Girly poem One for the gals!

Girly poem
One for the gals!


A poem for us....
I shave my legs, I sit down to pee.
And I can justify any shopping spree.
Don't go to a barber, but a beauty salon.
I can get a massage without a hard-on.
I can balance the checkbook;
I can pump my own gas.
Can talk to my friends, about the size of my ass.
My beauty's a masterpiece, and yes, it takes long.
At least I can admit, to others when I'm wrong.
I don't drive in circles, at any cost.
And I don't have a problem, admitting I'm lost.
I never forget, an important date.
You just gotta deal with it, I'm usually late.
I don't watch movies, with lots of gore.
Don't need instant replay, to remember the score.
I won't lose my hair, I don't get jock itch.
And just cause I'm assertive, don’t call me a BITCH
don't say to your friends, Oh yeah, I can get her.
In your dreams, my dear, I can do better!
Flowers are okay, but jewelry's best.
Look at me you idiot... Not at my chest
I don't have a problem, With Expressing my feelings.
I know when you're lying, you look at the ceiling.
DON'T call me a GIRL, a BABE or a CHICK.
I am a WOMAN. Get it? You PRICK!?!

Dont be at yourself

*burns his bra*

LoLth

*takes off bra and then burns it*

Archeron

takes off colleagues bra and burns it. Promptly then gets a smack in the head

pimpy_c

Takes off colleagues bra and burns it. Promptly then gets a smack in the head but, making the most of a bad situation, plunges face into recently freed bounty!

hallelujah

*laughs*

GLaDOS

Time for the lads to fight back

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Blah, blah, blah....

Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Listen up!

Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

Blackjack

Onto the Prayer section:

FEMALE PRAYER

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Knows the answer to "how big is my behind?"
A little white lie, just being kind.
I pray that this man will love me no end,
And always be my very best friend.
Amen.



MALE PRAYER

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge tits,
who owns a liquor store and a fishing boat and can carry a golf bag.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a ****

RotalicaV

I don't get jock itch

Oh so yeast infections are just a figment of our imagination are they?