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Intimacy with Girlfriend.....

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  • 15-04-2006 1:19pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi...I've been reading some of the discussions on the board and I have a kind of problem myself. I've been going out with a great girl for almost a year now, however we've yet to have sex. She is a very reserved type of girl, although we do have foreplay it tends to stop very suddenly when she feels it is going to go "too far". It's tarting to become very frustrating for me and she says she doesnt know when she will be ready. However, this is completely diffeent from my last relationship, where the girl had a very high sex drive. My girl is quiet religious and also a virgn. Basically, is there anything I can do aprt from reassure her and try to help her relax? I feel it is almost physicological on her part at times and Im feeling very confused and frustrated.


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    #2
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    First off stop comparing her to your ex.
    Secondly you have to sit and have a hard think about the posibilty you could
    be waiting a very long time and can you be in a relationship where you are not having sex.
    Then you are going to have to sit and have a frank talk with your girl friend about it.
    Your current girl obiviously has her reasons, has a lot of self control and respect for herself.


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    #3
    Sony
    Closed Accounts Posts: 301 ✭✭Sony


    Yeah I agree with the last post

    You cant obviously pressure her in any way , but realisticly I know this must be frustrating as hell for you and NOT because "men only think with their...." but because it seems like you'v been very patient with her up to now(1 year)

    I'd be inclined to have a good think to myself about how long I could handle having to wait before it began to put a strain on the relationship---If it continues to be a problem for you there really is'nt much choice but to talk sensitively to your g/f about it

    best of luck


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    #4
    TheNog
    Registered Users Posts: 4,160 ✭✭✭TheNog


    I have to respect your girlfriend's conviction. Has she ever told you why she doesn't want a physical relationship? She may need professional help in overcoming any fears she may have. Also to add the greatest respect i have for you and your patience. You obviously love her greatly.

    But having said that i don't believe this relationship should go any further. Most people will want children at some part of their lives. I wouldn't recommend waiting till ur married before having sex. A relationship is all about give and take and u have been doing all the giving in the bedroom dept so far....


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    #5
    Black Swan
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 47,231 CMod ✭✭✭✭Black Swan


    Like is your girlfriend age 17 or older, if not, I've been lead to believe that this age is important in your country?


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    #6
    ferdi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,598 ✭✭✭ferdi


    ask if she is waiting to get married before having sex, if thats the case and your not willing to wait for her, end it now.


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    #7
    r3nu4l
    Registered Users Posts: 17,399 ✭✭✭✭r3nu4l


    With my first serious gf, I waited over a year before we had sex because she didn't feel ready until then. Sure I was frustrated but to be honest, I knew I loved her and was mad about her and that she was worth waiting for. It was worth the wait because my "reserved" gf turned out to be one of the most adventurous women I've ever been with :eek: We broke up years later but I wouldn't change anything about the first two years with her! It was worth it.

    If you love her you will wait, talk with her, hold her, spend time with her where you are not angling for sex or to satisfy your lustful intentions ;) No girl appreciates the feeling that she is only there to satisfy your urges! Let her know you think more of her than your next "intimate" moment!! When the time is right, it will happen and you will be glad providing you are considerate of her nerves!


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    #8
    cupsoftea
    Closed Accounts Posts: 75 ✭✭cupsoftea


    Sex is extremely important to many women and losing one's virginity is extremely daunting. I'm not sure men can really grasp the full extent of this. Its quite probable that your girlfriend has been there for friends who have gone through pregnacy scares and/or had a baby and has witnessed the horror that can accompany that. Yes yes you will be careful, but the proof of unexpected parenthood is everywhere you look. Also sex isn't a hobby, it carries a lot of emotional and physical weight. And of course it is very likely that she is very religious. Even is she doesn't go to mass every week she may still carry all her catholic education with her. I went to a mixed secondary school and am in my twenties but still had a very traditional view of sex instilled in me.
    I waited over a year to sleep with my boyfriend too and I was 23. I am and always have been very liberal in many respects and would not consider myself reserved, but never felt sex was just a bit of fun.
    Another thing was that I was very determined that I would not be sleeping with someone who I was not able to have an orgasm with. There would definately be no sex with me unless I was sure it was going to be good! Does your girlfriend orgasm through foreplay?
    I now have an extremely good love life, with what i hope will be my only sexual partner and I would consider myself to be a loving and pretty adventurous lover. (and I do have a higher sex drive than my boyfriend). Your girlfriend is probably worth waiting for. I'd think very carefully before ending it over something like this.


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