Getting over mates suicide.

andyman

Hi everyone, some of you may know me around here.

I'll get straight to the point. 2 months ago, I was unfortunate to lose my best friend through suicide. He was in supervised study in school when a teacher(who everyone felt was out to get him) told him to move his desk up. He did so. Then she told him to keep moving it(when he clearly couldn't). He reacted and left study. The teacher followedhim out and told him he was suspended from study. He went home anyway and told his mother, who let a roar at him and said "Wait until Dad gets home."
After witnessing it before, his Dad used to beat him. When he heard that he said "I wont be here when he gets home"
What does he do then? He goes upstairs, gets his shotgun(he was a hunter) and shoots his head off, later to be found by his brother.

Anyway, 2 months later, I still cant go outside the door without starting a conversation about it. Some of my friends are starting to get sick of me sayng that I should get over it and they know its hard. How would they know how difficult it is when they were over it after the funeral?

Anyway, what is it that I should do? I've already gotten speicialist help but it has worked to no avail.

Repli

That's terrible. I'm sorry to hear about your friend. 1 of my cousins killed himself about 4 years ago and all I'll say is time is the only healer.. even though his parents are still not fully over it.. As for yourself.. have you only gone to 1 specialist? Try a few, maybe your guy wasn't very good, and I would recommend some counselling aswell..

pyramuid man

Different people greave in different ways and for different lenghts of time. It seems that you cannot stop trying to stop people forgetting about your friend and keeping his memory alive with as many people as possible which is nice but other people may want to forget about it. It is understandable that you are upset but time and talking to people about your feelings are the best way to get over things like this.
Suicide is terrible and people should not be told to just get over it. Take your time and it will happen eventually.

DrummerBoy

Sorry to hear that andyman. A friend of mine killed herself last September and not a single day goes by that I don't think about her.

stovelid

Thats terrible mate.

A friend of mine/flatmate committed suicide 4 years ago. Also my fiance's brother in 2004.

All i can really say is that you don't have to expect to suddenly feel OK after such a short time. Time really is a healer like another poster said. Not that you forget or stop hurting; just that it eventually will not feel so immediate and painful and good memories will surface along with the bad.

Another thing(s); don't feel bad if you can't stop talking to people about it. Have people actually said that they are sick of it or is this how you feel? Its completely natural to want to talk about it; to somehow try to stop people forgetting but not everybody deals with it in the same way. Some of your mates might still be angry/dismissive about the death which is also a common reaction.

Crubeens

Very sorry to hear about your mate. If talking helps you then it might be best to talk to someone who's gone through the same thing as you - people who've never been touched by suicide often have no understanding of what it involves and you might feel less concious of how much you're talking about it with people who understand.

My dad committed suicide when I was younger, and to this day I get infuriated whenever somebody equates taking your own life with being selfish. Why comment on something you have no idea about?

If you're not a big talker, maybe consider writing a letter to your friend, telling him how you feel and what life is like without him. Burn it after if you like. It might help.

surfin

Hi,
I just wanted to let you know of a Suicide bereavement group called 'Talk It Over' 1850 201 249 you can call them and talk over the phone or you can go meet them or them you.
Take care.

Fajitas!

Hi.

Having lost a few friends last year, I have an idea about how it feels. From my experience, both time and friends/family are what will get you through it. If you have to talk, talk.


I have a number, I never used it, but my dad gave it to me last year. It's for friends of people who have commited suicide. It's run by the family of a man that killed himself I think, as I said, I haven't used it. The number is 1800 201 820. It might be of use to you

Take care.

The_Minister

andyman wrote:

Anyway, 2 months later, I still cant go outside the door without starting a conversation about it. Some of my friends are starting to get sick of me sayng that I should get over it and they know its hard.

It is easy to bore people with things like that. Your best bet is probably to write it down. I find that is helpful for me in that it lets me make my thoughts more concrete.

Villaricos

andyman, I feel for you. my cousin lost his best friend, (not from suicide, he was killed), but still losing anyone is tough, it took my cousin a few years to get over it but hes doing great now, still thinks of his friend everyday but lives his llife too.
firespinners idea of writing everything down is good, writing can be very theraputic.
take care

Heyes

Andyman first and foremost dont ever feel bad about talking about your friend to others.Without you realising it, its probable how you are natually dealing with the situation.

I have lost a couple of friends to suicide so i know to some extent what you are feeling.Over a stetch of four years, id lost five friends to suicide, it was gutwrenchingly hurtfull, but its something as a person you have to learn to cope with and be strong. Your friend would not want this to take over your life, however they would probable not want to be forgotten, so please never feel bad about talking about your friend. Your other friends should understand this, and allow you to speak your mind.

Suicide is a massive problem in our lives at the moment, and the pain from loosing a friend like this doesnt really go away, it just kinda hides itself a little bit better as time goes on. You wont forget your friend, your probable constantly questioning why exactly he did this, from what you wrote im thinking you feel its down to his school and home backround. Its something your really not going to fully know.

I have a feeling your spending a lot of time thinking of the why's, how's etc on this and are probable emotionally exhausted by this. The best thing you can do is talk to someone about this, explain how you feel, be it a friend, loved one or even proffesionally or should even pm any of us (myself included ) and i ll lend an ear. allow them to see how this has affected you, allow them to help and listen in any way they can. Dont ever feel ashamed or embarressed by this, suicide is never an easy issue to deal with, and everyone deals with it in different ways.