over come this problem?

    I suffered in slience for years, eventually went to doc and now lead a very normal and very frequent sex life....drug free i mite add! they helped me overcome my fear and anxiety's about sex and now have no hang ups....


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    #17
    arbeitsscheuer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,391 ✭✭✭arbeitsscheuer


    When did you go to a doc, were you in a relationship or were you just aware from past experiences that you had the problem and so got the prescription 'just in case', so to speak?

    And did u ever tell the person you were with at the time u were on it? (I personally probably wouldn't, but I haven't been put in that position yet)


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    #18
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    SebtheBum wrote:
    When did you go to a doc, were you in a relationship or were you just aware from past experiences that you had the problem and so got the prescription 'just in case', so to speak?

    And did u ever tell the person you were with at the time u were on it? (I personally probably wouldn't, but I haven't been put in that position yet)

    i was in a relationship when i went to doc..gf was supportive! she knew i was takin them, but one time she was gettin somethin out of my drawer and noticed that i still had some and thought i had taken it the nite before...i didn't...thats when i knew i was "cured"!

    I was aware of it but it wasn't always there but became increasingly more before i went to doc...now its gone...the mind is a strange place! I still have some "just in case", but i hope to never to use them....


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    #19
    ntlbell
    Registered Users Posts: 16,288 ✭✭✭✭ntlbell


    aaghhh!!!!! wrote:
    fair enuff what are they then? have you over come this problem?

    I suffered in slience for years, eventually went to doc and now lead a very normal and very frequent sex life....drug free i mite add! they helped me overcome my fear and anxiety's about sex and now have no hang ups....

    Your problem may not be _his_ problem.

    it sounds to me like you had fears about sex from the off! (I could be wrong)

    in the OP case it seems everything was fine, work gets a bit mad hectic is brain is on overdirve because of the stress of _life_ not anxiety's about sex.

    so he basically all ready knows the soloution to the problem.


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    #20
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for all the helpful replies.

    I've decided I'm not going to the doctor. I know it's not a physiological problem, but I stress-related psychological problem I have. I suppose I was just thinking about the viagra as a short term solution to get me back on the right track so to speak.

    Unfortunately my work situation is not going to change any time soon so I'm just going to have to work through it and train myself to switch off when I'm not working but it hasn't been easy lately. I'm going to leave work early today and am planning a work-free weekend the first time in a while so I'm hoping that will help.


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    #21
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    ntlbell wrote:
    Your problem may not be _his_ problem.

    it sounds to me like you had fears about sex from the off! (I could be wrong)

    in the OP case it seems everything was fine, work gets a bit mad hectic is brain is on overdirve because of the stress of _life_ not anxiety's about sex.

    so he basically all ready knows the soloution to the problem.

    maybe, doesn't everyone have some form of performance pressure?

    work and other things were on my mind aswell from at the start and then the more i thought about it, the worse it got. Depending on other things in my life it would come and go, but just before i went to doc it was terrible...glad i went and if its gettin you and/or your partner down i would def go to doc...


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