Differing sex drives

LegacyUser

Going out with and madly in love with my BF for a year now and hope to stay that way for a long time but seem to have a much much higher sex drive than he does which leaves me feeling frustrated and a bit unloved at times... Any other girls out there with this problem? Don't know how to raise the topic without insulting him...

Ickle Magoo

I've heard of lots of girls complaining of this.....not that their partner has a low sex drive, just that it is lower than theirs....

Best way to deal with it is to be upfront & honest - explain how you feel and why - he'll appreciate that much more than any subtle hints....it may be that something else is causing him to drag his feet in the bedroom, or if he does have a much lower sex drive than you, he will then know that you want more physical affection and can give you more hugs & kisses so you don't feel unloved if he doesn't want sex....without you having to instigate things all the time....either way, the best way to enrich your relationship and deal with any issue is direct communication....best of luck

LegacyUser

yup, i feel like that too. like you i feel very frustrated at times, especially considering its usually the guys that want more sex. sometimes i feel like im not attractive enough and thats why he doesn't want sex.
not much ya can really do about it though. i dont wanna chase tail elsewhere.

simu

Use sex toys instead when he's not in the mood?

FuzzyWuzzyWazza

I'll bet that sucks.

Maybe try and see if there is anything he would like to do differently, as in role play or fantasy or whatever..........could help him get into in more.

sutty

Masturbation is your friend...

I've only been in one relationship where the girl had the same "high sex drive" level. Sadly everyone is different. Its not that he doesn't like you or anything. Just that he doesn't need sex as much as you do. It happend to both sex's sadly.

Dragan

boygirl wrote:

Going out with and madly in love with my BF for a year now and hope to stay that way for a long time but seem to have a much much higher sex drive than he does which leaves me feeling frustrated and a bit unloved at times... Any other girls out there with this problem? Don't know how to raise the topic without insulting him...

See if he would be up for cooking his food with Pumpkin Seed Oil instead of veg oil/olive oil , or adding Saw Palmetto to some of his meals.

That will get his juices flowing and you won't be able to keep him off you.

Sex drive for males is pretty reliant on levels of free testosterone , and low test can leads to various problems and illnesses in later life.

It is in his best interests to maybe get his test levels checked by his GP.

Raskolnikov

Not saying anything to the boyfriend is probably the worse thing you can do. If you're relationship becomes more long-term, it'll just get more difficult to tell him. When talking to him, just make sure you word everything right. Instead of saying "I'm not satisfied" you could maybe suggest that you try more things involving foreplay. If you do decide to try new things then give him plenty of encouragement, I'm sure he'll be delighted that he can drive his woman wild. Also, who knows, maybe your naughty suggestions might be a spark to turn things around too.

One thing I can't stress enough though is that going solo is not the answer.

Ickle Magoo

I agree - if you solo masterbate as an answer to the sexual problems within your relationship then I think you will have temporary relief but you will end up feeling even more alienated and unfulfilled by your partner in the longer term.....you need to find a joint solution....

Dragan

Come on folks, it is very , very unusual for a male who has a willing partner to have a low libido and not have it be related to test levels.

Sort them and the rest will sort themselves.

the_syco

Erm... does he know this? He may want to get it on every night, but fear that this will make him look bad. Ask him how often he would like it, and see if he's into any fetish's. You may find that you just have to press the right button for him to come to attention

I've been in this situation and its bloody hard
I completly sympathise with you
Just try to explain you need more and thats that
Talk to him, ask him why he's not wanting it more?
ask him is there anything he wants to do in bed thats you probably havent tried before

And in relation to solo sex yes try this but only as a last resort
Its a short term solution

kiffer

the_syco wrote:

Erm... does he know this? He may want to get it on every night, but fear that this will make him look bad.

I've seen this happen, it's probably pretty common.
If in the past he's been turned down a few times be GFs then he might have gotten used to the idea that women want less sex then men.
He could be sitting there next to you thinking, "geez, she's so hot, but she's probably not in the 'mood', I'll leave it for tonight, don't want to anoy her."
(I've done this and I know a few friends have too.)

That said, it might be that he just has a lower sex drive than you...
Dragan suggested some foods, thats a good place to start, make sure he gets a good breakfast every day, lots of people dont bother these days and it really messes you up.
Get him thouse chewable zinc tablets (apparently good for the man bits)

Stress can have a big effect too...

mountainyman

boygirl wrote:

Going out with and madly in love with my BF for a year now ... seem to have a much much higher sex drive than he does...

This may be a hard thing to hear, but unless he is over 35 he is almost certainly gay. How old is he. Is it possible that he just hasn't come out yet.

You can still be best friends.

MM

Sleepy

boygirl, do you ever initiate sex or do you leave it up to him all the time?

If it's the latter, the solution is quite straight forward.

Saruman

I know in my case its the same, my wife has a much higher drive than me.. was not always the case... before we got married we would do it 4 times a week or so... now its not even that a month.
No loss of love etc.. cuddle all the time.. it just seems to happen to people when they are married.. Men have a cuddle gene for lack of better description which turns off their sex drive when they get comfortable. Read about that in the paper recently.. a study was done on it.

Anyway as last poster hinted at... if you do not do anything to start it your going to get no where... Its probably not all his fault.. some blame has to lie with you. Unless of course you try all the time and he rejects you.

Next time you are in bed, just.. you know.. start playing with him and see where it goes.

Oh and mountainyman.. WTF??? Are you serious??? That is such a stupid thing to say.. im 26.. by your amazing logic that makes me Gay.. even though im not in any way gay. Great advice... "does not like sex? oh he's a fag!!"

illicit007

Talk to him and let us know what happened.

Oh and try porn ;-)

murt

i'm in a similiar situation.
my advice: porn, new positions, sex games, and some mary jane.

LegacyUser

It's definitely not that he's unsure if I want to...

At first we were both very much on for it and adventurous to boot so suggestions of porn though often a good lead-in are not the answer I fear. My worry is, that though first flushes are just that, my appetite has more or less remained the same while his has dwindled...

Sex is by no means the be all and end all of any relationship but I do find myself feeling frustrated and ultimately, whether I should or shouldn't, unloved. Should I be so worried or simply go with it for a while longer to see if things change. He is under a lot of stress which is why I'm trying to find a gentle way to approach this and I do love him so don't want to hurt or offend.

Confused!!

kiffer

boygirl wrote:

... He is under a lot of stress which is why I'm trying to find a gentle way to approach this and I do love him so don't want to hurt or offend.

Confused!!

If he's under constant stress it'll kill his sex drive... and that causes stress too...
My guess is that the stress is whats causing the problems.

Package

what about getting some eh "extra help" ?

LegacyUser

Love and infidelity are mutually exclusive IMO

Things still haven't improved any. Guess the best I can do is weather it til such time as he is under less stress and broach the topic then.

Thanks for the advice...

LegacyUser

I have a similar problem with my GF. She's got a monster sex drive and sometimes it's just way too much. I'm not complaining - she's unreal! [not boasting ] but with my job, I'm usually dead to the world when I get home. I love her very much and do my best to keep up with her but sometimes...

I think it's a bit of a two way street. We had a little heart to heart a while ago and we've got a nice balance going. Mostly, the major thing, I found, was to just get over myself and my shyness talking about sex and related topics. She's alrady very open between us about such matters. I now don't feel under presure or fearful of upsetting her if I just say "Hey! - Had a bad day... keep it in your pants!"... And always say everything in a humourous or at least a cheerful manner. It does a world of good.

x

illicit007

When it's dwindled it doesn't usually come back. I wouldn't just leave it and hope for the best because if anything it would only get worse.

I'm always scared when this kinda thing happens to me because it usually signals the beginning of the end.

But as other people have said lots of people get this way because they are just plain comfortable... and happy just cuddling I guess.

LegacyUser

Yeah it's dwindled to such an extent that we barely even kiss anymore, even on the odd occasion we do get it on. We tend to skip that part of foreplay and when I do try to snog him he pulls away first.

It's pretty much just the perfunctory kiss hi or bye these days. Starting to feel really really horrible!

S**t, I'm reading back over this now and it reads pretty badly. But despite the lack of physical affection he is loving in other ways, tells me he loves me, talks of future plans together etc.

I just want the physical expression of that too even if it's just cuddles.