Weird One

LegacyUser

K...heres the situtaion laid out.

Got with girl, wasn't immeadiatly ready for comitment so i got abit distant at times.
She eventually left.
Once she was gone, I realised my mistake...couldnt stop thinkin about her etc...
We started talkin again recently, and in the convo she found out how I still feel for her. BUt she has a new boyf now.

Keeping a proper friendship will be very hard with her being with someone else.
Should I really bother trying or should I just cut my loses?

matt-dublin

If she feels the same she will come to you otherwise stay friends with her....

things like that aren't worth losing a friendship over

Pigman II

Cut your losses.

Was with a girl once and I didn't really think that much of her (don't ask why I was going with her, I don't know myself). Anyway we broke up and I wasn't too bothered about that.

Thinkg I only started 'valuing' her and missing her long after we'd broken up. Anyway to cut a long story short we got back together and despite everything I was already soon back to feeling the way I was about her first time round.

Basically I wanted what I couldn't have and only wanted it WHEN I couldn't have it. You sound like you're in kinda the same position so I wouldn't persue it any further if I was you. If it was meant to be it would have worked the first time and you would have done what you had to do the first time also.

Kell

Jibber wrote:

should I just cut my loses?

Yes. Yes you should.

Why did you "act" like you didnt care so as things wouldnt get serious? Thats fúcking lame BTW. If you want a casual shag dont disguise your intention behind a relationship.

And why is the situation kinda weird? Or is it you thats kinda weird?

K-

PS Matt Dublin- this is "friends" borne out of a relationship were Jibber lied to his partner rather than being honest to her. I think he'd be doing her a favour if he just left well alone.

matt-dublin

well technilly he didn't lie,
He didn't realise what he had till he lost it...
...
If you read his post, it doesn't say anything about acting, it just says that he got a bit distant at times...

And because she has a boyfriend doesn't mean anything....

In all honestly if you believe that he's better off "cutting his losses" fair enough...

But if he plays things right he can have her back...

Its no different than trying to get back with a single girl, there's just a bit more work to do to repair mistakes....

He also doesn't say anything about it being weird....

read before you post.

Sony

I think shes referring to the title of the thread matt-weird one

ultimately your decision but if youre totally honest with yourself do you like this girl enough to not only put in a lot of effort but break up someone elses relationship

maybe im wrong but I dont think the way you reacted is how you would with someone you liked enough to go out with - I think youre best to leave this one for the time being

Kell

matt-dublin wrote:

read before you post.

Oh gosh Matt you rock. Thanks for the oh so helpful advice.

Jibber wrote:

Got with girl, wasn't immeadiatly ready for comitment

Now Matt, I dont know what version of English you study, but "wasnt immediately ready for commitment" spells out to me that he had made his decision from the onset that it was not going to be serious, therefore was technically lying to his partner by not owning up to same. He hasnt come back to defend himself /debunk my aspersions of dishonesty either.

Better off that he say to her "lets just have a bit of fun" so everyone knew where they stood. Just so as there's no ambiguity like.

matt-dublin wrote:

He also doesn't say anything about it being weird....

ROFL

K-

elle

i think you should leave this girl be..gotta agree with pigman here, sounds like you only want what you can't have. You changed your mind about being with her once so why should you break up what she has now, only to change your mind again once you have her. Messing with her feelings just because your not sure what you want really isn't a good idea, you'll hurt her again and she'll end up hating you!

matt-dublin

@kell
sounds like uve been messed around too many times before ha ha...

u look at it whatever way you want..

wasn't immediatly ready for commitment..
well judging by most standards in ireland,
most people start off that way inserious relationships...

actually i couldnt bother arguing with you because ur obviously one of those people that always has to be right!

Slán

LegacyUser

Kell wrote:

Yes. Yes you should.

Why did you "act" like you didnt care so as things wouldnt get serious? Thats fúcking lame BTW. If you want a casual shag dont disguise your intention behind a relationship.

And why is the situation kinda weird? Or is it you thats kinda weird?

K-

PS Matt Dublin- this is "friends" borne out of a relationship were Jibber lied to his partner rather than being honest to her. I think he'd be doing her a favour if he just left well alone.

I didn't 'act' in any way. And i wasnt looking for a casual shag. Nor did i disguise my intention. I didn't lie either.
If these are the reasons why you think she is better then i'd agree. But i didn't do that.

matt-dublin wrote:

Its no different than trying to get back with a single girl, there's just a bit more work to do to repair mistakes....

Im all for repairing my mistakes but im not about to step in and try break them up. I just wouldnt do something like that.
When i said cut my loses, it was in reference to the friendship.
I miss her and all but im not sure id be able to bare seeing her as friends etc....while she is with this other dude.
I find that distance can heal quicker then time (though it would still take a while) but the friendship i had with her was amazing and a part of me still feels itd be stupid to break all ties.

Wolf

I would say that if you care for her which you seem to realise now that you do then yes stay friends. The thing is again yes this can be very difficult seen as she has moved on and found someone else. However, if you really do care for then this doesn't mean that you have to be with her. What this really means is that you would want to be there for her when things go wrong for whatever reason and be there to share in what ever happiness that might come her way.

I have had a situation when I was in Oz where a girl that had a boy friend started having feeling for me. She was not only very beautiful and we got on tremndouly well, but, she was my type in so many ways. In the end she knew that her boyfriend, who was a really great guy, made her extremly happy and I was happy for the fact that she was happy. By staying as her friend I still got to enjoy her company and share in her life which if I had just cut my losses I would have missed out on.

All in all it can be tough to she her with someone else becasue, you want to be that person that is making her happy, but, you have to be bigger than that and see that you can still be very close to someone to the point where it like you are going out except that there is no physical relationship. Although as I have said its not easy so you have to ask yourself can you do that, can you deal with that? Then you will know weather or not you should stay friends or cut your loses.

Also, you don't know whats going to happen in the futrure, she may marry this guy one day or maybe she might end up back with you in a months time or in 6 years time, you just don't know. But if you run away you'll never know.

LegacyUser

Wolf wrote:

Although as I have said its not easy so you have to ask yourself can you do that, can you deal with that?

I tried, but I can't decide...so i sought some third party opinions.

Wolf wrote:

What this really means is that you would want to be there for her when things go wrong for whatever reason and be there to share in what ever happiness that might come her way.

Nah...I'd be sure she'd go to a boyfriend about that stuff.

Wolf wrote:

I have had a situation when I was in Oz where a girl that had a boy friend started having feeling for me. She was not only very beautiful and we got on tremndouly well, but, she was my type in so many ways. In the end she knew that her boyfriend, who was a really great guy, made her extremly happy and I was happy for the fact that she was happy. By staying as her friend I still got to enjoy her company and share in her life which if I had just cut my losses I would have missed out on.

Yeah that's one of the 'pros' that im thinking of but like you went on to say it will be tough and cutting my loses will save me alot of...'heartache' i guess.

LegacyUser

Well ive given it alot of thought and ive decided im better off to cut my loses.
Maybe i am being an idiot but at the moment it just doesnt seem like the ends justify the means...or that the rewrds doesnt seem worth what id have to endure.
Thanks for all of your input though.