new job- stressed

LegacyUser

Just started a new job, and I have to say I am feeling awkward. I feel very inhibited and nervous. The guy who's my direct boss is younger than me, and, a real 'lad'. His interests would include beer, football and slagging anything that moves. I am on contract in this position, with a view to going permanent eventually. I really need this job, I'm buying a house at the moment, and cannot afford to lose this job. I am doing the work correctly and quickly, but, he doesn't want to let me into his click, and I feel somewhat intimidated. It feels hard to loosen up, and have a laugh. When I ask him a question about anything, he goes on as if it is a stupid question, or I am stupid or something.

-Lost

Beruthiel

NewJobBoy wrote:

When I ask him a question about anything, he goes on as if it is a stupid question, or I am stupid or something.

do you know why he does that?
(apart from the fact that he's an asshole that is), he's has self esteem issues and you probably intimidate him to a degree. People like him only feel good about themselves by putting others down.
I suggest you put your head down, get on with your work and leave it there for the moment. If you feel up to it, point out to him that you are new to the job and there is no such thing as a silly question when starting off in a new place.
Is there no one else you can go to if you have a question?

as for getting into his clique, why would you want to?

LegacyUser

Beruthiel wrote:

do you know why he does that?
(apart from the fact that he's an asshole that is), he's has self esteem issues and you probably intimidate him to a degree. People like him only feel good about themselves by putting others down.
I suggest you put your head down, get on with your work and leave it there for the moment. If you feel up to it, point out to him that you are new to the job and there is no such thing as a silly question when starting off in a new place.
Is there no one else you can go to if you have a question?

as for getting into his clique, why would you want to?

clique, that's how you spell it. I couldn't remember!

Thanks Beruthiel, I knew you'd answer my call!

Yes, there are others that I can ask, and I do sometimes. But, I have asked him non work-related questions, to try to break the ice with him, but he's usually short with his answer.

Well, we are part of a 'group' or 'cell' in here, and I would do well to 'fit in', to keep the job. The others in the group are alright to talk to, they slag and joke but it's all friendly. But, he seems to want to assert that I am 'not on the level' with him, or don't deserve his attention, yeah, ass-hole I wreckon.

I don't really want to be in his clique, just want to be accepted thats all.

Beruthiel

NewJobBoy wrote:

Yes, there are others that I can ask, and I do sometimes

then that's the way to go.

But, I have asked him non work-related questions, to try to break the ice with him, but he's usually short with his answer.

then don't bother with him so much for the moment, he's a pr!ck for the reasons I stated earlier.

I would do well to 'fit in', to keep the job. The others in the group are alright to talk to, they slag and joke but it's all friendly

then continue getting on with them and having fun, stick with this for the moment, be yourself and don't try so hard (that's always obvious)

he seems to want to assert that I am 'not on the level' with him, or don't deserve his attention

yup
without a shadow of doubt, the position he's in has gone to his head and because you are older he feels the need to put you in your place.
Shows the type of man he is, I'd personally never want to know someone like that and would find it hard hiding the fact. He needs to get over himself.

just want to be accepted thats all.

then work with the rest of the cell and once they accept you he'll have no choice but to come round.
jeez
there's always one

LegacyUser

That's the ticket! I'm made up now. I won't bother going out of my way, you're right. I'm not going to take sh!t from him eithier, should he start slinging it.

Thanks Beruth..

Beruthiel

well now
don't go shooting yourself in the foot either!

turbot

I suggest you keep a detailed diary of interactions, and that way, if you are treated unfairly, you have everything you need in advance.

There used to be a sign in the mens toilets in Trinity that said " Real Men get heart disease"

Curiously, if you strive to be in his clique, you give your power away to him. Just get on with the job. Show your lack of knowledge confidently. Let him play out his ego trip. He'll probably think you're alright if you are cool about it.

I remember there was a bunch of guys a good friend of mine knew, who were all lads of the highest order, and this bunch seemed to have limited respect for me personally and no room in their clique. I never planned for it to happen, but we all ended up camping somewhere, and I'd lent my friend a tent that she decided to let these guys stay in. They all struggled for an hour to put it up, and didn't have a clue. Then I walked over, and having gone camping every summer since my early teens, (and it was also my tent) I told them all to get out of the way and 6 minutes later the whole thing was up perfectly. I've had nothing but major respect from them ever since ;-)