How Do You Deal With Homophobic Bigots?

UU

This poll closes on 12th March 2006.

I set up this thread and poll to see how certain people from the GLBT community deal with attacks (mainly verbal) from bigots? Nobody knows I'm gay apart from my family and very close friends but I do wonder how certain people do react when they know you are gay? :eek:

So on the poll I've set up six options to choose from in how you may deal with bigots? If anyone has had any experience do share it with us if you want.

I'm aware that wherever we go, there will always be people who will judge us due to our sexuality so it is important to be able to find the best technique in dealing with it. For example, I have to sit in the classroom and hear "You fagot!" aimed at certain people who aren't even gay. They just have a lack of understanding and knowledge. One day, one particular fellow was making vicious comments about gay people he saw on television the previous night so I turned around and asked him has be ever even encountered or know any gay people. He said "Yeah. I know you" so I just kept my trap shut! :rolleyes:

Also, if anyone has selected the "other" option, feel free to specify.

Daniel

Boston

I have to sit in the classroom and hear "You fagot!" aimed at certain people who aren't even gay

Would you feel better if the comments where directed at people who where actually gay? I've sat in computer labs and listened to people call each other gay and blah blah blah, I just feel sorry for them, that at their age they still can only interact with each other in such a crude manner. But ultimately unless it's directed at me, it has little to do with me. It can be annoying, but how annoying do you find someone calling someone a retard or a spa, when there not? Same type of thing.

As for stuff directed at me... To date I've always walked away. Best option once you've clamed down and thought about it.

UU

LiouVille wrote:

Would you feel better if the comments where directed at people who where actually gay? I've sat in computer labs and listened to people call each other gay and blah blah blah, I just feel sorry for them, that at their age they still can only interact with each other in such a crude manner. But ultimately unless it's directed at me, it has little to do with me. It can be annoying, but how annoying do you find someone calling someone a retard or a spa, when there not? Same type of thing.

As for stuff directed at me... To date I've always walked away. Best option once you've clamed down and thought about it.

Yeah you're right. I suppose if it isn't aimed directly at me why should I care? I suppose I feel sorry for them too but it seems most people use the terms "gay", "****", "queer", etc. in a casual way. Most times people just use it to call each other. Then again I know some other gay people who call each other "queer" so I suppose it isn't that bad. Anyway, dealing with homophobia is a very important issue but most people I've met have been cool about me being gay. Those who are bigots have the problem, not I so I feel sorry for them. :rolleyes:

shay_562

I don't have a huge problem with people using the word 'gay' as a slag, since I know that the vast majority of people don't actually mean it in a homophobic sense. For people who are more severely homophobic, I tend to ignore it at the time and mock them behind their backs afterwards for being ****ing pillocks.

El_mariachi

i'm not gay so i have no real experiance of these attacks but in school every1 called every1 gay, its something that happens, not sure why? anyway the bet way to deal wit insult is to Flirt with them they won't have a clue what too do?,

jaaam

I remember when I was at school, in terms of general offensiveness, '****' was always a couple of notches above 'c**t'. It never really bothered me much, tbh. Being a quiet type who didn't play football, I was often 'accused' of being gay, but I just ignored it, smugly thinking, "actually, I kind of am" and wishing I was brave enough to say it.

Boston

Why flirt with them? It only feeds their ego, and their almost never attractive.

Ag marbh

I probably use the term **** most days even around gay friends. It's just a figure of speech(like muppet) and it would be a bit excessive for any homosexual to take offense unless asserively pointed towards them.

Boston

Ag marbh wrote:

and it would be a bit excessive for any homosexual to take offense unless asserively pointed towards them.

How do you figure that then? Personally I'd probably think a person who used **** on a daily bases, was trying a little to hard to be anti Pc.

damien

****** is also just a word and figure of speech and it's censored on this site.

Ag marbh

LiouVille wrote:

How do you figure that then? Personally I'd probably think a person who used **** on a daily bases, was trying a little to hard to be anti Pc.

I would feel you're over analysing it then. None of the intentions you describe above are within my comments. I guess I probably exaggerated by saying everyday because I don't say it in work and wouldn't see my home friends every evening.

Ag marbh

damien.m wrote:

****** is also just a word and figure of speech and it's censored on this site.

fucker

Really?

carbonkid

Ignore them - hopfully they dont follow specially when theres no body around to scare them off, then you may have to stand your ground (bike chains make a good weapon to carry on you).

El_mariachi

ignore them yeah like that'll work, you ignore them they're make a bigger effort to get to you, its stupid but thats small minded people for ya

Hmm_Messiah

El_mariachi wrote:

ignore them yeah like that'll work, you ignore them they're make a bigger effort to get to you, its stupid but thats small minded people for ya

I guess this may be your experience, but I understand it would be generally accepted that "not ignoring " them is only feeding what ever it is they find satisfying about insulting/bullying some one else. If you can manage to ignore them you will thwart their motivation and "evenutally" they find no satisfaction in the behaviour, and s o hopefully no purpose in continuing.

Or course there are people who's brains aren't quite that complex

El_mariachi

no not really if some1 takes the piss outta me so be it, they're inscureity ain't nothing to do with me, let them on i say, as long as they don't try to impose a risk to my life or that of my close friends who cares what the majority of shallow minded backward scumbags think,


oh yeah to hmm_messiah i agree IF you can mange to ignore them good but as i see it when guys bullied gay guys in my school, if they ignored the bullys they would end up getting the head boxed of them

carbonkid

El_mariachi wrote:

oh yeah to hmm_messiah i agree IF you can mange to ignore them good but as i see it when guys bullied gay guys in my school, if they ignored the bullys they would end up getting the head boxed of them

I wouldnt compare been bullied in school the same way as been name called out in the street just that its a different enviroment/situation. In school as you know theres no getting away from bullies and they will be in the same building as you 5 days a week.

Name calling in the street is easy to ignore if its just some random drunk person...in general i try not let a situation come to blows unless it cant be avoided.

FranknFurter

In my experience, "just walk away" is all well and good, but if its a regular occurance it can often just make 'em try harder next time.
Of course, If you can, do but,......

Personally, I find a simple comment, for instance "You wish!" often worked back in school when I saw ppl getting called such things.

My own response if I was called such things, was always somthing like "oh, you heard did you, is this your way of asking me out on a date hmm?" etc,............but then, I was completely "out" and more than a little able to handle myself in a, verbal or otherwise, fight lol
Not everyone is, so I wouldnt recomend the latter in every case of course.

But yeah, i spose, if you can, walk away.

b

rsynnott

Depends, but where I'm not actually in physical danger, pointing and laughing is fun.

UU

Well my new tactic is when they call me "****" or whatever I just call them a "homophobe" and they shut up but that's only when they're not being very nice. People in my class are usually cool about my homosexuality most of the time anyway. Come on it's 2006 in a more free society!

Europeboy17

Maybe the best way is just to stop shoving it in everyone's faces. Nobody likes fags, people just aren't comfprtable around them, that's the bottom line. You are social outcasts and as far as I'm concerned you should stop worrying about how others percieve you and concentrate on copping yourselves on.

Beruthiel

Europeboy17 wrote:

Maybe the best way is just to stop shoving it in everyone's faces. Nobody likes fags, people just aren't comfprtable around them, that's the bottom line. You are social outcasts and as far as I'm concerned you should stop worrying about how others percieve you and concentrate on copping yourselves on.

I am so very close to sitebanning you boy17, I've already banned you from PI and if I see one more comment like the above, you're gone.
B

rsynnott

Europeboy17 wrote:

Maybe the best way is just to stop shoving it in everyone's faces. Nobody likes fags, people just aren't comfprtable around them, that's the bottom line. You are social outcasts and as far as I'm concerned you should stop worrying about how others percieve you and concentrate on copping yourselves on.

How nice. I don't particularly like you, really. You sound rather irritating. Have you considered copping yourself on? After all, you are shoving your rather dreadful personality in other peoples' faces!

metrovelvet

What about the term fag hag? The gay community uses it a lot and it doesnt seem to be offensive.

Or I have gay friends who'll call someone a fag, if they are referring to one of those bitchy whingy tiara wearing snappy finger queens.

damien

I find the term fag hag quite offensive. I find it particularly ironic that gay men know exactly what it is like to be subjected to name calling and being isolated and then the girls who come to gay clubs to keep their shy, nervous and a lot of the time closted friends company, then get picked on by the gay communtity many of whom first went on the scene through the help of female friends.

BuffyBot

that's the bottom line

*snort* *giggle* *snort*

Boston

Europeboy17 wrote:

Maybe the best way is just to stop shoving it in everyone's faces. Nobody likes fags, people just aren't comfprtable around them, that's the bottom line. You are social outcasts and as far as I'm concerned you should stop worrying about how others percieve you and concentrate on copping yourselves on.

He speaks the truth people, see the light and be reborn into god's loves.

metrovelvet wrote:

What about the term fag hag? The gay community uses it a lot and it doesnt seem to be offensive.

Damien pretty much summed up my thought on it. It's a kick in the teeth to those actually accept homosexuals. It's an insult, not a laugh. It's more us and them mentality.

Or I have gay friends who'll call someone a fag, if they are referring to one of those bitchy whingy tiara wearing snappy finger queens.

Thats fairly stupid.

Vinnie69

damien.m wrote:

I find the term fag hag quite offensive. I find it particularly ironic that gay men know exactly what it is like to be subjected to name calling and being isolated and then the girls who come to gay clubs to keep their shy, nervous and a lot of the time closted friends company, then get picked on by the gay communtity many of whom first went on the scene through the help of female friends.

As an older gay, may I explain. fag was a term used originally for a junior boy who served as a servant(cleaning boots, lighting their fires etc) for senior boys in English schools. As some of these young boys were sexually used by their seniors, "fag" became a name for homosexuals. Hence fag hag .
Anyway, to get back to your comment, I don't know a PC word that describes that type of friendship other than "friend" but that doesn't define the special friendship,we gay men have with these female friends! Any "helpful" suggestions??

rsynnott

Vinnie69 wrote:

As an older gay, may I explain. fag was a term used originally for a junior boy who served as a servant(cleaning boots, lighting their fires etc) for senior boys in English schools. As some of these young boys were sexually used by their seniors, "fag" became a name for homosexuals. Hence fag hag .

Actually, it's of disputed origins; there's some evidence that it originates from "****", meaning kindling; when burning witches in the middle ages, it was quite common to burn a few lesser sinners (including homosexuals) as a sideshow.

Vinnie69 wrote:

Anyway, to get back to your comment, I don't know a PC word that describes that type of friendship other than "friend" but that doesn't define the special friendship,we gay men have with these female friends! Any "helpful" suggestions??

Does there need to be a special term? They're women who happen to be friends with (gasp) gay males! Imagine!

Boston

History lession is pretty pointless mate. All that matters is how hte term is used today. Also what is wrong with friend to describe a female friend? Fag hag hardly seem like a name you call "that special person". There are girls who will specifically be-friend someone who is gay, just becasue they are, their hardly special, more like a waste of space imho

Vinnie69

rsynnott wrote:

Actually, it's of disputed origins; there's some evidence that it originates from "****", meaning kindling; when burning witches in the middle ages, it was quite common to burn a few lesser sinners (including homosexuals) as a sideshow.



Does there need to be a special term? They're women who happen to be friends with (gasp) gay males! Imagine!

First quote: Yes, "****" was the kindling wood that the young boys used to set the fire for their seniors BUT to suggest that the term fag goes back to the middle ages doesn't stand up.

Second quote: You misunderstand me. I was trying to answer the previous post. Friends are friends gay straight or bi

Boston

Vinnie69 wrote:

Second quote: You misunderstand me. I was trying to answer the previous post. Friends are friends gay straight or bi

I don't know a PC word that describes that type of friendship other than "friend" but that doesn't define the special friendship,we gay men have with these female friends!

These two comments don't seem to match.

UU

Europeboy17 wrote:

Maybe the best way is just to stop shoving it in everyone's faces. Nobody likes fags, people just aren't comfprtable around them, that's the bottom line. You are social outcasts and as far as I'm concerned you should stop worrying about how others percieve you and concentrate on copping yourselves on.

Oh Europeboy17, I feel so sorry for you because you're tangled in your own web of bigotry and hatred. I could call you names, throw hatred remarks back at you but I refuse to do so because that's exactly what you want, it is what bigots crave off and I'm not giving it to you. I forgive you because if I was brought with the same attitudes that you hold, I'd be exactly like you and I'd hate myself and I'm not being weak, I'm following Jesus' teachings. I don't want to live a life of bitterness and hatred against those whom have insulted and angered me. As Nelson Mandella puts it in his "A Long Walk To Freedom":

"A man who takes another man's freedom is a prisoner of hatred, he is locked behind the bars of prejudice and narrow-mindness. I am not truly free if I'm taking away someone else's freedom, just as surely as I am not free when my freedom is taken from me. The oppressed ans the oppressor are robbed of their humanity".

But I'll pray for you still that you'll realise your own faults and become a better person.

Vinnie69

LiouVille wrote:

These two comments don't seem to match.

Sorry for not answering sooner. There are women who have gay men friends (and vice versa )and then there other women who seek the company of gay men only.
It is this second group of women who are called "fag hags" which I think we all agreed is not a nice name. Its a pity that people cannot think of a nicer name.:)

Boston

Vinnie69 wrote:

Sorry for not answering sooner. There are women who have gay men friends (and vice versa )and then there other women who seek the company of gay men only.
It is this second group of women who are called "fag hags" which I think we all agreed is not a nice name. Its a pity that people cannot think of a nicer name.:)

Meh, I've avoided those type of women.

Vinnie69

LiouVille wrote:

Meh, I've avoided those type of women.

Me too, the funny thing is, the only ones I know now are friends of a closet (even to himself!) friend who brings one along with him to the local club do's and then gets annoyed when they chat with my other half and myself for the night:D