Best Man

muppetkiller

Question for you all..
One of my very Close friends is getting married. Now he has asked me to be his best man. But here's the issue. I hate his wife to be..in fact I don't know anyone who likes her.

He's one of the nicest blokes you'll ever meet and I know they say opposites attract but this is ridiculous. She has never a nice thing to say about anyone.
She's always in a mood. If he goes out for a drink with us and she comes along ..He's ordered to come home with her after an hour? She has no friends of her own and really is just a very unpleasant person to be around.

He's been seeing this girl for years and never will admit to loving her..
His exact quote to me was "It suits him for now" (Which obviously is a lie if he's going to marry her)..

Now obviously it's his choice but I really object to her and do not want to be a part of the marriage.
I will be his best man for his sake as I'm his friend (and hope he would be mine too) but how do i say to him that I'd prefer not too?

By the way she hates me too for some reason ...which I always find funny seeing as I've spoken to her maybe 3 times and always tried to be as nice as I could..And he can't explain why she doesn't like me either ? He's actually embarrassed about the total lack of interest she has in his friends..

Anyone else been in this situation ?

The Clown Man

Lol tell him you'll gladly be best man as long as you get to totally ruin the wedding by getting drunk and verbally destroying his new wife!

Ickle Magoo

I had a problem with my husband's best friend - or rather he had a problem with me.....when we were dating & things were getting serious the friend spread lies about me to hubby's other friends and told my flat-mate that I'd said all these things about her & because he was supposedly close to us she believed him & moved out - those are just a couple of examples.....it was awful.....:mad:

I don't know why some people can't share partners with their friends or why some friends can't share with a partner.....either way my husband lost his best friend as he refused to accept me & wouldn't stop making comments....& I think that's just awful....:( Hope you work things out - there are no winners in these situations.....

Eminem

Sounds like to me that shes a control FREAK . I hope he finds out what she is really like before its too late.

Chucky the tree

best man organises the stag do.


kidnapp him so he misses the wedding.

py2006

Eminem wrote:

Sounds like to me that shes a control FREAK . I hope he finds out what she is really like before its too late.

My friend is in a similar situation, only thing is she turned out to be a control freak AFTER they got married!

Eminem

py2006 wrote:

My friend is in a similar situation, only thing is she turned out to be a control freak AFTER they got married!

Well it deppends on the person i think but the way i see it she soundes like a control freak to me i would find out what she is really like before its too late

nedoo

Why dont you try to talk to your best mates wife to be for a 4th time!!(could that be part of the problem?) Ask her what her problem is with you. Dont go into anybody else, just you. If she is such a c*£t then she will freak out, demand off her gimp that you are no longer best man, he whimpers sorry to you as he is bitch slapped around but it is her day...problem solved. Or you may find out that she dislikes you because you have only talked to her 3 times!

MartMax

imo...

try talk to her, for the 4th time like nedoo said. maybe sthing can be fixed there.

for one thing, if you care abt your friend and he really wants you to be the best man, just do it.

watever gonna happen between the two of them is their business. as a friend, best wishes to them now.

if you get to be blamed, you can only say "i was there for you".

secret_squirrel

muppetkiller wrote:

I will be his best man for his sake as I'm his friend (and hope he would be mine too) but how do i say to him that I'd prefer not too?

You DONT. You either grin and bear it or you bail out. You dont add extra pressure on your friend by making him choose when ultimately you're just passing the buck.

muppetkiller wrote:

By the way she hates me too for some reason ...which I always find funny seeing as I've spoken to her maybe 3 times

Well Duh! He's been seeing her for years, you're his best mate and you've only spoken to her 3 times??? She probably thinks you hated her first? Have you ever heard of making an effort.

Like it or not for most men Prospective Wife > Best Mate. You need to accept that you come below her in your mate's life - and adjust your attitude accordingly. If you cant do that - then sorry you cant be his best man OR his best mate.

Nevyn

Look he is marrying her he has already made his choice.
He is asking you to be there for him on his big day.
The best man steadys the groom and trouble shoots the day dealing with what ever crops up to take stress of the couple getting married.
It could be that he will face a married life with turmoil the least you can do is be supportive of him and make the wedding day go as well as possible it is up to him and his intended to make the marriage go as well as possible.

gypsygirl

Thaedydal wrote:

Look he is marrying her he has already made his choice.
He is asking you to be there for him on his big day.
The best man steadys the groom and trouble shoots the day dealing with what ever crops up to take stress of the couple getting married.
It could be that he will face a married life with turmoil the least you can do is be supportive of him and make the wedding day go as well as possible it is up to him and his intended to make the marriage go as well as possible.

Couldn't have said it better meself.

Beruthiel

muppetkiller wrote:

Now obviously it's his choice but I really object to her and do not want to be a part of the marriage.

I echo what Thaed said.
if he is your friend then you are supposed to be there for him, he has made this choice for his own reasons, you just go along with it and keep your opinions to yourself, they are not helpful now and will only upset him at this point.
if it all goes pear shaped later he will need you, until that day, say nothing.
at the end of the day, it's not your business and if she truly hated you as much as you say, how come you got to be best man?

muppetkiller

secret_squirrel wrote:

Well Duh! He's been seeing her for years, you're his best mate and you've only spoken to her 3 times??? She probably thinks you hated her first? Have you ever heard of making an effort.

OK maybe i'll expand a little I have spoken to her more than 3 times but she's such hard work ..
I think i'm one of the must stupidly easy going people and always really made an effort to talk to her but she just looks at ya like you've got two heads...

Other friends of mine (females included) who I would regard as extremely nice and friendly (who like just about everyone) can't understand her at all either..

I asked him why she was so cold to me recently and she replied that 5 years ago i said she had chubby arms ???? and that was why she didn't like me...
Firstly I never said anything of the sort..and secondly even if I had that would never warrent the way she treats me..

And as for having a chat with her in Private I guess I could try that...but getting her out is the biggest problem...

muppetkiller

Thaedydal wrote:

Look he is marrying her he has already made his choice.
He is asking you to be there for him on his big day.
The best man steadys the groom and trouble shoots the day dealing with what ever crops up to take stress of the couple getting married.
It could be that he will face a married life with turmoil the least you can do is be supportive of him and make the wedding day go as well as possible it is up to him and his intended to make the marriage go as well as possible.

Ya you are right I guess I'm just disappointed that such a good friend can end up with such a ......lets start with a clean slate today GIRL

muppetkiller

Beruthiel wrote:

at the end of the day, it's not your business and if she truly hated you as much as you say, how come you got to be best man?

Well it's not like she likes any of his other friends any more than me so I guess it wasn't that important to her..

By the way thanks for all the responses people..

Nuttzz

Thaedydal wrote:

Look he is marrying her he has already made his choice.
He is asking you to be there for him on his big day.
The best man steadys the groom and trouble shoots the day dealing with what ever crops up to take stress of the couple getting married.

exactly, being best man is over rated... bail out and enjoy the pi$$ up with your mates tbh

LegacyUser

I don't think your friend should be marrying that kind of woman in the first place. He had better be prepared for a miserable life. If your heart isn't in it, then you should not be his best man - find a nice excuse to escape that task.

ergonomics

muppetkiller wrote:

Now obviously it's his choice

Exactly. You're not marrying her so what's the problem? Your friend is happy, he must be if he's going to marry this girl. Maybe as his best friend you should try be happy for him too. Wouldn't you want him to do the same.

Have you ever heard the saying 'House Angel, Street Devil'? Maybe when this couple are alone together she is completely different. She might be intimidated by you and your friends (nothing against you, she might have low self-esteem) so she acts like a bitch. A sort of defense mechanism. There's two sides to every story, don't forget that.

Mac 3

Not trying to start anything, but I can relate to some of the points mentioned, although nobody I know was close to taking the plunge.

I've learnt a few lessons and not trying to tar them all with the same brush, but I'm very wary of a girl who (A) doesn't keep the same circle of female friends and (B) doesn't have any female friends.

I've met a few of the above over the years and they usually turn out to be the bunny boiler control freak types. They begrudge a bloke any time with his mates and when they do it's almost to a schedule. What time to be home, and all that crap. Or worse, they'll invite themselves along, will not make an effort to get on with the mates and then in private start the "None of your friends like me story.."

If she was just a GF you could just avoid her and that be it. But being asked to be best man, if you voice an opinion now it will probably be taken as sour grapes and you wont get any thanks for it..
Hope it works out..

Ickle Magoo

Mac 3 wrote:

Not trying to start anything, but I can relate to some of the points mentioned, although nobody I know was close to taking the plunge.

I've learnt a few lessons and not trying to tar them all with the same brush, but I'm very wary of a girl who (A) doesn't keep the same circle of female friends and (B) doesn't have any female friends.

I've met a few of the above over the years and they usually turn out to be the bunny boiler control freak types. They begrudge a bloke any time with his mates and when they do it's almost to a schedule. What time to be home, and all that crap. Or worse, they'll invite themselves along, will not make an effort to get on with the mates and then in private start the "None of your friends like me story.."

If she was just a GF you could just avoid her and that be it. But being asked to be best man, if you voice an opinion now it will probably be taken as sour grapes and you wont get any thanks for it..
Hope it works out..

At the end of the day no-one can force a man to stop going out with his pals or force him to be home at a particular time - if she is giving him a schedule then he is choosing to follow it....he is, in essence choosing his partner over his pals & I think that is often the crux of the problem....

Slutmonkey57b

A lot of people seem to be glossing over the fact that the prospective groom hasn't ever admitted to loving her and the best thing he can think of to say about the wedding is "it suits me for now".

These are NOT the actions of someone who is happy and looking forward to being married.
Instead of talking to the gf, talk to your mate. Don't sit him down and blurt out "you're making a mistake she's a horrible shrew", but ask him what he really feels about her, what made him want to get married, and what kind of life he wants. Keep the focus on what he wants, not on what is comfortable or easy. A guy who is getting into a marriage because it's easy and comfortable is going to come a cropper a few years down the line when life gets hard and he starts to feel he's missing out on life.

Ickle Magoo

Slutmonkey57b wrote:

A lot of people seem to be glossing over the fact that the prospective groom hasn't ever admitted to loving her and the best thing he can think of to say about the wedding is "it suits me for now".

These are NOT the actions of someone who is happy and looking forward to being married.
Instead of talking to the gf, talk to your mate. Don't sit him down and blurt out "you're making a mistake she's a horrible shrew", but ask him what he really feels about her, what made him want to get married, and what kind of life he wants. Keep the focus on what he wants, not on what is comfortable or easy. A guy who is getting into a marriage because it's easy and comfortable is going to come a cropper a few years down the line when life gets hard and he starts to feel he's missing out on life.

That is a very good point.....

WhiteWashMan

i think the OP should be happy for his friend, and do whatever he can to make his friends bid day the best he can.

the opinion of the OP is not important with regards tothe wife to be, he should be doing it for his best friend.

if he feels so strongly about it, and feels he would be a hypocrite etc, then he should have the balls to say it straight out.

after all, it would allow the groom to drop the OP from the wedding. becuase its pointless having someone who refuses to be the best man becuase he hates the wife to be, to attend the wedding.

as for the wife to be's opinion on the grooms friends etc, i completely fail to see what that has to do with being best man. its an honour to be asked, and if you dont respect and love your friend anough to do it for him, then say it to him.