Paranoid

Jahula

Ok here's the story................Back in August I was with my girlfriend for 4months. She went to a party with some friends one night and started getting on really well with one guy. It wasn't before long that they began kissing and this went on all night. She was drunk at the time and so was he. I wasn't at the party.

The next morning she told me she cheated and that they were "meeting" all night and he had his top off. She was then texting him and she told me she was confused who she liked more. This tore me apart because although I was only with her for a short time, I really loved her so much and she was the best thing to ever happen to me.

A week later I "met" her friend to make her jealous and it worked. She said she like me more and she begged for me to get back with her so I did and I was delighted.

We are still together to this day and she makes me so happy. I feel like the luckiest person alive but I still think about the night she cheated and whether she would do that to me again. We have been through so much since she cheated and we are alot closer than back then but I still cry and get upset about that one night and the fact that she didn't know if she wanted me.

Am I paranoid? Please help me with some advice. I love her so much and I nevre want to lose her again.

Fanny Cradock

the manner of the events in your story leads me to the assumption that you guys are fairly young. i don't mean to be a bollocks, but it sounds like neither of you are very trustworthy people or don't value your relationship that much. the fact of the matter is that you both cheated, and whats more you did it of spite. and yet you are the one who is upset?

get over it, man! i'n the greater scale of things you are even.

if you can both accept the fact that mistakes have been made and still remain a couple, then there is nothing(?) to worry about. can you really trust each other? talk to her and try to see what state your relationship is in. tell her how you feel and how much you lover her etc. etc... it may ease your mind.

good luck.

Jahula

Aww no don't worry I don't think your a bollox. Thanks for the advice but we have spoken about it on several occasions but I still can't seem to get over it. It makes me sad

mickymg2003

Well shes still with you now and obviously for a reason so just relax.

But what childish messing are you at. She "met" with a guy so i went off and "met" a girl to get back at her. Not a good way to go about things but you have obviously recoverd from that incident.

coffee_cake

I really loved her so much

A week later I "met" her friend to make her jealous

That's not love. Grow the hell up. Seriously.
If you're that upset about what happened, you wouldn't have done the same thing to her. Also, you seemed to get over it pretty quickly.

I'll echo what cradock said - neither of you seem very trustworthy.
Get over it and stay with her if you love her that much, but you're not exactly in a position of virtue there. She has just as much reason to wonder if you'll do the same thing again if her affections wane again.

dundalk cailin

In my opinion,relationships based on one or both parties cheating eithr drunkenly or by means of revenge doesnt have much of a future..but good luck with it anyway! though the fact that you's are together a good while now,it could well work for ya

Azureus

it was in the early stages of the relationship at least, and the fact that she was honest about her confusion between the two of you does show a level of trust and maturity-even though she didnt act that way.
the way you responded to her was childish but despite that playing games seemed to work as it got her ass in gear and made her decide.
not that i agree with any of this stupid behavoiur at all, but the fact is you are still together now and going on the basis that nothing equally as childish has happened since, i say forget about it and try make it work. continue beong honest with eachother and stop playing games.

Ickle Magoo

Why not tell her how you feel and request reasurance? She must understand why that kind of thing would make you paranoid....she may feel the same way about you grabbing another of her pals for a snog to make her jealous?

Honesty & communication are two key elements in any good relationship and you should use both to work through any issues.....best of luck

Jahula

Do you think it's a lack of love for her to cheat in the first place?

Ickle Magoo

Jahula wrote:

Do you think it's a lack of love for her to cheat in the first place?

To be honest, I'd call it an indiscretion rather than cheating....it happened once (that you know of) & she told you at the next available opportunity....you had only been going out for 4months.....although it was wrong & dishonest - not sure it qualifies as adultery....I don't know anyone who truly loves their partner immediately.....infatuated or fancies, certainly - but not love, so I think it is a bit melodramatic to say she cheated out of lack of love after 4 months......

The bottom line is if you are unable to live with what she did then you are unable to live with her & you may be better off finding a partner that you trust until proven differently, rather than continuing a relationship where the trust has been broken & you have to forgive & learn to trust again.....

coffee_cake

Jahula wrote:

Do you think it's a lack of love for her to cheat in the first place?

It certainly wasn't love that made you cheat on her

Jahula

How would you know?

Jahula

Maybe it was to see if she cared. It worked didn't it. She did it first though. I wouldn't have if she didn't

coffee_cake

Jahula wrote:

How would you know?

Because if you actually love someone, you don't try to hurt them like that. And don't give me that "she did it first" crap - how old are you, 14?
I don't care what excuses you have that make you think you had to do it - you didn't need to and you did it in spite.

Jahula

Why am i seen as the bad guy? She hurt me

coffee_cake

Jahula wrote:

Why am i seen as the bad guy? She hurt me

You're acting like you did nothing wrong and as if you have a reason to be paranoid.
Bear in mind you did exactly the same thing to her and she has just as much reason to worry. This relationship of yours does not exactly sound as if it is overflowing with trust and love.

Jahula

What do you think made her do that in the first place?

coffee_cake

Jahula wrote:

What do you think made her do that in the first place?

Who knows? Try asking her.
You'd only been together 4 months, and you're fairly young I'd say.

Jahula

All she says is she doesn't know and she was drunk

Sifo

Sorry to hear it dude, but trust me when i tell you that it's never gonna work out between you two..

The exact same situation happened to me when i was about your age..


And if she says she doesnt remember cheating on you she's a liar too..

Wurly

well to be honest, I think if a girl is so openly going to f*ck around with your emotions like that - 'I dont know who I like more' etc etc, then im not surprised that your paranoid. If she has this childish trait, then it will probably rear its ugly head again at some stage.

Furthermore, your 'game' of being with her friend to see if she'd get jealous may have worked but it hasnt done you any favours. All its done is show you how easy it is just to kiss someone, thus furthering your paranoia about your girl.

In future, try communicating with each other rather than playing stupid games as they're more hassle than they're worth. And if you cant trust her, leave her. Dont hurt yourself more by staying in a relationship that wont work. Good luck.

dundalk cailin

the expression "Two wrongs dont make a right" springs to mind here

Jahula

Ok I want to thank everyone for their advice. I love my girlfriend more than anything in this world. She means everything to me and since that we have become closer than I ever could have imagined.

Although sometimes I get really upset about it and I get really angry and tell her I hate her for what she did. I just turn on her. I hate the way I do that to her because I truly forgive and she has proven that she loves me and it won't happen again.

For some reason I can't get over it and the fact that she did it to me in the first place. I still don't understand why she would do that because I know her like the back of my hand and she isn't that type and that's not like her at all

Fanny Cradock

you fail to see two things:

firstly - if you truly forgave her you wouldn't say that you hate her and get upset over what happened in the past. also, you don't tell people you love that you hate them. no pop. psychology about hurting the ones you love - saying that to her is a sure way to drive her away.

secondly - you are as guilty as her. you also kissed someone so you have no right to act the innocent party. did you ever consider that maybe your girlfriend finds it hard to trust you? it seems that the problem really is down to you and ho you treat her.

i don't mean to sound harsh, but you really need to forget this and GROW UP a little. as i've already said, you have no right to say those HORRIBLE things over an "indescretion" which YOU are GUILTY of.

maybe both of you would be better off with other people and a fresh start.

Jahula

Ok truthfully she is the most important thing in the world to me. She is everything to me. I love her so much. I'm really just terrified this will happen again. Deep down I know it won't but I'm still afraid I will lose her and I can't handle that.

Is it true......once a cheater always a cheater

Fanny Cradock

if it's true for her, then it's true for YOU!

if you can't forgive and you tell her you hate her, then that is not love.

Jahula

I do love her. I just hate the fact that she did that. I don't really hate her. I'm just afraid I will lose her

Fanny Cradock

sure...

good luck with that then.

Jahula

Why do people cheat?

Fanny Cradock

humm....

*why do people cheat?

*sex. what's the best way to go about it?

....troll

honru

In an echo to bluewolf's comments, this is not love. Grow up.

She was drunk on the night yet confused the next day over who she liked more? Looks like she blatently cheated on ye there pal. She evidently did it because it made her feel good yet could have called it off right there and then if she had any respect for you and this relationship.

The worst part is how you cheated to make her feel jealous and later feel thankful that she chose you, because you need her in your life. Seriously, get your priorities straight.