Slept with best friend

LegacyUser

Hi,
Just looking for some general advice.
Basically, i ended up in bed with my best friend who is a guy. It was really great, and he said he really enjoyed it. We were both very drunk earlier in the night, but by the time we got to bed i'd say we were sobering up quite a bit. When we woke up, his brother was standing in the room and saw us in the same bed.
I texted my friend a couple of hours later to ask him if he was ok. He says he doesn't remember anything about the night before.

I don't know what to do, Should i remind him what happened? Does he remember and just want to pretend like it didn't happen? We didn't have that much to drink.

This person is my best friend, and i don't want to loose them as a friend because of some stupid one night thing,

Thanks,

Tom

[Jackass]

Eh, I take it your both openly gay?

Just mention it to him, talk about it...worst case scenario you'll just discover he's not interested in anything more than friends...no big deal..

If he's not gay, then obviously he just dosen't want to do anything about it and wants to forget it...so do nothing..

Boston

The whole gay/not gay thing aside, you need to talk to him face to face. Only then will you be able to judge if he actually doesn't remember anything, or if he's just saying he doesn't remember. if he doesn't remember for real, then you have to decide what to say to him, keeping in mind someone else is probably going to mention it to him.

Depending on how much the brother saw, he may or may not have been able to persuade him you guys didn't have sex, "I don't remember what happened, but i do know we where too wasted to do anything", and so forth.

Faith

Sorry to be blunt but if he says he doesn't remember anything, he probably doesn't want to remember it.
Nobody forgets having sex unless they're extremely drunk and you say you both hadn't had that much to drink and were sobering up by the time it happened.
I agree with what the others have said about talking to him, but I'm afraid I've no idea how you'd go about broaching it.

LegacyUser

I dont think the brother suspects anything like that. Cos we got dressed again at around 7am, and under separate duvets. But even still, it doesnt look great.

I text him asking to borrow a CD, and he wouldnt text back. And he was online on bebo this morning, but wasnt signed into msn so i couldnt talk to him.

And yeah, i'm gay and he is bi, but he is not out to all his friends.

LegacyUser

a gang of us are going to cinema tonight. himself and his brother are going too. i dunno what i am gonna say. anyway, wish me luck.

MagnumForce

worried-Tom wrote:

Basically, i ended up in bed with my best friend who is a guy. It was really great, and he said he really enjoyed it..................................................................................................................I texted my friend a couple of hours later to ask him if he was ok. He says he doesn't remember anything about the night before.

Em, do i even need to ask this question? i suppose i'd better: How can he say he really enjoyed it and also say he remembers nothing?

But anyway, hope things went well at the cinema, not being gay myself im not sure how a male to male relationship talk would go (being that us males are an odd species) but definitly talk to him face to face, if he isnt replying to you texts go see him in person and tell him you need to talk about it, and if he refuses tell him not to be so selfish, that if wasnt just him involved and that you need to sort things out with him.

Edit: actually, i assume, he said he enjoyed it on the night, then in the morning couldnt remember, but anyway if he "really enjoyed it" chances are he'd remember it

Brend

He says he doesn't remember anything about the night before.

Sorry mate it sounds like he wants to pretend it never happened, to not remember sleeping with someone you have to be totally smashed. I have occasionly wished i couldn't remember but always have.

LegacyUser

he didnt turn up at the cinema in the end. but his bro did, so i told the bro i needed to borrow a cd from the guy and went back to their house first. i spoke to him in person but brother was there so couldnt say anything. got home, saw he was online now on bebo and text him to ask him to sign into msn. waited bout 30 mins, nothing. so text him again, saying i really needed to talk to him and that it was really important and that i just wanted to know one way or the other and that we'd always be friends anyway.
he blocked me from his bebo and deleted me from his friends list.
i was so upset, he is supposed to be my best friend. and yet he is treating me like ****. all he had to say was that it was a mistake, that he doesnt want it to happen again and that he just wants to be friends, and so i know where he stands.
i'm really worried that this has totally ****ed up my friendship with him. i know most people operate a rule of not sleeping with friends, but its kinda hard when for completely innocent reasons you have to share a bed with them and you're a little bit tipsy and they start coming on to you.

memphis

Yu could have done alot worst mate trust me!!!

He's your friend, he seems to be confused about the whole thing and it sounds to me like he needs to work it out in his own head before he can talk with you about it. Give him time. Keep the communication lines open, don't pester him. If he wants to talk to you about it he will.

Hope things work out though!!!!

[Jackass]

Don't try to contact him again for AT LEAST 2 weeks....if you still hear nothing, maybe send a simple txt saying "wanna go for a coffee or whatever"...Sounds to me like he REALLY dosen't want anything to do with the whole thing...I reckon you should never mention it to him again, and completely back off....It's very clear he's not interested so maybe try to salvage the friendship.

By the way, who says "I need to borrow a CD"?....Is that the best you could do!!???

LegacyUser

all i want is to salvage the friendship at this stage. i told him we could just forget about it and never talk about it again.

i actually did need to borrow a CD from him, and he wanted a disc that i had, we spoke about it over a week ago and never got round to it. i just thought it would be a nice excuse to show him that things were just gonna go on as normal.

The_B_Man

Bummer! is ur mate gay? if not, hes probably just totally freaked out! unfortunately u'll prob never get back to being best friends again. if he is gay, then give it a while. plus, bebo probably isnt the best place to be handling ur affairs! try myspace! only joking.

so what do u actually want out of it? to be friends or more?

Macker

The_B_Man wrote:

Bummer! is ur mate gay?

Nice choice of words there

Sounds to me like you had a one night stand and now you're stalking him ,give him a little space

Good luck

wheresthebeef

that sounds helpful macker.
how can someone be stalking their best friend?

tman

wheresthebeef wrote:

that sounds helpful macker.
how can someone be stalking their best friend?

it was a spot on piece of advice imo.

the best friend is obviously not coping well with this (can't say i would in that position either...) giving him some space right now is the best thing you could do

MaxBax

Hmm, I would agree with the consensus that he's not being a good friend, but if you want to be an extra special good friend maybe you should totally back off and leave him be.

What age is this guy? Is he early 20s? Younge? He's very childish.

Chucky the tree

wheresthebeef wrote:

that sounds helpful macker.
how can someone be stalking their best friend?

Its spot on advice.

When he say he cant remeber it. He can. He just wants to completely forget about it. So when the OP continued to badger him about it, he felt like he was being stalked/not given any space.


OP - dont text him for a few weeks. If you bump into on a night out or whatever, dont mention the incident. Just pretend it never happened and dont ever mention it again.

Boston

I think you have to face that unless your friend comes back to you, and trys to talk to you, your friendship is over. the guy just doesn't know how to handle, and probably thinks cutting of all contact is the best way to deal at the moment. You say he's bi-sexual but are you the first guy he's slept with that he's had a solid connection to? Theres probably lots of ****e goign through his head at the moment, give him space.

Macker

wheresthebeef wrote:

that sounds helpful macker.
how can someone be stalking their best friend?

I sympatise with the guy but he's making up excuses to meet him ie. borrow a CD ,the other lad obviously doesn't want that ,suppose it was boy/girl ,girl/boy we'd all be screaming stalker

Talliesin

No, given that they've been friends for a long time we wouldn't be screaming "stalker" (yet anyway). However, his friend might still perceive it as such.