why now?

ice_woman

My mother died in 1988 when i was 2- she died from breathing problems- she was only 43- she had 10 kids and i was the baby.My dad and sisters raised me and when my dad remarried I called my stepmother mum- she was a lovely woman and i loved her like my mother.

My family told me from the start my mam was dead- they told stories of her and showed me pics. I accepted she was gone and that was that.

Im 20 now and the last few weeks ive been feeling a bit down due to a relationship ending.I started thinking about my mother and got a bit upset- now when i see her pic i burst into tears-Ive been crying a lot over her and i feel like i was robbed of my real mother and im sickened i dont even remember her


Ive been so depressed latley about her and i dont know why- why am i feeling like this now?

Kell

ice_woman wrote:

why am i feeling like this now?

I dont know. Neither will the majority of people here.

What I do recommend is finding a number for a therapist and posing the question to them instead as they might be able to help. Seeing a therapist isnt such a bad thing. You are not a fruit cake for attending.

Anyways, the other thing you could try is to think about it yourself. Long and hard and objectively. It might take you ages to figure out why you are feeling the way you are, it might take five minutes over a fag at the back door. Objectivity is the key.

Good luck and chin up.

K-

PS- its probably the relationship ending has opened up a little wound. Everything else that prompts reflection will only cause further aggrevation to the wound. It'll get better though.

The_Minister

ice_woman wrote:

why am i feeling like this now?

I'm not an expert but a few months ago at a funeral, a friend burst out crying (yes, thats not unusual, shut up for a moment), he later told me that he had been crying for his grandfather not the person who had died. His grandfather had died many years ago but he had never cried for him (here comes the point), he only mourned him at the sad time of the friend's funeral. Its seems to me that times of sadness can bring to light old wounds that we have forgotten and pasted over. Maybe your sadness at losing your bf has brought your loss of your mother to the surface.

Hermione*

I'm not sure why you're feeling like this now, but as others said, it could be the end of the relationship.

I really feel for you though; my older sisters grew up in similar circumstances except they didn't have any proper relationship with my mum. They certainly never call her Mum! They're in their thirties, and I know they still miss their mum although it's more than thirty years since she died. My experience of bereavement is that it's not possible to get over some losses, you just have to learn to live with it. They resurface from time to time. My way of coping is that crying is perfectly ok, the person that's gone would want you to miss them but they wouldn't want missing them to be the cause of you not living your life fully.

I hope this helps, but you can pm me if you like. I've been where you are before.

Kiera

It happens.

My Dad died when I was 15 and I felt I had to be very strong for my Mam and tried to put it at the back of my head. Went traveling when I was 18 (3 months working in Greece) and it all hit me then. 3 years after my Dad had died. I kept dreaming about him and I’d wake up in the middle of the night in tears. It was all so realistic.

My friends reckoned that it had to come out sometime and maybe that’s whats going on with you. There is no right and wrong way to grieve. Maybe it’s just hitting you now because you feel that something/someone is missing from you life.

If you feel you need to talk to someone then do it. My mam decided to do bereavement counseling a year after to try and help others get over their loss and she really helped me through it. Maybe even talk to someone like that if you don’t fancy going to a therapist.

Hope it all works out for you x x

groundedplane

I think the reason you are crying for your mum now of all times is that maybe there is a void in your life from your recent spit in a realationship. This has made you focus all of the things you dont have right now, your mum being one of them. I do not have an answer for you on how to fix this, but hang in there and hopefully things will get better for you.

monkeybusiness

Hi I understand how you are feeling, I experienced something similar a few years ago
I'm 22 now and the eldest in family of 3.
when I was 2years old my brother was born premature and died two days later. I dont ever remember seeing him, and my parents never really spoke about him, apart from when we would visit his grave, they would say something like he's your little brother and he is in heaven now those kinds of things
when i was about 17/18 i was cleaning out a press at home and iI found an envelope with two pictures of my little brother with my parents in the hospital just after he was born. I cried myself to sleep for weeks after that, asking god why he had to be taken, wondering what he would have looked like, sounded like, would we have been friends, shared interests all sorts of things went through my head.
My mum heard me crying and asked me what was the matter, but I couldn't bring myself to tell her as I didn't want her to be upset either.
I was at a school retreat around the same and in one of our discussions athe priest encourage me to talk to my brother. I did and still do, I think it helps, but like you when I get upset about something else - relationships, life in general - the grief , and the questions the anger and the tears just flood back

i dont really know what to say to you but my advice is to let it all out, and talk to your mum

take care x

Dave!

I kinda understand what you mean... My nana died when I was only young (prob bout 6), and while I wouldn't really cry or get too upset when I think of her, I do feel like I've missed out on a relationship, and I would love if she was still alive, cos there's so much I'd like to talk to her about.



Good luck to ye anyway