Best chat up lines!

Catullus

serious or not.... let's be havin' em

**Timbuk2**

I have a postcount of 750 et j'aime le sexe sauvage

LadyJ

"Hi,I'd love to wrap my legs around you and push your face down to my cleavage as our bodies become one but for now can I buy you a drink?"

scojones

I don't really use chat up lines, I'm determined to try the boards one this weekend.

joejoem

If you and I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in your hole


Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special.


Did you fart? Cause you blew me away.

hullaballoo

"Don't suppose you have a younger sister?"

monkeyfudge

If I told you that you had a nice body would you...

let me **** myself off in your armpit!

trajan

let's not turn this rape into murder

before i buy you a drink i need to know will i get a f*ck out of it.

does this smell like chloroform to you?

hullaballoo

hullaballoo wrote:

"Don't suppose you have a younger sister?"

hehe


my favourite is:
'two thousand tonne polar bear'
'err, you what?'
'i'm just breaking the ice!'

merlinsmerryman

trajan wrote:

does this smell like chloroform to you?

Brilliant:D

Degsy

"scream and i'll kill you"

or more subtley

"This face leaves in five minutes..be on it!"

trajan

are your parents by any chance retarded?

coz you're special baby!

My love for you is like diarrhea!Ijust can't hold it in.

"Do you have a plaster? 'Cause I scraped my knee falling for you"

or

"What did one snowman say to the other snowman?

Pineapple.

Now, lets ****"

funk-you

"I would like to plough you"

There's only two responses you can get 1) A slap 2) "I would like to be ploughed"


When you go up with your mate to chat up two chicks get your mate to pretend to be a pilot. When she they ask wht you do just tell them you dont need to do anything "My mates a pilot" and let teh hot ravenous sex ensue.

-Funk

daithimac

best one I've seen was one of the lads we were out with in the smoking area of a quiet pub with 5 of us sitting around a table talking ****e. the guy says absolutely nothing to anybody as he gets up from our table walks over to another table with 2 guys and a girl sitting at it and sits down without saying a word. He manages to say nothing for about 20 or 30 seconds until both everone at our table and everyone at the other table are looking at him saying nothing. he ten turns to ahe girl at the table and says without so much as a grin " I desperately want to make love to a school boy" he then gets up and comes back over to us and sits down. Nobody says anything for a couple of seconds and I'm sitting there thinking the guys the girl were sitting with are about to go apeshie when all of us suddenly conveluse with laughter. priceless pickup line:)

shnaek

From Zapp Brannigans chat-up line book - "If I said you had a nice body would you take off your pants and dance around a little?"

also

"Inheriting twenty million quid doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart."

Tar.Aldarion

I answered in a thread like this before.

“Excuse me, I'm sorry but I can't help but notice how much you look
like my first wife, can I ask you your name. ("How many times have you
been married?) Never."

" If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me?"

"Are you tired? Because you've been running around my mind all day."

"Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?"

"Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by you again?"

You - "Did it hurt".
The other person will natuarlly say "Did what hurt?",
You - "When you fell from heaven."

"That shirt is very becoming on you....and if I was on you, I would be
cumming too!"

" Hey, I lost my phone number ... Can I have yours?"

"Guy: Can i see your hand? (he draws a little river then a bunny on
one side and says he can't get to the other side because he will go
glub glub glub.)
Girl: What was the point of that?
Guy : Just wanted an excuese to hold your hand"

"Are you religious? (They answer yes or no) Because I could be the
answer to your prayers."

"Is there an airport nearby or is that my heart taking off?"

"If I followed you home, would you keep me?"

"I think I must be dying because I'm looking at Heaven."

"Do u sleep on your stomach ...........can i?"

"I know they say milk does a body good but damn, how much have u been
drinking?"

"Why don`t u come here sit on my lap and we will talk about the first
thing that pops up."

"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd but U and I together"

"HEY!!!! Wanna go half on a baby?"

"That dress looks great on you! It would look even better in a pile on
my bedroom floor!"

"Just wondering, what would you like for breakfast tomorrow morning?"

"If it's true that we are what we eat, I could be you by morning!"

"Your father must have been a thief... he took the stars from the sky
and put them in your eyes."

"It must be a day off in heaven for an angel like you to be amongst us."

"Are you busy tonight at 3:00 A.M.?"

"Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he's missing an angel!"

"Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell
her I just met the girl of my dreams. OR: I want to call your mother
and thank her."

"I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?"

"I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start."

"If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you."

I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hands.

Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell
her I just met the girl of my dreams. OR: I want to call your mother
and thank her.

Is your daddy a thief? ["No."] Then how did he steal the sparkle of
the stars and put it in your eyes?

You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.

Would you be my love buffet? So I can lay you out on the table and
take what I want?

Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.

The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.

Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams all night?

That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor
tomorrow morning.

My name's.............. That's so you know what to scream.

My name's.............. but you can call me "lover."

Nice shoes. Wanna ****?

Can I flirt with you?

Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns.

[Look at her shirt label.] When they say, "What are you doing?":
Checking to see if you were made in heaven. OR: Checking to see if
you're the right size.

All those curves, and me with no brakes.

If I told you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

**** me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?

I like every muscle in your body, especially mine.

[Grab her tush.] Pardon me, is this seat taken?

Is it hot in here or is it just you?

Can I have directions? ["To where?"] To your heart.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

How about you sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?

Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.

I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?

So... How am I doin'?

How about you and I go back to my place and get out of these wet clothes?

[Tap your thigh] You just think this is my leg.

Hey, that's a nice dress. Can I talk you out of it?

I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?

I hope you know CPR, 'cause you take my breath away.

Excuse me, is that semen in your hair?

My face is leaving in fifteen minutes. Be on it.

[Regard her outfit] Gee, that's becoming on you, if you wore me, I'd
be coming on you too.

Get your coat love, you've pulled.

Put your crash helmet on, you're going through the head board.

What do you want for breakfast?

How would you like to spend the night looking at my bedroom ceiling?

Let me show you the way to heaven.

Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

I'm easy. Are you?

(Use index finger to call someone over then say) If I made you come
this fast with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.

Is that a ladder in your tights? Or is it the stairway to heaven?

What time do you have to be back in heaven?

I would crawl naked in the cold rain, on broken glass, just to hear
you speak over the telephone!

I think you're the light at the end of my tunnel.

I didn't believe in angels until I meet you!

I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see
a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?

I bet you're tired of hearing chat up lines, when words can't be
compared or express the true nature of your beauty!

When I look into your eyes I see the Moon and the stars.

Your eyes are like spanners..... every time you look at me my nuts tighten

I may not be the best looking man in here, but I'm the only one talking to you

You are so hot, its girls like you that are the real reason for global warming

I may not be Fred Flintstone but I will certainly make your bed rock

Hi, how do you like your eggs in the morning? Scrambled or fertilized?

Hi, my name's Richard, will you be my Pretty Woman?

I'm a stud muffin baby, why don't you take a bite?

Have you ever been to the moon ? no ! sit on my rocket and I will take
you there

If its cash your after drop your drawers and the moneys yours

You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?

(Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let's get you out of these wet clothes.

I wish you were a door so I could bang you all day long.

Was you father a cement mixer? Because you sure make me hard.

Do you sleep on your stomach? Do you mind if I do?

Why are you going, when you could be coming?

If kisses were snowflakes, I'd send you a blizzard.

Can you fix watches? Then put 2 hands on that!

Sit on my face and I'll guess your weight.

Can I tickle your belly button? From the inside.

Do you like fruit? Suck this its a ****ing peach.

Break a bit of ice on the bar and say "Now I've broken the ice can I
buy you a drink?"

I'm like Domino's Pizza, if you don't come in 30 minutes the next one is free...

Fancy a Pizza and a shag? NO! Why, don't you like Pizza?

To a ugly woman...''I never look at the mantle piece when I'm poking the fire''

Want to see my boner?

My hands are cold, can I put them in your bra to warm up?

Here, have another bottle of wine.

Hey baby, wanna get lucky?

Over here, now, bitch

Baby I'm like milk, I'll do your body good.

Hey baby lets play army I'll lay down you can blow me up.

If your left is Thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas can I
visit you in-between the holidays?

You're like a Pringles. Once I pop you, I can't stop you!

I want to kiss you passionately on the lips, and then move up to your
belly-button.

If you were a car door I would slam you all night long

Baby, your so fine, I want to pour milk all over you and make you part
of my complete breakfast.

Tar.Aldarion

How about you sit on my lap and we'll straighten things out

Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!

You're so sweet you're giving me a toothache.

If I had eleven roses and you, I'd have a dozen.

Hi, I'm new in town. Can I have directions to your house?

Your daddy must of been a drug dealer 'cause you're dope.

I'd look good on you.

When does your centerfold come out.

So do ya wanna see something really swell?

I've got the hot dog and you got the buns.

Is your name Gillette? ...because you're the best a man can get.

Are we near the airport or is that just my heart taking off?

Are those pants from outer space? Cause that ass is out of this world.

You're like a championship bass, I don't know if I should mount you or eat you.

Is your dad a terrorist? Because your the bomb!

Are you a model?

How's yer fanny for cracking walnuts?

Excuse me but do you believe in pre-marital sex? No. Well I'm married,
lets ****!

Excuse me, you have the whitest teeth I've ever cum across.

I sure like the cover of your book, can I check out the pages in between.

Do you need a gardener? (no) can I trim your bush anyways?

Do you want to **** or do I owe you an apology?

Baby, you look finer than a new set of snow tires! Do you mind if I
jurkoff on your tits?

Do you know the difference between a Big Mac and a blow job? no, what
are you doing for lunch tomorrow?

Would you like to dance? [she says "no"] No, you must have
misunderstood me, I SAID, you look fat in those pants!

Do you spit or swallow?

Lets stand toe to toe and get something straight between us!

That dress is very becoming on you, but if I was on you, I'd be cumming too!

Wanna sit down? Here let me clear off a spot for you to sit. (while
wiping of your mouth with your hand)

Let's play war, I'll lay down and you blow the **** out of me!

Have you ever been kissed on the navel? Yes! From the inside?

Nice tit's what's your name?

Hi there, do you live on a chicken farm? 'Cause you sure know how to
raise cocks!!

Hi, my name is (your name), and you can tell me yours when you catch
your breath.

Excuse me, I'd like to get between your legs and eat my way to your heart.

Do you like jewelry? Suck this, it's a gem!

Can you drive? Well, back onto this (pointing to dick)

Do you like dried biscuits? Eat this it's a cracker!

You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher:
have you seen one?

I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Superdrug, so I could ride you
all day long for a quarter.

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.

I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a
light switch away.

Are those real?

I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for
that thing you do with your tongue.

(Look down at your crotch) Well It's not just going to suck itself.

Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.

Hi. The voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?

If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we
could do it in public.

Baby, I'm an American Express lover...you shouldn't go home without me.

Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I???

I lost my puppy. Can you help me find him? I think he went into this
cheap hotel room.

All those curves, and me with no brakes.

Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant
you right here!

You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.

You be the tree, and I'll wrap you like a Koala.

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille nametag

If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.

Hey lady, let me slay you with my sword of luurve.

Wanna come back to my house and do some Maths? You can subtract your
clothes, divide your legs and we'll multiply.

Your arse is like a basketball, mind if I dribble all over it?

I like your tits, can I touch them? guaranteed

I've got the body of a Chippendale,.... he's buried under the patio at home.

If I said you had a beautiful body would you swallow ten inches?

You wanna get jiggy with Mr. Biggy?

Mount willy's about to erupt baby!



S, who would say yes?

county

and tar used all of these during the last boards beer night out;)

scojones

"Can I buy you a drink?"
"Eh...no"
"Oh you're cheap, I like that "

She usually runs away at this stage, but it's gona work someday!

Tar.Aldarion

county wrote:

and tar used all of these during the last boards beer night out;)

They got me three men, four women, a monkey and seven slaps. \o/

county

Tar.Aldarion wrote:

They got me three men, four women, a monkey and seven slaps. \o/

classic:D

Hermione*

Tar.Aldarion wrote:

They got me three men, four women, a monkey and seven slaps. \o/

More women than men, that's a good start

cunninstunt

If i jumped on your back, would you beat me off??

Sleipnir

"It puts the lotion on it's skin. It does this whenever it's told"

pyramuid man

Girl you must be jamaican, because ja making me crazy.

Hey did anyone ever tell you, youve got Yugoslavian hands?

Your so hot, your gonna melt the elastic in my underwear.

Is there a breeze in here, Cause I need a blowjob.

turbot

What you need young lady is a jolly good rodgering.

Hi, I'm rodger.

---

Walk up and say in a dodgy vietnamese accent:

Me love you long time for only 10 euro.

I do anyhing you wah.

anyhing.

---

One of my all time favourites when someone is looking into the distance is, especially if she's female, is to walk up, point and say:

"Wun dai sun, all of dis will be yoursss"

I also like:

If you can some how get her to put her hands up, it's also fun to get them to stretch them out and then hold them out while you say

"I'm the king of the World".

---

s8n

legendary stuff

theone

never used it before suprised it isn't here already

I've got a 12 inch tongue and I can breathe through my ears