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Death of parent when child is young

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  • 31-03-2006 5:20pm
    #1
    fsjdsdbpok
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2 ✭


    I’ve had addiction problems and depression all my life, and I’m in my mid-20’s and have tackled things by seeing people to talk things over recently.
    Its gone very well, but I’ve got a question for you guys…
    One of my parents died when I was very young, I don’t remember him at all…and while my mother did her very best for me…I’ve had problems during my life.
    In recent years one of my main problems has been in relationships, and according to my counsellor its related to my fathers death, and a fear of abandonment.
    Basically, Every man in my life has let me down..2 long term boyfriends…and although my father had no control over his passing away..for some reason I get real mad at times for what I think is him f&cking off on me…
    None of this makes sense, because I didn’t know my father, and shouldn’t miss him or the person who should have been there, but I’m just wondering has anyone else been in my shoes.
    Cause I just don’t trust very easy and I want to know if the counsellor I’ve just started seeing is truthful or talking jibberish…
    And how can I change what the shrink calls..my fear of abandonment?
    Sound like im on oprah..thanks for listening..


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    #2
    BuffyBot
    Moderators, Motoring & Transport Moderators Posts: 24,924 Mod ✭✭✭✭BuffyBot


    I want to know if the counsellor I’ve just started seeing is truthful or talking jibberish…

    There isn't really a easy answer to this, because it's a complex thing. Yes, it certainly could have an effect, and it does for many people - on the other hand, it's not true for everyone. Only you can tell if what the counsellor "feels right" and makes sense.


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    #3
    Hagar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,793 ✭✭✭✭Hagar


    fsjdsdbpok wrote:
    I get real mad at times for what I think is him f&cking off on me…

    You need to get closure on this. Go to his grave and give out shyte to him. Say everything you want to. Vent it all. Get it all out of your system. Then when you have run out of abusive things to say tell him you forgive him as you know it wasn't his fault as he didn't want to die and leave you either.
    Can't hurt, won't cost, might help.


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    #4
    cantona92
    Closed Accounts Posts: 31 ✭cantona92


    Ive been through almost the exact same thing - dad died when i was 5yrs old and have had probs myself with drugs and relationships. Not blaming his death on it whatsoever as i barely new him but its the way i dealt with it. I feel thesame as you also when it come to relationships - scared that they may leave me and im constantly looking for a 'fatherly figure' in boyfriends. I dont trust anyone very easily cause im always afraif they may leave me. sad i know but at 24 i dont think il ever grow out of it, at least you have made first steps to speak with someone regarding it - best of luck


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