Approaching an engagement to parents

blahblah06

Hi guys.
looking for your help in my hour of need.

I was going to go unreg for this but feck it. Just looking for help. I was looking to propose to my girlfriend. I am 21 and i just find it hard to mention this to my parents. I am afraid of what they would say to me. Surely someone has been threw the same as myself. Any support would be greatly appreciated. (especially from the girls out there)

Blah

gom

once your sure of yourself they should understand its what you want to do.

More importnatly have you talked to your girlfriend about this???? I would recommend that you don't surprise her on one knee. Its not as romantic as it seems and may result in her saying YES when she really means MAYBE/NO.

I took the plunge at 22 and I have to say once you get engaged EVERYTHING about your relationship changes. Every decision you make will be seen and analysed by your families respectively and they will always be thinking of the BIG day. Belief me. Getting Engaged does not belong to the two of you. It belongs to everyone else first...

blahblah06

cheers gom,

She has always said should we like to. we just moved into ur own home in the last 2 months also. when u say everything changes you mean for the better right? i just dont know what to do as i am the youngest and none of my bros are getting married.

tirl

how long have you been going out and have you bought the house together or are you renting

blahblah06

nearly 5 yrs and we have bought the house together.

Dave!

jeez, 21, together 5 years, living together, and getting engaged!!! :eek:

Is that not very young? Maybe I'm just basing this on my own family too much, I dunno. My brother is 29, only moved in with his girlfriend about a year and a half ago, having been going out for 7/8 years, and he only proposed less than a month ago.

I'm afraid I can't give you advice since I'm not in that boat, was just amazed how quickly you've moved. But if you're happy and think that you're ready then good luck to you and let us know how it goes

tirl

congrats on buying your own home, you are so young.....well surely if you have bought your home and you are going out that long, that your parents must know that you are serious and that you may get married some day, I would think that it wont be that much of a surprise to them

LegacyUser

DaveMcG wrote:

jeez, 21, together 5 years, living together, and getting engaged!!! :eek:

Is that not very young? Maybe I'm just basing this on my own family too much, I dunno. My brother is 29, only moved in with his girlfriend about a year and a half ago, having been going out for 7/8 years, and he only proposed less than a month ago.

I'm afraid I can't give you advice since I'm not in that boat, was just amazed how quickly you've moved. But if you're happy and think that you're ready then good luck to you and let us know how it goes

I agree, it is very young to be making a committment like that for the rest of your life.. altho to be honest breaking off an engagement if things don't work out isn't any worse than ending a normal long term relationship.. unless u are getting married in the next few months, no harm can come from it really.. except to your wallet! Good luck

ZiabR

I must say that when i seen 21 years old i thought hmm, but you seem to have your head screwed on and you are together 5 years. The major thing is buying a house together, which you have also done. I really dont see a problem with you saying this to your parents. I mean its not like you are together 6 months or something. They should have no problem with it at all. If it were me i would tell them because family are always important and will nearly always back your decisions.

egan007

5 years going out - a house what's the problem?

Ask her - then tell both yer parents....
you have nothing to worry about. It's about you two nobody else - remember that.

blahblah06

Awww guys thanks for your support. i rang my aunt for some advice and she seemed cool with it. I do like to think i have a good head on me. myself and the gf just had an amazing chat last night about our future and it just came to me this is the girl i wanna spend my life with. im not saying i would get married straight away few yrs down the line if everything works out. i just feel it is time for the next step.

i know some ppl will think i am too young but if you knew me you would understand

Nevyn

I think blahblah06 is looking for ways to go about it.
I would suggest talking either or both sets of parents out to dinner and annoucing the engagement to them that way, or as you have bought a house
invite them over to dinner and tell them.

blahblah06

Thaedydal wrote:

I think blahblah06 is looking for ways to go about it.
I would suggest talking either or both sets of parents out to dinner and annoucing the engagement to them that way, or as you have bought a house
invite them over to dinner and tell them.

Well if people had ideas it would be great. You see her mum & dad are sick at the moment which makes it harder but then again i think it could be good for them. How do u suggest i approach the idea to my mum & dad and hers. i just dont know what to say

Manny7

I know this is old-fashioned, but you'll never lose any brownie points by asking her father's permission (just make sure she's ok with this first)

tirl

Mybe you could ask you Mum to help with picking out the ring, your Mum would then tell your Dad. You could go and have a chat with her parents and tell them your plans and say that you will always look after her, I am sure they will be delighted especially if they are not well

blahblah06

tirl wrote:

Mybe you could ask you Mum to help with picking out the ring, your Mum would then tell your Dad. You could go and have a chat with her parents and tell them your plans and say that you will always look after her, I am sure they will be delighted especially if they are not well

I have asked her friend to come along with me to pick out the ring. i dont mind telling my dad its my mum im more worried about. after all i am her baby haha.

blahblah06

Manny7 wrote:

I know this is old-fashioned, but you'll never lose any brownie points by asking her father's permission (just make sure she's ok with this first)

I would never ask my gf to marry me without asking her parents first

blahblah06

Ok off i go to speak to my mum. I will speak to you guys on Monday. feel free to keep posting with ur answers.

tirl

good luck and let us know how you get on, I am sure she will be fine, if you are with your GF that long it won't come as a surprise

FX Meister

Personally I don't see the point in long drawn out engagements. If you plan to get married in a few years then whay not wait until a year before getting married and then get engaged.

White Rabbit

:eek:

Dude your 21! Trust me you don't know anything yet.

What's wrong with getting married in five-ten years time?
i.e. What is your motovation for getting married?

It can't be a security thing, you're too young to need that.

Dub13

blahblah06,

I was in the same position as you a few years ago,I bought a house with my other half at 21,engaged at 22 married at 23 first child also at 23.All my mates were saying that I was mad.Now they are doing the same thing but cant afford to live in Dublin,they are all out in Kells,Navan etc while I have a 160k mortgage on a house worth close to 400k.I am now 26 with two kids and another one on the way,we plan on having 4 by the time we are 30.

If she is the right woman then go for it.I personally seen buying a house as a bigger commitment than getting married,but maybe thats just me.As for how to ask your girlfriend to marry you thats up to.You know her best so I am sure you can get a feel for what she would like.Some girls are happy to be asked down the pub some like Paris etc,I went for the Empire State Building approach as I had seen it in a movie.It went down well its now "our building".We also went away to get married and had a big party when we got back,I would recommend this if you can.We got married in Florida spent a few weeks there then went on a cruse around the Caribbean.

Whatever you decide to do I wish you and your girl all the best.Post back and let us no how you got on.

Victor

I think your parents already know you are heading on this track. Are you both happy that this is your future and that any dalliances with going on a wild trip alone to Australia / the Andes / Ibiza (you can still do them together).

I think discuss "the future" with you other half and see if a joint headstone is in that future. If it is then feel free to tell your / her parents of your intentions.

That you can't discuss it with your mother seems to indicate that you fear a negative reaction.

If her parents are ill, perhaps a wedding might help with morale. In the worst case, if they are seriously ill or likely to be even more seriously ill, should this be something you should consider in the short term, such that [deep breath] you have everyone available for the wedding.

In any case best of luck. Remember its what makes you happy in the long term that counts.

blahblah06

Hi guys im back. well i had the chat with both parents and they both had no problem. thank god for that. the ring has been bought and i will be doing it this week when we go for a meal.

chump

Fair play...

It's amazing how 'negative' a lot of the responses have been about you being young and getting married. Good luck to ya

blahblah06

tell me about it chump. thanks

Nevyn

blahblah06 congratulations of having your life so together I wish you and your partner all the best in you lives together.

blahblah06

Thaedydal wrote:

blahblah06 congratulations of having your life so together I wish you and your partner all the best in you lives together.

she hasnt said yes yet HAHAHA

HelterSkelter

Forget about the parents. Just propose. Then when you get the ring show up someday and get your girlfriend to ask your parents if they like her new ring. The expression on their faces will give you a good laugh for years to come!!

BTW That's what I did!!

daiixi

all I can say is that I'm jealous you've got your life so together! here's hoping she loves the ring

blahblah06

well if she doesnt like the ring it can be changed so not worried about that.