long-distance relationship

unreg1987

Hi,

I'm 18 and I've been living in Ireland for 10 years, my family moved here from ( let's just say 'some other E.U. country'). Initially there was a language barrier and I had to get used to the Irish sense of humour etc. which didnt help in finding a first girlfriend to "mess around with".
(Don't get me wrong- I love Ireland and I'd never go back to where I came from) I'm also the shy type so I never even went out until I was 16. Up till last year I hadn't had any kind of relationship, I didn't ( and still don't really) understand the concept of 'getting off' with a girl and then forgetting about her like all the youths do around here. I suppose I'm the hopeless romantic who expects too much commitment from girls and sees them as more of a divine being than they really are.

Last year one of my friends introduced me to a group of girl exchange students. One from Spain, two from Germany and one from Mexico. Over a few beers some real chemistry developed between the Mexican girl and me. After a few nights out we'd fallen for each other. We only had 2 1/2 months between the time we met and the day she had to go back home. While we were together she showed me the type of passion I'd never experienced before. I gave her a silver necklace on our 1-month's. In the end we decided to split up early and just be friends a month before she left to make it less dramatic because we were developing some intense feelings for each other.

Since she left we've been talking regularly on MSN. It's hard to get feelings accross in online chat but we're definately still good friends. It's nearly a year since I've seen her but I still have feelings for her, I havn't made any efforts to find another girl. In (MSN) conversations we tell each other how much we miss each other and there's an "I love you" (she started that) at the end of some of the chats. You decide whether that's genuine or not, it's only something typed in a text box after all.

She's been wanting me to fly over and stay at her place since last summer. I was planning it in July last year but then I decided that it wasn't a smart idea. This week I booked a flight for this July- she's delighted that I'm coming over. Since we split up she's had one boyfriend but she's single now.

She's 9 months younger than me and pretty religious (no sex outside marriage etc. ). At one stage she told me (last year, in person) that she would like to be married by 21 and have 4 children.

I'm looking forward to those 2 weeks in Mexico just for seeing the place etc. but this voice inside me always screams "you love her" or "this time make sure you wont let her go".

I know how silly this all sounds, especially since I have so little experience with relationships. Sorry I dragged it out so much but I kind of had to get it out of the system. Long-distance relationships are impossible but something tells me I won't find a soulmate like this again.

Your honest thoughts?

thanks

Ruu_Old

Long distance relationships arent impossible. If you want it bad enough and you both think you want it bad enough, then it will come together for you both, or you will work damn hard at it.
I can identify with long distance relationships OP. My current wife and I had to spend a lot of time apart while I was working in Ireland, making money and so on before finally we moved and are living together right now in the US.

unreg1987

Ruu wrote:

Long distance relationships arent impossible. If you want it bad enough and you both think you want it bad enough, then it will come together for you both, or you will work damn hard at it.
I can identify with long distance relationships OP. My current wife and I had to spend a lot of time apart while I was working in Ireland, making money and so on before finally we moved and are living together right now in the US.

Well that's encouraging I thought I was crazy :P We're so young though- 18 and 17.. how many couples stay together from such a young age? My mother is divorced and unhappily remarried, so I have an idea what its like to live in a horrible relationship just kept together for the sake of the kids...

Ruu_Old

I would guess not too many relationships, long distance and younger people dont stay together that long. However, it worked for me and hopefully it'll work out for you if you want it to.

marilynM

I was in a similar situation. We kept a long distance (MSN) relationship going for 2 yrs. And.... now we're married!

Plenty of people will tell you "it'll never last", but in my opinion they're the type of people who end up in relationships that are just basically 2 people "settling" for eachother.

If you both love eachother enough, then it'll work out. Simple as that. Do you both want it bad enough - that's the only issue.

shinners007

obviously theres something between ye that has kept ye in contact with each other and the fact that your flying over there proves that.

as for age it is but a number my parents are childhood sweet hearts survived long distance relationship and are still happily married and all loved up for nearly 30 years now!!!!

i personally believe only u can no if shes the one or not and after not seeing each other for so long this trip n july will prove either one of the following

1 shes your first love, soul mate and u want to spend the rest of your life with her

or

2, ye've both changed and grown in different ways and it may have been lust.....

either way i wish you luck and remember

"wat will be will be!!!"

the Guru

unreg1987 I say go for it , long distance relationships can be very hard but only if you make them, I had a long distance Relationship and it was hard but we made it work, it cost us a small fortune in plane tickets , but its all worth it, the only concern I would have to you are still very young and getting married.

If you move to Mexico and have kids you could feel very trapped, if things get tough, you are very far away from your support network, and also you will have to marry her if you want to take you relationship to the next level i.e sex.

But it does work for some people and I guess I'm one of the lucky ones.

good luck with it.

unreg1987

Well thx for all your support guys!

I wasn't so sure this type of thing existed anymore in this materialistic world :rolleyes:

If we still love each other in July, let's hope we find some sensible solution because we're both due to start 4-year college courses in Aug/Sept. Her parents won't even let her study outside her home city, nevermind overseas ( don't think she'd want that anyway but if she did at a later point her authoritarian parents would b in the way).

I don't have a word of Spanish by the way

madhitchhiker

my friend had a distant relationship and at the moment he is 12,000 miles away with visiting his gf for the 3rd time..yeah he is inlove with the girl.. so there is hope for you and her.. but...you're still young things will change..:D

Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Que sera, sera
What will be, will be

Ruu_Old

12,000!! I thought I used to be bad being 3,500 miles way, phew