Was I completely Wrong?

LegacyUser

Long Story short. I'm sure everyone's sick of hearing the same old bla bla bla, apologies in advance, honesty appreciated and all the rest.

Two year relationship, guy tries to sabotage the relationship as lack off Balls, if you like, prevented him from actually breaking up with me so i broke up with myself, for want of a better statement.

All was going well until illness of close relative left me feeling pretty down, scared and alone- confronted him for not giving a hoot anymore and I wiggled my way into his phone records. Several very frequent unknown (to me) phone numbers were appearing, one in particular. Found out that this number belongs to a new woman. Have said nothing to him about this new woman (haven't told him that I know exactly what the f*ck he's playing at) but have hinted subtly (don't know how to spell that, you know what I mean) at him to see if would tell me the truth, as we are on smashing good terms and I wouldn't like to be made an idiot of. But no no, no girlfriend, don't want commitment, want to spread the seed, is all I'm getting. When I have a source close to this new woman (an ex- boyfriend of hers) telling me loads. And I'm obsessed with every move he makes. (I think I'm a psycho) My head is splitting with all this crap and I'm thinking that the reason I'm like this is because I'm still in goddamn love with this git.

Suppose I didn't really make that story short but that's it in a nutshell.

Any advice or people in similar situations? As mentioned previously, honesty appreciated so tell me to F*ck off if the need be!

Toodles.

Stench Blossoms

WreckedHead wrote:

(I think I'm a psycho)

Yes I think you are aswell. Are you or aren't you with him?

Ickle Magoo

If you broke up with him then what he does has nothing to do with you & you have no right to comment....

I find wriggling into phone books, diaries, mobiles, etc, etc, only ever causes the wriggler grief & if you don't trust the man you are/were with to that extent then you are better off without them.

I think you need to leave the lad alone to get over him - if you are hassling him & calling & snooping & obsessing then it really is little wonder that you are finding it hard to make the break.....stop calling/seeing/speaking/etc to the lad for at least 6months and after that, not unless he contacts you......always works for me....best of luck

LegacyUser

No god not now, that's why I'm so freaked out over how obsessed with him I am. Not a case of I'll kill him because I don't want anyone else to have him or anything, I go crazy when I don't know where he is or what he's doing...

AngryBadger

without knowing what "info" you're getting from this girls ex, maybe they're just having a casual thing?

And without knowing what you mean by him "sabotaging" the relationship, YOU broke up with HIM, so I don't think you get to call him on seeing someone else. And even if it was the other way 'round, you're still broken up, so what's the story?

And tbh, going through his phone? wtf? Cop on.

LegacyUser

I have been there ...got into that crap of checking phone records and if i didnt recognise the number used to actually ring it to see if it was female ..


I used 2 feel so sick doing it (heart pounding when i wud be checking the records !!!) butit was really geting me down .....had 2 eventually stop cos it was just upsetting me too much !!!!

i know its really hard but when i think back on it nw i feel ashamed and a bit silly ! im glad it has stopped now but i know how easy it is to get hooked on doing it and feeling you are perfectly justifed in doing so ...please stop for your own sake

lyrama

Emm... maybe back off a bit cause ur obsession with his personal life might grow deeper and that's not a good thing for either of you. Just let him do what the hell he likes, he's not ur bf anymore so his romantic life shouldn't concern you that much, it'll just drive u mad trying to figure stuff out about ur ex:rolleyes: !

Supercell

WreckedHead wrote:

Long Story short. I'm sure everyone's sick of hearing the same old bla bla bla, apologies in advance, honesty appreciated and all the rest.

Two year relationship, guy tries to sabotage the relationship as lack off Balls, if you like, prevented him from actually breaking up with me so i broke up with myself, for want of a better statement.

All was going well until illness of close relative left me feeling pretty down, scared and alone- confronted him for not giving a hoot anymore and I wiggled my way into his phone records. Several very frequent unknown (to me) phone numbers were appearing, one in particular. Found out that this number belongs to a new woman. Have said nothing to him about this new woman (haven't told him that I know exactly what the f*ck he's playing at) but have hinted subtly (don't know how to spell that, you know what I mean) at him to see if would tell me the truth, as we are on smashing good terms and I wouldn't like to be made an idiot of. But no no, no girlfriend, don't want commitment, want to spread the seed, is all I'm getting. When I have a source close to this new woman (an ex- boyfriend of hers) telling me loads. And I'm obsessed with every move he makes. (I think I'm a psycho) My head is splitting with all this crap and I'm thinking that the reason I'm like this is because I'm still in goddamn love with this git.

Suppose I didn't really make that story short but that's it in a nutshell.

Any advice or people in similar situations? As mentioned previously, honesty appreciated so tell me to F*ck off if the need be!

Toodles.

Tbh WreckedHead, go out with your girlfriends, get plastered, snog some boys and enjoy yerself girl.
The longer you dwell on this relationship thats ended the longer yer going to have a wrecked head!!

koolthefunk

Its a hard leason to learn but if you have broken up with someone:

1. You have no right to go through his phone...(not that you have this right when you are going out with someone)
2. If he is or isn't going out with someone it is none of your business. Yeah it'd be nice if you could remain freinds enough that he'd be honest with you, but you've broken up so he has no obligation to tell you.


If I were you I'd feel bad for him. My experience is that the worst thing you can do after a break up is get heavily involved with someone else. (BTW you dont even know if that's what he's doing...if he's free and single he is just that free and single...he can talk to other people without getting engaged)


Go out and enjoy yourself, worry about your own life not his.

kittenkiller

The best way to get over 1 man is to get under the next!
Go off & find a new obsession hun.
We can all get a lil odd about these things from time to time.
The only way to deal with it is to busy yourself with something more worthwhile.

At least you know what you're doing is odd & unjustified, at least you're not that far gone that you think it's normal & rational.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Sounds like you need to move on.

You seem like you're ready to as well. Obviously you haven't forgotten why the breakup happpened (including 'lack of balls' on this guy's part), and also I think you've realised yourself that this stalking business is just not cool.

So look, there's plenty of good guys out there; this one didn't work out, but you sound intelligent, honest, and caring too ..if a little obsessive perhaps , so onwards and upwards I say, I think you deserve it.

LegacyUser

Thank you very much to everyone ya'll have been really helpful much appreciated!

BeardyGit

You might think you're getting on like a house on fire - But all you're at is bridge burning. You dumped him. He moved on. You wrangled your way back into his good books (as such) on the back of a relatives illness and your need to have his shoulder to cry on. No doubt you told him you needed him as he knew you so well and you're feeling alone etc. He felt sorry for you and you took advantage of his kindness and compassion by intruding into his personal life when you have NO right to do so.

Don't think that your recognising your obsessive and controlling behaviour for what it is in any way excuses your behaviour. You know you're wrong. You know you have no right. You know what you have to do. In case you're in any doubt, I'll spell it out for you:

Move on. Mind your own business and stay out of his.

Sorry if this seems harsh but your behaviour calls for it. And before anyone decides to roast me for these comments, I've based my response on personal experience - A good experience to be frank with you. An ex (recent at the time) lost her grandfather just after we broke up - She called me and I provided the support any good friend would. I knew the man very well and her much better than her friends and siblings. She turned to me knowing I would understand what she was going through and I did everything I could to help her through a difficult and emotional time.

Not once did she quiz me about my new girlfriend or bring up our past relationship - It wasn't her business, she knew it and was grateful for the support she received when she needed it. If she'd tried any of the crap you're going on with, I would have walked and rightly so.

So don't excuse yourself. And don't accept anyone else making excuses for you. Stand on your own two feet and walk away.

Gil

cartman

all women are psycho's .... period