My girlfriend just broke it off!

brum

Im completly ****ed up. going out more than 3 years. Both mature and in our twentys. Im slightly older. Had plans to move in together and other long term plans as well. Just came in one day and dropped the bomb and said it was over. She's had a few problem of late and in her childhood but we were quiet happy. Said she needs time alone and to herself. I know the facts are short and sweet but any advice. Should I try and win her back? Let her go?

bozo

i behaved like this towards my boyfriend a few times too. things would be going well n all of a sudden i would act cold towards him but even though i gave him d impression he was d problem he actually wasnt! sometimes we all need time on our own to think about things and where we're at. maybe before it got very serious between you n your girlfriend she needed time on her own to know what she really wants from life. better to do it now while ye're both individuals and not a married couple with kids. Tell her your still there for her if she needs you then let her alone to think and she'l appreicate u for it.

Oryx

Of course your in shock, cos this came out of a clear blue sky. Give it a few days, then ask to talk to her, to maybe get more insight on her reasons. Dont expect, or beg, to get her back. Relationships end, it happens, you may have to accept it. But talk, and see what you can find out.

LegacyUser

brum wrote:

Im completly ****ed up. going out more than 3 years. Both mature and in our twentys. Im slightly older. Had plans to move in together and other long term plans as well. Just came in one day and dropped the bomb and said it was over. She's had a few problem of late and in her childhood but we were quiet happy. Said she needs time alone and to herself. I know the facts are short and sweet but any advice. Should I try and win her back? Let her go?

Sorry to hear you have split up. This is a tough one to call without more info Im afraid. We dont know the reasons why she needed time alone, whether it was that things werent going well for the two of you, or an outside problem.

There could be any amount of reasons why she has done this. I wouldnt pester her about it though.

fuzzywiggle

Give her the time that she needs to herself. You mention that she's had some problems as of late, well let her sort her head out and get some space. She probably won't appreciate you trying to ''win her back'' when she hasn't had the time she needs to be alone. Allow the time and then contact her. Since the break up was very abrupt she might even contact you when she feels ready. Anyway, after 3 years together I think you should try to ''win her back'' but if she says no to it, then just let her go.

brum

Thank you,


Appreciate all your help and advice.

Keep it coming.

Huggles

Very sorry to hear that OP. I'd suggest that you just let her at her own thing for awhile but make sure she knows that you are there. You will more likely win her back by being supportive, loving ect rather than bombarding /hassling her. Just keep the head and hopefully if it is meant to be she will find her way back to you.

Without more details thats the best I can offer you. It seems horrible now but you will be ok. Good luck.

brum

The first couple of days all I did was call her and say it was the worst thing for us but after listening to u guys, ive cooled down, took a step back and let her at it. Ive sent a text or two just askin if she was ok and she did the same. I have all my stuff at her place and need to collect it. No rush though. Its only been 5 days but should i ask if she wants to meet up?

Jumpy

Well if it helps, the exact same thing just happened to me 2 days ago.

Ruu_Old

Best to just leave her be, but let her know you still care. Maybe ask her out for coffee or something after a couple of days. Sorry to hear about your breakup OP.

r3nu4l

Yep, the most important thinkg is that she knows you are not judging her, tell her that you will be there to support in any way you can. Tell her that you love her and respect her and that you will welcome her back when she is ready.

It is important to let her know that you are confused about why she broke up with you (but don't ask her to explain, just state that fact), she will probably know this but sometimes a woman likes to know that her boyfriend can admit when he is vulnerable!

Finally reassure her that her happiness is important to you and as much as it will hurt you, if she feels that being without you will make her happy or help her then you will accept it.

If it does turn out that she does bring up things she doesn't like about you, DON'T REACT. Give it time, no matter how she delivers it to you, reflect and look at what she really means. My gf used to give out that I took over everything. I would organise the train and flight times etc and she felt she had no say or input, so now I make sure to ask her opinion first!

vorbis

no offence r3nu4l but you'll come across as way to needy and desperate if you act like that. The girl broke up with him and he should act like he's done something terribly wrong?? Keep some distance for the time being. Catch up with your friends and leave her cool off. She'll call you at some point.

r3nu4l

vorbis wrote:

no offence r3nu4l but you'll come across as way to needy and desperate if you act like that. The girl broke up with him and he should act like he's done something terribly wrong?? Keep some distance for the time being. Catch up with your friends and leave her cool off. She'll call you at some point.

No offence taken I think this girl has some serious issues given what the OP said so I think being 100% supportive and not applying too much pressure in the early stages is necessary.

He needs to reassure her that he is not going to put pressure on her. She is obviously distressed about something and needs to work that out first. Later, when she has had time, he can ask...well what about me? First, he should be considering how he can help. Selflessness before selfishness (or some such tripe).

Heyes

r3nu4l wrote:

Yep, the most important thinkg is that she knows you are not judging her, tell her that you will be there to support in any way you can. Tell her that you love her and respect her and that you will welcome her back when she is ready.

It is important to let her know that you are confused about why she broke up with you (but don't ask her to explain, just state that fact), she will probably know this but sometimes a woman likes to know that her boyfriend can admit when he is vulnerable!

Finally reassure her that her happiness is important to you and as much as it will hurt you, if she feels that being without you will make her happy or help her then you will accept it.

If it does turn out that she does bring up things she doesn't like about you, DON'T REACT. Give it time, no matter how she delivers it to you, reflect and look at what she really means. My gf used to give out that I took over everything. I would organise the train and flight times etc and she felt she had no say or input, so now I make sure to ask her opinion first!

I truelly believe this is the perfect way to respond

LegacyUser

This relationship is over. Move on. Even if you do get back it'll always be on your mind. You will find you will always be trying to please her and will end up not being yourself. This will wreck your head in the long run. I know I'm speaking from experience. There's so many people out there to meet... dont waste any more of your time on this one person.