alone

LegacyUser

ever get that feeling your totally alone. ive been feeling it a lot lately. most if not all my friends are going out with someone who in turn they will probable end up marring. im not an unattractive girl, but i feel im always going to be on my own. there has been two people in my life that i have always had in the back of my mind of the ones that i shouldnt have let go, but that happened and thats life, but its like a sense of regret because i feel i would have been so much happier if i hadnt done that..

may sound a little confusing, but i suppose what im asking is does anyone else have this feeling that there always going to be alone..

Victor McDade

Hey, i think we all go through this at some stage of our lives, i know i definitely have been. But you just never know whats around the corner, and try not to let regrets get the better of you, they're the worst thing in the world

Keep smiling

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Yeah, the important thing is keep going out. Try to keep optimistic because this ultimately will make the difference.

laluna

crutches can come in many forms to help you on your way. counselling, tablets etc.

LegacyUser

laluna wrote:

crutches can come in many forms to help you on your way. counselling, tablets etc.

Thanks but i do not need that. I know its a feeling everyone goes through, but just wish it wasnt so prominant at the moment. as i said everone seems to go through this at some stage.

justhim

well if its of any conciliation, i feel pretty much the same most of the time myself. Friends all going out with people, happy and all that and then theres me :-) I have to say though it is my own fault, im just not the "make the move" guy, cant just walk up to women. Sometimes i do look back at the past, at relationships and wonder what if, or wonder if i'll ever meet the right girl in the future. But there really is only one thing to do, get out there and start meeting people, get some hobbies, do some classes meet new people! As for myself well I just have to start taking my own advice...

sachamama

if you didnt let go of the ones you say you did let go, how do you think you would feel now? how do you know you would be happy ? maybe it was for the best. no point storing up regrets or guilt.

podmu80

Can understand where you are coming from. In the same position but male. Only recently thought about it. Most of my friends are, or at least have been in serious relationships, were as i on the other had never have. Was never a problem before, but, now at 25, seem to be thinking bout the future WAY too much. Have a lot on my plate at the mo, so cant see things changing in the near future. Just keep the head up, im sure you will be fine.

arbeitsscheuer

Like podmu80 and justhim, I'm in the same position as the OP but male.
Just feeling so alone right now, haven't so much as kissed a bird in 4 months, and it's got to the stage where I can't even think of anything interesting or funny to say to anyone I meet in a social situation. Which does kinda make me look quite the dullard. Did I say "kinda"? I meant "really". Anyway, like the OP I had good relationships with 1 or 2 ppl and I screwed it up, subconsciously I spose. I regret it, but there's precisely fcuk all I can do about it now, and in addition I'm so worried about fcuking stuff up again that I can't even talk to a girl, let alone try it on. For some blokes it's just so easy... For blokes like me (few of us though there are) it's bordering on the impossible.

justhim wrote:

But there really is only one thing to do, get out there and start meeting people, get some hobbies, do some classes meet new people!

This is pretty much the best advice anyone can give you.
It's just a pity that I can't follow it very well myself...

Good luck

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the advice. I know myself all i can do is go out there and sort it for myself. Its just tough when all your friends are busy with there other halfs, and you sometimes dont even have someone who can go out and have a laugh with. Sounds sad i know but its the situation ive gotten myself into.

I do find it sad at times, because i feel well this is the way its going to be, ill be the "single one" at all the couple events, and i really really hate that. Hopefully things will change soon enough. i really do

Hermione*

((hugs))
I went through something similar for a period of about six-twelve months, when I was dealing with a relationship which ended badly and a member of my family being critically ill. Between working and travelling to visit my sister in whichever hospital she was in at the time, plus the emotional fall out of visiting her, I just remember being too exhausted to think about going out. It didnt make it easier that virtually every other member of my family, cousins, sisters, etc who I met in the hospital had a husband/ long term boyfriend with them to support them. I felt so isolated, and becasue I was so busy I hardly saw most of my friends.

All I can say is from experience, a healthy relationship with yourself is better than a bad realtionship with somebody. It's helpful to be able to take your own company. Having said that, there were times when all I really wanted was somebody to hug me so I could forget some of my burdens for ten minutes, so I understand your loneliness. My sister felt the same way for about two years, then she met a new man, and in two years, she married him, moved in, got engaged, got married, and got pregnant -that's always given me hope
I hope it gets better for you. Often what you're looking for comes when it's least expected. God bless.

Aporia

Yeah exactly most things come when you least expect them. Stop worrying about what you don't have and focus on what you do have.

skywalker

podmu80 wrote:

Can understand where you are coming from. In the same position but male. Only recently thought about it. Most of my friends are, or at least have been in serious relationships, were as i on the other had never have. Was never a problem before, but, now at 25, seem to be thinking bout the future WAY too much. Have a lot on my plate at the mo, so cant see things changing in the near future. Just keep the head up, im sure you will be fine.

Its amazing the way those thoughts about the future sneak up on you in your mid 20's. Id imagine everyone our age has em. Social situations seem to change so much too when all your mates are in long term relationships & you arent.

LegacyUser

alone wrote:

I do find it sad at times, because i feel well this is the way its going to be, ill be the "single one" at all the couple events, and i really really hate that. Hopefully things will change soon enough. i really do

I've been single for over a decade and at this point I'm definately the single one at all the couple events. It was worse in my mid/late 20s, and I think I felt as you did at the time. I know along the way things just didn't happen, and sometimes it was just my fault for being too shy or stand-off-ish, and definitely there were a couple of times that I do regret not getting my act together.

Never the less I sort of developed a different perspective as I moved through the first half of my 30s. Not that I can't be lonely from time to time - but my life is far more than me being single or not - I look forward to the future and the things I want to do. Whether I continue to be single or not is irrelevant. Make the most of what you have, accept the choices you make and leave no room for regrets.

One thing I did notice when I stopped feeling sorry for myself - was the there are actually a lot of single people out there - you just never seem to see them when you think you are the only one.

LegacyUser

yeah social situations seem to change dramatically. One minute your out all the time with your friends, next minute there too busy with there other half. I just hope to meet someone soon that i can share things with rather than doing everything on my own...

face-the-phase

I feel the same at the moment and its so strange for me because im usually a positive/ mind over matter kind of person. I live in Manchester and i have nice house mates and all but i do feel totally alone alot of the time and feel i have no one i can really talk too. I had a boyfriend in Manchester for a year and we broke up a month ago and the worst thing about the relationship ending is the fact he was also my best friend and one of the only people i'v ever really opened up to as i am quite introverted at times esp. when it comes to feelings. One thing i can say is i now know that you cant rely on one person to be everything for you n that now i need to spend time making more friends. I know it will take time but i just wish i had a close friend in manc! My irish mates r only a phone call away tho

LegacyUser

yeah, it's horrible to feel so alone... hoping there's some way it's gonna change but secretly knowing it might not ever change

Wolf

Oh Hell yeah, I know the whole feeling alone thing. But as someone else posted something along these lines, 'its better to get yourslef sorted and happy alone than to be in a relationship just for the comfort of having one.'

I have always had good friends and get on with people easily. Quite a few girls have told me that Im attractive and I usually get on better with girls than with lads (Im male btw just in case). However, I have found it hard to meet girls I like and that seem to like me. It's only recently after having built up some true self confidence (ie not arrogance) and being happy and comfortable in myself, that now Im not too fussed on if/when I meet someone. Im happy enough to wait untill it just happens naturally.

I have also found that now I am happier in myself I am noticing that lots of girls do give me looks in clubs or when my more forward mates are running round chatting up loads of girls that if I go over and talk to them they seem to be generally interested and often more in me :eek: even though its my mates that do most of the 'scoring'. To me all that is just a bit hollow.

Thing is though that I'm not the kind of person to just 'score' someone in a club. Id much rather talk to them in a pub or house party type enviroment and see if we really do have anything in common.

One of the best things I have found is that I now talk to all girls in a very natural 'just want to be friends way' even if I am interested. I try to just be friendly, where as before I found I would be silghtly differnet if I was interested in someone. Not only does this help me meet more people I find it has much better results in general, both for meeting freinds and for meeting potential girl friends.

The other big thing I find that helps tremendously is a bit of sexual tention, which atm I must admit is sadly lacking in my life. But, in genral I try to meet as many nice attractive girls as I can, to be an honest friend to them and share time with them as best I can. The chase or I suppose threat that something might happen is often enough to keep me going while Im still trying to find someone.

Anways, I suppose alot of this is a bit more male type advice, but, I hope it might be some help. Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.

PS I reckon some of these people who feel alone and all, maybe should try all going to the boards beers. I mean I am reading the posts and thinking why not see if some of these people would be interested in each other. I know that I would love take any of you lovely ladies out for a drink, maybe not with the full intention of anything more than friends, but, at least then we wouldn't have to feel so alone?

Faith

Couldn't agree more with Wolf's post.
Everyone feels alone sometimes. Even people in seemingly great relationships can feel horrendously lonely.
One of my friends- the one who I thought I could count on to always be single with me- has recently acquired herself a boyfriend and I find myself resenting her for it. I know I should be happy for her, but it's hard at times.
Like some of the others who've posted, I'm not the type to go out and pick up in a club. I'd much rather get to know someone in a one on one situation first, at a house party or even at a bar. I'm (now) happy to wait for that.

justhim

I definitely agree with whats been said. Getting into a relationship just for the sake of been in a relationship, so as not to be "the single one", so that you no longer have to dread the "and friend" invitation I love getting so much are not the right reason to start up a relationship. I have to say some of the time im happy, lucky in so many ways, but i still find myself wondering when, if it will happen. Sometimes i can feel alone in room full of my closest friends. I do find the same though, it is a vicious circle. You want to get out there and meet people, but the friends you go out with dont go out as often any more. You wont meet people if you dont go out but you cant go out if you have no one to go out with! I'd love to know the answer to that one. Personally I dont buy into the "its when your not looking for them that you find them" thing cause ive gone through that phase quiet a few times now and im still waiting. Still maybe next time. What i do think though, and what i hope, is that you meet people in the strangest of places, you dont have to go to nightclubs and bars, it can be in college, in work on the bus on the way home who hell knows. Well thats what i hope anyway, otherwise i might be in trouble!

spiritboy

There’s nothing wrong with feeling alone. It can help you and make you stronger because you know that no matter how bad things mat get that you can always rely on yourself and your strength.

But I do know how you feel. I’ve been married now about a year and things where great. But then I met someone else and she infects my every waking moment. Hell even my dreams (no like that:) ) I’m crazy about her and I think she is about me too. For some reason we had an instantaneous connection and a deeper friendship than I’ve ever had with my wife. This lass though she's had it bad too. Her brother died a long time ago, bad family life when she was younger and then about 6 months ago she split with the father of her child. They still live in the same house because neither wants to walk away from the money they have invested. Last weekend we got talking about live and the universe and all that and she asked me why her life was so hard? Why did she have to suffer all the pain and anguish? I have two theories on that. The first is that the Gods have a twisted sense of humour and love to torment with cosmic bad taste. Or more probably because the gods know that deep down inside she has the strength to be able to deal with all of this and come out a stronger person. They know that her spirit will be tempered in a fire of pain and sorrow but once it comes through it then nothing can hold her back. As a person she is the most passionate woman I’ve ever met and a wonderful mother. She’s put up with a lot of crap in the last while but I can see that she'll get through it.

The last few months have been the hardest I have ever been through in my life. But I keep drawing on what little I have inside me to get through the day because I can see the light and where there is light there is hope. It may seem that things are bad and possibly getting worse. But just keep digging deep and you'll pull through it. There’s a plan for you yet you just need to find out whit it is.

Wolf

spiritboy wrote:

There’s nothing wrong with feeling alone. It can help you and make you stronger because you know that no matter how bad things mat get that you can always rely on yourself and your strength

I would have to agree with this.

I find that when Im am feeling alone that staying positive and drawing on little things such as the odd glance and that bit of sexual tention I mentioned before, help alot. I find that by staying true to myself and forcing myself to not letting it get to me not only helps how I feel, but, actaully helps the situation.

I have what I would call a true confidence now. I am not loud or over the top in fact I would say in a way I am quite shy. However, by staying out going and positive I feel better, but, also people around me respond better to me. I have good crack with my mates and when I go out and chat to members of the oppisite sex that fact that I don't have these hang ups boucing around in my mind means that they see me in a good light.

I know that I might not meet anyone quickly and tbh I am waiting to be blown away by someone absolutly fantasic before I go into anything again, but, I just keep reminding myself that if it happened before it can happen again. Most importantly though, I remind myself in the in between bit that I must work on myself so that when I do meet someone great that I will have the mental reserves and the money reserves to offer not only of myself to them, but, also, to be able to give them not maybe all the things they want as such, but, all the things I want to give them.

What I am getting at is instead of worrying when I am going to meet someone I am focused on being the best person I can be every day, so that when I do meet them I am somone worth having and I must say that keeps me going tremendously well. I feel better about myslef and better about the world in general. I say to myslef the fact I haven't meet someone is because I just haven't, but, when I do I will be ready to show them the person I want to be and a person they would want to be with.

Self improvment is something that, I suppose you could call a hobbie or project, one that you will never complete untill the day you die. It keeps me focused and helps me through times when I feel alone. Not only does it help and distract me from those feeling, but, it help me feel that I am working towards solving the porblem in itself.

As I said before there are many of us that have felt like that and I honestly mean it when I say that perhaps some of us lot should go out for a drink. Im sure I will be in Dublin at some stage soon and even if its just a case of going for a chat and a bit of crack then cool. You don't have to feel alone and there are people out there that just like you want/need the company.

Anyways, hope it help and remember that people even stangers do care and would love the chance to help

cooker3

justhim wrote:

well if its of any conciliation, i feel pretty much the same most of the time myself. Friends all going out with people, happy and all that and then theres me :-) I have to say though it is my own fault, im just not the "make the move" guy, cant just walk up to women. Sometimes i do look back at the past, at relationships and wonder what if, or wonder if i'll ever meet the right girl in the future. But there really is only one thing to do, get out there and start meeting people, get some hobbies, do some classes meet new people! As for myself well I just have to start taking my own advice...

Every single line of that matches my experience, quite scary really!
but as said it seems to be common feeling to have so fight on and think things will improve

rsynnott

I tend to spend quite a bit of time thinking more or less like this when I'm in a bad mood. I really shouldn't.

spiritboy

just had to post this message up for anyone out there that was reading teh thread feeling real bad and not knowing if there's a way out. Don't do it. try stay positive. talk to someone even if it's just a bunch of faceless names on a message board like this one.

I have this philosophy that we meet people for a reason. Especially those that have a profound impact on our lives. I have met people through the years in College and so on that have had a huge impact on me, and when I traveled through Europe when I was younger I met some there. Each one of these people has helped me develop as a person. Sometime we learn from them but other times we teach them. I firmly believe that. I believe we cross paths with people to teach them something. Maybe they are alone and their partner has left them or they are in the middle of a separation and our friendship shows them that they can be loved again and can love again. Maybe when they feel all hope is lost and they have nothing to live for and you pass them on the street and just look at them and smile, maybe that instantaneous contact is enough contact for them to realize that they do mean something to someone and to keep fighting and keep living because if its bad now it can only get better. I don't know but it's a nice thought.