Gf away

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Need a little help/advice. Right my gf (of 5 years) is away on holidays (for 2 weeks) at the moment with 2 friends. I've been talking to her on the phone and stuff. She's home this weekend. I was talking to her yesterday and she tells me that they missed their bus home the previous night out but they had met a guy in a bar and he said he'd put them up for the night. Now I've always trusted her but I'm very angry at this and to be honest it's eating me up inside.

I don't know if I can stay with this girl after this. If it was me and I told her, I'd get a bollicking and never hear the end of it but the thing is I wouldn't allow myself get into that situation. I honestly feel that this will haunt our relationship and tear us apart eventually.

I'm completely lost and on my own at the moment, so depressed about it and hurt.

Beruthiel

?????????? wrote:

I don't know if I can stay with this girl after this. If it was me and I told her, I'd get a bollicking and never hear the end of it but the thing is I wouldn't allow myself get into that situation. I honestly feel that this will haunt our relationship and tear us apart eventually.

while it was a stupid move on their part (as anything could have happened to them), at the end of the day, they are ok and will get back home in one piece.
how exactly will it haunt your relationship and tear ye apart?
I'm not getting that, do you think she did something with this man? I very much doubt it if she told you and her mates were there.

so depressed about it and hurt.

explain why

is_that_so

Sometimes the mind is the furthest you can be from reality. There may be other things at work that are causing the feelings. Try and figure them out first.

Femelade

you dont know for sure if anything happened between her and this guy, i'm sure, like Ber said, she wouldnt be telling you she stayed there in the first place.

You have been with this girl for 5 yrs so you know her pretty well, if u sit down and think about it, do you really think she would do that to you?

or is it just the fact that it was a dangerous thing for her and her friends to do, going off with a stranger..well they probably realise that already.

Dont do anything rash, sit her down and talk to her when she gets back, dont accuse her of anything until you know the facts , all you need is some reassuring.

Asiaprod

Femmy wrote:

Dont do anything rash, sit her down and talk to her when she gets back, dont accuse her of anything until you know the facts , all you need is some reassuring.

Great advice, sit down and tell you were worried because you care about her:)

Keedowah

I am sure if anything happend - she would either have said "we ned to talk about something that happened last night" or else she never would have mentioned what happened the night before.

Talk to her - and by all means tell her your upset - but hear the facts before you go dumping her for no good reason...

takola

Question... DID SHE SLEEP WITH HIM???

BoozyBabe

?????????? wrote:

I don't know if I can stay with this girl after this. hurt.

You're going out with her 5 years & you don't know if you can stay with her after this???????

I'm really confused? Why not????

In the 5 years, has she ever given you a reason not to trust her?
Surely you know her well enough at this stage?

Yes, what she did was a stupid thing, but people do stupid things, especially with alcohol.
It's very easy for us to say "I'd never allow myself to get in that state", but they're on hols, having a good time, it's V easy to have a few too many.

Why's it cutting you up inside? You're really not making sense.

She didn't cheat on you, she didn't (we're assuming, & after 5 years, you've to give her the benefit of the doubt) keep anything from you. They missed their bus & were desparate to find somewhere to stay (a lot worse could've happened if they ended up having to kip on the beach)

Yes, you may have a right to be angry at her stupidity, but seriously, to question the future of your long term relationship because of it is a bit strange?

Is there a lot more you're not telling us????

BubbleBoy

Your with this girl for five years, right. So get to the point straight away. Ask her at the first opportunity if she was playing off-side. How would she like it if you slept in some chicks house when your on holiday with your mates? If you think she's done the dirt on you then this will only destroy your relationship for sure. So ask her what went on for your own piece of mind. Good luck dude.

Wolf

What?! You have gone out with this girl for 5 years and you can't trust her to stay in someone elses house of the oppisite sex for one night...., with mates...., when stuck....., and she even phoned to let you know what was happening?

I mean surely if anything was happening she wouldn't have told you?

I really don't get this at all?

If you can't trust her that far then there is a serious problem with your relationship as it is.

However, if this is a question about it being dangerous.

Well, she was with two friends and maybe yes she made a poor judgement call, but, surely the only thing would be to say to her is "I was worried out of my mind because I care for you so much, please dont do it again." In fact that the same thing you might say even if your worry is that she might have cheated on you. I really don't get it, I couldn't be with anyone if I didn't trust them enough to not sleep with anyone else

hullaballoo

is_that_so wrote:

Sometimes the mind is the furthest you can be from reality. There may be other things at work that are causing the feelings. Try and figure them out first.

Yeah, that's pretty much finger on button there. I was going to say the same thing, although I probably wouldn't have phrased it in such a nice way.

You are overreacting to the situation alright, nothing happened, and she's ok. There's no indication that her feelings about you have changed, and on that basis, there is no reason to end the relationship.

The overreaction on your part looks to me like a bit of "the straw that broke the camel's back". This trivial event has triggered some sort of reaction in you, but it's not necessarily a reaction to anything obvious.

It's time to face your demons.

azezil

I think you're over reacting, there's nothing worse than loosing someone you care about, that fear of loss can make us make rash decisions, to strike first in an effort to protect ourselves from hurt.

Talk to her about it, but don't do anything too hasty.

takola

hullaballoo wrote:

You are overreacting to the situation alright, nothing happened, and she's ok. There's no indication that her feelings about you have changed, and on that basis, there is no reason to end the relationship.

The overreaction on your part looks to me like a bit of "the straw that broke the camel's back". This trivial event has triggered some sort of reaction in you, but it's not necessarily a reaction to anything obvious.

It's time to face your demons.

I have to agree!! it sounds to me like you're clutching at straws! you've been in a relationship with this girl for five years and you're freaking out about the fact that she stayed in another guys house WITH friends?!! Doesnt say much about your relationship to be honest!
Really none of us can give you advice because we don't know the dynamics of your relationship.
But honestly it sounds to me like you are the one with the problem here. she hasnt done anything wrong and shes been completely honest with you about everything!
What is it that is haunting you? You need to sort that out and talk with her about it!

Ruu_Old

You cant just go accusing her, youve been with her 5 years so surely there must be some sort of trust there. I dont understand what you are hurt about, a guy said he would put you your friend and whoever else. Probably very innocent.

dundalk cailin

Yup i think your over reacting..id be more pissed off if i found out from someone else (that would lead me to ask "why didnt she tell me?) or if she was alone (paranoia might set in)

dbnavan

Your even considering dumping a girl of 5 years because she and her friends slept in some blokes house?

you have no idea if anything happened or not, I highly doubt a girl is going to cheat on her fella in front of her mates, your jumping to conclusions.

you dont know anything about this bloke, for all you know, he was gay, he was married, his kids were there, one of the other girls was with him, all you know is your gf and her friends slept in some blokes house.

simu

Total over-reaction tbh.

i can't believe the relationship has lasted 5 years if you're this insecure. Or have you just become like this since she went away? Seems strange...

Metacortex

?????????? wrote:

Hi all,

Need a little help/advice. Right my gf (of 5 years) is away on holidays (for 2 weeks) at the moment with 2 friends. I've been talking to her on the phone and stuff. She's home this weekend. I was talking to her yesterday and she tells me that they missed their bus home the previous night out but they had met a guy in a bar and he said he'd put them up for the night. Now I've always trusted her but I'm very angry at this and to be honest it's eating me up inside.

I don't know if I can stay with this girl after this. If it was me and I told her, I'd get a bollicking and never hear the end of it but the thing is I wouldn't allow myself get into that situation. I honestly feel that this will haunt our relationship and tear us apart eventually.

I'm completely lost and on my own at the moment, so depressed about it and hurt.

Honestly, you're totally overreacting.
Do you really think if she was cheating she would call you and tell you she was going to stay in this guys house.
She probably called just to put your mind at rest about why she would be home late, it shows shes thinking about you and your feelings.

Try not to go accusing her of anything as it will just show that you don't trust her, which isn't great, if you're five years into this relationship. That would be the thing which could tear your relationship apart

Oryx

Your gf is away on hols, without you, do you think your reaction stems from jealousy? Shes having a good time and your at home doin the needful?

Mr.Nice Guy

?????????? wrote:

I was talking to her yesterday and she tells me that they missed their bus home the previous night out but they had met a guy in a bar and he said he'd put them up for the night.

Sounds a bit fishy alright. You need to find out if she's telling you the full story or not. You've been with her a long time so I'm sure you'd be able to tell if she's bullsh*tting you or not.

Play it cool until you see her.

LegacyUser

?????????? wrote:

I don't know if I can stay with this girl after this.

You have allowed your imagination and jealousy run riot here. You couldn't possibly mean the above after 5 years together.

Yes, your girlfriend and her friends done something really stupid, but they are safe and well. That is the most important factor here.

By her telling you about it in the first place means that she would rather be truthful about it. When she comes home, tell her it made you feel very uneasy. I have no doubt that she will have something to say of comfort to you, but you have to address the real issue here. Any red-blooded male would feel a twinge of jealousy, but you reacted quite badly to this. Shes going to come back to crappy weather and a ranting boyfriend. I think she could wind up giving you the p45 first if you dont face your own demons, and fast.

Huggles

Unreg789 wrote:

You have allowed your imagination and jealousy run riot here. You couldn't possibly mean the above after 5 years together.

Yes, your girlfriend and her friends done something really stupid, but they are safe and well. That is the most important factor here.

By her telling you about it in the first place means that she would rather be truthful about it. When she comes home, tell her it made you feel very uneasy. I have no doubt that she will have something to say of comfort to you, but you have to address the real issue here. Any red-blooded male would feel a twinge of jealousy, but you reacted quite badly to this. Shes going to come back to crappy weather and a ranting boyfriend. I think she could wind up giving you the p45 first if you dont face your own demons, and fast.

Exactly. Esdecially the P45 bit. Your freaking out on her because she didn't fancy sleeping on the beach or wherever which is more dangerous tbh. She was with her friends so nothing would have happened. She is with you for 5 years and you can freak out like that? Wow. If I was you I wouldn't even bring the issue up, there is nothing worse than a crazy, jealous boyfriend.

tinkerbell

Meh, I don't think the OP's girlfriend should have done it in the first place. There's always an alternative way to get home - e.g. a taxi. I wouldn't be comfortable with my bf going on a lads' holiday and then him telling me that they all stayed in some random chick's house. And he wouldn't be comfortable with me doing the same.

I can understand totally where the OP is coming from - she shouldn't have done that, even if it was innocent - it's just plain odd!

Chinafoot

tinkerbell wrote:

Meh, I don't think the OP's girlfriend should have done it in the first place. There's always an alternative way to get home - e.g. a taxi. I wouldn't be comfortable with my bf going on a lads' holiday and then him telling me that they all stayed in some random chick's house. And he wouldn't be comfortable with me doing the same.

I can understand totally where the OP is coming from - she shouldn't have done that, even if it was innocent - it's just plain odd!

Regardless of whether she should have done it or not, it happened and she was open and honest about it.

After 5 years together I think this is a massive over-reaction. To say that

??????????? wrote:

I honestly feel that this will haunt our relationship and tear us apart eventually.

is very extreme.

He has absolutely no proof that she did anything. But he's right about one thing, it will tear them apart if he continues with this paranoia and over-reaction.

Huggles

peachypants wrote:

Regardless of whether she should have done it or not, it happened and she was open and honest about it.

After 5 years together I think this is a massive over-reaction. To say that is very extreme.

He has absolutely no proof that she did anything. But he's right about one thing, it will tear them apart if he continues with this paranoia and over-reaction.

Spot on peachy pants.

pepper

Your kidding me right? How do you know that the club they were in wasnt 2 towns away from their hotel- how do you know weather or not there were taxis/buses that were going in their direction- I know lots of taxis that refuse to drive out of town late at night.

The stupid thing is if she had gone to a B+B youd have ate her for wasting money- if she had slept on the beach youd have ate her for putting herself at risk

After 5 years if this is how you act you shouldnt be in a relationship

LegacyUser

pepper wrote:

After 5 years if this is how you act you shouldnt be in a relationship

isnt it a bit unusual that after 5 years together she's still wanting to go off on girly holidays rather than as a couple?

pepper

unknownnn wrote:

isnt it a bit unusual that after 5 years together she's still wanting to go off on girly holidays rather than as a couple?

maybe- JUST maybe she wants a break - seen as when couples are usually together that long the girly nights out stop- and the "couples nights out" begin. Maybe she wanted to have a laugh with her mates and not have a bunch of guys tagging along.

r3nu4l

Years ago, I used to be very insecure in myself, I was going out with a really stunning girl (now my ex) that could have any guy she wanted (really, I was that lucky!!).

Anyway, she went on holidays with some girlfriends and my insecurity tore me up!! I couldn't help thinking that she would be out with the girls, dancing, drinking, having fun and that groups of lads would be on the prowl and zone in on them. All the things that goes through your head, when you have low self-esteem and self image!!

Of course, guys did hit on her and she went to a house party with her friends (later admitted that was dangerous and stupid!) but I know now that my ex never went with any of the guys. I was so unreasonably and irrationally jealous and angry with her for weeks, treated her like rubbish (I was a real idiot!). The poor girl was so confused by my moods! We got over it and moved on and had a great time together until the relationship reached it's natural end.

It's years later now and I'm a lot happier within myself, more secure and have a stronger self-image and higher self-esteem. I bumped into her last year, we chatted, had a drink, admitted we felt chemistry but that our lives had moved on, I'm engaged, she is with a very wealthy guy and enjoying her life. I asked her about it, explaining (rationally, this time) the fears I had felt at the time and apologising for being such an idiot. She laughed when I reminded her and told me that for the record, she hadn't been with anyone then or at any time in our relationship, she had loved me then and would never have done that.

It was good to know but also re-confirmed my suspicions that I was the problem back then and not her. Think about it OP. What has gotten you so insecure? Don't look for a reason to blame your gfs behaviour to answer that question, dig deep in yourself first.

Good luck

jdc78

Perhaps it's eating you up inside because in the same situation you think you might be doing the very thing you are suspecting her of.

It stems from insecurity - used to happen to me. Things I'd get jealous, suspicious, etc of in my relationships were solely due to the fact that if I were in the situation that I was giving out to my gf about, would be because I think she would be doing the very thing that I would be doing. Get it?

In other words, if you think she got together with this guy is probably because deep down you figure you would have, should you have stayed at some girls place and gave the excuses of missing a bus, etc, etc,. Reading through not sure if that will make sense - easier said the written

Just a thought... know myself, know my friends and when we were younger this was exactly what we went through.

Either way, I do hope it's just your insecurity and over reacting.

Wurly

I understand why you're angry. But you're not a psychic or a mind reader so you dont know what happened. Try not to jump to conclusions about anything.

When she gets home, sit her down and tell her that her actions upset you and explain why. Dont get angry and shout, you'll get much more respect and more answers if you keep cool.

Good luck.