poem

jesus smith

Under a spilt milk sky we thread.
As I watch the frail lionesses
With napalm tears
Claim innocence of the excavation
Of the deepest of holes.
As we walk through streets
Seeped in lurid unattainable day dreams
Clandestine dangers on a microscopic level
Threaten from a bill board
A thousand feet high
And we two sit in darkened peep shows
With teeth in shadow and lips in rouge
Awaiting a slower flesh parade
Understand little of ourselves
When the lights go out

nicolo

i like it its a bit angsty in places but on a whole its a bit more together and articulate then most angsty poem. like the imagery to, specially the frail lioness with naplam tears bit.

Muiriosa

I liked this poem. It had a real sensual tone about it and was quite mysterious in a way. Impressive. Well done.

lyrama

Beautiful poem! Well done man, lol a bit ashamed of my own now! Keep up the good work:D !

arbeitsscheuer

The "napalm tears" is absolutely brilliant.

Aside from that I'm a tad underwhelmed, but it's certainly not the worst I've seen on here. Keep it up!

lilmissprincess

I don't understand it, but it sounds good. Keep it up.

pisslips

kutos!
I like the lurid street day-dreams,The imagery of heat-distorted streets in a shirt and tie city, I can almost see the generically bland consumerist people caught in their personal generic trances. equally dreaming of devouring the flesh. driven by a self-centred passion, learning nothing that really matters but what feeds their greed.self-gratified. the circle of little.

Realising that I went off on my own tangent, you might not have meant any of this.

Still good poem. I like ansie so long as it's justified.

Peyton Manning

Id just like to point out that while in the Institute of Education for Easter grinds, we a handout with sample poems (not by any of the ones we've been studying) and that 'napalm tears' metaphor was used on it...

Matt Holck

Good poem you generated allot of responses
a bit disjointed
you may want focus the images to blend together better

flann

Matt Holck wrote:

a bit disjointed
you may want focus the images to blend together better

I'd say your comments are the primary source of disjoint Matt. I've seen your comments in a few threads, and they seem to be written in some kind of semi-literate, shorthand gibberish. Perhaps you might want to brush up on your own skills before scattering pearls of wisdom far and wide across the internet?

Silent Grape

i don't see what was wrong with his response.. i think it made sense and it wasnt semi literate at all.

wierd.

shiv

well done!