Please somebody please help me

Dinxminx · 05-04-2006 12:06pm #1

Everything's gone wrong.

I started going out with my boyfriend a year and a half ago. And we were happy. At least I thought we were, but now I dunno. I was happy. He loved me a lot and I loved him too, and I never stopped loving him.

And then about three weeks ago I found out he lied to me about something. A pretty big something. He ditched me at home on a big night out and told me there was no way I'd get in (I had no ticket), while encouraging a friend of mine (a girl who also had no ticket) to go out and have drinks in his house beforehand. He told her I was sick, and the next day he told me he'd had a lads' night out.

And then I found out he's been telling everyone in his class in college that he likes this girl, and that he's going to try to get stuck in. And that he cheated on me once. But he just dismissed all of it as a huge joke that I wouldn't get cos I don't know the people in his class.

And I just found out he's been making plans for when we break up.

I don't knwo what to do. I really really love him and I can't understand how he could go out with me for a year and a half and not care that he's destroying me.

Maybe I just sound stupid and naiive but I just don't understand how he could be so cruel.

Pigman II · 05-04-2006 12:11pm

and Copy N Paste is very distressing too isn't it? I would have read your problem but (1) I don't want to take the extra time it takes to work out which entry you are refering too and (2) I get the uneasy vibe you're just pimping your blog.

monkeyfudge · 05-04-2006 12:16pm

Isn't reading your diary a job for your little brother?

Gordon · 05-04-2006 12:17pm

Jesus lads, a little compassion please.

Dinxminx · 05-04-2006 12:19pm

I'm sorry I didn't think of that. I'm sorry I'll start it again sorry.

Bluetonic · 05-04-2006 12:21pm

While I don't have any direct adivce, I've got to say it's a well written piece. Well done on that.

Sherifu · 05-04-2006 12:25pm

1. You shouldnt be reading his chat history.
2. Its not definitive proof he cheated on you.
3. Talk to him about it.

Why have you such a problem with this other girl?

Dinxminx · 05-04-2006 12:30pm

He read my chat history before. Otherwise I wouldn't even know what chat history IS. And I would never have read it if he hadn't brought me to his house, had sex with me and then ignored me to chat to some girl on MSN. He just sat there talking to her and made me wait to talk to him. And even then, he had work so I didn't get to say a word. He left me with his computer so I could amuse myself for the 5 hours he was at work.

Sherifu · 05-04-2006 12:34pm

I'm not sure what advice you want from us.
You should be talking to your boyfriend about this.
We dont know whats going on in his head.
Maybe he wanted you to find the chat history.

monkeyfudge · 05-04-2006 12:37pm

Well, all I can say is that people do change a good bit when they get into college. College is a time for broadening your horizons.

It's rare for relationships that started before college to last though it. From what you've wrote about this guy sounds like he feels a bit trapped in the relationship.

Exactly what sort of advice do you want? You will get over him if the relationship ends, it may take a lot of time, but it will happen. And you should make sure you learn from it.

zervi2003 · 05-04-2006 12:41pm

I find this post a bit confusing.

But, girl, if hes treating you badly, you need to stand up for yourself.

Can you really love someone who treats you that bad?

He shouldnt even joke about cheating on you if he is going out with you.

You probably cant see it now as you are worried, anxious and preoccupied about his goings on, but there are plenty more fish in the sea.

Do you want him to dump you, or do you want to dump him and gain back a bit of pride?

tbh · 05-04-2006 12:41pm

who's this guy to make decisions about your future? If he's too thick to figure out what he's got, dump him.

tbh, this should be *your* thought process. Do you honestly think this is as good as it's going to get?

edit: dammit zervi stop stealing my thoughts and expressing them better than me!! You even copied my join date!

Dinxminx · 05-04-2006 12:42pm

He'd already been in college two years when we met. I just got into college this year-- I'm a first year. I don't know what sort of advice I want. We just broke up and I think I.. I don't know. Maybe this is a completely pointless thread. I'm just wasting everyone's time. I'm sorry. Do I just delete it?

zervi2003 · 05-04-2006 12:46pm

You need to gain a bit of perspective and calm down.
He is not the end all and be all of men.

Only you can decide what is best for you. Dont let him treat you so bad. Sure youll miss him etc. Happens us all, but be a bit stronger...come on!

billius · 05-04-2006 12:47pm

he sounds like a w*nker! You're better off without him!

zervi2003 · 05-04-2006 12:49pm

Hehehehehe. Ive been in her position before, so technically were in a little club!
Oh meant to say "be all and end all ".

Wolf · 05-04-2006 12:51pm

Well unlike some of the others I don't want to be too harsh, but, yes you are being naive im afriad.

This lad, if any of the things you are saying is remotly true obviously can't care for you as much as you as he says he does. I mean it sounds like he has treated you pretty poorly, but, you have let him do so. You may love him alot, but, if you think that he loves you so much ask yourself why would he do these thing.

If as you have asked for in the title want help, then here it is.

Find a good time, soon, and sit down with him and bring up all the things that have been bothering you and ask him to explain them and ask him to explain how he feels. The only thing is you might not get the answers you want to hear or indeed he may just laugh them off as you have said, but, you need to explain to him that that is just not good enough. If he isn't straight with you just dump him for goodness sake, see how he reacts to that. You have to be prepared to lose him not only to sort this out, but, also so that if you are in a relationship that isn't going right that you get the heck out of it.

It sounds to me like you have this image in your head of this great guy and he isn't living up to your expectations and you are worried that if it goes all wrong that you are too scared to face up to the possibility that it might be over, but, believe me there are plenty of people out there and if these kind of things are going on there is quite clearly something very amiss. Don't be one of those lame girls that runs around after some ass wipe that obviously just doesn't give a ****.

fuzzywiggle · 05-04-2006 2:12pm

If I were you dinx, I would just move on. It'll be hard for the 1st while but then you'll be glad you did. Anyway, you don't deserve to be treated like that..chin up, you'll get through it.

Kell · 05-04-2006 2:52pm

Dinxminx wrote:

Maybe I just sound stupid and naiive but I just don't understand how he could be so cruel.

Lets pick the naiive bit. So much nicer than the stupid bit.

First up, he is a príck. Get used to that. The guy you loved is no more.

He is not meaning to be cruel either. Thats you taking things personally. I know that sounds daft, and everyone will say "of course she is taking it personally Kell, she is his GF", but forget the fact that you are his GF.

Decide you are much more important than he is and put reality on the situation. He is treating you like shíte; he is a fúcking moron and his behaviour spells that he doesnt give a rats ass about your feelings.

Now, would you let someone treat you like shíte and continue to love them? If the answer is no, your a healthy bunny in the self esteem dept. If the answer is yes, go work on your esteem issues.

K*-

*Single most nights

LegacyUser · 05-04-2006 3:05pm

Why were the first few replyers such bastards about this?

Zombrex · 05-04-2006 3:18pm

Dinxminx wrote:

He ditched me at home on a big night out and told me there was no way I'd get in (I had no ticket),
...
And then I found out he's been telling everyone in his class in college that he likes this girl,
...
And I just found out he's been making plans for when we break up.

Er, your boyfriend sounds like an assh0le ... why exactly are you madly in love with him? Which part are you madly in love with, the ass or the hole?

Break up with him, and consider yourself lucky that you found out what he was really like before he broke up with you.

monkeyfudge · 05-04-2006 3:22pm

Unknowable wrote:

Why were the first few replyers such bastards about this?

Oh she just linked directly to her blog and expected us all to read pages of it. So it just seemed like someone spamming their blog.

The original post has since been edited, so it's a lot clearer now.

justsomebloke · 05-04-2006 3:58pm

Unknowable wrote:

Why were the first few replyers such bastards about this?

The OP's first thread has been changed, it orignaily linked to an online diary and didn't actually have any other details in it. The online diary is a lot longer and the details in it are slightly different so the first few people posted based on that. It didn't mention him having having said he wanted to get stuck in on somebody else or that he had actaully cheated before so the picture of her boyfriend wasn't as bad (she did mention that her friend had spent the night in his house and after he invited her rather then his girlfriend to go out [still sounded like the d1ck he is] but she only found this out from reading his MSN chat history. This she only learned to do after he had checked hers before and then showed her so the fact that she checked is his fault.

justsomebloke · 05-04-2006 4:05pm

OP i know you where are still completely smitten with him and that it is going to be hard to get over but in time you will get over it.
It is always hard losing your first true love but most people out there do at some point or other, however in time the pain will ease. As you stated before you didn't really class her as a friend as yous had fallen out over him at the start of the relationship, as she fancied him first then then yous got together. She may have just found it to much so at the first chance she could get to sabotage the relationship she took it to get back at you and go after the man that she fancied.
So chin up as you have your exams coming up in the next while and these should be your priority and not the your ex (in the original post you never actaully stated that yous had broken up, you may be able to solve your issues if you are willing to work at it). Tehn in the summer you can try and start a fresh maybe go away for the summer and clear your head