Question for girls

LegacyUser

Hi, i've been going out with my new girlfriend a month now, we're both 23. She's an absolute stunner with a great personality, the girl i've been waiting for. Im worrying big time though. The fact is that i don't have much sexual experience in comparison to her and im worried that she will dump me if im not great in bed. I've had 5 one-night stands but have never had a long-term girlfriend before cos i was waiting for the right one to come along. The fact is that now she has come along im worried i won't be able to hang onto her.
She has been in long-term relationships since she was 16 and she has been sexually active this long too. We get on great and we had known each other a year before we started going out. She probably thinks I have far more experience than i actually have, girls seem to presume this of me i find.
So all you girls out there can you help me?
Would you dump a guy if he was this inexperienced and nervous in bed? I reckon it would take me awhile to to start rocking her world. Would you think less of a 23 year old guy with such a lack of sexual experience and relationships?
Please girls be honest, don't just write stuff to make you look good or make me feel better.
Im not looking for a confidence boost here, im just looking for the truth.
Thanks for reading, im looking forward to your replies

Coney Island

I am not a girl, but I would advise to do one of the following:

1) Tell her and be honest and hope she will be understanding.

OR

2) Take a week holidays to Amsterdam for training.

ShriekingSheet

Coney Island wrote:

I am not a girl, but I would advise to do one of the following:

1) Tell her and be honest and hope she will be understanding.

OR

2) Take a week holidays to Amsterdam for training.

hhahahahahahahhahahahahahahha

but seriously man

there's no need to hope - she WILL be understanding and impressed at you communicating in such a proper relationship way

g'em

MRR.MANN wrote:

Would you dump a guy if he was this inexperienced and nervous in bed? I reckon it would take me awhile to to start rocking her world. Would you think less of a 23 year old guy with such a lack of sexual experience and relationships?

absolutely not. If he was honest and open with me about it I'd see it as very refreshing and tbh would pretty much relish the chance of teaching him some new tricks

Don't worry about it. Talk to her, and if she's a decent person it won't worry her either.

little miss

Seriously, no girl would care. Unless she was amazingly shallow and stupid, which this girl certainly doesn't seem to be. The fact you're worried to begin with is bound to melt her heart. The best thing to do is to be honest with her, and encourage her to tell you what she likes and doesn't. The best sex happens when you can be completely honest with your partner, and just relax and enjoy it! COMMUNICATION is the key, as is the ability not to take sex too seriously.

23 isn't that old, and I wouldn't expect a guy to be that experienced then. Sex in a long term relationship is SO different to a one night stand, and its bound to be a bit awkward at the beginning as it takes time to get used to each other. So, be brave, be honest and don't be scared to ask her for tips and advice! And most of all, ENJOY!

rainbow kirby

If I was that girl, it wouldn't be an issue.
Have fun!

marie_85

Its going to be different for her as well as for you. Sleeping with someone new is always kind of nerve racking, no matter how much experience you have had. Just relax and enjoy it. I don't see any girl having an issue with this.

ZiabR

Yeah i agree, i am not a girl but i would think nothing of it. As other posts have said, unless she is very shallow it should be no problem, just explain it to her.

The OP

Simple - just be honest and tell her, because if she dumps you for being inexperienced, then she's a shallow whore - so either way you win - if she dumps you, you've got rid of a shallow whore, and if she's cool with it, you've got yourself a good 'un.

Ickle Magoo

Why would you assume that because you haven't 150 notches on your bed post that you are bound to be "not great in bed"?

It takes two to have fabulous sex as you have to tell your partner what turns you on & what makes sex fabulous for you......unless your g/f is just planning on lying there & expecting you to guess what works for her, then it shouldn't matter what experience you have....every girl is different & likes different things so even a guy with lots of experience takes a bit of practice to get it right....

Just ask her what she likes & how she likes it & go from there....all the best

Sleepy

An old teacher of mine once made a very good point to us in class: why is it you fúck someone but make love with someone? Sex isn't something you do to someone, it's something you do with them. Great sex happens when you're with someone that's compatible for you (or has learned to be compatible through communication), not through being TEH MAHSTER in bed...

Be honest with her. You mention that she's had a few long-term relationships. I can guarantee you the sex in each one of those relationships was strikingly different (at least that's been my experience). Don't worry about being "the best", women aren't as competitive about sex as us guys can be. Like I said, in every relationship I've been in the sex has been different to any other relationship I've been in, each girl I've gone out with has things that made sex with her special and amazing in ways that none of the other's have been (and sometimes for diametrically opposed things!).

Don't worry about it. You sound like you've a sound basis for a relationship (in that you've known her quite a while beford ye hooked up). I'm sure the sex will take care of itself. If you're still unsure of yourself, there are LOADS of good sex 'manuals' in your local bookshop, just remember: there's no set formula for making a girl orgasm, learn what she likes though and you'll have her screaming for more!

My 2c.

LegacyUser

There is no way a girl would dump you for being inexperienced in bed, not if she had any kind of feelings for you, and judging from your original post, she seems to care for you a lot.

I definitely would never have held it against anyone, but I didn't have much experience myself.

Beruthiel

MRR.MANN wrote:

Would you dump a guy if he was this inexperienced and nervous in bed? I reckon it would take me awhile to to start rocking her world. Would you think less of a 23 year old guy with such a lack of sexual experience and relationships?

nope
I wouldn't have a problem with it at all,
practice makes perfect they say...

jubi lee

she definetly won't dump you, but speak to her about it. discuss what you would like to try and what she likes etc and experiment! thats all the fun!!:D

LegacyUser

Ickle Magoo wrote:

Why would you assume that because you haven't 150 notches on your bed post that you are bound to be "not great in bed"?

It takes two to have fabulous sex as you have to tell your partner what turns you on & what makes sex fabulous for you......unless your g/f is just planning on lying there & expecting you to guess what works for her, then it shouldn't matter what experience you have....every girl is different & likes different things so even a guy with lots of experience takes a bit of practice to get it right....

Just ask her what she likes & how she likes it & go from there....all the best

To be honest just knowing that some people are shallow ****es and hearing stories of that kind in the media or even the gossip relationship column in a newspaper.You'd be surprised.
To the OP, don't worry!Seriously.Unless she's a thundering bitch she'll be great about it.I was in your situation only a tad younger.But I had one less than no experience,if you get me?
I knew the girl for a month or so beforehand and just speaking to her she came right out and asked me had I kissed someone before.Since it was a big hangup for me it was very embarrassing and having someone cop onto it without me saying it worried me more.Wondering if it was totally obvious to all...
But she was lovely about it.When we got together I was then naturally terrified of the stories you hear about guys and their first time coming true.Since I'd even less experience than most it made me feel worse.But she did everything to make me feel comfortable.And without bragging I impressed enough that she mentioned it after.Surprised myself too to be honest.
So I defintely advise you tell the girl.If I hadn't I don't think it would have worked out how it did for me.My mind was at rest no matter what happened.But it afforded me the peace of mind which I honestly think allowed me forget everything and to just get lost in it.

Lux23

g'em wrote:

absolutely not. If he was honest and open with me about it I'd see it as very refreshing and tbh would pretty much relish the chance of teaching him some new tricks

Thats how I would feel about it too.

NoreenMF

Good sex takes lots of practice even for the most experienced people. So don't worry!! At least you can have fun whilst practising...

Sifo

you'll be grand, she might enjoy taking the lead

Zombrex

MRR.MANN wrote:

Im not looking for a confidence boost here, im just looking for the truth.
Thanks for reading, im looking forward to your replies

Speaking as a guy I don't think there is any magic forumla for being good in bed. It is more to do with having the right attitude. The thing to do is be tentaive, focus on her some of the time, try things out and not worry so much. I would imagine being nervous about pleasing her is the worse thing to do.

But the very fact that you are actually thinking about pleasing her at all is probably a bit plus for you ...

And remember just because she has had a lot of sex doesn't mean she herself is any good, or the guys she were with were any good.

kittenkiller

Plenty of blokes have had lots more women than you & I assure you it don't make them great in bed.
Your nerves'll be the only thing acting against you.

If you think it'll ease them somewhat, tell her how much experience you've had.
There's no need for a big long heart-to-heart about it, you can just mention it over a drink or something.

Seriously, as you've probably already gathered, most girls aren't that shallow & an awful lot would take you on as a 'challenge' if you needed improving.
That's the wonderful thing about sex, it's the most fun thing around to learn & you only get better!

Seriously, relax!

AngryBadger

Agree with most of the above, also, most girls experience mostly crap sex, so she'll probably be thrilled that you're considering HER pleasure, and excited at the prospect of gratuitous, willful, regular, satisfying sex

stovelid

Theres no technical manual for it mate (at least i hope not :0)

If you are both into each other and both willing to learn, whoever has the " most notches" (as another poster said), is of no consequences..

Enjoy!

Zombrex

stovelid wrote:

Theres no technical manual for it mate (at least i hope not :0)

Its called the Jenna Jameson back catalog

stovelid

Where did you go to school?! :0)

Sleepy wrote:

An old teacher of mine once made a very good point to us in class: why is it you fúck someone but make love with someone? Sex isn't something you do to someone, it's something you do with them.

Morrigan

Op, as long as you are open to learning, then I'd say everything will be fine. The girl may find it fun to teach you

Stabshauptmann

id prob give the same advise as above - yeah shell be understanding and talk to her etc

BUT

Ive known lots of people who've ended relationships over sex.
Ive known people who hate the responsible attitude and talks with people under say 30.


Different stroles for different folks and we dont know her. You decide if shes likly to be put off the the serious conversation stuff and go from there.

Some pieces of advice though:
1)Just talk the talk, say you're great often enough and she'll believe it
Dont tell her you "only" have 5 previous partners. Say you have "about" 5 or something like that, dont use self pitying phrases, use confident language
And dont make a big song and dance over it, mention it in passing

2)Sexual activities are confined to the missionary position, find other ways to please her
3)The internet is your friend when it comes to learning stuff.

The more info you give here the more helpful replys will be. How exactly are you afraid of underpreforming?

Oryx

stovelid wrote:

Theres no technical manual for it mate (at least i hope not :0)


Enjoy!

Yes there is, actually
sex manual

cupsoftea

It might be true that people have dumped others because they are bad in bed, but men are only bad in bed if they are selfish and/or too lazy to please their partners. If you take your time and are loving and affectionate, you can't go wrong.
Also you don't have to rush into the sex part, even a few months of foreplay can be in order in a new relationship.

stovelid

i will not order the book, i will not order the book

KatieK wrote:

Yes there is, actually
sex manual

JustCoz

It really wouldn't make any difference to me, tbh I'd be impressed that my boyfriend wasn't whoring around before me! You haven't been going out for that long so it make take a bit of time to get used to eachother but any girl who would think less of you for being inexperienced isn't worth it!

BossArky

My advice to you young man is:

- give it to her straight

...then....

- give it to her at an angle, then from behind, then from on top, then from the bottom... then... ooops getting a bit carried away there :eek:

Seriously you'll be grand.

MaxBax

BossArky wrote:

My advice to you young man is:

- give it to her straight

...then....

- give it to her at an angle, then from behind, then from on top, then from the bottom... then... ooops getting a bit carried away there :eek:

Seriously you'll be grand.

Great Thread, great post.

Our man in Havana

KatieK wrote:

Yes there is, actually
sex manual

Is there anything they don't have a manual for?

lili

it's cute and refreshing to read such self-questionment:)
just tell her what you wrote here. apparently all the girls which answered to you were touched.
what is the most important in sexual relationship for a girl is the honesty and the interest of the partner. you don't need to be an expert for bring her what she needs. don't forget that us, the women, don't have the same approche than the men about sexual stuffs.