when your friends wife hits on you.....

metrovelvet

A friend and I were out last night with mutual friends. A guy we went to school with and his wife were also there. Everyone was very very drunk.

Outside his wife starts holding my hand and telling me she loves me. There were other people around too. I had met her for the first time that evening. Shes a petite blonde, very pretty amicable girl. She repeatedly asserts that shes not a lesbian. I thought she was hitting on me but I wasnt trusting of my perceptions as I was drunk.

Eventually everyone goes home but me and her and my friend. I leave and my friend tells me later that this girl kept trying to kiss her for the remainder of the evening.

Should we tell our mutual friend, her husband?

Is this something worrying or to be disregarded?

Sandals

sometimes the best option is to confront her first, see how she reacts, telling her husband could be a disaster.

peckerhead

metrovelvet wrote:

Is this something worrying or to be disregarded?

Both.

How much do you value your friend, and/or his friendships, i.e. the 'guy we went to school with'? How would you feel if you were a newly-wed and your wife started hitting on a stranger?

Walk away.

metrovelvet

I am a woman by the way.

peckerhead

Sorry, metro, I misunderstood!

I won't presume to offer advice, in that case... (double standards, or what?!)

metrovelvet

I should have explained that I am a heterosexual woman and so is the other girl the friend's wife kept trying to kiss - and really kiss.

peckerhead

Well now, an idea for an intensely liberating group session is already forming in my mind... [/slap self on head, slap self on head...]

nobodythere

I think you should tell him but you'll have to reason that out yourself. I think you need to empathise with your mutual friend. One poster asked how it would make the mutual friend feel to know his wife was coming on to girls, but wouldn't it be better that he knows the truth than to be living a lie?

Fanny Cradock

That's a really, really tough one. my sympathies.

Easier said than done, but I think if he was a good friend, you and your friend would really have to tell him together. After all, this isn't something that will just magic away, is it? Maybe he is aware that his wife is that way inclined also, but i can't imagine he would be too pleased knowing she up to that sort of thing.

I'd imagine it will cause BIG problems either way, but who knows!?!?

I feel sorry for the husband (and both of you) with this one.

Beruthiel

peckerhead wrote:

Well now, an idea for an intensely liberating group session is already forming in my mind... [/slap self on head, slap self on head...]

read this forums charter before you get yourself banned for useless, unhelpful comments.
B

seamus

If he is a mutual friend and not "a guy we went to school with", then it would be worth confronting the wife with it first.

People do some mad things when they're drunk, so it's best to confront the person with it themselves, and let them work it out, instead of telling the "victim" about it.
For all you know, the husband may not mind this behaviour, and may even encourage it.

If the guy is not an actual friend and only someone you see maybe once a year or less, then keep your mouths shut, and don't gossip. Sometimes you have to leave these things alone and let people live their own lives.

Esel

Leave well enough alone. Different strokes for different folks etc.

the_syco

Ask the wife first. She may have been messing, or you may have wrongly intepreted her actions.

seamus wrote:

For all you know, the husband may not mind this behaviour, and may even encourage it.

Aye. He could find it arrousing. Or he may have no idea what so ever.

seamus wrote:

If the guy is not an actual friend and only someone you see maybe once a year or less, then keep your mouths shut, and don't gossip. Sometimes you have to leave these things alone and let people live their own lives.

Seconded.

metrovelvet

He wasnt there. He had left. There is no way of misinterpreting someone planting thier lips on yours egging for an open mouth.

We all mix in the same circles. My friend and this girl's husband are very good friends. It will no doubt happen again. It may just become an elephant in the room. Whose to say.

But his wife wants to cheat and wants to cheat with women. Thats what Ive deduced from this.

Ickle Magoo

Hi Metrovelvet,

Would you be able to take her to one side & tell your friends wife that you are not interested in playing tonsil tennis and when she tries to come on to you it makes you feel really awkward & ask her to refrain in the future? Tell her when she is sober, it may embarrass her out of any future attempts....

I wouldn't say anything to your friend just yet, some people do some pretty wierd things in their relationships and when drunk - this may well be a combination of both......but I would deffo ask herself to keep her hands/tongue to herself or you will be avoiding her company in the future & see if that helps before making any public announcements.....best of luck

LegacyUser

metrovelvet wrote:

...He [the hubby] wasnt there. He had left...

Why did her husband leave her there, that seems very strange?

I certainly would not be leaving my drunk wife anywhere, I'd be making sure we both got home safe and sound.

seamus

thats_wierd wrote:

I certainly would not be leaving my drunk wife anywhere, I'd be making sure we both got home safe and sound.

Unless she's so drunk that she'd be a burden on people, then I don't see any harm in leaving her in friendly company (that is, people whom you know and trust).

LegacyUser

metrovelvet wrote:

Everyone was very very drunk..
Eventually everyone goes home but me and her and my friend. I leave and my friend tells me later that this girl kept trying to kiss her for the remainder of the evening. Is this something worrying or to be disregarded?

I think she has 'tendancies' that probably only surface with alot of drink on board. The husband may very well know something about it, I say leave it alone. But drunk or not, her behaviour was rude and invasive.

I didnt read through all the posts, but is this the first time she has done it?
The chances are shes feeling quite embaressed about it anyway.
But I would avoid being in her company in the future if its repeated, she will get the message soon enough.

metrovelvet

Because he wanted to go home and she didnt.

My friend who she was trying to kiss took her back to their home safely to her husband and then went home herself.

He may have been too drunk himself to have sound judgement.

stovelid

It may be a bit harsh telling the husband? Perhaps it was a once off or she doesnt drink much. Telling her husband might lead to a really bad situation that is out of proportion to the crime.

mountainyman

I think your friend should mention it to that girl and tell her it was inappropriate.
The husband could know, it could be a turn on.
Definitely don't tell the husband.

MM

illicit007

You could tape record your next encounter with her and label it "read me" and slip the tape into his pocket.

the truths gotta be told dude. The guys gotta know.

The only thing is if you tell him he might get angry at you and not believe you. BUT if you had it taped then he can only be angry with his lebo cheating wife.

redman

My suggestion would be chat with her, explain your discomfort with what she tried to do. I would avoid telling him at this point.

Alcohol could be a key here, she could benefit from looking for help on that and seeing what lies beneath. Thats where the real advice to her could benefit both parties.

Calibos

I bet the last thing the husband whispered in his wifes ear was, ''Just pick one love, I'm going home to set things up, I'll be watching from the wardrobe''.

illicit007

LOL!

You gotta admit OP it IS a possibility!?

Things are not always as they appear.

metrovelvet

Well I would imagine that she would have said that. She knows we're both friends of his before we are her friend so loyalty would be to him first.

Anyway - ive decided not to say anything. Nothing happened so there's nothing to tell at least from me, plus its not my place to out her. Plus I dont think our sexuality is so black an white so Im not about to start screaming lesbo. I wasnt made uncomfortable by it so much as I was confused by it.

A married man friend of mine said to me "it doesnt count when its the same gender." :rolleyes:

Why do you guys love the idea of women getting it on so much? That suddenly its ok to cheat if its with a woman?

ODS

metrovelvet wrote:

Well I would imagine that she would have said that. She knows we're both friends of his before we are her friend so loyalty would be to him first.

Anyway - ive decided not to say anything. Nothing happened so there's nothing to tell at least from me, plus its not my place to out her. Plus I dont think our sexuality is so black an white so Im not about to start screaming lesbo. I wasnt made uncomfortable by it so much as I was confused by it.

A married man friend of mine said to me "it doesnt count when its the same gender." :rolleyes:

Why do you guys love the idea of women getting it on so much? That suddenly its ok to cheat if its with a woman?

I reckon you made the right choice; if its not just a once off then shell probably out herself by her own - seemingly blatant - behaviour in the not too distant future.

As to "women getting it on" - probably appeals to the male ego on 3 levels; a sense of super-sexuality, no other males involved, and the appeal to the male of being the one who is really fancied Perhaps...