Coming out: Easier to say "gay" than "bi"?

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'm 20, and I'm bisexual. I'm not out yet, although I do have a boyfriend.

I'm wondering what the best thing to say is when I tell people.

"Ehhh.. I have a boyfriend...", or
"y'know such and such a person?... well he's my boyfriend" or
"I'm gay", or
"I'm bisexual"

Maybe it's just me, but I think it would be easier for people to hear "I'm gay", because most people know exactly what that is. Bisexuals seem to be less heard/written about (on TV, in the media, etc), and the person I'm telling might be a bit more uncomfortable with it than if I just say "I'm gay". Maybe I'm way off base here?

Bi people: Did you say that you were "gay" or "bi" when you first came out?

Also, (I'm asking about ye're experiences / advice again here..), when ye came out, did ye just say "Ehhh... I'm gay" when the conversation went quiet? Or would you recommend starting a conversation first about sex/gayness, and then say it?

Maybe I'm thinking about this too much?

Advice welcome.

BuffyBot

Maybe I'm thinking about this too much?

Honestly, I think you probably are. Overthinking things is sometimes the worst thing to do.

As for advice on how to come out..do a search on this forum. There have been a couple of threads about it, and different peoples stories are there - the thing is, nearly each of them is unique as the people involved, and the circumstances surrounding the events are different. However, they might give you some ideas.

Boston

I Just said I that such and such is my boyfriend, and let others think what they liked. When asked directly if I was Bi, I said yes. If people want to think you're gay then let them, if they want to think you're Bi then let them. The significant thing is you have a boyfriend, and presumably you want to tell a friend/family member. You don't owe anyone a detailed explaination of your sexuality. As for when I told people... when it was appropriate, and I felt a reason to.

azezil

I said I was Bi when I came out, of course at the time I'd never been with a guy, but I found it easier to say I was Bi than gay, like I wasn't completely different or something?

fletch

I think saying your bi cushions the blow however it can leave your parents in a state of denial...them thinking that its just a phase etc

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice, I might just say "x is my boyfriend", and take it from there.

azezil wrote:

I said I was Bi when I came out, of course at the time I'd never been with a guy, but I found it easier to say I was Bi than gay, like I wasn't completely different or something?

Yeah I can see what you mean. Obviously being bi is closer to being straight than being gay is, but yet the word "gay" is used/talked about all the time. "Bi" isn't, so in that sense, it can seem more "different"?

damien

gay/bi_20 wrote:

Yeah I can see what you mean. Obviously being bi is closer to being straight than being gay is, but yet the word "gay" is used/talked about all the time. "Bi" isn't, so in that sense, it can seem more "different"?

That's cos a lot of gay people are just as bigoted as straight people. Straight folks discriminate against gays and gays discriminate against bisexuals. Some are so weak of character that they need to feel there's a pecking order in life and they're not at the bottom. It's much easier to be accepted by gays if you're gay than if you're bi. I actually think straight people are doing the same now and almost feel more comfortable with gays than bisexuals. I've heard girls say they wouldn't go out with a bi guy because they couldn't be sure he'd not go off with a guy. Yeah, because males are generally the models of fidelity anyway.

lifesucks

Im bi (i think :rolleyes: )

Came out to the parents as gay because they would put me through the whole confused, its only a phase, the why bother with boys if you like girls thing!! Told my friends i was bi, when drunk a few of them have told me how they think im only saying im bi as a cover for the fact that im gay:mad: ..... others have told me that there is no such thing as bi people!

So just to let you know that a lot of people will seriously doubt you when they tell them you are bi but you just also have to not give a **** what people think! As long as you know your bi thats all thats important (but you might have trouble finding a girlfriend )

Perhaps it's not a good idea to tell them you have a boyfriend straight away.... maybe you should just take it one step at a time and see how they react when you tell them your bi. it will prob be a big shock to them to hear that your bi and for them to have to deal with the fact that you got a boyfriend too might be too much for them.....

best of luck with it!

UU

My advice is just say that you're bisexual as there isn't anything worse than lying. A lot more people are bi than one might be led to believe. It is said that most people are, in fact, but very few are 50:50. Most are either more into girls or more into boys. Myself, I'm definately gay but if I start having heterosexual attractions, I'll have to conclude that I'm bi!

Listen, just be who you are and be proud of who and what you are! Don't let anyone put you down, just hold your chin up high. And remember, if somebody has a problem because you're gay / bi, that's their problem, not yours.

Best of luck!