Why are annoying people treated worse than bad people?

Digi_Tilmitt

I've noticed often among an extended group of friends that most people show alot more malice and general dislike towards people in the group they consider annoying than people who do mean things/screw people over. People seem to weigh a person being cool or in with group of friends as being more important than being a good person. As in, they overlook obvious incidents of their friends being plain bad/cruel/a crap friend but they become infuriated by friends that are sometimes annoying/won't shut up/a bit uncool. This makes no sense to me and drives me insane, both because they tolerate some people's repulsively mean behavior and because they often refuse to participate in social events/games involving people they consider to be sometimes annoying, and so some good fun is missed out on. Anyone else notice this? Maybe it's just me and personal issues I have with my friends but this seems rampant among all of them.

Sand

Its pack dynamics, establishing a pecking order, placing yourself high up on it by driving others down it. You know, all that stuff that seperates us from the animals "Good" people tend to have welcome stamped across their forehead, and no one respects weakness.

Crucifix

I see this all the time too. I try to be nice to always people who are just annoying, but it's not always easy.

peckerhead

When you're older, you'll understand.

For a preview, rate your parents, and then re-assess...

Bottle_of_Smoke

I's personally rather spend my time around bad people with good ideas than good people with bad ideas. However good people with good ideas would be preferable.

Give you an example, guy in school, never good friends with him. I know he's fu*ked loadsa people over. He was at a 21st I was at last night.

Then there was a girl who I've never heard of harming the smallest creature. She's a bit annoying\boring.

Both there. The *bad* guy's a lot more fun. I spend more time with him, Why? She has nothing to offer. However I have a good laugh with said guy & I've nothing to lose as I know he's not to be trusted, well wasnt a few years back anyway.

Its kind of a sad fact of life but I'm not gonna spend my time with boring\annoying people just because they're *good*

However, *bad* people in small doses are fine!

peckerhead

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote:

*bad* people in small doses are fine!

Zigackly... Just don't turn to them for meaningful relationships/'back-you-up' friendship.

I'd rather be bad than mediocre...

jsr

"Bad" people are not always "bad" They may let you down or shaft you but not too often or you would not be their friend. Annoying people bug you without trying. They are annoying all the time.

Dudess

I think it's understandable for people not to be drawn to those who are mediocre and boring, but I don't think anything excuses people being nice to really horrible, malicious people. At the same time, though, I wouldn't say many people could be described as really horrible and malicious. Also, and this sounds stupid, but there are different types of annoying. Or a person might have an annoying trait but is otherwise perfectly good company.
OP, do you mean those who could be described as "harmless" when you say "annoying"? From what I've seen, harmless people do indeed seem to get a worse deal. I used to work in a job where the vilest, nastiest piece of work in the place (and there was a good few of them) would be respected and those who were quiet and, yes, boring were constantly looked down upon, ridiculed (behind their backs, of course), marginalised and treated like they were idiots if they made a perfectly reasonable mistake. These were usually the hardest-working people there and, while they should have developed a back bone for their own sake, they didn't deserve such treatment. Some other people were just annoying because they wouldn't shut up, did sod all work and constantly moaned about their problems. They were generally harmless, but were also disliked. Yet they, in fairness, kind of asked for it.

Sleepy

Oscar Wilde wrote:

It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.

OP: we choose our friends for whether or not we enjoy their company not how nice they are to people.

Digi_Tilmitt

Dudess wrote:

I think it's understandable for people not to be drawn to those who are mediocre and boring, but I don't think anything excuses people being nice to really horrible, malicious people. At the same time, though, I wouldn't say many people could be described as really horrible and malicious. Also, and this sounds stupid, but there are different types of annoying. Or a person might have an annoying trait but is otherwise perfectly good company.
OP, do you mean those who could be described as "harmless" when you say "annoying"? From what I've seen, harmless people do indeed seem to get a worse deal. I used to work in a job where the vilest, nastiest piece of work in the place (and there was a good few of them) would be respected and those who were quiet and, yes, boring were constantly looked down upon, ridiculed (behind their backs, of course), marginalised and treated like they were idiots if they made a perfectly reasonable mistake. These were usually the hardest-working people there and, while they should have developed a back bone for their own sake, they didn't deserve such treatment. Some other people were just annoying because they wouldn't shut up, did sod all work and constantly moaned about their problems. They were generally harmless, but were also disliked. Yet they, in fairness, kind of asked for it.

Yeah I meant harmless annoying. Often I think a good judge of a person is to ask yourself "Would I want this person covering my back in a war?" and if the answer is no, they're probably "bad" but maybe "cool"/"socially adept"/"fun" whatever you view on the whole thing is. But I know it's not as clean cut as that too.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Digi_Tilmitt wrote:

Yeah I meant harmless annoying. Often I think a good judge of a person is to ask yourself "Would I want this person covering my back in a war?" and if the answer is no, they're probably "bad" but maybe "cool"/"socially adept"/"fun" whatever you view on the whole thing is. But I know it's not as clean cut as that too.

I dont think my best friend is *bad* but I'd feel safer in a war with Kenan & Kel watching my back. That's quite possibly the worst judge of a person I've ever heard. Anyone who's read historic documentry\has knowledge of most basic pschycholgy(watching soprano's would probably count)\seen half a war film know's people inevitably change in war situations.

Catsmokinpot

i suppose an annoying person to me is someone who is repetative, boring, and self absorbed.

if im annoyed by someone they make me uncomfortable, and when your uncomfortable you dont want to be around someone, a bad person might tend not to be annoying to some but annoying to others (because of the bad things they have done) and they can be alot more sociable/interesting than annoying people.

LadyJ

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote:

I dont think my best friend is *bad* but I'd feel safer in a war with Kenan & Kel watching my back. That's quite possibly the worst judge of a person I've ever heard. Anyone who's read historic documentry\has knowledge of most basic pschycholgy(watching soprano's would probably count)\seen half a war film know's people inevitably change in war situations.

This is true. Speaking as the best friend in question,I'd just like to say that Bottle would be right to let those two crazy guys watch out for him.

He knows well that I would be far too concerned with not dying to help him out at all. Plus,he's right,war is a terrible example. Who knows what or who they will become in a situation such as that. But say I run for cover and leave poor Bottle in the line of fire,does that make me a "bad person"?

We're not all two little boys with two little toys. Who are any of us to judge what makes a person "bad"?

An annoying person who is "good" may not have had the same opportunities to screw people over as a "cool" person who is "bad". Maybe they've never in their lives been in the same kinds of situations or been faced with similiar decisions.

There can be no guage for measuring goodness/badness because we don't all live the same kind of lives.

Digi_Tilmitt

I strongely disagree with "People change in war so you can't judge them by that". It is in trying times that peoples true natures show themselves. Any friend who screws you over in a war for their own sake is a bad person. And frankly some things are just mean and horrible for friends to do, and no matter how you twist it it's still wrong. I've seen too many people play the "It's only a point of view" card when a blatant injustice that inconveniences them to resist appears.

Sleepy

And how many times have you been to war Digi_Tilmitt?

Digi_Tilmitt

Sleepy wrote:

And how many times have you been to war Digi_Tilmitt?

I have never been to war. However what I am getting at is not war itself, but how "friends" reveal their true colours when the situation is dire. War is just a metaphor for trying circumstances, it could be anything else like something to do with money or whatever.

Sleepy

You have a point but you've made it badly. A friend is the guy that's there for you when the chips are down in your life. When everyone's life is in the toilet (as on the front-line of battle) even the best friend you've ever had may not be able to be there for you because he has enough to worry about himself...

is_that_so

There's an age thing at work here methinks. My own experience is that the ones in life who genuinely "annoy" you are also the "bad" ones. But you don't see that until you are older. "Annoying" people in your teens or early twenties are being evaluated , as posted earlier by the pack i.e. my mates think that you are annoying therefore I do.
Someone who is dull or boring to you may not be so to someone else. Other people are not there for your stimulation or entertainment. Not a hanging offence either AFAIK.

LadyJ

Digi_Tilmitt wrote:

I strongely disagree with "People change in war so you can't judge them by that". It is in trying times that peoples true natures show themselves. Any friend who screws you over in a war for their own sake is a bad person.

What about basic survival instinct? Fight or flight? This is an in-built thing.
When our lives are in danger we will fight to stay alive. We are capable of almost anything. Consider this.