Serious problems with my life and with myself

LegacyUser

Hello, Im a 21yr old male after i finshed school i didnt work or to college so all i did was nothing and got nowhere cause i was to afarid i had no self belif with myself i had 3 goals for the new year and they where 1 and the most important to get a girlfriend which i wanted more then anything else in this world, 2 to get a job, 3 start martial arts which i have always been interested in, I was in love with a friend of mine since school but never told her as i was afarid of rejection as i never had a girl i wanted to ask her to the debs but didnt and ended up going alone,

In the new year i began martial arts which i stuck with and the got a summer job and was going out a bit more which i never did much i wanted to stay home when all the time and then i got a full time job the one i wanted and passed my first martial art grading but then i was went out with my friends and her friends and met my first girlfriend she liked me and i liked her but neither of us knew until my friend told us i was never so happy i felt for once i felt normal but it feel apart she broke up with me 2 months later she rang me i was so sad i started crying in work i kept blaming myself thinking what i did wrong we tred to have sex but i was to nervous as we we were both virgins and we had a great night before she broke up with me

then 2 weeks i get a call late night finding out one of my best friends is dead a week before he turned 21 i was in shock shaking and crying my ex found out and txted me to say how sorry she was that it will get better with time a friend of hers died months before it really hit me at the funeral i couldnt stop crying why does life threat me like this. After that i was in touch wit 2 friends who where there for me and some friends of my friends but didnt want to talk to anyone else i began hateing them all i was still heart broken about the girl we werent in touch i was to afrid to txt her crying about her all time i cudnt talk to anyone i felt alone people said if i ever needed to talk ring them but i didnt then we got back in touch txting each other i had a talk with friends and i found it wasnt my fault that the break up happened she has her problems with herself but it justs make me worry bout her much more her my famliy and a few close friends r the only people i care about in this world but i feel suicidely r just to want to run away. I know it long and some the spelling is wrong but all of this is from the heart and i need help

murphaph

Issac, you seem to have a loving family and friends around you who are there if you need them. I know it might be easier to talk to strangers on boards but there are real people who care about you out there.

We've all been really low following relationships failing, I know I have, but it does get better. I have never had a close friend pass away, so I guess that's pretty tough going. Did you have any common friends who you can talk with about that?

RoundyMooney

PI please...

Chucky the tree

^ i'd delete that post if i were you Calibos.


to op:

i'd get professional help. Or even just give smaratians a ring if your too afraid to see a specialist.

Its just unfortuante that all the bad things happened in your life in such a short space of time. TIme will definitly help with both, its anoying to hear but its true.

daiixi

I'm getting a major dose of deja vu atm.. am pretty sure that the original post has been posted before..

ntlbell

daiixi wrote:

I'm getting a major dose of deja vu atm.. am pretty sure that the original post has been posted before..

I think it's more to do with the same cr*p get's posted every other day.

Can we get some more sticky's added?

My life sucks help sticky

Does she love me sticky.

When should I call her sticky

I'm an idiot and can't think for myself sticky

dudara

ntlbell, only helpful comments please. Please read the charter

ntlbell

dudara wrote:

ntlbell, only helpful comments please. Please read the charter

I am trying to be helpful.

dudara

No you're not. Stick to the original topic, and refrain from commenting on the repetitive nature of posts in this forum

noodle_soup

Hey man. All I can say is don't give up! You got your self out of the dumps before you can do it again. You said you had no job, didn't go to college after school and did nothing because you had little self belief but then one day you decided to change all that n went and started your martial arts trainning and got a full time job, you made something of yourself and then started going out more and got yourself a girlfriend. Just because some bad things happened along the way isnt reason to give up. Life comes with the good and the bad.

About your ex if your not going to get her back you have to let her go for your own sake. Its good that you now know that it wasnt anything you did that made her break up with you.

I think professional help would be a good idea especially to help you get over losing your friend. Loosing someone like that is a terrible experience and it can be a lonely place dealing with it yourself. There's nothin wrong with asking for help.

It seems you've got it in you to get over all this. All you need is a little faith in yourself. Good Luck.

...I hope that helps.

justsomebloke

ok you set your self 3 goals and you achieved them, so things couldn't be that bad. You are doing martial arts and now from what i can gather also have a job that you want. The only problem is even though you achieved your goal of having a girlfirend the way it turned out isn't in the manner you hoped, but some times you have to take the good with the bad. Don't let this small hicup set you back to square one.
Breaking up with your first love is hard but most of us have been there and you will get over it. As if what you said is true that she only broke up cause of personnel issues you maybe able to get back together in the future but you will have to sort your own head out first if the relationship will last.
You have friends there that are willing to help so use them as they are probably better placed to help you then posting up here.
also one last bit of advised it maybe benefical for you to set out a new set of goals for you to achieve to help you owk through this time

nikorami

First I'll start with the harsh words/reality: The things you expereinced are not all that different than what many face every day. I have had family gunned down, or thrown in prison and they lost everything(family, home and work). If you stop worrying about all the things that go wrong in your life, then step back and look at all the good things, then put them all in perspective and see that there are others worse off...far worse off than you.

That being said it takes a lot to do all that. Much like your 3 goals you have to want to do this. But it is worth it.

Without hardship you can never truly appreciate the good things in life.

My recommendation is too talk to family...make sure you LISTEN, not just hear. Experience is a hard thing to come by and it rarely comes easy...so let the past experiences of others help you.

Zombrex

issac wrote:

I know it long and some the spelling is wrong but all of this is from the heart and i need help

Sounds like you are putting way too much pressure on yourself.

First things first, don't set out to get a girlfriend. Despite the fact you actually did manage to get a girlfriend, in the normal course of things putting that much pressure on yourself to do something that should happen naturally is going to lead to trouble.

Secondly, I wouldn't get too obsessed with the 2 month relationship. Since it was your first it probably will seem like a huge deal, but 2 months is nothing, and in a few months you will wonder what the fuss was about.

The fact that you were so upset over the break up is a sign that you have some issues with yourself (not with her, or the relationship), which it would be no harm attempting to sort out. This is so common with people these days it seems every second post on PI is along the lines of "I went out with a girl/boy for 2 weeks, 2 months 1 year, she broke up with me and now I want to die, I can't go on etc"

The thing is, and it mightn't be easy to see now, is that it is issues with yourself, your self esteme etc that are the cause of this.

Really you should be happen without someone and happier with someone, not misserable without someone and kinda happy with someone. So the thing to focus on is getting happy with your life the way it is. No one should have to have the responsibility of making you happy. You will then find it a lot easier to manage relationships because you will know that if it all doesn't work out it isn't the end of the world.

I suggest talking to a consilour about some of the stuff going on with you.

ianmc38

ntlbell wrote:

I think it's more to do with the same cr*p get's posted every other day.

Can we get some more sticky's added?

My life sucks help sticky

Does she love me sticky.

When should I call her sticky

I'm an idiot and can't think for myself sticky

NTLs a sensitive one at heart.