Somethings not right in relationship, but cant put my finger on it

LegacyUser

Hi,

Been goin out with a girl for two months now, we met in november. Keeping this brief btw. Basically i really like her and tell her she's great every so often, but she never shows any affection at all. She's never given compliments, taken my hand, kissed me first, gave me a hug, that sort of stuff. I'm pretty sure it's cause shes quite shy, although you wouldn't think it if u met her. She hasn't had much relationship experience so perhaps she just doesn't know what to do.

I've been trying to express my feelings somehow, but i'm really useless at that, plus she's hard to talk to sometimes. Like if i bring stuff up, she acts like she doesn't really wanna talk about it or something. Also we're both 20 and in college together so you'd think she'd ask if i wanna meet up sometimes for lunch or something but never get anything, even though i would the odd time.

I dunno, writing this had made me consider breaking up. Perhaps i'm being selfish, expecting her to be the way i want her. About 4 weeks into the relationship, i told her i didn't think she was interested in me and i asked her to try take more of an interest in me and stuff, but that didn't really last long.

And we always have the most random awful awkward silences. Your not supposed to have them with ur gf right?

I dunno, any suggestions?

Untense

Maybe she's just not that in to you? It's not nice when it happens, but it happens a lot.
You never mentioned how long you two have been going out together but it doesn't sound like all that long.

You might just happen to like her more than she likes you, in which case it's time to move on. Or perhaps there's something else on her mind? Nobody but she can answer that, go talk to the girl.

Jonny Arson

Hey, from what you've written it seems to me that you are in a quite odd relationship. Ok there's no ground rules for a relationship but the lack of communication and affection in a relationship are absolutely necessary for the releationship to prosper. The fact that you are writing here, wondering why she is so distant and cold shows that you are on a completely different wavelength to her. You want the traditional warm, fun and caring releationship and she doesn't seem to want that. Since you are 2 months in the relationship, things may change with time. She may become more comfortable but if she stays the same means that you're probably not going to be able to change her attitude.

If you're happy in your relationship (going by your post you don't really seem to be) despite her apparent ''coldness'' then that's good for you but if you're feeling uncomfortable or unhappy in any way due to her ways then you have some talking to do with her or it could end up in tears in the end.

Good luck

kittenkiller

She could just be a less affectionate person than you are & tbh you've only known each other a few months & mightn't know her inside out or as well as you'd like to.
If this is just the way she is & you can't put up with it or learn to live with it, then the two of you are incompatible, simple as.

Give it another few weeks & try making the 1st to hold hands etc., maybe she wants to be wooed a bit more before she becomes too affectionate?

Best of luck.

panda100

Dont let her lack of intamicy put you off.As you said she hasnt been in that many long term relationships and she probably doesnt feel that comfortable yet doing the whole kissing and holding hands thing.Im sure she likes you or otherwise she wouldnt be going out with you.The uncomftorble silences are probably because she is a bit shy and doesnt know what to do.Just take the lead,make her feel comfortable and hopefully in a month or two she'll start opening up a bit.

Ruu_Old

Why are you leaving it up to her to be affectionate? Maybe shes looking for you to guide her and give her a bit more confidence. If you have fun together then you two will be grand.

Huggles

For me personally I expect the start of a new relationship (especially the first few weeks) to be really exciting and fun, can't wait to meet the bf ect. With that said that is just me, maybe she is just not that affectionate. TBH it seems a bit odd but be wary of that fact that she hasn't much experience. You said you spoke to her about it and it got better for a bit then returned to normal, maybe she is just not into that much? Are you in a group with a load of couples?

LegacyUser

hey guys thanks a lot for you replies. Much appreciated. Gooner funny you should ask that. Two of my friends are going out with two of her friends and we hang around a lot together. The three girls all do the same course in college, as do the three guys. Perhaps she feels pressured by the whole setup? i dunno. I kinda got angry with her the other night, justifiably i might add, and she was pretty apologetic, so i think i'll stick at it for a while.

thanks for ur words of encouragement. I'll let you know how it goes

meowCat

I agree with Panda. Take the lead. Give a good example for her to follow. You are obviously quite fond of the girl, so allow it some more time for things to develope. It's still very early into the relationship.

But actually, I wonder how you ever managed to get together in the first place if she is so shy??

Kingkong

Two of you's arent a match it sounds like. End it before it gets messy at least that way you can get a reaction out of her and figure out what she thinks. Sounds cruel but its the only way to get her to pull her weight

Huggles

confused2dmax wrote:

hey guys thanks a lot for you replies. Much appreciated. Gooner funny you should ask that. Two of my friends are going out with two of her friends and we hang around a lot together. The three girls all do the same course in college, as do the three guys. Perhaps she feels pressured by the whole setup? i dunno. I kinda got angry with her the other night, justifiably i might add, and she was pretty apologetic, so i think i'll stick at it for a while.

thanks for ur words of encouragement. I'll let you know how it goes

The reason I asked that OP is because I think that she NEEDS to be in a relationship because the group is predominantly couples. Could be way off the mark but it would explain it, however you said she was shy so give her some time. Let us know how you get on.

confused2themax

hi guys,

yeah i think shes real shy. dunno, could be way off, but i think that's what it is. She doesn't seem to have any sexual experience either which is really disconcerning as i haven't either! I'm also getting a lot of hassle from my friends over whether we've 'done it' yet and what not. Her two friends who are dating mine, have done it, so it's kinda wierd really.

I dont mind being the one to take the lead, but i really wanna know what she thinks. That's my main problem i guess, figuring out what it really is that's bothering me, and putting it to her the right way... cause i'm crap at expressing my feelings.

Gooner you reckon she might just be in the relationship cause her friends are? She has lots of other friends who aren't so i dunno.. maybe..

Huggles

confused2themax wrote:

hi guys,

yeah i think shes real shy. dunno, could be way off, but i think that's what it is. She doesn't seem to have any sexual experience either which is really disconcerning as i haven't either! I'm also getting a lot of hassle from my friends over whether we've 'done it' yet and what not. Her two friends who are dating mine, have done it, so it's kinda wierd really.

I dont mind being the one to take the lead, but i really wanna know what she thinks. That's my main problem i guess, figuring out what it really is that's bothering me, and putting it to her the right way... cause i'm crap at expressing my feelings.

Gooner you reckon she might just be in the relationship cause her friends are? She has lots of other friends who aren't so i dunno.. maybe..

Well its just a theory mate! I assumed it was just the six of you out together teh whole time. For your mates that are hassling you about whether you have done it or not frankly its none of their business and should back off. If she is shy, the pressure your under from them will only cause you to pessure her and thats not where you want to be. As well as that I wouldn't let your friends progress in their relationships influence yours. I think you two need to have a serious chat alone in a nice setting buy her dinner or something and then have a chat in private. Good luck

confused2themax

TheGooner wrote:

I think you two need to have a serious chat alone in a nice setting buy her dinner or something and then have a chat in private. Good luck

yes that's the hard part.. figuring out what to say and how! Maybe she doesn't want a bf at all and is still goin out with me cause she can't bring herself to break it off? hmm wtf do i say

Huggles

Where are we? where are we going? what are we doing? I have a funny feeling she will be relieved if you bring it up. Sounds to me you are BOTH wrapped up in the idea of being in a relatinship but aren't actually suited. Sounds like my first relationship! We went back and forth for 8 months then it was good bye and good luck trial and error when your taht young. PM if you want anymore help.