When to ask someone out ?

foggydew

This might seem like a stupid question but anyway.... I met a girl about two weeks ago and we get on really well. We have gone on four dates now. First three in the pub and the fourth where I cooked dinner for her. We get on well and we both like each other, and its been all nice and slow.

Now the thing is I would normally not be a person to ask someone to go out with me officially. I guess I have this thing going back years where I feel its kinda stupid having to ask a person to go out with me. Usually after going out and meeting a person over a period of time, it would be a given that you are now going out with the person. I realise some girls perfer to be officially be asked out which is fair enough. For me there is no need to say it as I would only be with one person at a time.

Anyway not everyone would see it that way so I know I have to ask this girl out now.
I have no idea when I should ask though. I know I want to go out with her personally but I am afraid that she would think it too early for me to ask her.
I know that there is no harm in asking anyway but I dont want to look silly asking her already but am unsure if she is waiting for me to ask. Its been a while since I have had to ask a girl so I am unsure what the usual is.

Does that make any sense? Should I wait a few weeks or is she kinda expecting me to ask her out now? I kinda get a feeling she is but am not sure. You see this why I hate having to do it as it feels silly even talking about it but yet I do know as she had said it very early on that she would expect a guy to ask her out and do all the chasing.


Thanks for any suggestions

Galvia

Ask her out. Be polite but interested. Suggest something fun that both of you would enjoy, not just you. Go for it.

foggydew

Galvia wrote:

Ask her out. Be polite but interested. Suggest something fun that both of you would enjoy, not just you. Go for it.

Thanks Galvia. Do you mean like a date? What I mean is to ask someone out. Boyfriend/Girlffriend thingy.

Cheers

Beruthiel

foggydew wrote:

Now the thing is I would normally not be a person to ask someone to go out with me officially.

do people still do that? (other than teenagers that is)
if you're a teen, then ya ask..
if you're over 20 then I don't see why you'd have to go through that

BoozyBabe

You're the opposite to me.

I kissed a fella one night (knew him years as a friend before hand), then didn't see him for a few weeks, then we arranged to meet in the pub one particular night.

We both just took it that that meant we were now bf/gf (which is the case). We've never had the 'will you be my gf/bf' type speach & tbh I think that's playground in primary school stuff.

So, we were dating a few months & I was keeping a friend up to date on all the progress etc, & then she says:- 'so, are ye going out together then'

I was thinking wtf!!! What'd she think we were doing for the last few months???

Anyway, I've no advice for you. I guess some people feel they can meet all the time for months on end & for it still to be casual, where as others feel they're an item once their doing that.

If you feel you need to ask her, then you need to ask her.
Go with your gut feeling.

If she giggles at you when you say it, just say yea, you knew that, but you just felt it would be romantic / proper to ask her incase she was unsure & then take it from there.

Good Luck!

Secret lump

Dont bother asking her out, just continue on with the dating thing and gradually let it become more frequent. If all goes well you will end up going out with each other anyway but via a more natural evolutionary route. If you ask her out now it could come across as jealousy,insecurity or possesiveness on your part. Also, find out how she feels about a relationship by asking subtle or covert questions regarding same. As in, the next time you are with her in public and you see a couple holding hands together make some type of comment that may divine her true oppinions on a relationship. But in general just go with the flow, if its meant to happen it will.

Beruthiels comment is also very valid. Disregard what Ive said if you are under 18. Different rules at that age.

foggydew

Thanks a mill for your replies. haha It really does sound stupid doesnt it. Well I too thought that sort of thing went out with the playground but apparently not. It sounds ridiculous doesnt it but sometimes girls have these romantic notions and prefer to be officially asked out. Its one thing to ask a girl to marry you but thats different. I dunno, but this is my second time encountering a girl that wanted to be asked out. Its cringe stuff to do. At least I am not going mad. As for what to do haha I am stumped. I mean like we are both late twenties.

Galvia

foggydew wrote:

Thanks Galvia. Do you mean like a date? What I mean is to ask someone out. Boyfriend/Girlffriend thingy.

Cheers

Date? Will it be on a calendar with a time and place? Will the purpose of your "official" meeting be mutual interest, cause you like each other and want to see more? B/F and G/F distinctions? Don't worry about those labels. I think we are getting tied up in our shorts here? Whatever you call it, lad, ask her out. Show her a good time doing something you both would enjoy (both enjoy being key). Music? Dancing? Dinner? Film? Theatre? Sports? Walk in the park? Ask her what would be fun. Be honest, with no pick up lines. Show a sincere interest in her.;)

Beruthiel

foggydew wrote:

I mean like we are both late twenties.

are you saying that this girl is in her late twenties and still wants to be 'officially' asked to 'go steady' with you!? :eek:

Faith

I agree with Beruthiel, there's no need to ask her to "go steady"! It should be taken for granted when you're that age!

Kolodny

foggydew wrote:

this is my second time encountering a girl that wanted to be asked out. Its cringe stuff to do.

How do you know she wants to be asked? Does she expect you to get permission from her parents and make a formal announcement to the world that you're 'going out' with each other? I dread to think what hoops she'd put you through if you ever decided to get married!

If you have to do it I suppose ask her over dinner or something.

It seems a bit old fashioned if you ask me, but each to their own.