Mother and Mate

LegacyUser

Please dont laugh, i want serouis replies only

Coming home from school the other day, I noticed that my mates bike was outside my house, confused I went inside and proceeded to go upstairs, my mate came rushing down the stairs saying that he'd left his key at my house and that my mam had let him in to get it, I found this strange to say the least seeing as the last time he was in my house was 3 weeks ago, and he wasnt in school all day that day. Also the next day out with my mates, they were all smiling with each other and my mate in question was quite pleased with himself, at this stage I started to become quite paranoid, as one could only quess what I thought was going on, so on thursday, I notice my mate isnt in school again, so being paranoid I went home early, quietly opened the front door and closed it very quietly and tippy toed up the stairs where my worst fears were realised, my mate was sleeping with my mom, at first I felt nothing but anger, I wanted to smash his head in but I just stood there, completely gobsmacked i didnt know what to do, my mate got dressed and just brushed past me going sorry, will I stared at my mom, who just started going ''just let me explain'' and ''I have needs too'' I just couldnt believe what I was hearing, that night I serouisly considered suicide I just couldnt handle the thought of my mates mocking me, ive never felt so low in my life. My dad died years ago, and im a single child, my mom would be considered quite attractive so why would she go for a minor as well as my fukin friend I just cant understand it, im thinking about going away to live with a relative, Im certainly not going back to school and dont want to ever speak to my mom again, i just dont know what i should do, if i leave my mom then she'd be on her own but then again maybe thats just what she wants

Oryx

Do you have a relative you trust that you can tell. It might help you calm down and assess what to do. You cant choose your parents! :rolleyes:

Jean Luc

what age are you and your mate?
most guys fantasise about other guy's mom's etc when they're young so I wouldn't blame your mate..
give it a few day's to calm down and then have a chat with your mom..
She's probably been lonely since your father died and maybe needed to feel wanted again..this is still no excuse to make a move on a minor.
It's vital that you talk to your mother soon and sort things out as otherwise it will fester on..

Sony

Jesus that sounds horrible, really sorry for what you must be feeling, Your mam is bang out of order with this but I can only advise you to try to take a mature approach to the situation and not say anything drastic for the time being...As much as your mother is wrong everyone makes mistakes ,Im sure at this moment in time she is her worst critic and knows shes totally let you down

Is there anyone you feel you can talk to about what has happened? cause I think its important you do

AngryAnderson

As you say your mate is a minor then I'm assuming he's under 16. If so, what your mother is doing is committing statutory rape. If your 'mate' is going around telling your other 'mates' then it's only a matter of time before older people's ears start to prick up... possibly even your mate's parents. Your mother could end up going to jail for a very long time for this so I think your idea about going to live with a relative should be considered as soon as possible. I know that's not much help but I'm being pragmatic here.

Oryx

AngryAnderson wrote:

As you say your mate is a minor then I'm assuming he's under 16. If so, what your mother is doing is committing statutory rape. If your 'mate' is going around telling your other 'mates' then it's only a matter of time before older people's ears start to prick up... possibly even your mate's parents. Your mother could end up going to jail for a very long time for this so I think your idea about going to live with a relative should be considered as soon as possible. I know that's not much help but I'm being pragmatic here.

Pragmatism is all very well, but dear god, gg1 has already mentioned suicide.. I really dont think they need to stress about mom going to prison as well.

AngryAnderson

Okay, sorry. I was a bit blunt and hadn't considered that. Listen kid, DO NOT kill yourself. When you get older you'll realise that sex isn't that big a deal anyway and, like your mother said, she does have needs. All adults do. Although finding someone her own age wouldn't be a bad idea, what she did do in the grand scheme of things isn't morally all that bad in my eyes. By the way, how old are you?

Heyes

Sony wrote:

Jesus that sounds horrible, really sorry for what you must be feeling, Your mam is bang out of order with this but I can only advise you to try to take a mature approach to the situation and not say anything drastic for the time being...As much as your mother is wrong everyone makes mistakes ,Im sure at this moment in time she is her worst critic and knows shes totally let you down

Is there anyone you feel you can talk to about what has happened? cause I think its important you do

here here.. i agree with the above post.. You need to deal with this in a very mature manor, dont run away from things. talk to your mother about it, talk maybe to a relative or close friend who can listen to your thoughts and maybe give you some direction. Please dont be thinking taking action on your life, yes this is a terrible thing that has happened, but you will move on from it and be a stronger person for it. So please dont run, try and deal with it.

chump

weathercheck, tut tut

PowerHouseDan, you're not the mod around here

To the OP... your mother shouldn't have done what she did. It was BAD. Your mate probably shouldn't have done what he did either - but imagine the mileage he'll get out of that for the rest of his life (some people can't turn down that sort of opportunity).
The issue is with your mother. Tell her if she does anything out of line like that again you'll walk and never speak to her again...

Tobias Greeshman

Weatherman don't come on here if you don't have any advice to give.

@gg1: I'll echo what's been suggested already, you really need to be mature about all of this (as hard as all of that sounds). Try and sit down and have a calm and adult conversation with your mother and listen to her side of the conversation. You need to show her how wrong it was to sleep with your mate (illegal for a start) and how it's really hurt you as well. If she is feeling that lonely for male company, then she should be looking for guys more her own age. Also if you could console in another family member that you could completely trust (say a cousin or aunt), I'm sure they might be able to give you some help and perhaps stay with them to let things cool down for a while at home.

I'd try and stay away from the mate in question and try to restrain from decking the smarmy fecker too, no matter how much you'd like to. I know he's a young teenager (well I assume so) but sleeping with your mate's mother, is just too far and well below the belt IMO.

PowerHouseDan

Chump.... Whoever said i was mod here i was pointing out a bad post to someone, since when do you have to be a mod for that? Anyway Back to the topic.....

chump wrote:

weathercheck, tut tut

PowerHouseDan, you're not the mod around here

To the OP... your mother shouldn't have done what she did. It was BAD. Your mate probably shouldn't have done what he did either - but imagine the mileage he'll get out of that for the rest of his life (some people can't turn down that sort of opportunity).
The issue is with your mother. Tell her if she does anything out of line like that again you'll walk and never speak to her again...

chump

Report bad post.
You're a mod, I would have thought you'd spot that.

Sorry to go off topic.

[Jackass]

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Holy fu*k!! Are you serious man?

That's awful! What the hell was she thinking?? I can't even begin to imagine how a situation like that could arise.

You should talk to your mate...ask him who he's told, what happend (she instigate or whatever) and tell him he owes you to tell you all the (nececary) details. If he's told people he should openly admit it was all BS.

As for your mother.....what the hell. I'd leave that one alone. If she wants to explain herself hear her out, but I wouln't go chasing her for answers...she should come to you.

And yes, I think it could be a good idea to remove yourself from that enviornment for a while.



Jesus dude, I'm sorry to hear about that.

[edit]Oh, and don't be stupid. Nothing is worth killing yourself over. Least of all something like this. No matter how bad any situation ever gets, it will improve in time and if not you can always start again somewhere else and you get over things.

lucernarian

Hey there OP,

That is something very hard to deal with. I don't think anyone can disagree with that.

Do you have any other mates out of this group of friends? It could be good to talk the situation through with someone you know.

It would be a pretty good idea IMO to talk to some relatives too, especially on your mothers side. Talk to someone you can trust, most importantly.

I am amazed at how all your friends thought this was funny. Personally, I wouldn't laugh about that, even if it happened to someone I disliked. How many "friends" are in this group you mentioned?

I would also suggest you talk to your GP as a matter of urgency. Mabye a chat with a friend of your mum's mightn't do any harm either. I'd say they wouldn't be impressed with your mother's behaviour either.

The important part is TALK. You need someone to help you with this.

py2006

Seriously, OP, if your story is true then its a truly terrible and disgusting thing to have witnessed! My stomach churns at the thought of it.

I hope your not too badly effected by it. I would suggest talking to a relative or somebody else you can trust about it. There are some people on here than can recommend a councellor too. I think one of the mods can help you out there.

How are things between you and your mom now?

Exon

They've proved now they can't be trusted. This wasn't a 'mistake', there's a huge difference between a mistake and this, i'd get banned for saying what i'd do.

mountainyman

You should talk to a trusted relative and yes you should move out. You will be unable to relate to your mother as an authority figure and being out of home altogether is better than being at home if your relationship with parent has broken down.

If your friend is boasting about this situation he has to be convinced to stop. If he has told people he will have to 'admit' that he is a liar. People may well believe him and accept that he is lying to spare your feelings but the important thing is that no one dares mention this to you. You should talk to him normally in the first instance; he may have let you down too but not much.

You can't really blame your mate (anyone would do what he did as a teenager) but if he won't help you out on this he deserves what he gets,

smiles in the charter wrote:

Suggesting violence as a problem solver is just not on in this forum and will result in an instant banning.

MM

hepcat

God, you poor thing - thats a horrible situation to be put in. However, please remind yourself that
- You are not the one who's been a s*it. Hard as the consequences of their actions are for you, they are the ones who have been really low down, and they will eventually have to face up to this.
- Real friends will not laugh about this, not really. Once you feel able, try talking to your best / closest friend and explain how hurt, mortified and depressed this has made you feel.
- You will get over this, don't worry. It must seem unsurmountable at the moment, but the gossip and slagging will die down. It would be good if your so-called mate would tell everyone he was lying - is this a possibility? If not, could you enlist the help of other friends and tell everyone he is making it up? You don't owe him anything, it was a rotten low-down thing to do. As for your mother, she must see that this was really awful and really stupid of her. Did she not realise that a teenage would brag about this? Tell her she has really hurt you and tell her exactly how much. Tell her she needs to do everything she can now to put this right.

Hope you get through this with as little hassle as possible..but remember it is not the end of the world. This will soon be last months news, and in a few years you will have left school anyway

DublinWriter

AngryAnderson wrote:

Your mother could end up going to jail for a very long time for this so I think your idea about going to live with a relative should be considered as soon as possible. I know that's not much help but I'm being pragmatic here.

Don't upset the guy even more with crazy statements like that. Your mother would not receive a cusodial sentance, but the chances of her getting into trouble are quite high.

Your 'mate' has obviously been gossiping, and gossip always grows legs.

I would suggest to you to talk to her about you both moving away from the area you are living in and starting afresh somewhere else.

Asiaprod

DublinWriter wrote:

Your 'mate' has obviously been gossiping, and gossip always grows legs.

I would suggest to you to talk to her about you both moving away from the area you are living in and starting afresh somewhere else.

Two bits of good advise.

DublinWriter wrote:

Your 'mate' has obviously been gossiping, and gossip always grows legs.

I would suggest to you to talk to her about you both moving away from the area you are living in and starting afresh somewhere else.

Two bits of good advise.

The fact that your mate decided to yak to all who would listen to him should tell you exactly where you stand with him. If the gossip is already on the street, its going to be there for a long time. While I can understand your Mum being lonely and having he own needs, I am surprised that it happened more than once. What you need to do is decide what is most important to you at this moment? Just a few things to think about:
1. The friend, well he aint no friend. You could smack him one, but common sense tells me the best thing to do is walk away and never look back. You don't need this type of friend.
2. Knowing that this is not a secret, thanks to your big mouth ex friend, are you comfortable still living there and still going to the same school. This kind of gossip will spread like wild fire and I don't think that you ex friend fully understands that he will not walk away from this issue smelling of roses. It could turn into a very messy situation.The best solution to this would be for you both to move away and start a fresh life. She can find a boy friend more suited to her age and position and you will have nothing to feel ashamed of if she does.
3. The idea to stay with a relative could be a good one to give you both time to think. However, if you start talking about what happened to the relative it could make it very hard to patch things up with your mother. She made a mistake, but in order for you guys to get happy again she needs to be able to keep her pride intact and she will definitely need your understanding.
3. You obviously need to talk to your mother about what happened and get her to understand that apart from the fact of how she made you feel, especially doing with a friend of yours, there could be some serious repercussions to what she did. I do not mean to alarm you, but this is the truth.

Don't rush into anything, think about, talk about it here or PM someone you feel you can talk to, and only then make a decision. The thing to watch out for will be the gossip on the street. I am afraid that that issue alone will be a prime factor in deciding what you will do. Above all, remember its your Mother, we all make mistakes (as I am sure you have done before) and that blood is thicker than water (family is family, as we say it)
Good luck, you can beat this as long as you keep your emotions in check and do not make the issue bigger that it really is.

Dreamer 7

Although u are in the middle of a nightmare embarrassing situation keep your chin up because none of this is your fault!
I would blank this so called friend and never have any dealings with him again. If he chooses to open his mouth(which he probably will knowing boys!) you should ignore it completley. He has noone to back up his story so he will look a fool

explain to your mam how this has affected you, yes she is human and yes she has her needs but hello?? there is a time and a place for these things!

This is one of the many situations you will find as you grow up where you have to be the adult and to take a deep breath and just deal with it.
What happened isnt going to go away but on the grand scale of life its not the biggest disaster, nobody died.

So hold your head high, blank the other fool and however long it takes sort it out with ur mam, she is the only one you'll ever have

Stabshauptmann

To_be_confirmed wrote:

I am amazed at how all your friends thought this was funny. Personally, I wouldn't laugh about that, even if it happened to someone I disliked. How many "friends" are in this group you mentioned?

TBH I can see the funny side of it.

Op, you could get worked up over it, build up some hate, ruin some relationships, or you can get over it.

First off analyis why its so bad.
Your mom has had sex before, its not taboo and its not gross, its life.
Your friend didnt betray you, you dont own your mom and its not as iff you were sleeping with her!

My advice, be mad with your mom and milk the sympathy vote and get some cool stuff. Make sure things between them stop.
High five your friend on loosing his virginity and make a big deal about him finally becomming a man. Slag him about how u****oressed your ma was. Do all the slags you would if it were any other girl, BUT DONT SEEM BITTER OR IT WILL BACKFIRE.
Slag him about your mom being old, wrinkly etc in a friendly banterish way. You can make your mate the laughing stock in this scenario. If any jokes are made along the lines of; so is he your new dad etc just act sad and say thats inappropriate and morbid. People will stop.

I remember "your ma" being the big slag in primary school and fights starting over those two words, but when you break it down, why is it such a big deal. Its not!

Its certainly not worth moving town or killing yourself over

lucernarian

Kaptain Redeye wrote:

TBH I can see the funny side of it.

Op, you could get worked up over it, build up some hate, ruin some relationships, or you can get over it.

First off analyis why its so bad.
Your mom has had sex before, its not taboo and its not gross, its life.
Your friend didnt betray you, you dont own your mom and its not as iff you were sleeping with her!

My advice, be mad with your mom and milk the sympathy vote and get some cool stuff. Make sure things between them stop.
High five your friend on loosing his virginity and make a big deal about him finally becomming a man. Slag him about how u****oressed your ma was. Do all the slags you would if it were any other girl, BUT DONT SEEM BITTER OR IT WILL BACKFIRE.
Slag him about your mom being old, wrinkly etc in a friendly banterish way. You can make your mate the laughing stock in this scenario. If any jokes are made along the lines of; so is he your new dad etc just act sad and say thats inappropriate and morbid. People will stop.

I remember "your ma" being the big slag in primary school and fights starting over those two words, but when you break it down, why is it such a big deal. Its not!

Its certainly not worth moving town or killing yourself over

Hmmm I'd laugh allright if I heard it but if it seriously happened to someone then laughing would be pretty ratty IMO.