Possibly Raped

LegacyUser

I have to go unreg for this as there is no way in hell that I would feel comfortable posting this under my board's name......

I was at a party last Saturday and got chatting to this very attractive women, I had no intentions of hooking up with her though as I am currently going out with someone who I love dearly and would never want to hurt as the night wore on and she became more flirty I explained this to her, she intially didnt seem to mind but as she drunk more she started getting more touchy and became a lot more flirtacious at this point I decided to leave the conversation as I had no intrest of cheating on my girlfriend. I left my drink on the table beside her and said I was going to the toilets, I went off to the toilets then got talking to a few people and soon returned to my can, I remember as I was taking a swig seeing her sitting not far away looking in my direction then after I had put the can down turning around and continuing talking to her friend. I soon became very dizzy, nauseus, drowzy and at times very confused I went into my mates room and lied down on the bed at about 3am, this was the last thing I remembered. I wake up in a sweat at 6am naked in the bed with the women from earlier beside me.

I know it wasnt just alcohol as I was only drinking 5 cans that night on a full stomach, I usually drink at least 8 or 9 on a night out and the effects were not similiar to alcohol at all, I kept forgetting where I was and had massive blackouts this is defiently not common with 5 cans when your a heavy drinker.

I dont really know what to do, I dont want to go to the Gardai for fear of being laughed out of the station, If I tell my friends they most likely wont believe me as the women in question is attractive and they would probably be wondering why she would have to rape a fella when she could get any single fella she wanted and if I tell my girlfriend she probably wont believe me and dump me for cheating on her

Rogueish

You poor thing.

The best thing you can do is ring your Rape Crisis Centre. It's anonymous and they really are the best people to advise you. They can help you to decide what the next step is for you, whether it is to take the matter further, there are trained Gardai who are sensitive enough to deal with issues like this, or they can help you to arrange counselling etc.

And no they do not just deal with women that have been raped they are now dealing with more and more men who have been caught in similar situations as yourself.

Take care, if you need to talk or get things off your chest PM me.

Beruthiel

unreg
I'm really sorry to hear this has happened to you

start here

FREEPHONE 1800 778888
http://www.drcc.ie/

get help, otherwise this will just prey on your mind and will not go away, you need to talk to a professional,
take care
a

Ickle Magoo

Phone the helpline & talk to someone....you know what happened regardless of what anyone else may think & you need to deal with the feelings you have & talking to a professional or expert in the subject of male rape is the best place to start....

I think male rape/sexual assault is just awful & the snickering, disbelief that surrounds it is terrible....all the best

Squirrel

Get a blood test and see what's in your system. But first I'd ring the rape crisis centre. Good luck mate

Talliesin

Unreg001 wrote:

I dont really know what to do, I dont want to go to the Gardai for fear of being laughed out of the station, If I tell my friends they most likely wont believe me as the women in question is attractive and they would probably be wondering why she would have to rape a fella when she could get any single fella she wanted and if I tell my girlfriend she probably wont believe me and dump me for cheating on her

I'm sorry to say, but I think you're probably right about the Gardai. They might not actually "laugh you out of the station", but your chances of securing a prosecution and a conviction are next to nil.

I hope you're wrong about your friends, and you find that you can talk about it with at least one of them.

Apart from that I have to repeat what has already been said about the RCC. They're great, and they've also going to be less sceptical about such cases, having heard it before (though they do also hear plenty of assholes phoning up with bull**** stories as well :mad: )

KTRIC

I know you are unsure about what happened, but like most men know if they've been sexually active the next morning when they get up if you know what I mean. Did you expierience the aiming problem ??

This might be a slight hint as to what happened.

White Rabbit

Squirrel wrote:

Get a blood test and see what's in your system. But first I'd ring the rape crisis centre. Good luck mate

Ditto.


Talk to your mates too, ask them if they noticed your behaviour and how much you drank. Wine or spirits can have fast acting (hard drug like) effects if drunk quickly (as can happen when your already drunk).

Red Alert

You could ask open ended questions or the like if you really don't feel like talking about it.

but yes do ring the rape crisis centre.

Nasty_Girl

I'm so sorry to hear what has happened to you,
You must be going through hell.

Unfortunately, just like a lot of women who have drinks spiked, you may never know what happened or why.

A friend of mine who was raped was told by the guards she would be better going to the Rape crisis center because she'd never ever get a conviction.

I would definitely recommend an STI test and RCC for you.

Lex Luthor

Nasty_Girl wrote:

I would definitely recommend an STI test and RCC for you.

Spot on Nasty Girl....get an STI test done immediately.
If you think the Gards might laugh you out of the station, you could be proved wrong. I'd be inclined to ring teh RCC first and see what they have to say.

justsomebloke

do ring the rape crisis hotline.

You may also want to look into getting tested for any STD's now and in around 4-6 months time. Also if you not having protected sex with your girlfirend it may be wise to for a while to do so (you will have to make up a good excuse or she will know what is up).

If you are thinking of getting tested for any drugs in your system do it asap as some of them leave the system pretty quickly and are probably already gone.

It is going to be hard to talk to people about this and for them to take you seriously as male rape by a woman is still slightly taboo, but hopefully one of your friends would understand, i also would agree not to tell your girlfriend at the moment

LegacyUser

OP, very sorry to hear of your ordeal.

The only thing that is standing in your way of actually reporting this is your own embaressment. you have nothing to be embaressed about.

The Gardai have to deal with this in a professional manner, and take matters like these very seriously.

Report it, as soon as possible. I'm not sure how long the drug will stay in your system for, but its best you do it sooner rather than later.

As another poster said, get STI checked also.

chump

I don't mean to be cynical, but I honestly don't know if you should report it.
From the case you've outlined it is never going to be prosecuted, yet the turmoil reporting and investigating the incident might cause may not be worth it.

My advice would be to seek help in the form of counselling, if that'swhat you need, get sti/std tests, and then try to move on.

Of course one point that shouldn't be dismissed is that you could go to the gards and put a report of the incident on file, or some such, so if she does this again there is another blotch on her file.

AngryBadger

Yeah as everyone has said, get yourself checked out, call the RCC, suss out the situation there.

Sorry to hear about this man, maybe it's worth making discrete enquiries about this girl around the palce, see if she has a history of anything like this, or have any awkward questions/situations occured involving her. I'm not sure how this will help you in the long run, but it's worth foing to have the information for your own head.

Peace

You should think about telling your girlfriend. If she turned around and said the same thing to you, wouldn't you believe her? Shouldn't it work both ways?

Beruthiel

Peace wrote:

You should think about telling your girlfriend. If she turned around and said the same thing to you, wouldn't you believe her? Shouldn't it work both ways?

I would recommend that he see someone in the RCC first, if he tells her that he has done this, then she will have no choice but to take him seriously. She can also help you through this OP by being there for you.

Canis Lupus

Does the OP consider that maybe someone else put something in his drink and he went off and scored this woman or that she took advantage of the situation rather than technically rape you as in the same way a guy will flirt with a drunk girl (don't say it doesn't happen) in the hopes of getting a drunken snog/maybe more?

You were also at a party with your mates, I know some people who have in the past had their drinks spiked by a mate cos it was funny (yeah it's hilarious, not). Anyway have you spoken to any of your mates to ask them what you got up to? How you behaved? Or are you just saying you had x amount of drinks, had a woman flirt with you and lo and behold you woke up the morning after next to her in bed so it must have been rape?

Anyway, enough of my doubting.

(edit) do you even know you had sex with her? I've had situations (well, twice actually) in the past where I've been passed out drunk, a girl mate comes into rooms, strips off, snuggles up and goes to sleep. Sometimes weird **** happens. What happened when you woke up next to your one? Did you sneak out or ask her or what?

Nuttzz

what did the girl in question say/do the next morning? What about other people at the party, do they have any recall of what you did the night of the party? While I encourage you to get counselling, accusing someone of rape is a very serious matter and be very careful what you do without the full facts

Squirrel

I'd go to the guards o get it put on file, she could just as easily go to them and claim you raped her. I know that is a terrible thing to do, but someone who takes advantage like that might do that.

LegacyUser

Deff report this to the Gardai.

If you don't you havn't a leg to stand on if this girl became pregnant.

jimmycrackcorm

One might slow down here before ringing the guards or the RCC.... might consider some questions first.

Other than going to sleep for three hours - what makes the op think he was raped? Waking up to someone in bed beside you does not a rape make.

How does a man get raped when he is unconscious - is that technically possible?

Is the OP suggesting that he was given a drug such as rohypnol - if so it is highly unlikely that it would have only a lasting effect for three hours.

Victor

jimmycrackcorm wrote:

One might slow down here before ringing the guards or the RCC.... might consider some questions first.

No, time is of the essence, if the OP feels raped, then it is important that he have someone to talk to.

Nobody is being accused in legal terms, just yet.

Dathai

Really sorry to hear about this OP, she definatly did something, not a possibillity.
Im really sorry for you and your partner also, you're partner will more than likely, be crushed, but, if you explain it, with evidence, then I think she'll understand, but will no doubt be hurt beyond belief.
I reccommend contacting a doctor and arranging a blood test, and seeking help from the rape crisis centre.
Good luck anyways man.Sorry to hear about your situtation once more.

onion-ring

Please excuse my complete bewilderment but,
Let me get this straight,
You went to a party,
You got free drugs and you got your hole with no strings attached. Sweet:D (Well you think you might have )

This is obviously a wind up,
You are just taking the mickey aren't you?

Can I have her phone number?

CiaranC

How do you define "rape"? Surely a male sedated to the point of unconsciousness is incapable of having sex? This smacks of a wind up.

LundiMardi

onion-ring wrote:

Please excuse my complete bewilderment but,
Let me get this straight,
You went to a party,
You got free drugs and you got your hole with no strings attached. Sweet:D (Well you think you might have )

This is obviously a wind up,
You are just taking the mickey aren't you?

Can I have her phone number?

bye bye

Matches

Jog on son,

Wipe your mouth and get on with life, your missus will never NO.

Put a notch on your belt, tell the boyz about the ride you cannot remember and stop being queer!

Nevyn

Matches banned from this forum for personal abuse, unhelpfull posting and forlacking in any sense, cop on and possibly any compassion or decency to make them human.

Onionring banned from this forum for personal abuse, unhelpfull posting and for lacking in any sense, cop on and possibly any compassion or decency to make them human.

Theadydal

doggiesherd

Personally, I think that matches and onion-ring were only saying what they felt was right.

They shouldn't have got banned, has free speech also been banned from this forum.

Gordon

There are varying degrees of free speech on boards doggiesherd. Like it or lump it.

Back on topic or there'll be more bannings.

(And what Dathai said below)

Dathai

Pardon the off-topicness, but they were unhelpful and mocking a serious situation in which someone has reached out to us for help.

The_Minister

jimmycrackcorm wrote:

How does a man get raped when he is unconscious - is that technically possible?

It is difficult but someone told me that partial strangulation can be used to aid in this.

Nevyn

CiaranC wrote:

How do you define "rape"? Surely a male sedated to the point of unconsciousness is incapable of having sex?

Rape is sex that a person has not consented to.
If a person is unable to give consent due to being drugged or unconcious it is still nonconsenual sex.
Men can have errections while they are asleep and unconcious.

Civilian_Target

Interestingly - over 90% of cases of 'drink spiking' involve only one drug: alcohol. You may believe you had your drink spiked, but it's actually very unlikely that you did - how many women would carry date-rape drugs out with them? You drank too much, and since you can't remember what happened, its possible that you brought this upon yourself. IMHO you haven't a leg to stand on crying rape, get an STD check and move on.

hepcat

As another poster said, rape is very serious allegation to make. Speak to the RCC - they will be best able to let you know if effects of rohypnol can last just 3 hours (don't think so), if you need a blood test, if you can get an erection and/or ejaculate while unconscious. And an STD test will not hurt anyway - regardless of whether there was full sex and whether is was consensual. UNfortunately, if your drink was spiked, how could you prove this girl did it? You could have been out of it and just dragged this girl off to bed, after someone else spiked your drink, or even after simply too much alcohol? Did you have a short at any stage - mixing shorts and beer can sometimes have a very weird effect on people.

mayordenis

for me my biggest problem would be whatever was put in the drink not so much my actions afterwards.
as has been stated the various organisations you should get in contact with.
i think a blood test would be a good idea, and really talk to someone you know if you can.
If you and your girlfriend are close enough she should know that you are not lying.

Dave!

Yeah, good advice here.

I think you should:
1. go and get a blood test, cos it could be evidence, and confirmation, and it might leave your system otherwise -- do this ASAP
2. get tested for STD's
3. ring the rape crisis centre
4. tell your girlfriend, explaining all the things you've done, etc.
5. if you feel it'll yield any results, call the gardaí. you're able to talk to a garda in private, it's not like you flag down a load of traffic cops! like i say, if you feel it'll yield results.

good luck to ya a chara

*Lolly*

Unreg001 wrote:

I dont really know what to do, I dont want to go to the Gardai for fear of being laughed out of the station, If I tell my friends they most likely wont believe me as the women in question is attractive and they would probably be wondering why she would have to rape a fella when she could get any single fella she wanted and if I tell my girlfriend she probably wont believe me and dump me for cheating on her

Iam really sorry to hear that but i really think you should do something about this. Do you think you may be able to recognise this woman again if she approached you?
My advice is, If you dont wanna go in personally, RING the Garda Station and just explain your situation and ask what you could do about it etc and they will resepxt your right to anominity (sorry bad spell) until you feel ready to report it

Good luck and im so sorry

LegacyUser

Firstly I would like to thank you all for the helpful replies, I rung the RCC and they were very helpful, I also told my girlfriend who has been very supportive and shes really put me at ease. I have since found out that the women was someone a friend had been seeing after talking to her on a dating site, she has since stopped all contact with him which I find quite suspicouis, I am still trying to piece together info from all my mates before going to the gardai as it is quite a serouis allegation to make and I am well aware of that, One thing is for certain though, I was defiently spiked with something other than alcohol

jimmycrackcorm wrote:

How does a man get raped when he is unconscious - is that technically possible?

According to the RCC it is possible

jimmycrackcorm wrote:

Is the OP suggesting that he was given a drug such as rohypnol - if so it is highly unlikely that it would have only a lasting effect for three hours.

The effects didnt wear off after 3 hours, I woke up after 3 hours, I still felt drowzy and confused for quite a while after, my mate helped me home and said I was pale and shivering the whole journey in the car, said I wasnt responding properly when he asked me questions.

I am going to an STD clinic soon so fingers crossed I am ok.
My mate has told me it would be a waste of time getting drug tested as most drugs would be well out of my system by 7days can anyone confirm this.

I cant thank you all enough for the replies

Alkers

Civilian_Target wrote:

Interestingly - over 90% of cases of 'drink spiking' involve only one drug: alcohol. You may believe you had your drink spiked, but it's actually very unlikely that you did - how many women would carry date-rape drugs out with them? You drank too much, and since you can't remember what happened, its possible that you brought this upon yourself. IMHO you haven't a leg to stand on crying rape, get an STD check and move on.

He said he only had five cans and regurlarly drinks 8/9

Gone West

Are you certain that the person whom you believed to be a woman was in fact female?
It would be much more likely that a transgender male would spike a drink and rape you than a female. It would also answer some of the logistical things.
(why such a seemingly beautiful woman was interested in you, when there were X number of single males at this party)

The whole internet connection also could fit here.
The fact that he/she has stopped all contact with the person whom he/she met online and went to the party at.
etc.

Was your butt sore the next day?

netwhizkid

Hey fella best of luck with the STI test. having read stuff like this before, you have every right to feel violated. Heck I'm sure if it the way that she woke-up next to you. She'd be crying Rape and then you'd be arrested and your face on the front page of some newspaper with Headlines like: "Sex-Fiend rapes innocent girl" That girl should be prosecuted it is exactly the same as if a man raped a woman. Who knows what sort of diseases she could have passed onto you. In the meantime get the STI/Aids test done and refrain from engaging in any sexually activity with anyone till you get the all clear. Poor fella. Still at least it was a woman you woke up next to. Imagine if it was a gay man :eek: Now that would blow my confidence anyway!

Talliesin

netwhizkid wrote:

Imagine if it was a gay man :eek: Now that would blow my confidence anyway!

Why would being raped by a gay man be any worse than being raped by a straight man who was taking what he could get? Rapists and abusers quite often target outside of their orientation. The only way that orientation matters is the orientation of the victim affecting the chance of securing a conviction (if a man tries to bring a case of rape against a man he'd better be straight).

Beruthiel

netwhizkid wrote:

Still at least it was a woman you woke up next to. Imagine if it was a gay man :eek: Now that would blow my confidence anyway!

ya, cos if you're raped, that makes all the difference to how you are feeling :rolleyes:

honestly, you really need to think before posting
B

MaeveD

Unreg0001 wrote:

I am going to an STD clinic soon so fingers crossed I am ok.
My mate has told me it would be a waste of time getting drug tested as most drugs would be well out of my system by 7days can anyone confirm this.

Your mate was right....

Rohypol can be detected for up to 72 hours, GHB (Gamma Hydroxy Butyrate) can be detectable for up to 8 hours and Ketamine can be detected for up to 24 hours