Bratty brother

Attol

This may seem like a really silly problem but it is driving me mad. I'm 18 and my little brother is 15. My parents have had to travel a lot due to their jobs and I've been left in charge. I am just at the end of my tether now as have to do everything. I have to wash the dishes, nag him into even doing the smallest thing and now he's just not even bothering going to school. My bus leaves at 8 so I have to leave at 20 to so can't physically drag him to his school which is in the totally opposite direction. He's currently sitting in his room with a naggin of rum(on a school night) with his friend and I can't get him to even take the dogs for a short walk. How the hell do I get him to listen to me? I'm sick of having to do everything. Also when my dad is home and I attempt to get my brother to listen to me my dad totally undermines me. To me it's perfectly clear that if I'm the guardian for like 70% of the time then it would make sense to make it perfectly clear that I should also be listened to or there will be consequences. All I can do is just nag and shout and disconnect him from his precious WoW(router is in my room and he doesn't have wireless). Gah!!!!

Fajitas!

Scare him into doing it to be honest. He sounds like he ain't gonna do much otherwise. Go in, take the rum off him and tell him to bring the dogs for a walk. Then tell his friend to leave... and hide your modem when you're not using the net...

Attol

I did do all that though, nothing works. I just get ignored. Plus he's physically stronger than me. It's getting on my nerves so much now because I just have to keep calling my parents and telling them to give out to him because he's not listening to me.

I was in Ireland visiting friends and I booked him flights too for the same plane. He was meant to call me to organise the way home but he didn't bring his mobile. He tried to miss the flight on purpose so he didn't have to go back to Birmingham. He almost made me miss lunch with my boyfriend the day I was leaving and going to say goodbye because he didn't call me, he wasn't where he was supposed to be and I was going to have to go to the general area he was in to physically look for him.

Plastic Scouser

I think I'd just do my own thing and leave him to it.

I'm sure your folks would go mad if they knew your brother wasn't going to school and was drinking with his mates. I'm not saying you should necessarily go and tell on him but they're bound to find out anyway and he'll manage to get himself into plenty of trouble on his own!

If you try & tell him what to do - washing up or walking the dog etc. - he'll just argue with you & you'll never get him to behave anyway because you're 'only' his sister!

You'll just end up unhappy from arguing all the time!

It's only my opinion but I'd just leave him to make his own trouble & carry on doing your own thing!

Attol

It's difficult though as he leaves his dirty clothes and plates everywhere and his stupid friends are so loud. I have college to go to and I am so sick of having to spend my mornings trying to drag him out of bed. I told my parents everything and they just don't do anything. I just get given out to about it.

Hagar

If you don't mind me saying so, that's a lot of responsibility to land on an 18yo. Don't get me wrong I'm not doubting your maturity or anything like that but you are not his parents. It's a tough enough job to manage a 15yo boy for a single parent so it must be murder for you. This is not your problem. It is your parents' problem. Give it back to them. Tell them what you are doing and walk away from the job. It is not your responsibility. Both your parents and you brother need a short, sharp wake up call.

Plastic Scouser

I totally agree with the posts 6 & 7 above.

Tell your parents that you can't handle him. (Don't argue with them or slag him off, just tell them in a calm conversation that you can't deal with looking after him.)

Then, just look after yourself - make your own dinner, do your own washing up & only worry about getting yourself to college not getting him to school.

He is your parents child and not your responsibility!

Plastic Scouser

#Elites wrote:

if she walks away, and he OD's on some drug, passes out on drink, and never wakes up, she will be blamed plus its her Home to.

Do this: Get your boyfried to "live" with you untill ur parents are back, he will sort the guy out.

Her parents would be mad to blame her for what he does when she's told her parents how he's behaving and they haven't done anything about it. Again, he is not her responsibility!

Also, I don't think you should get your boyfriend to move in with you. Getting someone else involved won't help & you don't really want your boyfriend & brother arguing too. Plus if they were to have a fight or something then your parents would (probably) understandably side with your brother & it might get you & your boyfriend in trouble with them!

seamus

I have to agree with #Elites. Tell your parents that you refuse to be his maid and just sort yourself out. By all means cook dinner for him if you're making it for yourself, but other than that, lock your bedroom door and do what suits you.

Any dirty laundry or dishes that he leaves lying around, put it on his bed.

Your parents probably can't see it, but the issue here is not that you are being selfish because they have to work. The issue is that their work is jeopardising the educations of both of their children.
If you look after your brother, your education suffers.
If you don't, then his education suffers.

It's not your responsibility to make that decision.

koneko

Your parents should not be putting you in this position, he's THEIR child not yours. It's highly irresponsible of them imho. I would sit down with them (when they're finally around) and have a serious discussion about it. You obviously can't keep going on this way, it'll do you no good, and your brother will not see you as an authority figure as you're "just his sis".

Attol

Thanks! The boyfriend advice is really good actually I think. Shame mine lives in Ireland when I'm living in England! My brother tries to act mature in front of him usually so it tends to make my life easier. The dishes are so going to just stay on his bed now. Once the smell starts to get to him he may get up off his ass and clean up after himself. My parents are back for a couple days from tomorrow so I'm just going to try to get them to offload him onto someone else who he may respect enough to listen to.

Attol

I don't cook for him very often anyway. He looked a bit miffed when I dropped a dirty saucepan and spaghetti strainer thingy(can't remember the name) on his bed that he left in the sink without washing and told him that was what was going to happen to every single thing he leaves lying around the house. Tomorrow's plan : screwing up the router so only I can go online.

Nevyn

Do you have someone that you can turn to for help ?
An Aunt, uncle a grown up that you were told to contact if there was hassle while you parents were away ?

Attol

Nope. Literally nobody in this country. Poor boyfriend is the only one I can talk to and whine to these days!

the_syco

LadyLotts wrote:

Tomorrow's plan : screwing up the router so only I can go online.

Don't screw it up. Get a program that limits the usage a user can have. Allow him access to the net, but at a horribly slow speed. Blame Eircom (or whatever your provider is), and he'll eventually get sick of the slow speed, and give-up.

As for the bro... well... don't cook for him, don't wash his clothes, and when your parents come home, ask them can you move into student accomdation next time they go away, as there's no f**king way that you're going to babysit the alcoholic truant. Oh, and use that phrase. Let it sink into their brains, that when the cats away, the mouse plays, and you're not going to let your grades suffer, because he's not doing his sh|t, getting drunk with his mates, and not going to school.

Finally, ring up the school, and say (as a concerned parent) to the school that you don't think Jimmy (or whatever his name is) is attending school, and could you find out how many days he's missed since X date (X date = when your parents went away). So when the parents do come home, hand it to them, as proof. Tell them that as he's stronger than you are, you can't make him go, and as your bus for your college goes before his, you have no way of knowing how to ensure he goes to school.

Chucky the tree

the_syco wrote:

Finally, ring up the school, and say (as a concerned parent) to the school that you don't think Jimmy (or whatever his name is) is attending school, and could you find out how many days he's missed since X date (X date = when your parents went away). So when the parents do come home, hand it to them, as proof. Tell them that as he's stronger than you are, you can't make him go, and as your bus for your college goes before his, you have no way of knowing how to ensure he goes to school.

I wouldnt do this. It will cause to much hassle. If hes bring a prick now, it could get alot worse if you "rat" on him to your auld pair about him not going to school. Could be 10 times harder to control him if your left on your own with him after that.


Just what everyone else has said, ignore him. Dont cook for me, dont even call him for dinner, dont wash his clothes, dont call him in the moring. when you do the shopping just shop for yourself.

If it continues to get worse just post back here and people can tell you ways of revenge to sort it out.

the_syco

Chucky the tree wrote:

I wouldnt do this. It will cause to much hassle. If hes bring a prick now, it could get alot worse if you "rat" on him to your auld pair about him not going to school. Could be 10 times harder to control him if your left on your own with him after that.

Aye, but he may think that he's getting a free ride atm. He ignores the sister, seems to get away with it when the parents are at home

LadyLotts wrote:

lso when my dad is home and I attempt to get my brother to listen to me my dad totally undermines me.

but if he copped on that big sister can create hell, he may think again about pissing her off on purpose.

Beruthiel

LadyLotts wrote:

This may seem like a really silly problem but it is driving me mad. I'm 18 and my little brother is 15. My parents have had to travel a lot due to their jobs and I've been left in charge. I am just at the end of my tether now as have to do everything. I have to wash the dishes, nag him into even doing the smallest thing and now he's just not even bothering going to school. My bus leaves at 8 so I have to leave at 20 to so can't physically drag him to his school which is in the totally opposite direction. He's currently sitting in his room with a naggin of rum(on a school night) with his friend and I can't get him to even take the dogs for a short walk. How the hell do I get him to listen to me? I'm sick of having to do everything. Also when my dad is home and I attempt to get my brother to listen to me my dad totally undermines me. To me it's perfectly clear that if I'm the guardian for like 70% of the time then it would make sense to make it perfectly clear that I should also be listened to or there will be consequences. All I can do is just nag and shout and disconnect him from his precious WoW(router is in my room and he doesn't have wireless). Gah!!!!

sit your parents down and tell them all of the above.
they are being totally irresponsible btw, no 18 year old should be expected to take care of a 15 year old on a regular basis, especially if he's behaving like this. Tell them as much, they are his parents, not you!

LegacyUser

My parents were out working all hours when I was your age. I remember a week or so where me and my younger brother fought like cats and dogs every evening, I was 17, he was 15. He could be violent and smash things around the house and be verbally abusive. One night both of my parents were working really late and my brother had all his friends around with vodka, acting the maggot , being noisy and disruptive, running around outside the house in the dark. I was trying to study at the time.

I learned that doing tit-for-tat was totally pointless and that we wound each other up to the limit. Tensions were extremely high and I was mentally drained.It wasn't worth it.

You are too young to handle this on your own. All of these suggestions about getting little acts of revenge on your brother will be of no help in the long run and cause you distress.In fact, he is more likely to aggravate you further if he sees you getting annoyed.

Fifteen year old boys will not listen to you. They won't wanna go to school. They won't wanna clean up after themselves. They couldn't be arsed washing their own clothes.HE IS ONLY A KID! He couldn't care less about your attempts at discipline.

My advice is to leave him to it for the next couple of days. I am sure you have got better things to do than dumping dirty plates on his bed.

Catalogue his behaviour, sit down with your parents and explain to them how stressed you feel having to be responsible for your brother and that this simply will not do in the future.They are the parents, it is their issue.

Don't lose your cool and think of your emotional health. He couldn't care less either way. Good luck.