Poo Politics

wheres me jumpa

So when pooing in public toilets/ work toilets/ school toilets etc do you....

a) Let it rip without any shame

b) Wait for anyothers to leave the toilets

c) Wait for someone to flush

d) Wait for someone to dry their hands in the dryer

Celticfire

Outstanding thread.. :rolleyes:

projectmayhem

Celticfire wrote:

Outstanding thread.. :rolleyes:

indeed.

anyway, i don't poo in public toilets. too manky.

wheres me jumpa

Celticfire wrote:

Outstanding thread.. :rolleyes:

Im asking the questions that matter baby!

IvaBigWun

A new low

Adam

I like it

Ruu_Old

public toilets are teh mank, its obvious people dont clean up after themeselves there. as for schools well, similar situation, "my friends" used to soak toilet paper and fire it up onto the ceiling and it would stick and dry there..tut tut.

Dooom

Ruu wrote:

public toilets are teh mank, its obvious people dont clean up after themeselves there. as for schools well, similar situation, "my friends" used to soak toilet paper and fire it up onto the ceiling and it would stick and dry there..tut tut.

Pfft, get with the times man!
These days the new thing (new old thing actually) is soaking toilet paper and hurling it at someone, hitting them in the armpits so as to simulate pit stains or my personal favourite - deviously placing some tape or something in a tap, so when it's turned on it sprays water directly onto the victims groin area.

Actually, recently, there's been a new spout of incidents. Namely; someone taking a dump in one of the cubicles. Anyone outside the cubicle who has a lighter takes a chunk of toilet paper and sets it ablaze. The paper is then thrown over the wall into the cubicle and frightens the sh*t (literally ) out of the victim.
Usually gets a good few laughs.

Good times.

melekalikimaka

ugh public toilets..they are the most disgusting things ever...funny stuff written in them tho

Rb

Of all the things you could discuss, you chose this.
Some people...

And it's not as though this hasn't been discussed before, I mean does this topic really need to be discussed more than once (if at all) ?

Pity the poll isn't public though...

On topic: I don't use public bathrooms.

popinfresh

you forgot simultaneously coughing so as to cover up the fart

wheres me jumpa

popinfresh wrote:

you forgot simultaneously coughing so as to cover up the fart

I am blinded by your brilliance!

Dooom

popinfresh wrote:

you forgot simultaneously coughing so as to cover up the fart

But there's flaws in that - what if the fart echoes around the bowl, or if you don't cough loud enough, or if the timing's off by a second?

Loudly turning pages of magazine/book ftw.

JohnK

I Let it rip without any shame and to hell with anyone who doesnt like it!

monkeyfudge

I only poo in the work toilets because I like the idea of being paid to poo.

And I'd wait for everyone else to leave before getting down to business.

rsta

lol, funny thread, reminds me of an old email joke i got from a pal here it is:


> > HOW TO POO AT WORK
> >
> > We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in
> > our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we
> > try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POO is inevitable.
> >
> > For those who hate pooing at work, following is the Survival Guide for
> > taking a dump at work.
> >
> > CROP DUSTING
> > When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in
> > your
> > area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from.
> > Be
> > careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been
> > expelled.
> > Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.
> >
> > FLY BY
> > The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing. Walk in and check for
> > other pooers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back
> > again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become
> > suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
> >
> > ESCAPEE
> > A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop
> > in
> > a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment.
> > If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not
> > happen.
> > If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not
> > hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved.
> > Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
> >
> > JAILBREAK
> > When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is
> > usually a side effect of diarrhoea or a hangover. If this should happen,
> > do
> > not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to
> > spare
> > everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
> >
> > COURTESY FLUSH
> > The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poo hits the water. This
> > reduces the amount of air time the poo has to stink up the bathroom. This
> > can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
> >
> > WALK OF SHAME
> > Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk
> > up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks
> > in
> > and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does
> > not
> > exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
> >
> > OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER
> > A colleague who poos at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see
> > an
> > Out Of The Closet Pooer enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine
> > under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The
> > Closet Pooer before entering the bathroom.
> >
> > THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
> > A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooing goes
> > off
> > without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of
> > Out
> > Of The Closet Pooers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
> >
> > SAFE HAVENS
> > A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least
> > expect
> > visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will
> > reduce the odds of a pooer of your sex entering the bathroom.
> >
> > TURD BURGLAR
> > Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force
> > the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments
> > that
> > can occur when taking a poo at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall
> > until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable
> > eye
> > contact.
> >
> > CAMO-COUGH
> > A phoney cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are
> > in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert
> > potential
> > Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
> >
> > ASTAIRE
> > A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you
> > are
> > occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied.
> > If
> > you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooer can poo
> > in
> > peace.
> >
> > WATERMELON
> > A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is
> > also
> > an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a
> > diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
> >
> > HAVANA OMELET
> > A case of diarrhoea that creates series of loud splashes in the toilet
> > water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using Camo-Cough with an
> > Astaire.
> >
> > UNCLE TED
> > A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended
> > lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted
> > makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always
> > wait
> > to poo when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other
> > bathroom attendees.

Stench Blossoms

Public toilets are horrible. I avoid them at all costs.

Dooom

LFMAO

Nice one rsta.

Dave!

Either of the bottom 2 for me!

the_syco

Poo as loudly if you want. Other people leaving is a plus point

"Can you smell what the syco is sh|tting?"

Lump

I wait till everyone leaves. Although, in work, they have individual toilets so it's cool.

John

FlutterinBantam

I find it very embarrassing when you have just unloaded a "scattershot" and the cludgie is busy..no brush ....an yr boss is waiting to dump:o

Sleepy

So this is it. After Hours as literally gone to poo.

[Jackass]

lol @ work poo rule book.

I often take a poo in work...it's a nice way to get away from the boss and the job, where you can take a 5 minute break and a satisfying poo...I look forward to my poo's. Also a good way to catch up on current affairs in the HearldAM or txt your buddies. I suppose you could call me a "out of the closet" poo'er.

A work poo can be destroyed with people around the jacks though, cause I don't like poo'ing when i know people are out there, and it's dead silent.

All in all, pooing is fun and it's good for you, so eat generously and poo freely...no matter where or when the call comes in.

And don't forget kids, always wipe thourouglhy.

wheres me jumpa

A new phrase I was introduced to over the weekend is....

Walking on water.....

The act of a poo touching the water while it is still attached to the anal region!