going mental

LegacyUser

i have reason to believe that i'm going nuts and spiraling further into a deep psychotic depression of my own design. the worst part is that i dont really care any more.

its hard to describe properly but it basically all stems from the fact that we're all going to die and there is no point to anything or doing anything. we are organic features of this planet like the plants and animals but unfortunatly we are aware of ourselves. i know that alot of people recognise this and accept it and move on. i cannot. its really the 'big' questions we can never fathom which i cant get past. why are we here? whats going on? what happens when we die?what is the point of friends, education, work, relationships when these most basic questions go un-answered? is the only way to live a normal life to try and block out these tormenting questions?

there have been periods in which i've said "Listen 'Bill', there are somethings we can never understand. just get a grip and get on with your life for ****s sake, this is madness!" this may solve the situation for a while but eventually my mind will start to wander and i'm back in the same old rut.

i live a double life. the public side in whih i'm a completely normal happy college student with good friends and a helter skelter social life. and on the other side i have this constant bleak outlook on life and the universe.

these questions really started when i stopped atending catholic church at age 15/16 because i just didnt believe any of it. now i really wish i could bring myself to go back. religion gives people a solid foundation from which they can build their lives. problem is i just cant bring myself to believe in it as i know i'd only be using it as a tool to live in a fantasy world away from 'The Questions'.

The problem i have with mental health professionals is (bare with me here), even if i talk to a shrink for years and learn to 'deal' with all the questions, fears and uncertainties or worse if i'm pumped full of meds - i know that the facts will remain. even if i'm on cloud nine and am able to move on, i cant bring meself to do it because i know it will only be a consructed happiness, one without basis. in many ways attending a shrink would be no better than going back to church - a man made opiate.

thanks for reading.

my questions are:
anyone else feel like this?

as a casual observer, does this read like the ramblings of some one with mental health issues or a person with a pretty accurate grasp on the facts as we understand them?

yours, 'bill'.

AngryBadger

Yeah i used to have this exact problem. You feel like everything around you is a fake, an artifactual reason for living.

Ask yourself why you feel the need for such a reason? Is it simply because everyone else seems to be so happy and on some level you're wondering what they know that you don't?

LegacyUser

AngryBadger wrote:

Ask yourself why you feel the need for such a reason? Is it simply because everyone else seems to be so happy and on some level you're wondering what they know that you don't?

i dont need a reason, i've accepted i will never know. i envy people who can just say "ah well, cant ever answer these question, move on with life" - i cant do it, its a lie.

LegacyUser

Do you smoke a lot of pot?

justsomebloke

as they say you only have one life so live it (or if you believe in reincarnation you only remember one life so live it)

in answer to your questions
yes nearly everyone question why are we here what does it all mean what happens to me when i die. Some people flock to religion in the hope this isn't just it and that there is more to life then just this. Others think well this is all and there is so what should i do with it.

However in the end it doesn't matter what your beieve is cause until you die you don't know and at that point it is to late to have changed anyting and to tell anyone.

what you should think is if i do believe there is more to life then just this how should i enjoy this life that i have while i am waiting for whatever is after. and then if i don't beieve there is anything more to this how should i take advantage of this life to enjoy as i can. When you then compare the 2 they will probably be very simialar ways of life.

In relation to going back to church, If you believe in it go, if you don't whats the point in wasting your sunday afternoon. Also you don't have to be part of a church to have faith.

One last thing though as you are looking quite deeply into looking for an answer to it all, if you do happen to find it, will you post it up so we can all stop looking

Peaadina

I feel like this alot. Even now. I feel like 8hrs a day at a desk doing something I really dont care about is a waste of my time, and its time you never get back.
But then what to do with my life? the transcience of life is something that has troubled alot of people since the dawn of time, but then do I really want to live forever? Incurring old age etc.
I got in a really bad funk, feeling exactly as u described since last july -stuff happened.
Scariest thing is we never know how long we are here. But Worrying every second that its our last is a waste of a life.
I only came to this conclusion in January.
Ok, so ultimately when you look at it there is no point to working for a living except to pay for our consumerism. Working in stoneage times was hunter-gatherer survival.
Getting attached to people and things and places is on one level futile as were all going to die, but then we are all alive now! So why not have friends!
They make life enjoyable even barable sometimes!

Its a half life to live in the shadow of this, it really is and I get where you are coming from. you are here now so be happy with that and live each moment at a time and be glad you had it. Thats how I have resloved my issues.
The bleak feeling of it all hasnt gone. But it doesnt stick around as long

Hope you feel better

/P\:)

LegacyUser

thanks for teh replies
just to clarify, i'm not looking for/nor do i expect to ever find all the answers, thats not the issue. its simply that i cant figure a way to build a life in a world where these questions cannot be answered. i know everyone else can do it so thats what leads me to the conclusion that i'm 'going mental'.

do people understand what i'm saying about psycho-babble = religion? anyone else feel like this? how did you overcome it?

anyone know where to get a free mental health assesment in the dublin area? dispite whati've said above, i'm pretty desperate at this stage. i recon the only way out of this is to have myself so doped up on meds that these thoughts just dont enter my mind.

SxE Punk

"Children are lovely before they get ugly and learn to do bad stuff
Flowers are pretty before they get $hitty and rot and turn to dust
I heard that life is a wheel and you can't make it stop
If you try it'll flatten your head
It's a circle of $hit we're in the middle of it
But soon we'll all be dead like everybody else-

Thats ever lived before, the things you make fall to the floor
And nobody knows how hard you've tried
It's been that way since the start of time
There was a caveman that did some amazing $hit
But nobody here gives a fsck!
And in a thousand years they'll feel the same
Towards all the things you've done


So don't worry what might give you cancer
Stay up nights just wanting answers
It's just a crap shoot, but it's mostly crap
Things start off they're so terrific
They'll fsck up it's scientific
Entropy and uncertainty won't yield to you or you


Love at first sight on a beautiful night and the feeling is so divine
It gets sucked down the toilet 'cause something will spoil it
With the good times left behind
Don't try to figure out who's at fault
Powerful forces abound
And like a twig on a river in the universe
Well tomorrow you'll probably drown


So don't worry if it is a tumor
All this will be over sooner
It's just a crap shoot, but it's mostly crap
Things start off they're so terrific
They'll fsck up it's scientific
Entropy, uncertainty won't yield to you or you

And all the things that matter most
Dissappear, here's a toast
To erosion and corrosion, Altzimers and pain

Don't try to figure out who's at fault
There's powerful forces at play
And if you lose your legs and have to beg
It's really all the same


So don't worry what might give you cancer
Stay up nights just wanting answers
It's just a crap shoot, but it's mostly crap
Things start off they're so terrific
They'll fsck up it's scientific
Entropy, uncertainty won't yield to you
Ahhhh don't worry if it is a tumor
All this will be over sooner
It's just a crap shoot, but it's mostly crap
Things start off they're so terrific
They'll fsck up it's scientific
Entropy, uncertainty won't yield to you or you"


Sure, life sucks more than half the time, and most of the time that it sucks you can't do a thing to change it, no matter what you accomplish it'll be forgotten in a thousand years unless someone creates a bull$hit religion about you. But there's no point worrying, we're all in the same boat here.

Lets just put it this way, when you're on your death bed, are you gonna be happy with yourself for having sat around all day everyday worrying about your now fast approaching death? Seems like a big waste of what little time we have if you ask me. I live my life in such a way that when I'm dying I'll be able to look back on what I did with my life and say "I had fun, I've done all the things I ever wanted no matter how insignifigant, I'm proud of myself and I have no regrets." Lets face it, religion is a crock of $hit, people just use religion to con themselves into believing that aspects of life, especially the end of it, aren't as bad as they truely are, the only person who's gonna judge you when you die is yourself, life in your life in such a way that you'll be happy with your assessment.

Thats the whole point if you ask me.

cance

ur not alone m8, it used to really bum me out.

im 22 now, and have pondered our own irrelevance for years. the more you think about it the bleaker it gets. the bleaker it gets the more you look for a shred of hope or glimmer of something rock solid.

I have learned to deal with it, i mainly thought this way when i was stoned, but the more i thought about it the more it became part of my every day life... wondering why bother do this, why bother do that, who cares if do this on time etc

These days i keep my mind occupied, its idle hands that do the devils work and an idle mind runs the show... Currently im pondering alot of "what if"s instead of "how come"'s...

its all down to your perspective, the fact that we are only here for such a short time is a pretty good indication to me that you better feckin enjoy yourself, nobody knows if you will have another chance. Dwelling on the if's but's etc is only wasting your time m8. eventually i realised this. It came to me a year or two ago while watching tv, the permanent tsb add came on and the theme tune spoke to me.

"get on with your short life"

Now i found it a bit weird for a bank to be stressing how short you are around but it sunk in that i need to get off me arse and do something rather than trying to answer lifes questions on my own...

Now to this day i still wonder, but tbh, dont really care anymore.

edanto

short version: Snap out of it.

Slightly longer:
Well, you're not religious, so you'll agree that this is our one shot at an existence.

You ask 'what's the point?' and say your outlook is 'bleak' - but what are you comparing our life to? Some kind of mythical long-lived creature? Things are good for us; if you're living in Ireland you are in the top few percent of the whole world and it's your oyster.

Why in the hell wouldn't you make the most of it? You can wrap yourself up in questions, it still won't change the facts - just get out and do the stuff you enjoy as long as you can. Are you going to let a few unanswerable questions stand in the way of your one shot at life?

And then to address the other questions you had - yes, religion is a security blanket and the world can feel a little colder without it, but there's no going back once you've decided.

No idea where you could get a free mental health assesment - maybe call the samaritans and ask them?

LegacyUser

thanks again.

i understand what your saying about getting on with it and thats what i'm desperatly trying to do but i cant just switch off my brain, thats why i'm wondering if psych drugs are the answer?

i'll also repeat my earlier question: do people understand what i'm saying about psycho-babble = religion? anyone else feel like this? how did you overcome it? - whats the key to accepting psychiatry etc as a cure for this?

LegacyUser

Yeah SNAP OUT OF IT - so helpful eh? :rolleyes:

This existential crisis you're going through, are you around superficial people who dont talk abut anything real?

How is your excersise/diet?

Is the winter part of this?

Do you need a project?

Is there anything that you love?

You need to accept certainties: We will die, we have one life. Our time is borrowed. We are on loan to each other and the universe will snatch us back when it feels like it. We are each born with talents and contributions to make and it is up to us to find them and cultivate them. This may take a while but thats ok.

I think you need to find what you love.

Read Anthony Demellos AWARENESS

Fanny Cradock

there is a difference between religion and faith. religion is a construct of mankind; both flawed and self-serving. faith on the other hand is a real relationship between a person and God. i believe in the latter, and find that it sustains me through the tough times.

no offence to the catholic faith, but personally i have found it to be devoid of any interaction between man and God (i'm not crazy, btw) and any real sense of belief - either form the priests or the congregation. maybe you could post this in the christianity forum and someone could suggest a church that extends beyond the drudgery and distance of many of the faiths out there.

LegacyUser

Unreg98765 wrote:

Do you smoke a lot of pot?

lol, no.

thanks for the replies/

Victor

_buffalo_bill wrote:

its hard to describe properly but it basically all stems from the fact that we're all going to die and there is no point to anything or doing anything.

We / you can make things better than they are. One step at a time.

LegacyUser

hey man, ive been there, i think most of us have, to some extent or another. i posted this on some site about 3 years ago: (long rant follows...

depressed, ive got no friends, so, dear diary, i shall talk to you.
i feel i know what what-the-****-was-his-name who wrote 'the hitchikers guide to the galaxy' was on about when he said (frost, robert frost, was it? i dont think so, but maybe) when he said that if anyone found out the meaning of the universe, it would collapse around them, and an even stranger, more complex universe would emerge.
i've found the meaning of life, there is no meaning, its all the ****ing same, it doesnt matter what you do, who you try to be, whatever..., its all the same, nothing matters, but you have to belive that something does, or youll never get through a day without turning a little bit more insane, going a little bit mad,
if you believe in god, if you believe in money, power, anything, if you believe in doing good, to make the world a better place for everyone, for future generations, you're safe, if you believe in going to work, day in, day out, making a bit of money, getting promoted, make a bit more money to support the wife and kids, you're all-right, but i know it doesnt make a bit of difference, none of it.
in the end i think i still believe in god, i WANT to believe in god, maybe not the strict catholic god, but definatly a christian one, or maybe not even,,,,, i believe in jesus christ, though im not sure if i believe he was god, there is historical evidince that he existed, as a man on earth about 2000 years ago, ...but, i digress.
i want to believe in some of this ****e, even if its only getting as much money as i can during the week so i can get ****ed off my head on any amount of chemicals on the weekend, but it dosnt matter, whats that going to get me, nothing, its all the ****ing same

i want to believe in something, i really do, but i KNOW that nothing matters.
i actually believe in god, i believe that humans are more than just the sum of their parts, we have something, call it a soul if you want, i dont know. i believe in karma, to an extent; you should do good, but dont always expect good things to happen to you

basically, the secret of life is beliving in your heart that something matters,
because if you find out that it doesnt , youre just an empty man, waiting to die


and all these self help books, and talks and seminars are a load of bollocks 'there is no past, there is no future, live in the now' **** OFF, i am living in the now, too much if anything. im not preparing for the future, im not building on the past, but if there was no future, or past , the amount of girls i would have raped, the amount of people i would have murdered, just because they were... well, just because. i mean, if you had a groundhog day,
what would you do,

what would you do?


sad, but true?


two roads diverged in some forest,
since there was only one of me, i couldnt go both ways,
so i stood for eternity, looking down both, choosing neither,
and THAT has made all the difference


........ANYWAY


what id say is read up on things that intrest you, philosophy, psychology, for me it was quantum physics, string theory, and all that sht

---

~'Total lack of nothingness,
~believe in your own god.'

---

LegacyUser

Crazy people don't sit around all day worrying if they are crazy, they have better things to do, depressed or confused people do.

confused about your faith, morality, mortality. These are things that can cripple you if you cannot come to terms with them.

Depressed about failures, recent loss. or just generally going through a low patch.

Let me just say that you aren't alone, everybody at one stage or another goes through loss of person, ie their inability to see where they fit in the whole scheme of things. And some people are more sensitive to this than others maybe they were always left to make decisions for themselves, it leaves you with a more open mind and free to make any choice you want, but sometimes I feel those people who growing up had most decisions made for them, were being helped as their minds got shaped into a certain way of thinking, so they never totally worried about that sort of thing. That's why most childhoods are carefree and happy. You are told what to think.

Life is hard man, don't start making yours harder. If you are unsure about things and they are confusing you to the extent that it is affecting you badly on a daily basis, then step back start worrying about a few normal things that dont involve such major, major soul searching, like, what way will I get my hair cut, what color should I paint that other room. What would be nice and different to eat tonight, could I make it myslef.

Practical stuff something to keep your mind occupied. Walk, excercise.

Sifo

OP i understand what your saying, i think of life in a similiar way myself.
We are just creatures who happen to be intelligent. Religion is a crutch for most people who cannot answer similiar questions to the ones you are dwelling on. In truth you'll never get the answers you want, and in fairness, why should you? In this universe we are little, or no more significant, than a blade of grass.

Tupelo

I have to agree with Unky. If you think you are going insane then most likely you're not. I’ve had a friend who have had an episode and they never sat around before hand thinking they were going mad. It just comes on you and your gone!

If you feel that this is not the case then I suggest going to your GP and She/he will refer you to someone that can help, don’t just go looking in the yellow pages! If you don’t want to do that they I suggest the Samaritans. They are listening service so they don't give out advice but sometimes just hearing yourself saying what you feel and think can really help. They also employ a technique called Active Listening which can help you explore what you are feeling. I man the phone lines in Childline and you’d be amazed how many people ring feeling the same way. I know that you are older but you said that you have been feeling this way since you were 15 or 16. So don’t think you are alone and never feel that you have to go through this on your own, there is always someone there to talk to; and well done on putting your thoughts down on this forum, it can be difficult getting the right words.

In the meantime, since you are not going to be able to solve this one, I suggest writing down on a piece of paper what your perfect day would be like. You have to be true to yourself and start from the moment you wake. Location, food, partner and what you are doing, all that good stuff encapsulated in one day; then think about how you would get there.

Personally, just my opinion, I don’t think that these feelings pop out of nowhere. Usually there is a reason behind them, some event that triggers it, a brush with death, it may even be as simple as someone in college asking you what you were going to do when you finish college You might be confusing a fear of death with a fear of how to live your life.

Also I would steer clear of the psych drugs, all they will do is bring you lower into the haze. By all means have them when you’re feeling better in yourself, just not at the moment. You don’t need to add paranoia to the mix!

Good luck

LegacyUser

DON'T ASK WHY

Don’t feel the need to get to the bottom of
The love light in your eyes
As the leaves fall prey to autumn
I don’t ask why

Don’t give my feelings the third degree
No need to think twice
As long as I’ve got you for me
I don’t ask why
I don’t ask why

What good would it do me knowing
How it all looks from behind
My soul’s got its own game going
I’m just flowing blind
It’s said in wisdom there’s so much grief
Why try?
If the answer brings no relief
It’s better to laugh or cry

I used to worry what change might bring
Those days have gone by
Since worrying don’t change a thing
I don’t ask why
I don’t ask why

What good would it do me knowing
How it all works anyway
My heart’s got its own dream going
I’m just happy to play
It’s said in wisdom there’s so much grief
Like a child?
If the answer brings no relief
It’s better to laugh or cry

And if we chased the stars and caught ‘em
How would they still shine?
Don’t feel the need to get to the bottom of
The love light in your eyes
I don’t ask why
No I don’t ask why

Ron Sexsmith...

Sorry about the large quote I just thought it fitted

The vacum left by religion needs to be filled. You wont be able to do it by yourself. Put your efforts into finding someone you love. This should do the trick, put things into perspective and give you a focus for your mental, emotional and spiritually energy.

I think it is telling that at the end of your post you have asked the question <b>anyone else feel like this?</b> Its as if you are looking for company in what you percieve as a lonely situation.

Again I would suggest that either getting a gf or sharing your feelings with your currenct gf. Also when sharing your feelings assume that the person has asked the same questions at some point in their lives.

Good Luck.....my guess is that you will be fine in time.....