What to do?

LegacyUser

First time poster...

I am a 23 year old male...

Went out a month ago to a well known Dublin city centre (ish) nightclub. Had a good bit to drink as I was celebrating and ended up mooching a girl all night - she was a stunner - couldn't believe she came onto me. At the end of the night we went back to hers and so forth. We've been going out since then. She gorgoeus, funny and everything I could look for in a girl...

Heres the catch. Tonight I got text. 'We need to talk' etc. We went for a drive and she told me she is only 16. 15 when we slept together. Now before you all jump down my throat - she honestly looks about 19. Her ID - which I know now to be obviously fake says shes 20. I'm honestly totally lost for words...

She said she has to come clean because she loves me. She hasn't met my family yet or anything.

I don't know what I'm looking for by posting this but some advice or comments would be very helpful...

ryker

lisiten you sound like an ok guy but my advice is to let her down easy before it goes to far

LegacyUser

well the fact you didnt puke when she told you...

its prob best if you tell her what u really want to do.

Faith

End it. End it now. Not only is it illegal, it's kinda gross.

You say you went back to hers- where were her parents? She must be, what doing her Junior Cert? No good can come of this.

LegacyUser

No she is in FAS. Obviously it never occured to me she might be underage - for so many reasons...

jrey1981

Sounds like you are playing with fire to be honest, and that she might have issues...

seamus

It's quite easy for girls at that age to fall "in love" with older guys, because they're so much more mature than guys of their own age, they have money and "power" (i.e. they can get into nightclubs, flag down taxis, etc). I very much doubt she loves you, but she is infatuated by you.

Regardless of your feelings on the situation, I would recommend you leave it. Now. She's just gone 16, which means she's still below the age for consent for another year. Would you hide from her family for that time, or cross your fingers and hope they don't try to charge you with stautory rape?

MaxBax

End it now or don't have sex with her for the next 2 years but maintain a relationship.

westcoastcooler

Bricking It wrote:

First time poster...

I am a 23 year old male...

Went out a month ago to a well known Dublin city centre (ish) nightclub. Had a good bit to drink as I was celebrating and ended up mooching a girl all night - she was a stunner - couldn't believe she came onto me. At the end of the night we went back to hers and so forth. We've been going out since then. She gorgoeus, funny and everything I could look for in a girl...

Heres the catch. Tonight I got text. 'We need to talk' etc. We went for a drive and she told me she is only 16. 15 when we slept together. Now before you all jump down my throat - she honestly looks about 19. Her ID - which I know now to be obviously fake says shes 20. I'm honestly totally lost for words...

She said she has to come clean because she loves me. She hasn't met my family yet or anything.

I don't know what I'm looking for by posting this but some advice or comments would be very helpful...

omg

im sorri baby but u gota get rida her

I was with a 24 year old when I was 17

The only reason he stayed wit me is because i was JUST over age- we broke 2 months later wen i HIT 18

I know ur prob a nice fella n all but u gota dump her- at least til shes 18.

I am wit my fella 2 years since i broke up with the other fella........... and im so happy!!!!!!!!!!

Think about It

Laguna

Well, looking at this from a purely legal perspective, you can't have a sexual relationship with her and with you being the age you are, I'd say it's fairly safe to say it won't be enough for you to hold hands and go to the Cinema at the weekends with her.

If you really feel there's some connection between you and I mean really think there's something there, you can continue the relationship but on a non physical level, waiting until she's old enough.

Personally I'd end it now, after all, she did lie to you about her age, honesty is the basis of a healthy relationship after all..

Mezcita

Feck it. Go out with her if you really are mad about her.

Goodshape

Laguna wrote:

If you really feel there's some connection between you and I mean really think there's something there, you can continue the relationship but on a non physical level, waiting until she's old enough.

Would people (here) really be so concerned about the legality of a physical relationship in this situation, to the point of restraining yourself until the magic 17th birthday when everything is 'OK'?

The 'law' in England (and many other places) says 16 years old is old enough -- if that were the case here would you lose your reservations?

Personally I wouldn't jump at the chance to go out with a 16 (or 17, 18) year old, pretty much for the reasons seamus pointed out in his first paragraph.. and when I think back on my own life so far, I've changed the way I think a lot since 16/17. But in saying that, everyone and every situation is different. The 'legality' of it wouldn't be what turns me away in any case.

Laguna

Goodshape wrote:

Would people (here) really be so concerned about the legality of a physical relationship in this situation, to the point of restraining yourself until the magic 17th birthday when everything is 'OK'?

Yeah, but what do you expect me to do say?, you think I should advocate him breaking the law and putting himself in the position where he can be brought to court on charges of statutory rape?. Lets face it, 16 year old girls are a hormonal whirlwind, one row between the two of them and all of a sudden she runs home, tells the parents about the relationship, the dad hits the roof, calls the Gardai - the rest is obvious.

Goodshape

Laguna wrote:

Yeah, but what do you expect me to do say?, you think I should advocate him breaking the law and putting himself in the position where he can be brought to court on charges of statutory rape?. Lets face it, 16 year old girls are a hormonal whirlwind, one row between the two of them and all of a sudden she runs home, tells the parents about the relationship, the dad hits the roof, calls the Gardai - the rest is obvious.

I do see your point, you'd want to make fairly certin that isn't going to be an issue.

I still think that bowing down to the law is a poor excuse to end a relationship but things like trust (she didn't tell you for a month?), irrate parrents and whether or not the OP feels comfertable with the situation himself, all play a bigger role.

'What to do?' - only you can answer that question. do what you feel is right.

LundiMardi

westcoastcooler wrote:

omg

im sorri baby but u gota get rida her

I was with a 24 year old when I was 17

The only reason he stayed wit me is because i was JUST over age- we broke 2 months later wen i HIT 18

I know ur prob a nice fella n all but u gota dump her- at least til shes 18.

I am wit my fella 2 years since i broke up with the other fella........... and im so happy!!!!!!!!!!

Think about It

wow, less of the txt spk plse....

OP: Do you really have to ask?

spinandscribble

jesus thats rough. its amazing a 15 yr old would start something like that (i mean a full on sexual relationship the night you meet which could signal issues). if she really loves you she should understand the problem shes caused you. its immature of her to think that "love" is enough when you could have the gardai on you. personally i dont think its sick that you're going out with her and of course she must have looked a hell of alot older then she was but most people will look at your relationship and she the typical older guy wants one thing bha bha bha bha.... if you still want to be with her and love her enough to take the risk how about you stay apart til shes legal then pick up where you left off. its a really tricky problem i really feel sorry for ya

Nevyn

spinandscribble wrote:

its amazing a 15 yr old would start something like that

No it isn't.
It is the lolita complex plain and simple and young women thinking they are more mature then they really are and wanting to try out thier new body and sexual powers to play at being a grown up to see if they can.


Bricking It plain and simple while you may not have taken advantage of a nonconsenting minor you now know her age and continuing to have a sexual relationship with her would be illegal.

Normally a 7 year age gap is not much but you have to take into consideration her young age.
She may very well think that she is in love with you and as much as you enjoy her company I would suggest that if you decide to spend time with her you do it and stick to legal activities.
But it could well be that the milk is split and the best thing you can do it
end the relationship and explain to her why what she did was wrong.

Canis Lupus

And have her call the cops and tell em all the stuff you've been getting up to.


Oho but it's fun to look on the bright side of life.

OP SHE'S TOO YOUNG...... way way way way way * infinity, too young.

Ickle Magoo

She ensured your relationship was based on a lie and put you at risk of getting a police record....doesn't sound much like love to me....and reason enough to end things regardless of how you feel about her age now....if it were me I would tell her I was so angry that she lied & put me in that position that I didn't want to go out with her anymore....may make her think twice next time....best of luck

murphaph

She might not react too well to being dropped like a hot potato and go to her old man anyway! It's true you learn summat new everyday-I didn't know the age of consent is 17 here, I assumed 16 like the UK!

Whatever you do OP, cut out the illegal stuff now or you could be in some serious trouble. You have a defence right now (ignorance, fake ID etc.) but she has since made you fully aware of the truth and so anything you do from here on in is your call. You might become be the pretty young thing in Arbour Hill remember :eek:

Gone West

Meh. Just procrastinate and string her along until shes 17 and legal.

kittenkiller

Wow!
it seemed too good to be true & then.... It was too good to be true!
What a surprise!

Where's the problem here, you only say how great looking she is rather than you really love her or you've become really close & she's a really good friend etc..

She lied to you, had you break the law & you're wondering what to do?

Marry her!

impr0v

murphaph wrote:

Whatever you do OP, cut out the illegal stuff now or you could be in some serious trouble. You have a defence right now (ignorance, fake ID etc.) but she has since made you fully aware of the truth and so anything you do from here on in is your call.

Actually he doesn't have a defence. Statutory rape is currently an offence of strict liability which effectively that means once he's done it, he's guilty. The 'defence' you mention will however, usually mitigate the punishment imposed by a court. You are therefore correct in saying that continuing having sexual relations with this minor will negate the effect of those mitigating circumstances.

OP, if you decide to continue with this relationship, by no means continue having sexual intercourse with her, prior to her 17th birthday. Your situation is already precarious, in that what you have already done will almost certainly end up with your name being added to the sex offenders register if it is reported, but continuing makes it even more so.

With the above in mind you might also consider how this girl will react to the relationship being severed, as regards the chances of her reporting you to her parents or the Gardaí.

Laguna

He doesn't have a legal defence, ignorance is inadmissable in law, if ignorance were a defence, you could use it in every defence.

"Why did you kill the man?"

"I didn't know he was going to die, therefore I plead ignorance.."

I could be wrong so someone correct me if I am but as far as I know, the legal age of consent here used be 16 but the new law changed it to 17 when they were legalising homosexuality as some Dáil members with nothing better to do wanted to have an older age for one to be legal than the other.
Thats how it ended up being 17

It's ridiculous in my opinion because, well if you go to any club or caravan park during the summer, you could fill the jails based on that law.

The OP should follow his heart,if he likes the girl as he clearly does, then its going to be very very difficult.
A 7 year age gap is fine at 18 or 19 assuming that the two of ye get along but its very "iffy" at 16.
Parents would go mad which is ironic if you are a decent enough fellah and if this girl was having sex anyway with blokes her own age.

Theres a big grey area at the border and its best not to go there.
Your problem is you've already unknowingly went there.
My advice again now that you are there is follow your heart and thread very carefully if you want to proceed with the relationship.

If you just cant abstain, then just hop up to Newry. The fact that its legal there and not here is just showing how ridiculous it is.

That said , this shouldnt be about that, it should be about something much bigger than that, and that is how you feel.
Nobody here is competent enough to fully advise you because both you and they are just random internet unknowns.All that can be done is give an opinion.
Maybe you can decide between the two of yez that maintaining a fully public relationship at the moment is impossible as her parents (and probably yours and some of your friends) would go bananna's.
That must be kind of the relationship ye have at the moment-Can you keep it that way for another 2 years?
The decision and whether you think you can go on as you are now is only something you cna know or decide.
It's probably going to be easier for you in the short term than it is for her though if you decide to end it.

Chucky the tree

Lets cut all the bull**** about love and following your heart out of the equation.

Heres the truthful situtation:

Op is amazed someone as goodlooking a girl wanted him. He knows a girl that goodlooking his own age wouldnt go for him. He wants to keep lobbing it into the girl cos shes a "stunner". But he knows it wrong.

He has no really feelings for the girl, its only been a month for god sake. Shes just a cracker who would be miles out of his league if she wasnt 16 and infatuted with his age and everything that brings as thaedyal(sp) pointed out.

Get rid of her. Too risky. Ring her in a years time when its legal and then fire away by all means. But now its too risky. If you get stung your life will be ruined.

Goodshape

Chucky the tree wrote:

Heres the truthful situtation:

Please do share with us how you came to 'know' the 'truth' of this situation.

I agree with what Earthman is saying. OP, if you wan't to know is it illegal in this state then yes, it is. But I doubt very much it will be the first or last 'illegal' thing you ever do.

If you want to know what you should do about it then I honestly doubt anyone here can help. Love doesn't work like that.

Macker

Chucky the tree wrote:

Lets cut all the bull**** about love and following your heart out of the equation.

Heres the truthful situtation:

Op is amazed someone as goodlooking a girl wanted him. He knows a girl that goodlooking his own age wouldnt go for him. He wants to keep lobbing it into the girl cos shes a "stunner". But he knows it wrong.

He has no really feelings for the girl, its only been a month for god sake. Shes just a cracker who would be miles out of his league if she wasnt 16 and infatuted with his age and everything that brings as thaedyal(sp) pointed out.

Get rid of her. Too risky. Ring her in a years time when its legal and then fire away by all means. But now its too risky. If you get stung your life will be ruined.

Give that man a Cigar