what am i doing wrong?

aido123

Hey everyone., i am a single guy 26 in dublin and i go out at least one nights a week. I am not unattractive but from a lot of things i hear and ead Dublin ia apparentley a great place to meet other single people.

Now first of all i dont think that is true, i usually only meet girls in-frequently. It usually only happens about once every three months or so and normally i end up meeting people throught friends rather than strangers. I go to places but find it difficult to approach women, however i really believe that this is not so much got to do with me because anytime i am away from Dublin it is much easier to talk to women. ai find dublin women very defensive. I always take the approach of chatting to a girl and if something happens then its a bonus but if nothing happens then so what - however when i go to chat to girls in dublin then they end up looking at you like you have two heads and try and get the attention of their friends? Is it me or are women like this in dublin?

Also another thing i have noticed which is more to the point si that any girl i ever meet i tend to normally only ever get a kiss and at most a phone number of them. Now i am not the one night stand type person but from time to time i think the oppertunity alone would be nice. I have had one night stands(2 in past 7 years), i usually leave on very goo terms with the girls and they seem to really have had a good time but never the oppertunity arises for me to go to theirs or vice versa. Am i too "nice" - why do i always end up getting the cab home alone?

Ruu_Old

I know its hard but maybe you need to be a bit more brave. You certainly arent doing anything wrong. Perhaps be a bit more forward with the ladies and they might respond a bit more, show them you are really interested. Best of luck pal.

Wolf

No offence, but, how do you know you are not unattractive?

I mean I do pretty much the same and I am the same age. However, I seem to have great success with this approach, not that I act on it very much ie girls often respond very well, but, it me that rarely follows it up.

As I said I mean no offence, maybe it the other way round. Maybe it's because Im actaully much less attractive?

Girls are weird

ferdi

aido123 wrote:

i usually leave on very goo terms with the girls

\o/ :eek:

anyways, its all about confidence - women can sense confidence and or desperation at 50 paces. i'd say you've developed a mental connection with dublin women and not getting lucky so every time you go out in dublin you have this voice in the back of your mind saying "oh no! i'm in dublin, i'm not going to score!" - this comes through and women sense it - they're like blood-thirsty wolves.

Wurly

Girls love a guy with confidence - plain and simple. It sounds like thats the only thing you're lacking.

Try and have more faith in yourself. Why should it be the guy across the bar who gets the chick? Why shouldnt it be you?

Go get em tiger!! rarrrrrrr ha ha

LegacyUser

there's a couple of posters saying it's all about confidence, while some guys have no problem aproaching a women, and being completly at ease, most guys/people find it a bit daunting aproaching a complete stranger.

i think the main problem is most irish women are unwilling to give a guy a chance, he could be a muppet, or he could be v nice and great craic, they'd just rather look at him funny.

women in london, for instance, are much more approachable and friendly.

my girlfriends' from london, met her in a club over there.

i was initialy chatting up a good lookin girl, then i saw my gf, she was a complete stunner, my first impression was not to bother, she has to be up her own ass, then i remembered i wasn't in dublin.

i think the problem with irish women is a combination of being stuck up, unrealistic standards and being too reserved.

there are of cours exeptions, but they are far and few between.

Sony

alright aidoi, I agree with the last post - about confidence

Are you being totally honest with us - I mean, do you really approach women every night you go out and attempt to chat them up??

Approaching women is'nt an easy thing to do sometimes so dont be afraid to tell us this,if thats the case

I just find it hard to believe your success rate is so low if you are in fact approaching women each night you go out

py2006

Yep, confidence is always a good start! Everybody likes somebody who can smile, laugh and engage in a good conversation. This goes for the ladies aswell as us poor lads.

But I hear what your saying about Dublin girls. Some not all are quite stuck up their own arses to be honest!! You wouldn't be the first guy in the world to notice that. Alot of them wont even engage in conversation with you unless you physically resemble Brad Pitt or your man Shane from X-Factor is the latest I think. A real bad attitude on them to be honest!

I aint the greatest oil-painting meself but I do like to think I can make a gal laugh and have a good aul conversation.

Best of luck!

pclancy

Weird I always thought that Dublin women were much easier to chat to. They seem a lot more open minded and chatty (generalisation i know sorry just my experiance) Every time I go out up there I seem to do well and I am nothing to look at believe me! Even tho I dont really think im decent looking at all, I try to be as confident as possible and it seems to work. Come down to Laois and see how hard it is chat up women in a pub/club!

BoozyBabe

py2006 wrote:

a gal

Not if you go around calling them gals!!!!:eek:

I don't actually like confidence, well ok, arrogant obnoxious confidence.

I quite like a shy guy. I mean like you say:- it takes a lot of balls to go over & chat a girl up, this more than doubles if you're shy to boot.

The fact that a shy guy would put himself through so much to come over & chat is quite cute & I'd give him a lot more time of day than someone who thinks they've already scored just cos they've said hi.

Maybe I'm just another twisted female!!

Lux23

Its all confidence. If you come across as confident but not cocky you are doing well.

One thing I find when a lad comes over to chat me up and I respond positively he often just talk for a few seconds and then wanders off again. Maybe I don't look as nice up close:D

py2006

I use "Gal" affectionately! I don't mean to cause any offense!

I have always been the shy-guy! Very rarely have I ever gone up and chatted up a random girl! I cringe when I see other blokes doing it!

The best way to meet a ga....erm girl is to meet them through friends etc. Thats the only way I ever get chatting to the hunnies...erm....I mean gals.....ooops, no wait....girls.....well.....women!

observer

i think this last post is mixing up confidence with being a prat. there are no similarities though almost every girl will say there's a fine line they're actually miles apart.

i would be a ery shy person. but i do have the confidence to go to talk to someone i like. contradiction! not really. inside i'm friggin trembling but outside it looks like i can talk all night. for me you should try and engage yourself ina conversation with a girl on subjects you know you can talk for a while about. always have a few topic thought about. if you see someone you like don't charge in there. sit back think about wat your gonna say and look at how she behaves i.e what she does for a while. its the smart way. i also found dublin girls and country girls worlds apart in terms of approach. its just a matter of knowing what to say to who!

dunno if that helps

Sony

BoozyBabe wrote:

Not if you go around calling them gals!!!!:eek:

I don't actually like confidence, well ok, arrogant obnoxious confidence.

I quite like a shy guy. I mean like you say:- it takes a lot of balls to go over & chat a girl up, this more than doubles if you're shy to boot.

The fact that a shy guy would put himself through so much to come over & chat is quite cute & I'd give him a lot more time of day than someone who thinks they've already scored just cos they've said hi.

Maybe I'm just another twisted female!!

No i think that post in itself is cute-sounds very moral !

Wolf

BoozyBabe wrote:

I quite like a shy guy. I mean like you say:- it takes a lot of balls to go over & chat a girl up, this more than doubles if you're shy to boot.

This is very true. I mean I have developed my confidence over the past 6/7 years and that doesn't mean Im all in someones face and I think I can get any girl I want. All it mean is I don't think there is anything majorly wrong with me and I don't mind saying Hi and having a chat to someone. If anything while I would say I am very confident, I am still quite shy to an extent in so far as how I approach the whole conversation.

As for the OP's post I just noticed that you are relating an awful lot to the one night stand or getting a kiss. Most of the time I would consider how she respond's ie getting a phone number as success.

As in the other night my mate was chatting up a bird in the over obvious way ie trying to get a score and I just went over for a chat. The one girl I thought was attractive, when she left, gave me a peck on the cheek and said she hoped she would se me around soon. Have to say I was quite flattered really

ferdi

Lux23 wrote:

One thing I find when a lad comes over to chat me up and I respond positively he often just talk for a few seconds and then wanders off again. Maybe I don't look as nice up close:D

nope, the problem is, guys build themselves up to approach you and will maybe think up an opening line or two but after a few pints they forget that more conversation is needed, so once they've gone through all their prepared material and you are sitting there looking at them blankly, they get confused and frightened and then bugger off. - if you keep the convesation going for 5 minutes after he has used his up, he will appreciate it and you'll be away on a hack./

groundedplane

BoozyBabe wrote:

Not if you go around calling them gals!!!!:eek:

I don't actually like confidence, well ok, arrogant obnoxious confidence.

I quite like a shy guy. I mean like you say:- it takes a lot of balls to go over & chat a girl up, this more than doubles if you're shy to boot.

The fact that a shy guy would put himself through so much to come over & chat is quite cute & I'd give him a lot more time of day than someone who thinks they've already scored just cos they've said hi.

Maybe I'm just another twisted female!!

Not being funny here, but what if he looked like quazi modo? Would you have the same opinion?

I remember back in the single/dating days, I would have good nights where I would be full of confidence and raring to go, having a great time chatting to allsorts. This was when I would hook up and be most successful.

The times when I was, not low on confidence, but self concisions about myself or something, well I think the ladies could smell that on me and I would not stand a chance in hell. Its funny how is works.

I remember seeing this stunning girl one night in a club, I could not take my eyes of her. I finally plucked up the balls to go and talk to her and she said to me that she admired a guy with balls and courage to approach her. Now I thought that was very conceited of her, but the moral of the story was that men were intimidated by her looks and would not approach her. She was a very nice girl in the end.

I think of myself as average looking and I don’t know how my wife puts up with my ugly mush every day but I think its all about how you approach the girls it determine how they treat you. You’re always going to have the stuck up birds who know they are beautiful. My attitude was, well if she is going to be a bitch about it, well f uck her, I would not want to be near her in anyway. I have a word for women like that Peacocks.

BoozyBabe

groundedplane wrote:

Not being funny here, but what if he looked like quazi modo? Would you have the same opinion?

Actually the answer is still yes.

I'm a bit of a serial monogamist so I'm practically always in a serious relationship anyway, so never have any intention of doing anything with the guys who come up to me.
This doesn't mean that I'm not going to sit & have a pleasant conversation with them, so looks really don't matter at all, once they're not a prat, I'm more than happy to have a nice conversation, if for no reason other to repay them for their effort.

If I was single & Quazi came up to me, I'd still chat away to him:- not his fault the way he looks, so he shouldn't be looked upon any differently.

groundedplane

BoozyBabe wrote:

Actually the answer is still yes.

I'm a bit of a serial monogamist so I'm practically always in a serious relationship anyway, so never have any intention of doing anything with the guys who come up to me.
This doesn't mean that I'm not going to sit & have a pleasant conversation with them, so looks really don't matter at all, once they're not a prat, I'm more than happy to have a nice conversation, if for no reason other to repay them for their effort.

If I was single & Quazi came up to me, I'd still chat away to him:- not his fault the way he looks, so he shouldn't be looked upon any differently.

Fair enough, I was just checking. A persons looks are what most people judge before they even open their mouth. A lot of people will just diss a person because of how they look. I think we are all guilty of this at some stage in life?

fair play to you girl.

py2006

BoozyBabe wrote:

If I was single & Quazi came up to me, I'd still chat away to him:- not his fault the way he looks, so he shouldn't be looked upon any differently.

Well thats very decent of you! It is a real pity there isn't alot more like you out there! I am a bit on the Quazi side of things myself but I like to believe and I have been told that I have a good personality, sense of humour etc etc. You know the whole "nice guy" comments! But I have found on occasion I get negative reaction from some women before I even get a chance to open my mouth to say hi!

Wolf

One other thing that just occured to me is that I have also found that not being too drunk can help a large amonunt as well.

When I am out if im not too pissed I find I can talk to girls better. Just a thought, but, if you are pissed yeah, you have the dutch courage, but, you also won't be as articulate, funny, or as attrative as you might be if you were a bit more sober.

daiixi

I find the whole atmosphere here in Dublin completely different to other cities around the world.

Personally, for some reason, I don't feel as comfortable or confident in Dublin as I do in other places and I therefore don't approach guys here while anywhere else I would, happily! Weird.

daRobot

daiixi wrote:

I find the whole atmosphere here in Dublin completely different to other cities around the world.

Personally, for some reason, I don't feel as comfortable or confident in Dublin as I do in other places and I therefore don't approach guys here while anywhere else I would, happily! Weird.

Maybe it's because you're on home ground, and feel that you're going to be judged more than compared to somewhere else in the world.

daiixi

daRobot wrote:

Maybe it's because you're on home ground, and feel that you're going to be judged more than compared to somewhere else in the world.

Good response, but I'm a foreigner although I have lived here for awhile.. Not sure tbh, just haven't ever really properly settled in here *shrug*