drugs in relationships

stripey24

if your other half sometimes took drugs but you despised them, what would you do?

tman

why do you despise drugs?
what does your partner take?

Ag marbh

I had a girlfriend that didn't like me taking them for no good reason. The girl im going out with for 2 and a half years now has no problem and I told her what to expect from the start. I can understand girlfriends saying they dont want to watch him out of his head with a big jaw or whatever but I despire woman who have a fit when he's out with the lads.

If it's recreational use and it's not effecting you then keep it quiet because it's one of the most nagging pointless things.

Ickle Magoo

Move on.....why not find someone who doesn't do something you despise? You can't change people - just move on until you find a man you are 100% happy with & you have more in common with.....if it is an issue now, it will keep being an issue.....either you tell your man how you feel & he tells you he doesn't care if you don't like it cos he's not changing & you have to put up with it & you resent him for it - or he stops and he may resent you for telling him what to do....either way I think it spells disaster....

stripey24

Ag marbh wrote:

I can understand girlfriends saying they dont want to watch him out of his head with a big jaw

I don't mind him going out with the lads at all, its just what he does and how he goes on about it with the lads like its a really cool thing like gurning and sometimes when we're out he'd say something like "wish i had some hash" its such a turn off.

Ag marbh

stripey24 wrote:

I don't mind him going out with the lads at all, its just what he does and how he goes on about it with the lads like its a really cool thing like gurning and sometimes when we're out he'd say something like "wish i had some hash" its such a turn off.

What age are the two of you?. I would assume you're very young if hes acting like its a cool thing and talking about your sex life to the lads. Are you only talking about hash here?

stripey24

no, hash, mushies (b4 they were banned), sometimes yokes. hes early 20s

Ag marbh

stripey24 wrote:

no, hash, mushies (b4 they were banned), sometimes yokes. hes early 20s

He's very imature for an early 20's lad. I guess if you're not happy with the way he goes on you may aswell get out of the situation. I can understand girlfriends not wanting there boyfriends walking around full of yokes with a big jaw/sweating and stuff like that.

tman

Ag marbh wrote:

What age are the two of you?. I would assume you're very young if hes acting like its a cool thing and talking about your sex life to the lads. Are you only talking about hash here?

gurning = combing your hair with your teeth
it's not a sex thing:p

Ag marbh

tman wrote:

gurning = combing your hair with your teeth
it's not a sex thing:p

Luckily i've developed an MDMA tolerance over the last 6 years and no longer gurn but have often went weeks carrying tubes of bonjela around with me, haha

stripey24

he used to take them alot but gave them up over summer because i didnt like him taking them, he uses them sometimes now along with the hash etc. but like all his friends think gurning and photos of them gurning are such a howl.

Ag marbh

stripey24 wrote:

he used to take them alot but gave them up over summer because i didnt like him taking them, he uses them sometimes now along with the hash etc. but like all his friends think gurning and photos of them gurning are such a howl.

I personally enjoy looking at photo's of that too, it's hilarious sometimes. Put it into the context of you looking at photos of your girlfriends and saying "look at how drunk mary was".

Larianne

Never stick with someone who makes you feel shiite or uncomfortable. What's the point in that?? If you don't like him doing drugs, you can't ask him to change, just find someone with the same attitude/interests etc as you.

tman

Ag marbh wrote:

I personally enjoy looking at photo's of that too, it's hilarious sometimes. Put it into the context of you looking at photos of your girlfriends and saying "look at how drunk mary was".

same as.
if you can't see the funny side of "mate in a state" pics, then ending it is probably for the best.
this is also taking your other thread into consideration btw.

sounds like he could do better than you

rick_fantastic

i had a girlfriend like the op before and eventually she realised that she couldnt change me and stop trying.

if u have such a problem with it then get rid of him. simple as!

my current girlfriend doesnt take any sorts of drugs and i wouldnt lught up a spliff when im around her but she knows that i smoke it and take the occasional line or pill.

Victor

My only experience of drugs in relationships was a girl who compromised herself just a little too often with alcohol.

I was happy to have a relationship with her but made it clear that I disliked the alcohol and that I wasn't there to catch her when she fell over - she had to take responsibility for her own drinking.

stripey24

thanks for all the advice

LundiMardi

speaking from my own point of view, i don't think i could be with someone who took drugs, maybe a bit of hash the odd time but not around me.. I find it quite an immature thing to do personally and i can't stand immaturity, especially with someone in the 20's!!! i'd expect that from 17/18 year olds...

OP, he won't change and i reckon you would prefer it if he did, so get out now and find someone who will make you happy and not ashamed.

LundiMardi

tman wrote:

sounds like he could do better than you

That's a pretty retarded thing to say in all fairness...

WhiteWashMan

if its something that you find intolerable. then move on.
if this is an issue he wont compromise over, then whats the point?

you dont like it, he wont change....

stripey24

LundiMardi wrote:

That's a pretty retarded thing to say in all fairness...

i was thinking of it more the other way around

Ag marbh

LundiMardi wrote:

I find it quite an immature thing to do personally and i can't stand immaturity, especially with someone in the 20's!!! i'd expect that from 17/18 year olds...

I find that an equally retarded thing to say. Suprise suprise but drugs can be taken recreationally and in moderation. You may aswell condemn all alcohol users as imature too.

LundiMardi

stripey24 wrote:

i was thinking of it more the other way around

LundiMardi

Ag marbh wrote:

I find that an equally retarded thing to say. Suprise suprise but drugs can be taken recreationally and in moderation. You may aswell condemn all alcohol users as imature too.

i do find people who abuse any recreational drug, be it illegal or not, very immature...

Ag marbh

LundiMardi wrote:

i do find people who abuse any recreational drug, be it illegal or not, very immature...

What would you consider binge MDMA use or cocaine use? I just want to see what's acceptable in your eyes.

stripey24

LundiMardi wrote:

i could do better than him, rather him doing better than me

LundiMardi

Ag marbh wrote:

What would you consider binge MDMA use or cocaine use? I just want to see what's acceptable in your eyes.

why do you care? i've given my opinion and that's that

WhiteWashMan

does it matter?
its not as if theres a law on what people can feel is acceptable.

personally i have no problem with a joint, however i have no tolerance for people that go off on one with anything else illegal.

well, let me qualify that. i have no problem with anyone doing anything, but i wouldnt like it in my partner.

at the end of the day, if you dont like someone who is your partner, who should respect you and your needs and your feelings, can do without doing drugs, that should tell you right there that theres a problem.

tman

LundiMardi wrote:

That's a pretty retarded thing to say in all fairness...

she doesn't like him taking drugs and has tried nagging to make him stop.
she doesn't like him talking about their sex life with his mates (which lets face it, pretty much every bloke on the planet has done at one stage)

it was just my humble opinion based on what little information the op has given.

Ag marbh

LundiMardi wrote:

why do you care? i've given my opinion and that's that

Because I found what you said retarded as stated above but we'll drop it.

LundiMardi

Ag marbh wrote:

Because I found what you said retarded as stated above but we'll drop it.

good for you

WhiteWashMan

tman wrote:

she doesn't like him taking drugs .

hardly crime of the century!

tman wrote:

nagging

now, thats a very interesting word to use.
i see no evidence of this. it would appear that you have some personal issues here.
do you feel that it is unfair of someone to ask their partner not to do something they dont like?

tman wrote:

him talking about their sex life with his mates (which lets face it, pretty much every bloke on the planet has done at one stage)
.

speak for yourself. i have never given details of my sex life to anyone without the prior consent of my partner (ie. when drunk at a party or some such situation)

i would also say that giving details of sex life are completely unacceptable and breach of confidentiality and shows a lock of respect, not to mention absolute immaturity.

tman wrote:

it was just my humble opinion based on what little information the op has given.

and how you take that informationa and use it, shows much about you in my humble opinion.

Slutmonkey57b

The culture around drugs is the exact same culture around drinking in this country:

"Woo look at me I'm a mad yoke look what I can shove down me woo I'm wasted what a great night can't remember a thing!"

It's all equally boring, and as a poster pointed out above, it all boils down to the schoolyard "woo I'm cool I smoke and drink cans woo" mentality. OP, dump the bf and find someone who has something interesting going on in their head instead.

tman

WhiteWashMan wrote:

now, thats a very interesting word to use.
i see no evidence of this. it would appear that you have some personal issues here.

aye. i'll save those for another thread though. (or just stop posting in PI...)

do you feel that it is unfair of someone to ask their partner not to do something they dont like?

i guess not. but asking them to stop doing something they enjoy, which isn't hurting you, isn't quite the same.
if you look back to my first post in the thread you'll notice that i asked why the OP despises drugs... perhaps if she'd answered that question, my subsequent posts mightn't have been so harsh.

speak for yourself. i have never given details of my sex life to anyone without the prior consent of my partner (ie. when drunk at a party or some such situation)

i said "at one stage"... the OP's boyfriend is only 20 for crying out loud, he's barely out of his teens. (and i am in no way implying that i'm a perfect example of maturity)

i would also say that giving details of sex life are completely unacceptable and breach of confidentiality and shows a lock of respect, not to mention absolute immaturity.

you're right there. it's something i personally wouldn't agree with either.
(having said that, i did let a "sweet pair of tats" comment slip out when i was with the last gf:o )

and how you take that informationa and use it, shows much about you in my humble opinion.

doesn't it just...

Mr. Presentable

To return to the OP, the guy is in two relationships, one of them chemical. Although there is the occasional exception, the chemical one will win out over the emotional. You only have to read the posts of the takers in this thread to know they regard their dependency (that's what it is!) with more esteem than any interpersonal relationship.

WhiteWashMan

tman wrote:

i guess not. but asking them to stop doing something they enjoy, which isn't hurting you, isn't quite the same.

but thats just where i do disagree with you.

i think it does hurt other people. just becuase someone else doesnt take drugs, you still effect other peoples lives, even if it is 'just' recreation.

after all, how many lives does an alcoholic effect?

personality changes and mood swings are some issues, but even if its just case of not liking them, then i think if youre in a relationship, then you have a responsibility to compromise with your partner. if you cant, why are you in that relationship?

tman

very fair point WWM

guess i've never stopped to look at it that way (and i really should've, given the fact i managed to totally balls up a relationship due to the midweek low after a particularly messy session...)
colour me wrong:o

Ag marbh

nipplenuts wrote:

To return to the OP, the guy is in two relationships, one of them chemical. Although there is the occasional exception, the chemical one will win out over the emotional. You only have to read the posts of the takers in this thread to know they regard their dependency (that's what it is!) with more esteem than any interpersonal relationship.

That's laughable. You're more or less saying that I would choose drugs over my girlfriend which is absolute crap.

Slutmonkey57b

No, he's saying you're choosing your drugs over your girlfriend's feelings. Which is what you said yourself.

Ag marbh

Slutmonkey57b wrote:

No, he's saying you're choosing your drugs over your girlfriend's feelings. Which is what you said yourself.

I said my girlfriend has no problem with it.

LundiMardi

Ag marbh wrote:

That's laughable. You're more or less saying that I would choose drugs over my girlfriend which is absolute crap.

get over yourself man, no one here is talking about you.

Ag marbh

LundiMardi wrote:

get over yourself man, no one here is talking about you.

He said the people in this thread which does include me. Do you need a hand down off that horse?

LegacyUser

Although I occasionally dabble in chemicals, I too hate it when my oh is out on his own. I dont like this feeling in myself as I feel it is controlling, so I try to keep my mouth shut. At the moment, I havent heard from him since last night, and I just cant help worrying (we live together).
I suggest you tell your oh how you feel, and try and make a deal with him, say that he go out with his mates every second weekend. If you cant reconcile yourself with his lifestyle choices, you probably should get out of the relationship.

I wouldnt tolerate my boyfriend talking about our sexual relationship with his mates as it shows a complete lack of respect.

3greenrizla's

stripey24 wrote:

if your other half sometimes took drugs but you despised them, what would you do?

Sorry stipey, i have seen this many times & it never or rarley works,

either you "change him" or change his attitude, he ends up resenting you, you guys have a fight, he goes out and gets off his face.

- i've seen this one the most, it could go around in circles for a while but never works

alternativley

you "change" or relax your attitude towards drugs, and to be fair you should never ask someone to change their beliefs, and if you despise drugs your unlikley to ever see them as acceptable.

- seen this a a few times & compromises were made.not when i'm around & only on special occasions, tell me what you took, and so on, but it has its probems (what is he doing when your not around)

or...................................maybe (just maybe)

you call it a day, and, maybe.............(just maybe) he "grows out of it" and you hook up again.

but if your uncomfy in the relationship, or dissaprove of his lifestyle, its better off outathere.

a bit more background would be handy, how long are ye going out & that?

Gaillimhtaibhse

stripey24 wrote:

if your other half sometimes took drugs but you despised them, what would you do?

No recreational drugs, thank you. "You have a choice now to make..."

mountainyman

Ag marbh wrote:

I find that an equally retarded thing to say. Suprise suprise but drugs can be taken recreationally and in moderation. You may aswell condemn all alcohol users as imature too.

If a woman found alcohol despicable than she should dump the guy don't get hostile with your attitudes.

SpAcEd OuT

LundiMardi wrote:

speaking from my own point of view, i don't think i could be with someone who took drugs, maybe a bit of hash the odd time but not around me.. I find it quite an immature thing to do personally and i can't stand immaturity, especially with someone in the 20's!!! i'd expect that from 17/18 year olds...

:rolleyes: so people that take drugs are immature now?

please elaborate

Chucky the tree

^

he/she has already stated he/she doesnt want to explain it.


I think you should dump the boyfriend, you'd be doing him a huge favour. If i was the boyfriend i wouldnt give anything up drugs or drink for a girlfriend, and i would never ask a gf to give them up either.

misswex

Well its a personal choice. I personally wouldn't go out with somebody who did drugs.

It would appear that you have tried to reconcile yourself with the fact that he does drugs but you just can't and if thats the case than you should walk away and find somebody more suitable to you and vica versa for himself.

As for the talking about your sex life with his mates - that just immaturity and lack of respect.

SpAcEd OuT

Chucky the tree wrote:

^

he/she has already stated he/she doesnt want to explain it.


I think you should dump the boyfriend, you'd be doing him a huge favour. If i was the boyfriend i wouldnt give anything up drugs or drink for a girlfriend, and i would never ask a gf to give them up either.

yes the original poster said that but my question was directed towards lundimardi

LundiMardi

SpAcEd OuT wrote:

yes the original poster said that but my question was directed towards lundimardi

i also said i did not want to explain it, not in those words but still.....

But if you must know i did not say all people who do drugs are immature, that would be stating a fact, which i didn't. I expressed an opinion, i said i find people who do drugs are immature, there is a difference.

Thank you please.