Inlaws I dont care

castle

I deliver to a company for a few years the owner is very rich and at the time I did not reliase that the girl I was chatting up was his daughter, so before I knew who she was I had asked her out and life was just great she was the most perfect thing I had seen in my life, she was to start college that september to study for 4 yrs where she would go on to work for her Dad, we continued to see each other and we fell in love with not the blessing from her family who really felt that people should marry into their own type of people , I come from normal working people who are just great and adored and loved her, we married had 4 kids who made all complete,
I was always made to feel unwelcome ie other sons in law one a barrister, another a doctor me now not even working due to wife wanting to fulfill her career and we both agreed That we did not want kids in a creche so I became a home father which I really became to love which made things even worse, I would never get asked to golf,tickets for rugby games would always go to other sons in law but not me even though I loved rugby for a working class person as they would see it, but then all fell apart wife got cancer and died within 3 months of finding out she had it, kids ranged from 3 -9 years, all she wanted was to spend time with me and kids going to the park , playing football whatever as long as we where all there, then came the time when she could no longer get out of bed and then one bright june morning she passed away, 2 yrs later I have decided to move abroad with the kids something we both wanted to do later in life but she would not as long as her parents where alive, we have been left very comfortable so no worries about money, Plan is for this summer to move, now her sisters have started to put pressure on me saying how their parents will not see grandkids grow up but I just dont care about them sounds bad i know but the way they treated me throught the years I just dont give a ****, should I feel guilty I am doing this because I want to, not to upset them but I do get some pleasure which is wrong I know, My family say I should try one more time to make up with them before I go work out plans for kids to come to visit and so on, but to tell the truth if I never saw them again it would be to soon, what would you do,

groundedplane

First of all, I am sorry for your troubles on loosing your wife. I could not imagine what that feels like. If I lost mine, I doubt I would be able to get out of bed in the morning.

As for your in-laws I have two words. F c u k them mate. It seams to me that they are snotty nosed, silver spooned arse holes who never accepted you for what and who you are. I would not give them the time of day. Go ahead with your plans and do not allow them to try and change your course of action because they do not have a say in what you can or cannot do. How do you kids get on with their grandparents?

Do what you have to do, sure they can come visit their grand-children. You must do what’s best for you and your kids.

Beruthiel

I'm so sorry that you lost your wife.

castle wrote:

now her sisters have started to put pressure on me saying how their parents will not see grandkids grow up

what you do with your life and your kids life is your decision and I would not give in to any kind of pressure whatsoever.

but I just dont care about them sounds bad i know but the way they treated me throught the years I just dont give a ****,

I don't blame you, I doubt I'd feel to badly about it myself.

should I feel guilty I am doing this because I want to

not at all
it's your life and you should live it the way you want to. Having your wonderful wife pass away like that has no doubt made you see that even more clearly.

but I do get some pleasure which is wrong I know

it is a bit and it's probably a tad unhealthy don't you think?

My family say I should try one more time to make up with them before I go work out plans for kids to come to visit and so on, but to tell the truth if I never saw them again it would be to soon, what would you do,

well at the end of the day, these people are you childrens grandparents, all they have left of their daughter. I honestly don't think your kids should miss out on having grandparents.
Go make your plans, decide exactly what it is you are doing and then go see them and tell them they are welcome to visit whenever they wish.
That way you have given them the hand of friendship, more then they have ever done for you by the sounds of it. After that, it is up to them to decide whither to come visit you or not.
Beyond that, I wouldn't give them a second thought. You reap what you sow in my book.

pyramuid man

I agree with beruthial. I think it is a disgrace that they want to try and stop you taking your kids to a foreign country. IMHO, I think that as they are the childrens grandparents and it is the only part of their daughter they have left. I can understand them wanting a part in your kids lives but by no means do they have the right to appempt to stop you from moving away.
As the old saying goes, you cannot choose your family. In my opinion you should follow your dreams and move abroad but I think they would respect you if you allowed them to see their grandkids.

Sorry for your loss also.

Peace

They treated you like crap, why would you care for them now? And if they are as wealthy as you mentioned they can well afford a trip to see their grand kids now and then.

Do what is best for your family.

Dragan

Lots of people have already said it, but you need to do what is best for your family.

If that means going to another country because you feel they will be happier there and may have better opportuinities then do so!

Don't do it if the only reason you want to is the romantic notion that you and your wife wanted to!

Dave!

I think that you should move abroad if you want to, but don't cut the family off completely. Even if you hate them, as Beruthial said they're her grandkids, 4 of them, and all she has left of her daughter. I can understand your anger at the inlaws, but think of the kids as well. They will probably want contact with their grandparents, and if they die, then they may be a bit resentful towards you for making their decision for them (ie. deciding that they wouldn't have grandparents)

The inlaws were obviously devastated as a result of losing their child, so be a bit compassionate, even if they are elitist, snot-nosed pr*cks.

Terribly sorry to hear about your wife, too, it's tragic.

Kell

castle wrote:

should I feel guilty

No you shouldnt.

Look, the way I see it is that you were treated like shíte by them and it doesnt actually seem that you are taking the kids away to spite the inlaws. As you said, it was a planned move and you just seem indifferent to the inlaws than spiteful, which is good. I would be fuming still.

Anyways- the fact that you are indifferent is healthy. Fúck what people have to say and bear no pressure from them. Its your life- your kids are yours and no one elses. You make the decisions and dont let anyone hassle you. If they start to hassle you, point out the fact that it is they that are being selfish.

If they really wanted the best for your kids, they'd let you go with their blessings. A clean start with a loving father. Jesus- a child cant get any better than that. You dont fancy fostering me BTW?

K-

sachamama

i'd do whatever is best for the kids.
you obviously know them so well, having brought them up. but do they need the connection with their mothers parents?
you havnt said anything about their relationship with their grandparents, if they love them. the last thing you want is for them to turn around when they are older and hate you for taking them away from their family.

py2006

I am very sorry to hear about your poor wife! I was enjoying reading your post up to that as I am envious of how you managed to meet a beautiful woman and a beautiful person whom you were happily in love with and you had 4 wonderful children! I hope you can reflect on the wonderful times you had with your wife and raise your kids they way you and she planned to.

As for the in-laws, they sound like something out of a period novel! In present day speaking, they seem like the sterotypical D4 heads. Replusive characters to say the least. I can understand that you would want nothing to do with them yourself after the way they have treated you through the years.

However, grandkids need to see their grandparents and vice-versa. Although, I suggest you be there on these visits aswell. The last thing you want is them pushing their way of life onto your kids.

How is the relationship, currently, between grandparents and grandkids? Is it a healthy relationship? Put aside your feelings for a second. Are your kids happy to be around them? Do they treat your kids well? If you feel its an unhealthy relationship then remove all contact!

Perhaps you could talk to them. Let them know how unhappy you were with their treatment of you and how it made you and your wife feel.

Also, if your wish is to move abroad GO FOR IT! If its something you and your wife planned to do then by all means do just that. Do it for your wife. If you have money can fly back with your children a few times a year so they can visit their grandparents and the grandparents can come see them too.

I hope this helps! Best of luck!

castle

thanks for all the support had a good chat with mother inlaw who is nice in her own way , explained all she knew everything I was nearly going to say about father in law and agreed with most but explained as best she could his ways, and how much he misses his little half pint as he used to call her and how much her kids meant to him , we will be leaving this summer and inlaws are free to come and go as pleased,so for the sake of all that half pint stood for I will try my best to block out things that have gone on in the past and just hope we get along if not for ourselves for the kids who do love inlaws, so thanks again

sachamama

i'm delighted. you can have what you want and the grandparents can visit when they want to as well.
i hope everything works out for you in your new life.
best of luck

Beruthiel

castle
you can be proud of yourself for being the man you are.
best of luck with your fresh start.

Sangre

They're rich. They can visit all the time.