Suicide

LegacyUser

Hello,
I have very low self esteem and I have tried everything, books etc.

I have to do something as I have began contemplating suicide. Do I need a psychiatrist or physcholigist? How do I go about getting one? I have very low income.

As I have tried everything I feel as though this is my last resort though I am not very hopeful. Has anybody here went to one and if so, why did you need to?

Were they able to help, perhaps somebody might have a success story that could make me feel abit better. I know deep inside I have big dreams and I have so much going for me but I can' do anything to help myself, and I make myself worse by blaming myself and others. I have values and opionions but I dont know how to bring them out and become the person I really aspire to be. Its so awful and I cannot do anything about it. Everytime I try, I criticise myself for trying.

I would cry but im not able to.

Thank you.

McGinty

Hi

I am sorry to hear what your going through, I'm not sure where you live, but I personally went for counselling on a couple of occasions and whilst I paid for the earlier treatments, I found a counsellor that was funded by a state organisation so it was free for me as I was on a low income. If your in college you can get free help that way, but also I would recommend ringing the Samaritians, they may have contact numbers, or possibly trying your GP, again they may be able to help.

Have you any idea what the cause of your feelings/ depression is? I did benefit immensly from counselling but it was painful and difficult at times as well, would you be willing to suffer short term pain for a long term gain, because counselling does not offer quick and easy fixes, however in order to get the best from it, is to be open and honest. I wish you the best of luck and hope you find a way to pull through.

Fanny Cradock

sorry to hear you are going through such a rough patch. what you must remember is that suicide is a permanant action to a problem that can be healed with time. this is so blatantly obvious that it appears foolish to say, but it's true nevertheless.

it's brave of you to come on here and ask for help. i'd suggest contacting the Samaritans as they will offer totally impartial and non-judgemental advice. there are people out there who want to help you, but, more than likely, you are teh one who is going to have to make the first move in contacting them.

http://www.samaritans.org.uk/

things will get better.

Victor

Its good that you are making the first steps in seeking help.

Feel Very Down wrote:

I have to do something as I have began contemplating suicide. Do I need a psychiatrist or physcholigist? How do I go about getting one? I have very low income.

First off a chat with you GP should be your first step. He can give a limited assessment and if necessary can pass you onto whoever he thinks is most appropriate for you situation.

Cost need not necessarily be a major impediment as there is a Psychiatric Scheme that can cover most of your costs.

Question: Why are you feeling suicidal?

Cnoc16

Hi there. At least you have made a start, and got some of it off your chest. Aware will be able to point you in the right direction of people to talk to, even if you don't have a lot of money. Feel free to pm me if you need to talk. I know there is probably not much I can say or do, but a friend of mine ended their life, so I have some experince in it.
Make sure you check out the samaratians and aware. They are very experienced in this type of thing and deal with it every single day, so it is worth making a call. As far as I know, they both have e-mail services too

Best Wishes,

Cnoc16

Villaricos

hi
first off that you can admit, even anonously on a message board, that your a having sucicdal thoughts is a positive. there is a world of difference between sucidal thoughts and sucicdal intent and that you recognise these thoughts and want to get rid of them is a positive. believe me i know,ive been there.

you asked about psychiatrists and getting to see one. first stop is your gp as you will probably need a referral. counselling is a great help too. it benefited me hugely and i cant even begin to describe how bad i used to feel and how so much better im doing now. you dont have to feel like this forever and you can get over it, believe me
contact aware or samaritians they will give you the best advice on what to do next and financial options.
feel free to pm me of you have any questions and i hope ya feel better

spiritboy

Feel Very Down wrote:

Hello,
I have very low self esteem and I have tried everything, books etc......

I know deep inside I have big dreams and I have so much going for me but I can' do anything to help myself, and I make myself worse by blaming myself and others. I have values and opionions but I dont know how to bring them out and become the person I really aspire to be. Its so awful and I cannot do anything about it. Everytime I try, I criticise myself for trying.

I would cry but im not able to.

Thank you.

hey mate i'm sorry that you feel so bad at the moment. can i ask whay you feel this way? has it been like this for a while? or have you just experiences some major problems in your life and feel like you can't go on?

you've taken what is probably the hardest step on the road to recovery, you've asked for help. and that's good. you said you criticise yourself for trying? why? would it not be more critical of you not to try? you should be praised for trying. God knows i find it hard most days to get out of bed because of teh crap that is going on, but i di and then i think "ok i've done that part whats next" and so on through the day and every day. it is a struggle but it will become easier.

LegacyUser

I think about suicide all the time too.
I don't know how normal or otherwise this is.

Is it common or is it very rare?

Going Demented

At Christmas i attempted suicide. Listen i know it sounds like trite but things DO get better. I ended up in hospital. Go to your local GP. In my case it was a psychiatrist i was referred to. I go every two weeks. They just ask lots of questions and they put me on medication. It has helped. Even just talking everything through about your feelings makes everything SO much clearer.

Go to your GP. It might well be the best thing you could do.

mazroo

Hiya,

Im in the same place as you right now.. I got plenty of mates and good ones, job and i AM a good person. I suffered an eating disorder years ago and im not fully recovered. Im (in my oppinion) slightly over weight but my friends tell me im really attractive and lots of people are interested in me. But the thing is I cant shake my bad feelings. Its like when I walk outside the front door I put on a face and be someone else so no one knows whats going on... When I come home I feel so much worse cuz I feel like Im lying. SOO many times I have written a final letter but something always stops me. Maybe its me being too much of a chicken to do it but I have lately thought more and more and as much as I would love a quick way out, Im starting to figure that something is keeping me hear. Its not my path to leave now(this will sound weird next)..I believe that we all have a guardian angel... Weather your spiritual or not this can be your sub concious or a real true sprit. Someone to call on when times get rough. I try ask them to lead me in the right path. I understand that you can see whats going on.. ie that you cant get past the black blanket that is smothering you right now but you HAVE to try dig a way out of it. Underneath that blak cloud is YOU. You KNOW you are a great person. You just have to fight that much harder than everyone else to show it. Mybe this is your path. To fight anf to overcome and to help someone else through it. Maybe try positive affirmations. Corney I know but if it works do it. You have to realise that your hear for a reason. I dont know you bt I truly can relate to everything your saying. Our problem is that we can give the best advice but we care so litle about ourselfs that we struggle so hard or see little point indoing following it through. Its good to air these feelings. It puts some things in perspective and helps you realise that your words have helped. Today I feel very low but im glad I loged on hear. I now realise that im NOT alone and that if someone else who feels like I do is tryin to fight then so can I. thank you for sharing with us. I bet you have made so many other people realise this just by putting this on.
PM me if you ever want to.... Keep talking....

tirl

Phone Teenline immediatly 0879539845. They will be able to set you on the right path, they were set up by the Mother of a Boy that committed suicide

LegacyUser

The replys I got were very helpful and Mazroo its good to know there are other people like me.

Deep down I know I am a strong person and I strive to be a better person though my self esteem is a big obstacle.

On Tuesday evening I was feeling very down but as soon as I posted that reply I went to bed feeling I had alot of weight off my shoulders. Your right Mazroo, it gives you clarity and perspective.

Yesterday I felt alot better and today also. I have immense drive in me to try and be a better person and to achieve things. After feeling better today and yesterday I have decided to start doing more things. For example I am going to go to the gym next week. These are things ive always wanted to do but could never do for myself. I am going to make a concious decision and enforce it as a very strict rule from now own to reason and overcome my internal critic. I do this naturally when im feeling good and I know now that I need to keep this up and be a stronger person.

My cousins are very assertive and sucessful consultants and business people. I know inside that im like them I just need to be strong and overcome this obstacle. I know thinking positive definitely helps.

I agree with you Mazroo about perhaps this is my path. If I can achieve high self esteem I will cherish it and not take it for granted. I will use it most wisely. Maybe somebody up there is giving me a real hard time to toughen me up for my destiny ahead!

Mazroo, I have been studying and reading all kinds of self help books now for a long time but recently I came across the best book ever. There is loads of info (perhaps info overload at the beginning), but I found that if you can take about two or three points at a time and drive them home it certainly gives you some sense of direction. Heres the link http://mentalhelp.net/psyhelp/

Now that I am feeling positive again, I will continue to try and do what i have outlined below. I am certainly feeling better than I have in a while now because I have started a new job. Tuesday was the first day and I really did alot to prepare for it over the last few weeks. I hadn't been working for a while as I was doing a course. Then on the day I didn't live up to what I expected of myself (and i did set high expectations). Then that evening when I posted the original post I was feeling bad. Writing the original post made me remember what I had read in that mental help guide.

Mazroo, if you would like to continue this discussion via PM, I would be most interested. My problems go way back... Maybe yours do too? I feel as though discussing them I might be able to get more insight. Maybe you could get more insight into where your problems stem from also.

Thanks for the help guys. Its good to know there are people available to listen.

Victor

Be careful with books, they can lead you to being more introverted and judgemental about yourself and without the objectivity of a second opinion.

mazroo

You know what... Im so happy for you, it takes hard work to make a decision and follow it through. One thing for sure though and thats we can be our own worst enemy sometimes. We tend to look ot other peoples acheivments and compare ourself to them and thats just setting yourself for failure.We can only be who we are and its acepting it that makes you stronger. Look for for good points and re affirm them and the love you show for yourself give people no other choice than to see it too... Thank you for the book. I will look out for that. Its a constant battle and never make light of that but as I said we all have a purpose its just finding it. No regrets... only experiances. I cant PM you cuz you havnt got an account app.. Pm me under Mazroo if you like. I suppose its keeping your fears and worries out there ye know... Not in your head where you beat yourself up... Good luck with the job on tuesday, be yourself and be proud of it. Its such a great quality to have... New starts can be great. Its gives you a breath of fresh air but remember this if nothing else. Expect nothing from anyone and you will never be disapointed.. this goes for ourself too. Chat to you soon. and once again god on ye for stepin up.... its v tough and make no mistake about it.. well done

LegacyUser

Feel Very Down wrote:

I have very low self esteem and I have tried everything, books etc...I have to do something as I have began contemplating suicide. Do I need a psychiatrist or physcholigist? How do I go about getting one? I have very low income.

OP, you must visit your GP, who will in turn recommend a mental health specialist. You also mentioned you are on a low income, is a medical card an option for you? if not you may be entitled to money back from the drugs payment scheme at the very least. Citizens advice would be able to assist you on what max earnings are, with regard to receiving assistance for medical bills I'm sure.

Unregfriend wrote:

I think about suicide all the time too.
I don't know how normal or otherwise this is.
Is it common or is it very rare?

This is both to the OP and to Unregfriend, if you get to a point where you are considering suicide, you are in advanced stages of depression.
Depression has many other knock-on effects, such as lack of motivation.
It is of the upmost importance that you find the motivation to go and seek help, and soon. Talking to a mental health specialist about your problems may seem daunting, but remember it has its advantages. You will received unbiased help from them, aswell as it being totally confidential.
As OP said, it can be a great weight off your shoulders just to talk to somebody about these things.

Good luck to you both.

sonandheir

I must commend your courage in posting here. I often had thoughts of suicide and honestly believe that they can turn out to be very productive periods of our lives. If you question the worth of your life you will be able to appreciate the good times. Depression is the flipside of happiness, they're insepreable like night and day. Many of the people in this world we look up to are just shells insulated from emotion. I like this analogy:

If we were birds, depression would be when we've forgotten how to fly. We'd plummet to the ocean and start to drown. With unease we'd start to explore our surrondings, eventually learning how to swim. By the time we resurface we'll have explored the depths of our world and have learned how to swim. We'd take to the sky with a new found appreciation of our ability to fly.

LegacyUser

Man ive been through all of this. From the age of 11 i was depressed. I know its very young but i thought i had to go to boarding school and used to think about killing myself from about this age.
It became a part of my daily life and it was never far from my mind. I had nothing to be depressed about I had great friends and family and always had everything I needed.
Then 1 night i made the mistake of doing something about it. I got into a row with one of my mates. I ended up jumping off a balcony and shattered 2 vertebrae. 1 month in hospital and about 20 days without walking. I was very lucky. My parents and family found out and they organised me to see a pschaitrist.
What I am trying to say is basically my life has changed so dramatically since this. I could have died or at least been paralysed. Now i never think about it and have enjoyed every day since. That mistake was the best thing that ever happened to me. And what i want to tell you is that you dont have to go through what I went through to realise youre only on this planet once with family and friends that love you greatly. Theres no going back. I was lucky and i realise that so I hope you take this into account.

The psychiastrist was of great help to me as I didnt want to put a burden of this on one of my friends. Remember theres no going back
I hope this helped

kravmaga

Feel Very Down wrote:

Hello,
I have very low self esteem and I have tried everything, books etc.

I have to do something as I have began contemplating suicide. Do I need a psychiatrist or physcholigist? How do I go about getting one? I have very low income.

As I have tried everything I feel as though this is my last resort though I am not very hopeful. Has anybody here went to one and if so, why did you need to?

Were they able to help, perhaps somebody might have a success story that could make me feel abit better. I know deep inside I have big dreams and I have so much going for me but I can' do anything to help myself, and I make myself worse by blaming myself and others. I have values and opionions but I dont know how to bring them out and become the person I really aspire to be. Its so awful and I cannot do anything about it. Everytime I try, I criticise myself for trying.

I would cry but im not able to.

Thank you.

I would suggest you urgently contact the Samaritians(24hrs) on their Call Save number 1850 60 90 90 or

AWARE 24 hrs (Depression Support) on Lo Call1890 30 33 02

38141

I want to reply to the people here who have stated that 'there is help out there'. That is just nonsense. I've been depressed now for 6 years and EVERYBODY I've ever told or mentioned the word depression has run a mile. They're all sorry when first told but gradually stop replying to phone calls or texts. The fact is that in todays world nobody cares about anybody except themselves. So to all those who say 'get help' or 'talk to your friends' they are all wrong. Nobody gives one s**t about anybody other than themselves.

LegacyUser

Heya,
Are suicidal thoughts really advanced stages of depression? I have been having them lately, and while Im not actually going to follow through with them, I do think about it a lot. Its very strange, as out of nowhere, I started feeling really sad and down. It felt like I was dead, but still alive (hard to convey on paper). I had and still have no will to do anything, and have no motivation. My entire life I have always been a positive person and extremely optimistic. The first thing everyone always when the met me, was that I was so friendly and always looked on the bright side of everything. I have achieved a lot in life, have excellent friends, doing an excellent degree, highly involved in sport and extra-curricular activities at college, but suddenly none of that is enough anymore. I always felt depression in Ireland was a taboo subject. Now Im thinking I may have it, and after 38141's post Im terriefied to tell any of my friends.

Fanny Cradock

If they are true friends they will understand. you really should confide in someone. bottling it up will only perpetuate the negative feelings

38141

I'd love to be in a position to advise people, but unfortunately I haven't found the light myself. Aware, samaritans, counselling - I've done all those and I don't think they've made one jot of a difference. Some days are like an eternity and I often cannot lift myself from the bed or chair, the feelings are so bad. Meds are a help in that they make you feel better just by taking them; however they will not provide you with a solution to your problems. You will still be depressed when you come off them unless there is a fundamental change in your thinking. The way I look at it, they give you temporary relief and allow you to confront your problems, using counselling.

I made the mistake of not talking to anyone or doing anything about my problems for ages, which gave the depression an opportunity to become deeply entrenched. Now I'm finding that its very difficult to change my thinking because I've been doing it for so long and am so convinced that I am correct.

I hope Miriam that you are recognising your problem early on as this gives you a much better chance of overcoming them, and of returning to full health sooner rather than later.

38141

In response to Fanny Craddock's advice to confide in someone, I don't have any friends that I can confide in. And any new acquaintance I talk to just runs a mile. People don't want to be encumbered by someone else's problems; 'I've got my own to worry about' is the thinking.

Basically, I've found that confiding in someone is one surefire way of losing a friend before you make one.

People are not attracted to people who are depressed and don't want to be around people like that.

That's why depression is so hard to climb out of, because you are isolated immediately, especially if you don't have any friends you can talk to. I think part of the reason I became depressed day one was because I didn't have any friends.

Kooli

Again I'd like to say well done for those of you posting messages here seeking help, that's an amazing achievement and a definite first step.

I think sometimes friends aren't the best people to talk to. I do think it's important to be honest with them and let them know what's going on, and that you need their support, but as for actual 'help', they may not be able to do that. They may feel they need to help you 'look on the bright side' or 'count your blessings' or any of those strategies that will just make you feel worse.

A professional is probably the best bet, and your GP is probably a good place to start.

And remember there are SO many different types of counselling/therapy, so don't give up if you found one that didn't suit you. CBT can be a good short-term solution as it helps you challenge your thinking patterns and faulty beliefs that can contribute to depression. Psychodynamic therapy can help if you think your problems are rooted in your past/parents. Person-centred (Rogerian) counselling can help if you need a supportive ear and someone who can help you with self-acceptance and self-discovery.

And yes, medication can help as it relieves the symptoms, but the best thing to do would be to use therapy as well to get to the causes.

I wish everyone loads of luck with this.

Fanny Cradock

Heya 38141,

I don't speak from any real experience in terms of depression here, but I can only imagine that "Hello, my name is Bob and I've been feeling horribly depressed" is not the approach to take when meeting someone new (please note the glibness of my responce there there). You really have to have some sort of basis before you get into things like that, yet I believe that that helping someone in need is part of being a friend.

I'm sorry I dont have anything more constructive to add. I'm possibly a bit of the "pull yourself together" insensitive kind of guy. It may sound wafer thin, but things will get better.

38141

The worst thing is people who think they understand, and on that basis put forward advice. "I know exactly what your problem is". The same useless advice over and over and over. "You need to get out more", I hear, day in, day out. And the more I go out, the more I hate people, the world, everything. I only get worse from their stupid advice. Just don't understand but swear they do and ram their useless, shallow advice down my throat. Driving me to desperation and insanity.

The pain of depression cuts deeper and deeper each time it raises its ugly head, weekly, daily, hourly.

DublinWriter

Miriam wrote:

It felt like I was dead, but still alive (hard to convey on paper).

A close friend of mine described clinical depression as being 'like a cancer of the soul'.

O.P., forget all the happy-clappy self-improving advice. Go see your G.P and get in contact with AWARE. Some battles you can't win on your own.

haunted-room

ive been really depressed myself for the last few years. Have been on meds for 3 years and they dont really help at all. I also have had suicidal thoughts with the intention of carrying them out, I think the only reason I didnt do it was that I was afraid id fail and then everyone would Know. I find that the things I used to love and basically live for mean nothing to me when I am depressed. I have been to a therapist and it really didnt help at all, it was just a waste of money....for me. Everyone who is depressed should try and see a doctor cause there is pretty much no chance of getting better if you dont